(Mello/Near because I CAN. Inspired by real-life Christmas events. Mello is violent, isn't he? Kind of crack, and for once, no Near abuse. Wow. These things shall happen, I suppose... The poor kid gets eaten by a snake next chapter, so...anyways, don't own.)


"Wake up, sheepie." Mello muttered, poking Near gently in the ribs. The albino rolled over, and grunted.

"Mel...Mello? What are you doing in my room?" Another thought came to him. "Did Santa come yet?" Mello shook his head.

"No. And the fucking cookies are EATEN! We need to find the culprit, like, now! If there's no cookies, there's no presents, 'cause Santa will think we're a bunch of cheap bastards. Matt's down there with the knife already, now get up and help us." He explained, yanking the young boy out of his bed and dragging him down the hallway.

Near sighed. "Why did you ask me to help you?" Mello whipped around to stare at him. He stared at Near for a second, and his eyes softened for a moment, before hardening again.

"Because you'll be our human sacrifice. Those reindeer have hooves, you know. And the fatman probably packs heat." Near blinked in surprise.

"That's not a nice thing to say about Santa." He said softly. Mello shrugged. "Look, I asked for a heat-seeking missile and poison darts last year. Did I get them? No! So, if he didn't bring them this year..." Mello made a slashing motion with his finger across his neck.

Near was still trying to process being yanked out of his bed by the boy that had always hated him at two in the morning to help said boy with his violent escapade.

He sighed, and went up to brush hair out of his eyes. Shockingly, Mello pulled his hand up, and brushed it away for him, stroking Near's forehead softly. It took him a minute, but he pulled away, and turned back, saying nothing.

They walked down in silence for a moment, before Near said, "Why are you always so angry, Mello?" He asked gently, not wanting to provoke the blonde. Mello shrugged.

"Isn't it obvious? You're supposed to be smart." He said this last part rather sullenly, looking away. "The other kids think it's funny that you're better. None of them 'cept Matt like me, 'cause they all want to be L, and I was the best... and then you came along, and you were better than me, and they all were glad...because they didn't like me." Near nodded.

It was true, he knew it. The kids always treated Mello to angry glares when he bested any of them on tests, and always laughed behind his back as Near outmaneuvered him, time after time. Near sighed.

"I see. Thank you, Mello." The two went into the common room, saying nothing.

"Hey guys! Okay, it's about midnight. Since I couldn't break into the kitchen, our plan is to wait until he comes down, grab the sack of toys, and either shove him in the fireplace or get him with a knife." Matt said. Near nodded, and sat on the fireplace steps.

Ten seconds... nine... eight...

Near turned to Mello. "I'm sorry." Mello raised an eyebrow. "For what?" He said, honestly confused.

Seven...six...five...

Near said, "I'm sorry everyone hates you. And I know you hate me, and I'm sorry, I just..."

Four...three...two...

Mello blinked, as Near smashed his lips against the blonde's. Matt mouthed, "one."

It was quiet for a second. Mello gaped at Near, opening and closing his mouth like a fish's.

Then...

"It's the fatman! Hide!" All three of them ducked behind the couch.

You know, you had to feel bad for Roger. He catered to crazy genii every day of the damn year, and now he had to dress up as the fatman and put presents out.

The man in the suit huffed. "Oh, damn, the cookies are gone." All three boys watched the scene in terror. Santa huffed. "I swear, that damn L, every year... nice list my foot, that boy's barking mad..." Santa yanked some stuff out of his bag, tossed it under the tree, and stormed out, muttering something about a stiff snifter of brandy in his office.

Silence.

"Well," Near muttered, "this is disillusioning." Mello and Matt nodded in agreement.

Mello shrugged. "I was going to have Matt use the knife, but... I just didn't have the heart for it. Somehow, that poor man seemed to have enough troubles." Matt agreed, adding, "And he seemed rather lonely." Mello nodded.

"He reminds me of Roger..." Matt clapped his hands. "Hey, let's go wake up Roger! Santa came!" Mello nodded.

"Go ahead, Matt. I'll be right there." The redhead nodded, and tore off for Roger's room.

Mello and Near stared at each other for a long, slow moment. Mello grinned, and bent down, brushing his lips gently against Near's for a slow minute.

"Returning the favor." He whispered, before turning on his heel to follow Matt. Near smiled to himself for a moment before getting up to go with the two boys.

And back in his room, L Lawliet happily munched his prize of Christmas cookies.