Patrol was the only thing keeping Dean going. Cas too, from what Dean could tell; Castiel had never said another word about what had happened that night and Dean hadn't pressed him, that went way beyond anything Dean could ever think to say. Cas was always ready to head out at dusk and Dean practically had to drag him back under cover come dawn; each night was a different motel now, trying to stay one step ahead of whatever bad guys might be trying to track Castiel down. Every night came nightmares of getting Sam back only to have him run screaming after taking one look at Dean, that or angels tearing down the walls to get at Cas and Dean not able to do jack to help. And those were the good dreams.

But during patrol everything still made sense. They beat up some bad guys, saved some citizens, all that stuff Dean's life had always been built around before everything went straight to hell.

Dean should have figured he wouldn't even be able to have that for very long. "How much does it take to get a message to you, Winchester?"

Dean had no idea how anyone had gotten behind them, there was no second entrance to this alley. When he turned around he saw a man leaning against the alley wall and dressed in the Trickster's purple and green colors although the design of the suit was sharper. He wore the same narrow mask as the other henchmen but paired with a bowler hat again in those colors; he twirled a staff topped with a question mark as he sized up the two of them, something else Dean had never seen before.

And unlike all the other times they'd fought the Trickster's goons, this guy was alone. Dean didn't take that as a reassuring sign.

Before Dean could blink Castiel stepped between the two of them and Dean didn't think he'd ever seen Cas look so furious. "What are you playing at-"

The guy rolled his eyes, gestured once and Castiel flew into the air, slamming hard into the back wall of the alley. With another gesture he sent Cas pinballing back and forth between the walls, finally letting him drop on a pile of dented garbage cans lined up along one side.

Dean took one step toward Castiel only to have the guy grab his shoulder to hold him back. "Nuh uh uh. We need to talk."

"What did you do?" Dean said, shaking him off and not able to focus on anything but that Cas wasn't moving.

"What?" He looked back, as if he'd already forgotten what had just happened. "Oh relax, he'll be fine," he said, waving Dean's concern away. "I just wanted some privacy for this little chat we're having."

Dean swallowed hard and backed down. Just get through this. "So you're the Trickster himself, huh? I finally get to meet the big boss after all this time?"

Trickster grinned at the recognition. "Well, you keep beating up all of my guys. They have families to support, you know."

He was a smaller man than Dean would have guessed, shorter than Dean by maybe three or four inches. "Stop sending them after me and there won't be any problems."

"You see, that's the problem," Trickster said, twirling the staff again. "I'm trying to keep this city safe and you just refuse to get out of my way."

"You're no hero." Dean took the chance of getting in his face. "You kill people. You killed a bunch of people just this past month."

"I kill bad people who do bad things."

"Half the people you take out aren't even criminals."

"But they are bad people who have done bad things. And now they don't! You're just upset I do it with flair."

Dean shook his head. "That's not how this is supposed to work."

"Well, that's what funny about you saying that," Trickster said, putting one arm around Dean's shoulders as if they were conspiring on a plan. "You're the one opening up portals to Hell all over my city, so who's really the bad guy here?" Dean backed away, hellfire wreathing his fists. "Yes, yes, I know it's you. And put that away before you hurt someone," he said, pointing to the fire and looking entirely unimpressed. "That's my favorite part about this, that you pull this high and mighty act when what you'rewant from me?"

"I have been very clear on that, haven't I? I want you out of my city."

"It's my city, and..."

"Your brother's dead." Dean felt those words wrap around him like a vice even though he knew they weren't true. They couldn't be true. "Just accept that. He's not coming back no matter what you do."

"I'll never accept that."

"Don't act like you're the only one in the world who's ever lost family, you're not a unique little snowflake. We all have to accept things we don't like. He's done. He's gone." Trickster took a step closer to Dean. "And if he was here I'd kill him myself."

"What? Why? Sam, he...he didn't do anything, he's just a kid."

"He's what started all of this. No Sam, no portals, no city full of innocents about to plunge into a black hole. Even you should be able to handle that math."

"I'm what started this," Dean said. "You wanna kill someone, kill me."

Trickster only rolled his eyes again. "If I could I would. Not that the demons would probably let you stay dead permanently, but it would be satisfying. Unfortunately he," Trickster said, pointing to Castiel, "has called dibs on killing you and it would just be rude to step on that. Get him to kill you if you want it so bad. Or off yourself, I don't care." He grabbed Dean's face, forcing Dean to look him in the eye and Dean saw that forget burning, Trickster hadn't even flinched. "But you open one more portal in my city and I'm going to have to get rough. I'm losing my patience and there's so much I can do to you that won't technically kill you." And with that he shoved Dean backward onto the concrete and disappeared.

Dean lay there for a few painful seconds trying to figure out what in the hell had just happened. Once he was able to shake that off he pushed himself back to his feet, rushing over to where the Trickster had tossed Castiel. "Cas?" he said, moving some of the now demolished cans off of him. "Cas, you okay? Talk to me."

Castiel's eyes didn't so much as flutter but when Dean finally got him turned over his breathing seemed steady enough. "Sorry, buddy," Dean said, pulling him out of the debris. "I didn't know he could do anything close to that." Castiel didn't answer to that either, but while he looked bruised up Dean didn't see any obviously broken bones and when he ran one hand down Castiel's rib cage his breathing didn't hitch as if it hurt. "Guess he was on the level about that, at least." He heaved Castiel over his shoulder and touched the motel key in his pocket; this might be a rough trip but Cas was too heavy to carry all the way back.

But the portal opened easily enough and Dean managed to drop Castiel on the bed before his legs buckled under him, so all well and good. Dean supposed he was getting better at that. He arranged Cas more comfortably on the bed, careful only to touch him over his clothes, then backed away to sit against the wall clear on the other side of the room. Dean knew he should check Castiel over properly, make sure Trickster really had been telling the truth, but Dean couldn't bring himself to move. Dean knew Castiel had picked up that something had been up over the past few days, even distracted as he was, but he hadn't pressed Dean about why Dean was being careful with him and sleeping on the floor the rare times Cas had the bed.

Dean didn't want to admit he was afraid to touch him. It wasn't the fire, although he knew that had gotten worse since the last opening. It was the voice, the demon in his blood that whispered to him with his own voice speaking in Alastair's cadence. Patrol drowned it out but whenever he had a quiet moment it came back, especially when he was around Castiel.

And the voice was very, very loud now. You should kill him.

"I can't kill him. Shut up."

Dean didn't remember when he'd first started arguing back, but the voice always sounded amused when he did. He's weak now. That attack hurt him, he's probably not much stronger than you now. You could take the sword he carries.

Castiel did carry a sword. He didn't use it very often – they just fought normal humans on patrol, he didn't need it – and usually it was hidden away in Castiel's pocket in a way that made Dean suspect it wasn't quite real. He could feel the damn thing now, though, like the shot of fresh hellfire he'd gotten after the last portal was pointing right at it. It would be kinder than what his own would do to him. You know that. Remember how he said they'd killed his brother.

The voice was never less convincing than when it tried to talk about kindness. "Like you care."

But the thought was in his head and Dean couldn't push it away, a series of increasingly bloody, intrusive images. Alastair had forced Dean to watch him torture a demon who'd disobeyed him once – even inviting him to join in at one point. He hadn't understood why at the time but realized now it was because Alastair had known Dean would get to this point someday and wanted to make sure those thoughts were already in his head. In the really bad dreams he was the one holding that long knife of Alastair's like it was a part of his hand. Those dreams felt like his first night on patrol, something so right he didn't know how he'd gone his whole life without knowing what that felt like.

Whenever he closed his eyes he saw Castiel covered in blood, eyes wide as he watched Dean bring that knife down again. Imagined screams and words dissolving into the desperate choking sounds the demon had made right at the end, the poison in Dean's blood clamoring for more. Imagine it.

Dean watched Castiel's chest rise and fall from across the room. Look at him. You could do anything you wanted to do to him right now.

Like someone was operating him by remote control Dean let the voice get him back to his feet and walk him back to the side of the bed. He watched Castiel sleep for what felt like an eternity.

He'd just reached out for him when Castiel opened his eyes and broke the spell. "Hello, Dean."

Dean felt cold sweat break out all over his arms. "I don't know what's happening to me, Cas."

Cas looked exhausted but that look in his eyes was sharp as ever as he examined Dean. "What do you mean."

Dean had hoped he'd never have to admit this out loud. "I'm hearing voices. Not even like that, like there's something growing in my head."

"Ah." Castiel touched the livid bruise developing on his face,wincing when it hurt. "Demons feed on fear and pain and hate. You're full of hellfire, Dean. It's hungry." He looked up at Dean like he already knew the answer to his next question. "Did it try to make you hurt me?"

Dean looked away. "Worse."

"Look at me." It took some effort but Dean finally dragged his gaze back to Castiel's face. "What do you want to do to me right now?"

Dean bit his lip for a second, then climbed on top of Castiel, straddling him while still being careful not to touch him. Castiel tipped his chin up, like he was intentionally baring his throat, and for an instant the only thought in Dean's head was the memory of Alastair's hands squeezing tight around his neck. The memory was vivid enough that Dean felt his own hands twitch.

Instead Dean leaned down and kissed Castiel, warmth rushing under Dean's skin when Cas opened to the kiss instantly. "Oh, good," he murmured as Dean pulled back. "I was beginning to think I'd offended you."

"Got scared. And that wasn't my first thought," Dean admitted. He could feel Castiel breathing beneath him. "You gotta end this," he whispered. "I...I can't do it myself and I don't want to turn into one of those things. It takes everything I've got to hold it all back as it is."

"Why do you kiss me and then ask me to kill you?" Cas sounded so distraught Dean couldn't meet his eyes, but he let Castiel pull him back down into another kiss, one of the light, teasing ones Cas was so good at. "I will never kill you, Dean."

Dean shook his head. "You gotta. There's no other way out of this."

"There are always other ways. And you're not going to turn into one of them."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Dean." He cradled Dean's head, staring right into his eyes. "Believe me when I say that you are the only thing in the universe I'm sure about right now."

He held Dean's gaze until Dean nodded. "How do you feel, anyway? Trickster bounced you so many times I lost count."

Castiel sighed. "I've felt better. He's a very dangerous being, Dean. Don't confront him again."

"I didn't want to confront him the last time." Castiel's shirt had been partly torn open and Dean could see another dark bruise forming under his sternum. "I'm gonna check you out, okay?" Castiel nodded, stretching out beneath Dean, and Dean carefully unbuttoned his shirt the rest of the way open. "You're gonna turn all kinds of fun colors over the next few hours, Cas," he said, tracing along the edge of the bruise.

Castiel's back arched as Dean touched him, his lips parting. "That hurt?"

"It...tingles a little," he admitted, and Dean knew that had nothing to do with the bruising.

"You want me to stop?" Castiel shook his head, sighing as Dean trailed his hands down his ribs. "Okay," he said, his heart pounding. "You just relax, okay? I'm gonna take care of you." Cas nodded, relaxing under Dean's touch, and Dean felt the hellfire start to rise to the surface at the implicit permission to do whatever he wanted.

Dean kissed Castiel until the urge to do anything else passed, until all he could care about was the way Cas' hands were in his hair and the way he kept arching up into the heat of Dean's touch. "I'm gonna take care of you," he repeated, this time directly into Cas' ear. Castiel smiled, his eyes locked on Dean's face as he got to work.

888

Castiel felt a hand clap down on his shoulder. "Where have you been?"

The surge of panic swallowed him whole for a moment. Castiel couldn't remember ever feeling panic before this mission and he'd gotten quite familiar with it as of late.

But the voice was familiar and Castiel turned to see Uriel behind him, relief and worry mingled on his face. "How did you find me?"

"Is that all you have to say? Castiel, you're cut off, we thought you were dead. Or worse."

He shrugged off Uriel's hand. "Answer the question. How did you find me?"

"Because I know you," he said, gesturing at the city far below the highrise roof. "You seek high places to think when you're troubled."

Castiel hadn't realized that was such fatal tell. "Does anyone else know? Is anyone with you?"

Uriel shook his head. "Even knowing you as well as I do it took me this long to find you."

Castiel nodded, still looking around in case that was a lie. The adrenaline began to fade the longer they stood there, and finally Castiel let himself sit back down on the ledge of the building. "Please don't tell anyone you found me."

"Why? What's happened?" Uriel sat beside him, like he was afraid of Castiel getting too far away. "When we found what was left...when we found Balthazar we feared the worst. I feared the worst."

Castiel felt remorse flood through him. He and Uriel had fought at each other's side for thousands of years, endured countless hardships together. If he had been in Uriel's place Castiel knew he would have been frantic. "I didn't mean to worry you." He sighed, the horror he'd been living with since that day pressing back close around him. "Balthazar left me a message. There's something foul happening at the garrison, brother. Something dark. You should go to ground too, before it catches up with you."

Castiel had never seen Uriel look so amazed. "Do you really believe one of us is behind this?"

Castiel hesitated. It still seemed so impossible to imagine, but finally he nodded.

Uriel put one hand back on his shoulder and Castiel was glad for the comfort. "This is the last thing I ever expected you to say."

"I can hardly believe it myself. But it's true."

Uriel squeezed his shoulder. "How goes it with Winchester? Tell me he's one less thing to worry about."

Castiel could only shake his head. "I think you knew the answer to that before you asked it."

"I'm afraid I did," Uriel said, letting out a resigned sigh. "What will it take for you to end that nuisance and return home?"

It took Castiel a long time to answer. "I'm not going to kill him, Uriel."

Uriel only sighed again. "Do you remember the conversation we'd had about betting on what you would do?" he said, waiting for Castiel to nod. "This is what I bet on. I never believed you would raise your hand to Winchester. I believe that's the reason you were given the mission in the first place."

Castiel tried to force those words into some kind of sense. "But you'd said you'd hoped you were wrong. Why?"

The pressure on Castiel's shoulder had been growing steadily stronger. "Because in my heart I did want to see you home and safe, Castiel." Castiel watched something hard creep into his brother's expression. "There are very few of us in the field now. I didn't want you to be an option."

And then Castiel knew. He scrambled back to his feet but couldn't shake off Uriel's grip. When he tried to spread his wings he felt a tether wrap around him, barbed and icy enough to stop his breath for an instant. His throat seized when he tried to scream and before long he dropped to his knees, the enervating magic in the tether doing its work. Uriel moved to stand over him, pulling his head back by his hair. "Don't fight it," the almost soothing tone in his voice chilling Castiel as much as the ice wrapped around his wings. "Balthazar made things very unpleasant for himself. You don't need to do the same."

"Why?" Castiel forced out, the effort making him light-headed.

"Do you know why the demons took Sam Winchester?"

Castiel nodded his head. He couldn't believe Uriel was going to force him to respond. "To...to control Dean."

"Yes and no. The Winchesters are very special boys and this is a very special city. You've felt that about this place too, haven't you? If they'd been anywhere else they would have been no use to anyone. Both our sides have been manipulating their family for years to bring them to this place in time." He crouched next to Castiel. "Dean Winchester can make portals but Sam is one. We intend to bring Lucifer, king of the demons to this plane through Sam and finally end this war once and for all."

Castiel couldn't believe he'd ever known Uriel at all. "That will kill him."

Uriel shrugged. "That's not really our concern."

Castiel tried to shake his head. "But that kind of battle...will destroy this world. It will destroy this system."

"Again, I don't care."

Castiel could feel the urge to pass out creeping over him. "I don't understand."

"That's why I'm telling you this. I want you to at least be able to understand." Uriel sounded very patient, like he was explaining a new battle tactic. "We can't bring Lucifer through unprepared, of course. The walls needed to be thinned and we needed to send an enormous amount of energy into hell. It required sacrifices." For the first time Castiel saw something like regret in his brother's eyes, but it quickly faded. "It's convenient to time it alongside the portal openings to cover the noise."

"Sam won't agree to help you. No human would."

"Oh, his brother fell in line quickly enough." The way Uriel laughed made the tether pull tighter. "When the boy is faced with either doing as we say or knowing his brother will spend eternity as a monster I think we both know what he'll choose." Uriel looked up into the darkening sky, as if waiting for a sign. "Well, I think we've wasted enough time now."

Uriel reached for him and panic gave Castiel one last surge of energy, letting him squirm out of Uriel's grasp for a few seconds. It didn't last long though, Castiel knew it couldn't, and when he tried to cry out again Uriel pressed one hand over his mouth. "Enough of that." Uriel adjusted his grip to completely cut off Castiel's air and his vision started to go dark at the edges. "Don't look at me like that, brother," Uriel said, his voice sounding like it came from very far away. "I gave you more than enough chances. You've brought this on yourself."

888

Castiel woke to rain falling on his face. He blinked for a few moments, trying to regain his bearings; he could still feel the tether and something heavier in addition to it, making his body feel like it weighed thousands of pounds. He could see markings drawn on the ground beneath him but couldn't turn his head to examine them; there was half-charred poster hanging on the wall and Castiel realized he knew this place, this was where he'd marked Dean what seemed like a lifetime ago.

"You should have stayed asleep," he heard Uriel say. He looked around as much as he was able; there were other angels there, four or five from what Castiel could see. He knew them all. Every one he'd fought with over the centuries and now they looked through him like he was nothing. He wondered how deep this conspiracy really went.

Before Castiel could have another thought one of the angels began chanting and pain tore through him like a spike being driven through his skull. He tried to scream but couldn't; that the bonds held him completely only served to amplify every sensation, turning every instinct his body had to writhe and thrash to get away from this against it. His mouth filled with blood and he felt himself start to choke; gashes opened on his arms and legs and chest as his body began to tear apart, the air filling with the scent of blood. If he could just scream once Castiel thought he might be able to bear it; when it felt like his spine was twisting to come up through his chest he felt his mind begin to shatter. And it was so hot, his skin smoldering where it touched the markings on the pavement. Castiel wondered if he was about to incinerate. Perhaps that was why there were never any bodies.

He'd marked Dean in this place. Castiel made one desperate reach for Dean, for that connection he'd forged without meaning to. Dean would break when he found out what had happened. He would grieve and he would blame himself and he would give in. The demons would have him body and soul and then Sam would follow soon after.

Castiel knew he was dying, there was no stopping that now, but he would be damned if he died without saving Dean Winchester.

Castiel reached through the pain and touched just a spark of that strange power hidden within Dean, holding on tight to it like a last hope. Please. Please work.

Castiel felt the portal form beneath him. For an instant it broke the binding and Castiel slipped free of his ruined body just before the aftershock of energy tore through the alley.

When he opened his eyes again Castiel saw he was in Hell. At first the only sensation he could feel was relief that the pain was gone.

It didn't last. The agony of the sacrifice ritual was gone but Hell had its own kind of pain; Dean's hellfire was a tiny echo of the heat surrounding him now. Castiel held up his hand and saw light leaking from the lines on his palm. That he still looked human at all was a bit of a construct; if Sam was going to trust him he had to look human and if he focused he could keep this form. For a while, anyway; he could feel the place bleeding his power away and Castiel didn't know what would happen when that completed. He doubted the demons would be kind enough to just let him die.

Enough. Castiel picked himself up and focused again on Dean;without the earthly limits on his perceptions Castiel could stretch his senses wide, trying to find anything that resembled the touch of Dean's soul.

He almost couldn't believe it when he actually found one. Castiel knew he couldn't fly in hell so he trudged forward, knowing that feeling this much hope would light him up like a beacon for every demon to see and not quite able to care.

Castiel had never felt so exhausted as when he finally reached the cave where Sam was being held. He wondered how much time had passed on Earth. Probably only seconds. "Sam," he said, reaching through the spell that kept this place phased out of time. "Wake up. It's time to go home."

888

Sam didn't remember falling asleep. The last thing he knew he'd been walking to school and trying to not drop his science project because stupid Dean had been out all night and still wasn't back.

But this definitely wasn't school. Sam's first thought when he opened his eyes was that maybe he was in one of the caves outside of town. Maybe he'd been kidnapped. That happened sometimes, villains were jerks.

"Sam, you need to wake up."

Sam shook off the last of the cobwebs and looked up at the man crouching over him. Sam didn't know him but the guy definitely seemed to know him. "Who are you?"

"My name is Castiel, I'm a friend of your brother's. We need to leave this place, now."

Sam had no problem with that; he got himself to his feet, noticing that Castiel kept one hand on his shoulder, not like he was holding him but like he was trying to stay in contact. "This isn't outside town, is it," Sam asked, every alarm bell he had going off. "Where are we?"

Castiel hesitated for a moment before answering. "We're in Hell," he finally said. "You've been held here for most of a year."

"A year?!"

Castiel pressed one hand over his mouth. "Please be quiet," he said, looking around. "I don't know how I've gone without being detected but that can't hold for long."

Sam nodded because yeah, obviously. "I'm in hell? I mean, actually in hell?"

Castiel's lips pursed together. "A dimensional popularly described as hell, but yes. And we should leave. I'm allowing you to be able to withstand this place, if you stay close to me you'll be fine."

"You're not fine." Wisps and streaks of light kept escaping from Castiel's lips and eyes and from underneath his nails, seams of it appearing in his skin like he was unraveling.

Castiel only shrugged. "It's been a difficult day. Can you walk?"

Sam nodded, making sure to stay within arm's reach of Castiel. "You said you knew Dean, is he okay?"

Castiel paused before answering that, too. "He'll be better once you're safe."

Every single thing about this sounded bad. "Okay, then. Where are we going?"

"Right here." Castiel stopped just a few paces from the mouth of the cave and held one hand out, putting his other back on Sam's shoulder and from the way he was shaking Sam thought it was for balance as much as to keep him close. "Please work again," Sam heard him whisper, then Sam saw a glimmering white line hover in the air.

"Hey! That's what Dean does!"

"Technically it's Dean doing it, I'm borrowing his power. It's...it's much harder than it looks," he said, forcing the words out through his teeth. Gouts of light exploded from his back, arcing like two pairs of wings for an instant; his legs buckled and he would have fallen on his face if Sam hadn't been right there to catch him. The line flickered but didn't go out as Sam helped him down to one knee. "I'm not going to be able to go through," he said, his voice hazy.

"'Course you will," Sam said, crouching in front of him. "You got this, you're good. You just have to focus, Dean sucked at this too when he was first learning." That at least drew out a thin smile. Castiel took a deep breath, narrowing his eyes, and in a few seconds the portal was almost big enough for Sam to step through. "See, you got this. Just a little bit more."

This time Castiel didn't smile. "Sam, I need you to promise something," he said, so much light bleeding from his eyes Sam couldn't see their color anymore.

"Yeah, of course. You got it."

"The demons are going to ask you to do something. They're going to ask it in very convincing circumstances and you will feel like you have no choice. I need you to promise me that you will never tell them yes."

"Why would I ever..."

"Sam."

Sam had never heard pain like that in someone's voice before. "I promise. Never."

Something flew past Sam's head, missing him by inches. "The hell was that?" Castiel grabbed him and pulled him closer; Sam saw the thing curve around and race back toward him. As it got close Sam could see it looked like a steel manacle that moved on its own, like a snake.

"Duck." Sam followed the command and Castiel stood over him, slicing the chain in two with a short silver sword. "Through the portal. Now."

"No way, it's not big enough for both of us."

Castiel parried another manacle away before it could wrap around Sam's neck. "It's too late, I couldn't pass through anyway." This time three came at once; Castiel took care of two of them but the last wrapped around his ankle, yanking him off his feet. Sam was just able to grab him as the chain started to pull him away. "It's all right. Go."

"It's not..."

"Find Dean. Tell him I-" Sam lost his grip and Castiel went flying back, scraping over the ground. Sam had time to take one step after him before the heat coiled around him. He couldn't breathe and he saw his arms were already red, like he'd been out in the sun for hours.

He already couldn't see Castiel anymore. Just as he bent down to pick up Castiel's dropped sword he heard one far-off cry and knew he'd be hearing that sound for the rest of his life.

The portal was closing. Sam closed his eyes and dove through.