~*3*~

For the next year, we kept up a weird dance. At my house, Edward would let me get closer, almost insisted on it at times, but at school he kept his distance. If he happened to catch me looking at him across the hallway or cafeteria, I'd be put in my place by his daunting glare — like, how dare I look. I wasn't sure what to make of it, and began keeping a journal to attempt to process the feelings and emotions he brought out in me. The habit was therapeutic, and soon I noticed a theme emerging in my scribblings; common words jumped out of the pages at me: serve, submit, relent, please.

Imagine my surprise when I did a Google search of the word group to see what enlightenment would come. The internet introduced me to an underground world that I became fixated on, doing research late at night when I hoped my parents were asleep. Rarely did a night of research go by without the need for manual stimulation.

By the time summer was drawing to a close, and my sophomore year was gearing up to begin, I'd become sure of one thing: I was a submissive. I hoped — prayed even, and I wasn't religious — that Edward was a Dominant, and that somehow, someday, I would kneel before him.

Angela sensed the change in me when we came back, but the other girls didn't. Over the summer they'd discovered makeup, boys, and the latest fashion magazines. She was understanding when I shared what I'd been learning about myself, though Angela couldn't see the appeal herself.

That was also the year that the Brandon's moved to town, and Alice Brandon became the shiny, new toy — and the bane of my existence.

Being the less fashion fanatical of the group, Angela and I soon broke off from them and were content to stick to our studies and swim team. On the weekends, my dad would take us to the gun range and invite us down to the station for martial arts training with the deputies. As the Chief of Police, he was adamant that his team, and his daughter, know how to defend themselves.

Alice replaced our spot in the group, blending effortlessly with their silly, girlish ways. However, when Edward started coming around the house less, and then the rumors started that he was dating Alice, the bottom of my world fell out.

I didn't get it; I'd thought something was starting between Edward and I. Alice and I had brown eyes and brown hair, and our builds were almost the same: petite. Although, my boobs were bigger if I were being honest. Pale skin was the standard for the area (even Rosalie's tan had faded in the year they'd lived in Forks). All she had on me was better bone structure, name brand clothes, and that her daddy was running for Mayor.

Questioning whether Edward was really so shallow haunted me that year, and I withdrew more. My focus was on shadowing Charlie at the station, keeping my grades up, and when the weather warmed, intensive day hikes through the forest terrain. Garrett had started dating a nice girl named Kate, and they would double-date with Edward and Alice.

I often made myself scarce when Garrett was actually home — hearing the recanting of their shenanigans hurt my heart. Edward was supposed to be mine.

*Thank y'all for the wonderful warm welcome back! Thrilled to death that everyone's enjoying my latest venture! XOXO