A/N: Thank you all for reading and leaving feedback. This was always meant to be a mini-story, so sadly, this is the last part! This part is from Tommy's perspective and the song that inspired it is Missy Higgins' "All for Believing".
I hope you enjoyed this mini-story!
All for Believing
The brakes of my Viper screech to a halt in front of Jude's apartment building. I've never been one to obey the speed limit, but tonight my urgency to reach Jude has taken my driving to a whole new level. It's a good thing it's late and there doesn't appear to be any police around, or else I'd be facing a huge speeding ticket.
I slam the door of the Viper and run through the rain towards the lobby of Jude's building. I'm lucky enough to slide through the doors of the almost closed elevator just in time.
Luck seems to be on my side tonight. Hopefully that will help me when I see Jude. I mean, I know I hurt her tonight by going on a date tonight with someone else. But that long she wrote – I feel the emotion build in my chest just thinking about it. That song is exactly what I've been wanting to her say to me for months. But I need to hear it from her face to face. I need her to say that she's finally going to stop hiding from me.
Pull back the shield between us, and I'll kiss you
I step off the elevator and onto her floor, making my way quickly down the hallway. I stop in front of her door, taking a deep, cleansing breath before knocking.
I stand still, taking in every detail of her wooden front door, the chipping paint around the edges, the brass number telling me that I am indeed standing in front of the right apartment.
I knock again, and I realize that my knocking is becoming more frequent, more desperate.
Where is she?
"I guess I'm not home," I hear spoken softly from behind me. I turn quickly, and find myself looking straight into her amused eyes. She's soaking wet, and I suddenly remember how much she loves walking in the rain. I'll have to try that sometime with her, if she'll let me.
Before I give her a chance to suspect what I'm doing, I close the distance between us and pull her gently towards me, planting a soft kiss on her lips.
Drop
your defenses and come, into my arms.
I'm all for believing
I pull back a fraction, stopping myself from deepening the kiss; I lean my forehead down onto hers, breathing her closeness in.
I don't want to scare her. I know she's still fragile; I just want her to know how I still feel.
I look down into her affected, vulnerable eyes. She is scared, but not of me. She's scared to trust anyone. And I don't blame her one bit.
She allows herself a minute in my arms before she pulls away. I see the conflict in her eyes. She's trying to stay open towards me, trying to push her defenses back and tell herself it's okay to be vulnerable.
"Do you want to come in?" she asks, her voice barely audible.
"More than anything."
She pulls out her key, trying to unlock the door with her unsteady hand.
I'm all for believing if you can reveal the true colours within
I cover her hand with mine. "Let me." She nods and I take the key from her grasp after purposely letting my hand linger on hers for a moment longer than necessary. I slide the key into the lock and swing the door open, motioning for her to enter.
"Thanks," she whispers, entering, tossing her bag on the floor by the door, and slipping off her soaked jacket.
She's nervous. I can tell by the way she's fidgeting, trying to decide what to do.
I
know you blanket your mind so much that I am blind, but I,
I see
you've painted your soul into your guard
"I'll be right back. I'm… I'm going to go change out of these clothes," she says quietly, striding quickly out of the room. I know instinctively that she's using it as an excuse to avoid talking to me, even for one more minute.
I'm all for believing, I'm all for believing
I know she wants this, she wants to be with me. Along with the anxiety, I can see love and desire written on her face. She wants it but she's afraid to let herself have it. She's afraid to let herself take another risk, even if could make her happy.
I walk into the small kitchen, searching through her cupboards to find a mug and a packet of herbal tea. As I prepare the tea for her, and wait for her to emerge from her bedroom, I take in the details of the apartment that slipped my notice when I first walked in.
It's sparsely decorated. There are hardly any homey touches or anything uniquely 'Jude'. A flash of colour catches my eyes from the corner of the room and I walk towards it. It's a framed photo sitting on the mantel, one of only a couple that she has displayed.
I pick up the photo and I can't help but smile. It's a picture of us from one of our first few days in Thailand. I remember that day so vividly. She'd been complaining about the heat all day and finally decided to tie her long blonde hair up in a messy bun at the back. Tendrils of hair were falling in front of her face, and I remember kissing her soundly to make her stop talking about how bad her hair must look. I thought she had never looked more beautiful.
We were both so happy, evidenced by the huge grins on our faces. But what really hits me is the uninhibited sense of fun and laughter that exudes from her in the photo. That's who Jude was then, before Ethan stole the light from her eyes.
I
need to know just how you feel, to comfort you;
I need to find
the key to let me in, into your heart, to find your soul
Her bedroom door creaks open and she walks slowly towards the living room. I place the picture back on the mantel and make my way back to the kitchen to fetch the tea for her.
I return to the living room where she's begun to pace aimlessly. I smirk helplessly, knowing that if she's pacing, she really must be nervous.
I hold the tea to her and she takes it. "Thank you," she says smiling. "You know, this is my apartment, I should be asking you if you want anything. But there you are. Looking after me as usual."
She sits hesitantly down on the couch, taking small sips from the tea.
"I heard the song. And I got your note," I blurt out, unable to hold back what I want to say anymore.
Her head snaps up, surprised. "I didn't think you'd get either of them until tomorrow. Although, I should have known with you kissing me at the door," she says, and I see a small smile curving her lips.
"So…" I begin. There's so much I want to say, and so much I want to ask. But now I'm here I feel a little bit nervous myself. "The song and the note. I'm hoping they mean what I think they mean."
She places the cup on the coffee table in front of her, trying to steady her still-shaking hands. I sit next to her on the couch, reaching for her hands with mine. "They mean… that I love you. I always have," she spits out. I can tell she's surprised at her own blatant admission. "But I'm scared. I'm scared of letting you in. Of immersing myself in what I feel for you. And losing control. I want to… I do. I just… I'm not sure I know how anymore."
Pull
back the shield between us, and I'll kiss you,
Drop your defenses
and come, into my arms.
I'm all for believing
I take a deep breath. She said it; she said that she loves me. It's the one thing I've been praying I'd hear coming from her lips. But after five years, I was starting to think that might not happen.
I squeeze her hands and she bows her head, hiding her eyes from my view.
I move one of my hands to her chin, tilting it up, forcing her to look at me. There are tears in her eyes, and a few on her cheeks that have already fallen.
"Jude…" I pull her close, disregarding my resolution to hold her at a distance so that I don't scare her. She needs this, she needs to know I'm here. That I'll always be here.
She nestles in my arms and I can feel her tense body beginning to relax.
I'm
all for believing, if you can reveal, the true colours within,
And
say you will be there for me to hold,
When the faith grows old
And life turns cold,
When the faith grows old, and life turns
cold
"I'm so sorry about everything. That I wasn't there when you needed me the most. You don't know how guilty I feel everyday when I wake up, thinking that if I'd come to see you, even once, I could have stopped things from getting so bad." I feel my ire begin to rise. "I would have killed him. No one touches my girl and gets away with it."
She pulls back to look up into my eyes. For some reason she's smirking. "You don't know how much I've missed that simple phrase. 'My girl'. It feel like ages since I've heard it." Her expression sobers. "But Tommy, you can't blame yourself. I stayed for two years. What kind of idiot does that make me? You know, I never told you this but I was in Toronto once and I saw you. I was sitting across the street from G-Major waiting for Sadie and you strode out the doors towards the Viper. And everything in me screamed for me to run to you."
I'm shocked. I just assumed she hadn't been back to Toronto during her years away. "Why didn't you?" I can't help but asking, since she's finally beginning to talk about the past.
She shrugs lightly. "That was actually my initial point in coming home. I was going to come back and tell you and you were going to make it all better. That was the plan." I sense a bit of sarcasm dripping from her words.
"Wait. You were going to tell me?" I'm floored by this revelation.
She nods her head, settling her body back against mine on the couch. She looks drained. "I was. But then Sadie told me you were engaged and that changed everything. See, you weren't my Tommy anymore. You were somebody else's and for the first time I realized that I couldn't expect you to just be there. And that was a scary, scary thought. Because you'd always been there, whether I wanted it or not."
"Oh, Jude. You should have come to me. You have to know I would do anything for you."
She reaches her hand up to my face, as if she's making sure I'm really here. "I know that. Now, I know that. But you know what, leaving him was something I needed to do on my own, to prove to myself that I had the strength to do it. And I'm beginning to prove to myself now that I can continue living too. He's not going control my life, not for another second. I just hope it's not too late," she says, looking into my eyes with a hopeful, but fearful expression. "I hope it's not too late for us."
I believe in what I see and baby we were meant to be
I smile, trying to comfort her with my body and my words. "I'm here. I will always be here. And if there's one thing I know now, it's that it will never be too late for us." I lean down and kiss her temple. "I love you, Jude. That has never wavered. If anything, it's only gotten stronger."
Just believe.
A warm smile spreads across her face. "I love you too, Tommy. And I don't want to be afraid anymore." She pulls back from my embrace, turning so that she's sitting facing me. She reaches forwards, caressing my face with her hands. I suck in a breath, still amazed at how great her simple touch feels.
Just believe.
She leans forwards tentatively, until our lips are only millimetres apart. I can feel her warm breath on my face, and I close my eyes, anticipating her kiss.
Just believe.
I sit patiently, waiting for her to take the plunge, waiting for her to initiate the kiss. She needs to decide when she's ready. She needs to choose if this is what she wants and needs.
Suddenly, I feel her warm lips pressed down onto mine. The kiss is soft and before I even have a chance, she's deepening it, her tongue running along my bottom lip, begging for entrance to my mouth.
Trust in me.
We pull back minutes later, breathless and dazed. I run a hand through her glossy hair, revelling in the feel of it against my skin again.
She takes a deep breath. "Tommy, will you…" she clears her throat, suddenly looking nervous again. She takes a deep breath and I see the confidence return to her face. "Will you stay with me tonight?"
I nod silently, unable to suppress a smile. She stands up, reaching her hand out for me to take. I don't hesitate seizing her small hand in my larger one as I stand up to follow her towards her bedroom.
Finally after all these years, we're back together. We're back where we always should have been.
And this time, we're not going to let it slip away. Because together, our love makes us stronger. It's not a destructive force like the love she experienced with Ethan. Our love has a healing power because we know we're safe; we know that we're home. Jude and I are like pieces of a puzzle that fit together, and even after all this time, we know exactly where we've belonged all along.
