The Riff-Off was this acapella party for all of the other contestants. It was located inside of an abandoned swimming pool. Everybody was gathered around ready for the competition.
Before it started, I was a bit nervous. I could feel my heart ready to burst out of my chest. This acapella stuff is really getting to me.
Suddenly, we caught a glimpse of Vocal Adrenaline. Carrie, Piper, and their group come up to us while we all roll our eyes.
"Well, well, well," Piper grins. "If it isn't the team of Average Joe's. I can't believe you even showed up. You are really wanted to get hit by dog shit, uh?"
Rosie defends our group. "Okay, Heckle and Jeckle, listen up. I don't get the whole twins and group of people who follow you and never say anything. That's creepy and evil. We are better and awesome. We're not walking around like the Twins from the Shining with Children of the Corn following us."
After a moment passed, Carrie steps toward her and pretends to purposely drop something. "Oops!" She scoffs. "I just dropped the fuck I was about to give."
Instead of fighting, Rosie argues, "I would kick you in the vagina, but I'm scared of loosing my shoe in there!"
Most of us bursted out laughing while they walk away. The one thing about this is that we only had rehearsal one day and we are already defending each other. Honestly, it's funny how protective you can be over a group of people you ultimately became friends with.
Suddenly, there was a roar of applause. Chuck comes out with a microphone and says, "Welcome to the Riff Off! Each team must sing a song that matches the categories and you have to think fast or you are . . . CUT OFF! Our groups here tonight are the bad boys of MUNY! They are Here Comes Trouble!"
A large group of muscular guys with bulky bodies and lion-like growls. "Wow," Mindy comments. "Love to be the bread for that brisket."
"And our second contestants are real performers!" Chuck announces. "I give you . . . The Tone Rangers!" They were a group like ours with only five girls and four boys. "Next we have the team all the way from Hawaii and they are the A Capellago!"
People applauded for all of us so I was worried about how much cheers we would get. "Our new group are our new fellow acapellas. I give you . . . The A-Team!"
To my surprise, lots of people cheered for us. It was like they already knew us before any of this. "Also, here are our champions…Vocal Adrenaline!"
Unfortunately, too many of them roared for them. Those cocky stuck-up singers are gonna get a taste of their own medicine.
"Our first category is…Songs with Girls Names in the Title!" Chuck announces.
Everybody only had a few seconds to think fast. First up were A Cappellago.
Roxanne!
Put on the red light!
Roxanne!
Put on the red light!
Roxanne!
You don't gotta put on the red light!
Roxanne!
Put on the red light!
One guy from the Here Comes Treble cuts them off for his group.
Chloe, I know your sister turns everyone on
But, oh, baby, I have no doubt you're the one that I want (ooh-ooh-oo)
You think she's got it all but that don't make her better
You got my heart and that's the only thing that matters
Chloe, I know your sister turns everyone on
But you're the one I want, yeah
But you're the one I want, yeah
"I got it!" Trish exclaims as she runs to stop them. We all joined in as she sang.
Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to?
You give me somethin' I can hold on to
I know you think I'm like the others before
Who saw your name and number on the wall
Jenny, I got your number
I need to make you mine
Jenny, don't change your number
867-5309
867-5309
Soon we were cut off by the notorious Vocal Adrenaline. Their noises were so realistic that I couldn't believe that they were doing this.
Poor old Johnny Ray
Sounded sad upon the radio
But he moved a million hearts in mono
Our mothers cried
Sang along
Who'd blame them
You've grown, so grown
Now I must say more than ever
(Come On Eileen)
Too-ra-loo-ra, too-ra-loo-rye, aye
And we can sing just like our fathers
After that, the Tone Rangers stepped in.
They call me 'hell'
They call me 'Stacey'
They call me 'her'
They call me 'Jane'
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
"Hold up!" Chuck interrupts them. "I asked for a song with a girl's name in the title. That song is just about not knowing this girl's name. You are…CUT OFF!"
The Tone Rangers go back to their corner in disappointment. This contest was a bit intense since Chuck was being hard on them.
"Our next category is… Michael Jackson 80's Hits!" He proclaims.
Before anything else could happen, Vocal Adrenaline already beat us…literally.
They told him, "Don't you ever come around here.
Don't wanna see your face. You better disappear."
The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear
So beat it, just beat it
Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
"Oh, hell, no!" Rosie growls. "Follow my lead, guys!" She confidently goes up and starts the singing.
Are You Ok
Will You Tell Us That You're
Ok
There's A Sign In The
Window
That He Struck You-A
Crescendo Annie
He Came Into Your
Apartment
He Left The Bloodstains On
The Carpet
Then You Ran Into The
Bedroom
You Were Struck Down
It Was Your Doom
Annie Are You Ok
So, Annie Are You Ok
Are You Ok Annie
Annie Are You Ok
So, Annie Are You Ok
Are You Ok Annie
You've been hit by!
You've been struck by a smooth criminal!
Then, we were stopped by Here Comes Treble.
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
(Ooh)
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Chuck stops them. "That song was from 1979, geniuses! Have you not been studying your MJ history?! You are cut off! Okay, next category is…rap songs of 2010's!"
Oh, God! I got it! I got it! I ran up and started to rap.
I'm gonna l-l-l-love you until it hurts
Just to get you I'm doing whatever works
You've never met nobody
That'll do you how I do ya
That will bring you to your knees
Praise Jesus hallelujah
I'm-a make you beg for it, plead for it
Till you feel like you breathe for it
Till you do any and everything for it
I want you to fiend for it
Wake up and dream for it
Till it's got you gasping for air
And you lean for it
'Till they have a CAT scan and check on your mind
And it's nothing but me, on it (on it, on it, on it)
That's until Piper of Vocal Adrenaline cuts me off.
I'm gonna pop some tags
Only got twenty dollars in my pocket
I - I - I'm hunting, looking for a come-up
This is fucking awesome
Carrie: Nah, walk up to the club like, "What up? I got a big cock!"
I'm so pumped about some shit from the thrift shop
Ice on the fringe, it's so damn frosty
That people like, "Damn! That's a cold ass honkey."
Rollin' in, hella deep, headin' to the mezzanine,
Dressed in all pink, 'cept my gator shoes, those are green
Draped in a leopard mink, girls standin' next to me
Probably shoulda washed this, smells like R. Kelly's sheets
(Piiisssssss)
But shit, it was ninety-nine cents! (Bag it)
While Carrie was rapping, we got in a huddle and try to come up with something. Luckily, Gavin says, "I got an idea! Let wait for the moment."
Coppin' it, washin' it, 'bout to go and get some compliments
Passin' up on those moccasins someone else's been walkin' in
Bummy and grungy, fuck it, man
I am stuntin' and flossin' and
Savin' my money and I'm hella happy that's a bargain, bitch
I'm a take your grandpa's style, I'm a take your grandpa's style,
No for real - ask your grandpa - can I have his hand-me-downs?
At last, Gavin takes his shot and stops them.
My anaconda don't
My anaconda don't
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you got buns, hun
Rosie comes up behind Gavin and raps. Sometimes it doesn't bother Dez when Rosie dances with other guys. It was pretty natural for him to be fine with Gavin grinding against her.
Boy toy named Troy, used to live in Detroit
Big dope dealer money, he was gettin' some coins
Was in shootouts with the law but he live in a palace
Bought me Alexander McQueen, he was keeping me stylish
Now that's real, real, real
Gun in my purse, bitch, I came dressed to kill
Who wanna go first? I had them pushin' daffodils
I'm high as hell, I only took a half a pill
I'm on some dumb shit, by the way, what he say?
He can tell I ain't missing no meals
Come through and fuck him in my automobile
Let him eat it with his grills, and he tellin' me to chill
And he telling me it's real, that he love my sex appeal
Say he don't like em boney, he want something he can grab
So I pulled up in the Jag, and I hit him with the jab like
A Cappellago cut us off with Monster by Eminem and Rhianna.
I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed
Get along with the voices inside of my head
You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath
And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy
I wanted the fame, but not the cover of Newsweek
Oh, well, guess beggars can't be choosey
Wanted to receive attention for my music
Wanted to be left alone in public. Excuse me
For wanting my cake and eat it too, and wanting it both ways
Suddenly, the guy stops rapping. I guess he couldn't remember the lyrics. Chuck cackles, "You have ruined this hit! And you are an abomination to acapella…to Eminem…and to your mother! You are cut off! Well it's now an aca-battle between the A-Team and Vocal Adrenaline! And your battle category is…" Come on! Pick something good! "…classic rock!"
Oh shit, I thought. Piper and Carrie were already making rock band noise with their groups.
The jig is up, the news is out
They finally found me
The renegade who had it made
Retrieved for a bounty
Never more to go astray
This'll be the end today
Of the wanted man
Austin goes up along with Dez and we all get into position.
Dez: Huh, swingin' in the livin' room, swingin' in the kitchen
Most folks don't 'cause they're too busy bitchin'
Swingin' in there 'cause she wanted me to feed her
So I mixed up the batter and she licked the beater
Austin: I scream, you scream we all scream for her
Don't even try 'cause you can't ignore her
Both: She's my cherry pie
Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good make a grown man cry
Sweet cherry pie, oh yeah
She's my cherry pie
Put a smile on your face ten miles wide
Looks so good bring a tear to your eye
Sweet cherry pie, yeah
Carrie cuts them off with another song.
Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane (Are you ready, baby?)
Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane
Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane (Come on, come on, baby)
Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane
In a matter of seconds, we cut them off again with another song.
Rosie: You're the right kind of sinner
To release my inner fantasy
The invincible winner
And you know that you were born to be
You're a heartbreaker
Dream maker, love taker
Don't you mess around with me
You're a heartbreaker
Dream maker, love taker
Don't you mess around, no, no, no
Once again, they stopped us again. How the hell do they do this? They're like fuckin' musical Terminators!
OH WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT
NO, WE AIN'T GONNA TAKE IT
OH WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE
OH WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT
NO, WE AIN'T GONNA TAKE IT
OH WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE
NO WAY!
That was when I made the stupidest mistake. I cut them off but we couldn't think of anything. We were making music, but we couldn't think of anything.
Soon everybody was laughing and we stopped. Chuck came up to us and said, "I gotta be honest. It's okay since y'all are newbies. You are cut off! Winners are Vocal Adrenaline!"
