Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto
Clutched in the Leader's hand was a pretty purple plastic pony. (Hey, alliteration! My English teacher would be so proud. sniff) "Do you want to play or not?" Leader said grumpily.
The other guy, (Is he a guy? What is with the gender issues?) stared. Or Sasuke guessed he was staring. You couldn't really tell whether the glowing green eyes were staring or not. But the guy turned his head to Leader and said, "I thought this was our secret playtime." He pouted.
"You're boring, Kakuzu." Leader told him. "The only scenario you want to play is your pony being captured by the evil witch, which is always my pony. Why couldn't you be the witch for once?"
"I don't want too. My pony is prettier anyways. So there!"
Sasuke inched back into the hallway.
Suddenly Kakuzu was behind him. "Where do you think you're going?" he growled, grabbing the collar of Sasuke's cape.
"Bed." Sasuke squeaked.
Kakuzu growled again. Apparently he did not like squeaking. "It's an honor to be invited to play My Little Pony!"
"Put him down, Kakuzu." Leader said. "He will play tomorrow."
"I don't know about that." Sasuke said cautiously. "I might be busy…"
"Busy making wisecracks?" Kakuzu yanked on the cape. "Busy making fun of the girly Leader and Kakuzu?"
"NO! Not at all!" Sasuke's voice turned high-pitched in panic.
"Tomorrow, then." Kakuzu hissed as he dramatically went into the room and slammed the door.
It would have been very dramatic and intense if Kakuzu had not slammed the door on his own foot. Sasuke could hear yelps. A faint, "Kakuzu, why are you always so..." the last word fell out of hearing distance.
He ran down the hallway quickly, worried that Kakuzu might come after him. Itachi. He thought. Has some weird friends.
Kisame has already woken up. Itachi deducted. This brilliant logic's proof was the fact Kisame was screaming.
"Get it off! Get it off!"
"What is it, Kisame." Itachi asked, bored.
"There's, there's something on my nose!"
Itachi hopped. Wait no. Itachi wouldn't hop. Start over.
Itachi flew down from his bunk and landed sinisterly on the floor next to Kisame. "Where is the thing that needs removing?"
Kisame pointed to his nose. "I've read about these!" he moaned. "These are extremely rare laundry leeches. They thrive in filthy habitats, and will suck out your blood until you die!"
"I keep my room pristine." Itachi pointed out. "Have you tried to get it off?"
"No." Kisame moaned again. "You see, I can't see my nose."
(Have you ever realized that you can't, in fact, see your nose without a mirror of some kind? The only part you see is the tip.)
Itachi considered. "Your nose is practically nonexistent."
"Just take that leech off of me before my blood is sucked out of my body!"
Itachi tore off the little strip and balled it in his fist quickly. All in all, the morning had turned out better than expected.
"There. It's gone. But be warned." Itachi continued. "I've read about them too, and they attack more than once."
Kisame gasped. "I better start cleaning right away!"
"Why don't you start with the bathroom?" Itachi suggested.
Sasuke woke up and wearily went to the kitchen for breakfast. Deidara was already there, eating his breakfast daintily.
"Mine, mm." Deidara said after noticing Sasuke's hungy stares.
"Sooo, why is your hair so long?"
"Because I like it that way."
"But why?"
"I don't know."
"Is it some genetic mutation?"
"What?"
"Something you inherited from your mother? Who is she, anyway, Rapunzel?"
Deidara stood up angrily. "Don't make fun of her!"
Sasuke gaped. "Then she really was Rapunzel?"
"Yes, and she's very famous!"
"So did the prince have mouths on his hands too?"
"Your questions are annoying, mm."
"That's not an answer."
"She didn't marry the prince! Why would she, after she gouged out his eyes with a knitting needle?"
"Who did she marry, then?"
"What's with all the questions about my deeply personal parents, mm?"
"I'm trying to distract you while I eat your food." Sasuke admitted guiltily.
Deidara noticed his scrambled eggs in Sasuke's mouth.
Deidara burst in on Itachi. Itachi quickly hid the book he was reading under the couch, but Deidara was too mad to notice the title. "Itachi, you need to get rid of that, that, brother of yours!"
"And now you see what I had to go through."
Deidara shook his head. "YOU don't matter."
Itachi was offended. "I thought I mattered to you." He said as his eyes filled up with tears. He dabbed at them with the sleeve of his silk pajamas.
Deidara noticed them for the first time. "Those are new?"
Itachi noticed what he was wearing. With Kisame cleaning instead of him, he had gotten lazy and did not change.
"Those are like, really..." Deidara suppressed a snortle at the image of a grumpy Itachi with a wool pink rabbit face on his chest. (What is a snortle, anyways? A snoring turtle?)
"Really what." Itachi said, deadpan, mentally cursing himself for his mistake.
"Really...feminine." Deidara couldn't help himself and let out an amused grunt.
"Didn't you have a problem, Deidara?" Itachi said, ignoring the amused grunt. Because in fact, it didn't matter to him, because although no one but yours truely knows that Itachi practices grunting in the bathroom daily for thirty minutes, and he is the grunt-master of the universe! Not only can he have amused grunts, he can have arrogant grunts, and happy grunts, and monotonous grunts, and sad grunts, and angry grunts, all the while not feeling any emotion whatsoever!
Ehem. Off topic. Sorry.
"Sasuke has got to go!" Deidara complained again.
"What did he do?"
"He-he made fun of Mama!" Deidara burst into tears. They splashed onto the recently vacumned floor. "That's not all." Deidara looked straight at Itachi with the a dramatic air. "He ate my eggs."
It was hard for Itachi to suppress a gasp. Stealing food was the ultimate folly.
Deidara's eyes overflowed again. "I didn't believe it either." he confessed. Two more tears joined the puddle party.
Kisame burst in with a "borrowed" maid costume. "Stop!"
Tobi also burst in through the opposite door. "That's where Tobi's clothes went!"
They had a silent staring match until Kisame broke eye contact. Unless Tobi broke it first. No one could see Tobi's eye/eyes.
"Stop stop stop!" he growled as he attacked the carpet with a rag and then a mini vacumn cleaner. He rubbed it on the floor so hard it broke into a billion plastic pieces. "NO!" he gasped at the mess on the floor. "I'll be dead tomorrow for sure."
Deidara looked at him funny. "What?"
Itachi stepped in quickly. If he didn't, his entire secret mission could be ruined. "Kisame, it's okay. I'll clean this up."
Kisame didn't looked reassured.
Itachi swallowed hard. To convince Kisame he would have to use those words. There was no other choice. He opened his mouth. "I'll clean this..." he had to stop. "Sp-spick and span!" The last part was burst out in a rush.
Kisame looked up at Itachi from his defeated position on the floor. "Thanks, a bunch. To the kitchen!" He posed like superman and flew out to the door, skirt flapping in the nonexsistant breeze.
Tobi, Deidara, and Itachi covered their eyes. Only Itachi refrained from screaming.
Sasuke finished Deidara's breakfast. Not a splot of guilt appeared in his consciousness. "How can I get that sword?" he said aloud. "How can I avoid playing My Little Pony?"
There was no possible answer to the last question.
Sasuke sighed emo-y. My life is hopeless.
The night came too quickly. Before Sasuke knew it, it was one minute later. Then another minute. Then another...
..second! Bwa ha ha, fooled you! Well, anyways, the moon rose up into the sky like a beacon of...a beacon of...whatever.
He made his way down the hallway to that dreaded door. Sasuke opened it cautiously. No one was in there. He sighed in relief, then tiptoed back to his bed.
A giant shadow fell over Sasuke. He turned around slowly.
Staring at him out of one huge painted eye was a exceedingly large pony. It's purple mane fluttered in the breeze.
"Hello." Sasuke said. He meant to sound strong and courageous, but his voice came out as a tiny squeak. His knees started to shake: This, surely, was death.
The pony remained silent, but opened it's mouth wide. The stench of overcooked liver floated towards him...with a panicked scream, Sasuke sank into the ebony depths.
Sasori put Kakuzu's sock back into the pocket of his cloak. He pulled out a walkie talkie, all the while looking down at the unconscious, slightly twitching Sasuke.
"He's out. Prepare to proceed."
All the bedroom doors opened, and the cloaked figures proceeded to the living room. Itachi looked bored, Kisame was poking at his nose, Deidara was fingering his hair, Kakuzu was clutching a little pony, and the leader was yawning. Zetsu was trying to scrape the purple nail polish off of his face.Tobi was dressed in Sasuke's clothes again. Over his index fingers was a paper tube. Tobi was switching from trying to pull his fingers out and staring at the woven tube in horrific awe.
They all sat in a semi circle on the couch and on the floor. Tobi got the doggie bed. Sasori came in and used the metal spikes on his back to form a chair for himself. Deidara stood up and walked in front on the T.V.
"Fellow comrades." He paused and looked at Tobi. "And victims. I have arranged this meeting to discuss..." A wicked gleam came from his well-conditioned hair. "The removal of Uchiha Sasuke."
Itachi stood up. "Hold up Deidara."
Deidara help up a hand. His hand poked it's tongue out warningly at Itachi and hissed. "You know that every second Sasuke comes closer to being completely purified of his medicine, and he will remember that he quests to kill you.mm."
"True." Itachi sat back down, and Deidara's hand stuck out it's tongue one last time before being lowered to Deidara's side.
"When I say removal, I did not mean kill. Hoped for maybe..." Deidara's voice trailed off as he glanced at Itachi hatefully. With a desive grunt he continued again. "We need to find a way to grant him his sanity."
Kisame let out a barely suppressed snort. Everyone whipped around to make sure that no noise came from Sasuke's room.
Sasori laughed evily. "Those socks haven't been washed within the past hour."
All the Akatsuki members sighed in relief. Kakuzu sniffed his feet inconspiciously, (which is really really hard to do. Not that I have any experiance sniffing my feet...) before he returned his attention to Deidara.
"Torture." Hidan suggested.
"I think that will expand his mental facilities even more, Hidan." Itachi said in replay.
"We could eat him." Zetsu suggested.
"We could shave off all this hair." Kisame suggested.
"What would that do?" Deidara asked.
"I could get to use my sword."
Deidara looked around. "Hypnotism."
"Huh?" said Kisame.
Zetsu looked thoughtful. "That's just so stupid..."
"That there's no chance of it working." Leader finished. "I say we do it."
"All right." Sasori looked at Deidara. "But what would we use to hypnotise him with?"
Slowly, with the sound of creaking hinges, everyone turned to look at Tobi.
Tobi looked up from his fingers. "What?"
I know that this took a long time...I haven't gotten a good chance to write. I made sure that this chapter was a little longer...wordwise.
Thanks for all the reviews! And favs and stuff. Even the people who just look at the first sentence and decide that they don't want to read this because that it's obviously...weird. Because they still go on my stats.
But of course, now I just want more reviews. Lots more. Bwa ha ha ha ha.
I feel like a vampire, because i am the only one awake. I don't know why you need to know that, but still. I RULE THE NIGHT!
