Far Away From Myself

Chapter 4: Anything can be true

I wake up with Quinn attached to me, I turn to see her eyes slowly open, filling with light. I smile for her and peck her on her nose. She wiggles it and smiles back at me.

"Good morning Rach."

"Good morning Quinn."

"Can I speak part of a poem to you. That I just wrote in my head?"

"Sure, that would be great."

She starts speaking soon after I grant her to and I listen to her voice.

"This doesn't change. It remains the same. I rather suffer slowly in your arms then die on my own. The sense that is has to me is, so unique. It sticks to me, sometimes it is so overwhelming. That I cannot breathe, and time just seems like nothing. Not even a tiny crumb, it makes my value numb. Steals my pride but I know I will always want you as my bride. There is nothing wrong with this. There is nothing I cannot fix for us, even if it shatters. I don't mind being vulnerable to you."

"Quinn you're so beautiful."

Her poem steals my soul away, I try to search for something to say back as powerful. But I don't know how maybe I shouldn't think about it. Thinking about it only makes me nervous. If I just go by what I feel rather than what I think maybe I can.

"Quinn, the grip you have, always makes me follow behind. The words that you speak, make me feel compressed into this place where it is a dream and it is pure reality. I can taste, feel and hear colors. The warm colors that come from your presence. Your genuine company, keeps me alive and well. My mind is full with clouds, clouded with you. You are all I see. You are all I want to see. In this unfulfilled world, and I will never let us down. I promise you my heart, my soul, my life. That this love will last forever. You have me for eternity."

"Kiss me"

Those two words she demanded were filled with all the passion she could manage to carry. I gave in to her again, and I didn't care how weak I was.

"What are you doing to me?"

She asks me, though she knows I can't answer. It was more like for herself. A question for her to answer.

"What are we doing to each other?"

"Mysterious things."

"Don't you ever leave me."

"I can't, I won't"

My heart is here, but my mind trembles away. The contact from her skin shocks me.

"Darien Slater" I whisper but it doesn't come from from me. I don't know what it is. But the voice is mine, though not from my lungs. Yes it used my breath but it traveled from elsewhere.

"What did you just say Rach?"

"Darien Slater."

"Do you know who that is?"

"No, who is he?"

"He is who murdered Lisa."

"How did I...?"

"I don't know but we need to really get out the house right now."

"Ok"

I follow behind her, her grip on my hand becomes strong. I feel her nerves trembling, her skin warming. While I wonder what I am feeling, because I just don't know. The moment we hit the fresh air outside, she turns me around and stares right into my eyes.

"Rach"

"Yes"

"Our relationship is so complicated..."

"but at the same time so simple." I finish her sentence for her.

"I want to tell you who Lisa and Darien really were."

"Then do it."

"I don't know if it is time."

She doesn't say a word after that and neither do I, we just get in her car. She drives us away, no music is playing. The only sound being heard is the wind, and the ruffling leaves from the trees. The tires rolling through the streets. Quinn's eyes remain so focused on the street, she is still shaking. I want to talk to her, but words don't seem necessary at the moment. I need to let her think about whatever she is thinking about.

"Darien didn't commit suicide. That is nothing close to how he died."

"Then how did he die?"

We stop for a red light, and Quinn sighs deeply to say

"Rach, I..." "killed him."

"What?"

"I killed him Rach. That IS HOW HE DIED. I KILLED HIM!"

"Why?" I try to stay calm for her, because I know she is collapsing.

"HE TRIED TO TAKE LISA AWAY FROM ME, AND GUESS WHAT. HE DID! HE TOOK THE ONLY PERSON I EVER HAD IN THIS WORLD!"

"Quinn, where is Lisa now."

"SHE' GONE!"

"Is she dead Quinn?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" She is sobbing uncontrollably now and the light turns green. But she can't go, she can't go on right now.

"Quinn come here" I open my arms out to her.

She falls into me, broken and lost, I am trying to fix and find her. These things aren't so simple, but I don't mind.

Inside, my heart is pumping as fast as it ever has, my blood stream is speeding throughout me. Outside I am tranquil for her. Car horns honk behind us we just ignore everyone. We ignore everyone. I promised her I would never leave her, and this is where it starts. I know we can work through anything.

She lets me go, I wipe her tears away before she begins driving again and again words disappear into air.

For the rest of the ride, it is quiet enough to actually feel everything. The car pulls into a stop, and I don't know where we are.

"The abuse, the insanity, the deceit, keeps me locked within it. Keeps me famous to the outcast, to the mentally ill. I am lost in the real world, but in my world I am found, in the most terrible of ways. I would be afraid if I were you. I am already terrified of myself."

"Quinn...you know you won't hurt me. So do I."

"It isn't you I am worried about, trust me."