AN: Weee! Ok, get this: I started this chapter in North Carolina when I was at the local library, mostly from memory since I left my notebook in my mom's vehicle. No sillies, I didn't save it on the computer. Just made a document, typed one word uploaded and typed it on here. Psha, I'm not that stupid. Even on lack of sleep and lotsa sugar. In fact, my cousin was sitting behind me on...myspace and temporarily getting distracted from my texting boyfriend. Curse him for having more fun than me! With his..four wheelers and whatnot. At least I had my fanfic and KH games. I just wish I woulda had my Kiba plushie.
(3202 words)
Faves and Alert Peoples -luff-:
Faye Silo
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Reviews:
Silver Tears 11: I'm glad it's working and I'm really glad you like how I used TNBC. I'm obsessed with that movie and if I watch it, you'll hear me reciting each and every word the whole way through. Even the songs I'm not a big fan of.
gaaras-cookie: LOL wow, a coincidence! I used that exact word while creating this chapter from scraps in my notebook. I find that quite..awesome. And I'm really glad you like my fic thus far.
Faye Silo: Blarg. I know you love it. And I hope this chapter will appeal to you since it IS in a different perspective. And I'm glad I get luffs from your friend too! I feel the fluffy warmth from all the luff.
quakerpoop: lol I love your name. It's so unique! I'm glad my writing appeals to you and I'll try to keep it that way, although.. I'm just pasting stuff from my mind on there. Maybe I have a light mood about things..until stuff gets all haywire like my other fic. It honestly confuses me how I was thinking each day. Anywho, I hope this chapter is really good as well.
I love the people who alert/fave. But I love my reviewers with a smidgen more love for letting me know what's on their mind! You make me smile and want to work harder on this fic (no, honestly. You do!) I hope you enjoy an Axel PoV chappy. I couldn't quite think of a Roxas one that would make sense. Enjoy!!!
There wasn't much I could have said to the boy at that moment. I had enough on my mind, like the conversation I had with my friends earlier that morning. It might not have been too important to some people, but it was really getting on my nerves. All I really could do was be distant and explain where I had been, then closed the door on his face. I wasn't sure if I hurt the kid or not, hopefully I didn't, but I was too deep in thought. Taking the chance of saying something wrong wasn't on my list to do.
I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. My bright red hair was hanging slightly in my face-I've never liked it, which is why I use gel every time I get out of the shower. My face seemed a little paler than usual; I wasn't sure why, but maybe it was the stress that was being put on top of me during the past few days. Even my bright green eyes seemed unusually duller. With a sigh, I grabbed Roxas' gel and began using it on my hair.
Roxas was right. I did put in a lot of time trying to perfect my role as Jack. I just had a really strong passion for acting, and if I screwed up once, I wasn't responsible enough for the role. Demyx always tried to reassure me that I was a really great actor, but it wasn't always true in my mind. I wasn't the best, nor will I ever be close to that.
And then those big blue eyes popped back into my mind. I didn't want them there. Or the childish face that always had a pout to it and the soft looking blonde hair that half hid those eyes when he woke up in the morning. That was the last straw, because I knew I had to go back to Demyx and Zexion to talk to them. I wasn't going to sit in a bathroom all day trying to sort out all my thoughts by myself. That was plain suicide. Acting quickly, I pulled on my boxers, letting the towel slip from my waist in the process, then followed it by my favorite pair of black nylon shorts adorned with red tribal that resembled flames. I only had one arm through my black tank top when I began opening the door and darted through the house before anyone could stop me.
/x/x/x/x/x/x/x/
"You really are messed up, aren't you?" Demyx draped himself on the black and baby blue striped chair across from the plain tan couch I was slumped in, drawling the words as if it was common sense to every one. I could only stare at him flatly as if he was talking crazy. I wasn't messed up. Zexion, on the other hand, was simply sitting in the same chair when I had brought Roxas in the other day-the gray, white and black one. I don't really believe the boy could read so much, but he does, as long as the books have really small words and perhaps millions of pages long. "You can't exactly just ignore this. There's nothing bad with liking a guy. Take it from me!"
"Wow, that's saying a whole lot, Demyx. I really like your input on things," I said sarcastically. I let myself slide to the right of the couch, then hid my face in the cushion. It was ridiculous how Demyx things I can take it so lightly. No offense toward him or Demyx, but I wasn't the type to be liking guys. I never even looked a guy twice to think he was cute or not. "Look, I like the kid, I really do. But as a friend. I want to be his best friend since the first time I saw him because I he looked like one of those kids who didn't have very many. But as things are turning out, you know with all this confusion, in the space of a couple days.. it's insane."
Silence permeated after my words for a few moments before I heard both boys chime at the same time the same word, "Denial." I lifted my head only high enough to glare daggers at the two. They were really helping, huh? No, note sarcasm there. I was getting no more help from them.
"Look, just spend more time with the kid! Eventually your mind will make up its mind on whether you like Roxas enough or not. I mean, it's gonna take time for you to decide. Just..take a chance, ok?" said Demyx, trying to sound positive and everything fluffy to make me nod.
"Whatever.." I muttered as I lifted myself off the couch and exited the apartment. I wasn't getting anywhere. Demyx was wrong, though. This wasn't a casual take-your-time-on-what-you-prefer. This was a hard hitting wow-he's-cute type of thing. That was the scary thing about it. I mean, wouldn't any straight guy be scared shitless if his mind suddenly acted that way?
/x/x/x/x/x/x/x/
We avoided each other. The whole weekend, I might add. Simple as that. I didn't know if he knew I was straying away from him, but I definitely noticed how he always tried to find some way to run the other direction if it involved me. I didn't argue though. Maybe space was what we were needing. Maybe we were lusting and our minds were confusing gender! No.. it wasn't that. I knew it wasn't because I still thought he was simply cute every time I saw that face. Stupid...hormones of hell!
So I began Monday morning as any other. I was in the kitchen, filling up a coffee cup with water, when I heard the shouting from upstairs. Just from the sound of it, it sounded like Roxas and his mother. Sora didn't seem the type to yell like that, or at least he gave me that impression. I pushed the voices away, ignoring it since it was none of my business, and continued to work on my French Vanilla cappuccino. I was completely finished and was about to exit the kitchen a few minutes later, but I paused momentarily to sip at my cappuccino and noticed the yelling had stopped. I was a bit confused; didn't people argue for a good ten minutes, not just five? Oh well.
Then I heard a slight shuffle behind me and I glanced at the door behind me to see Roxas. He was leaning on the door frame, his face slightly down and his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were slightly red and puffy, as if he had been crying. His tear stained cheeks proved that he was. I couldn't exactly see his eyes, but I had a feeling that he was waiting for me to leave the kitchen so he could be at peace. I picked up my cappuccino and began toward the door-in the process, I was wishing there was another exit-but instead of him moving aside to let me through, he did something I never expected him to do.
Roxas had flung his arms around me and buried his face into my chest, since that was as tall as he was to me. I nearly dropped my glass in the process, even almost spilling it on the floor, so I quickly set it down on the counter nearby and just stood there. I wasn't sure what to do; I had been avoiding the kid for about two to three days. And the fact he suddenly hugs me when I thought he hated me.. Then I saw his shoulders moving ever so slightly and I finally realized that my shirt was beginning to become damp. Was he really crying..? I wanted to say something, to comfort him in some way with words, but I couldn't work my mouth to say anything. Then I had a notion that maybe hugging him back would be good enough.
His arms tightened around me when I hugged him. It made me wonder why he had bothered to come to me for comfort, even being the first person he saw. Maybe his brother would have been a better person to comfort him. Actually, I felt glad he'd chosen me, despite the fact that I was confused about how I felt. Maybe it was just that I was caring for him too much, that the thought he didn't have many friends struck me and I wanted to be something more than a best friend. Maybe a brother? No, brothers didn't think of each other as cute-at least not the cute that I'm thinking of.
Breaking out of my thoughts for a second, I had noticed that Roxas had stopped crying and he was simply clinging to me. Even more so, I was practically petting him (I had to admit, his hair was really soft when it didn't have any gel in it). Did he fall asleep on me? I paused in my petting and stared down at his head. "You awake..?" I asked quietly. He nodded his head slightly and it made me realize that he had put a big spot of wetness on my chest, not just a small one. "Well, here..."
Without letting him question what I was thinking, I lifted him up bridal style and carried him to the couch in the living room across the hall. The whole trip there, he still had his face buried and kept it there when I took a seat, although he did move around a little to get comfortable, at a guess.
"Thanks..." he murmured, almost inaudible from his mouth's position. It kind tickled when he spoke, but not enough to make me laugh or anything. And why was he thanking me? "For being here, I mean... When I needed someone to lean on and all." He almost sounded as if he regretted coming to me, but it didn't bother me at all. I felt good that he chose me-and now I think I'm beginning to sound like a broken record.
"No problem, kid," I replied with a slight smirk. He didn't even snap back that I had called him 'kid.' A miracle-well, not really. But still.
"My dad isn't gonna be here for my birthday. In fact, he isn't even coming back to us. He left us the house, the cars, everything-even a crap load of money to last us a long while-but he broke his promise. What's even more ridiculous is that my mom is pregnant and he doesn't care. That's why she was gone the other day, to go to the doctor's office. She found out it was a girl. I'm glad it wasn't another brother. Sora is enough for me."
My heart was crushed after the first sentence. I knew how he felt about having a father who ditched them for a stupid reason. I knew what it was like to have a stressed mother, although mine wasn't pregnant. I knew so much more and I honestly didn't want him to make a mistake. Sora just didn't seem the type to do the same thing as my brother...
"Roxas..promise me. Promise that you won't run away from your family, no matter how hard it gets." I didn't look at him, but I felt him lift his head as if looking at me. Maybe he was confused. No, surprise could be there, too. "I don't want you to leave when your family could need you at any moment. Since your dad is gone, you and Sora have to be strong for all of you, and to make a good strong family for your sister when she's born nine months from now, ok? Promise me."
Silence. I finally glanced down at him and I saw tears starting to shine in those big blue eyes of his. I gritted my teeth. "Promise me, ok?" He finally nodded, blinking in the process and letting a tear slide down his face. He didn't need to cry again.
"I..promise." I tore my eyes away from him once more and let him cry out his tears again. This kid sure held a lot of liquid if he let tears spill this much. Seriously. I can't imagine myself crying so much, let alone cry at all. I couldn't remember the last time I had done it.
It was only seconds after our words disappeared that he chose to leap into action and move off of my lap. He sat on the other end of the couch, his legs drawn up against his chest with his hands together between his knees. I don't blame him, only because I knew his awkward feeling. I just wondered what was going through his head right now, at this moment. This kid was confusing beyond all reason, more than any girl probably ever could be. It was only right to feel curious, right?
"Hey, Roxas..." I started, lacing my fingers together . Yes, I was nervous.
"Yeah?"
"Are...Do you think... Is-" Suddenly, the doorbell rang and dispelled the awkwardness I was living. I was relieved, to be honest, because I don't think I really have enough guts to even ask the question I wanted...if I could put one together.
Roxas quickly leaped to his feet and went for the door, leaving me in the living room in deep...long silence. Then I heard her voice. I couldn't believe she was here and bothering us, this house-Roxas in particular. Naminé had deceived him; what could she want with him now?
I stood and exited the doors to the main hall, glancing toward the front door. The girl's eyes looked sincere enough from what I saw, but a big portion of women were known to be big fat fakers. Yes, fakers. I didn't bother to listen the words, however. I just took in the looks. I couldn't tell with Roxas, though I wished I had a chance to. But he seemed collected enough, I guess.
Turning away, I went upstairs to Roxas' room and took my seat on my bed-the floor. My mind fleetingly remembered my cappuccino, but I didn't feel like going back down to get it. I let out one of those god-what-am-I-gonna-do-now sighs and laid back, letting my arms flop uselessly on either side of me outstretched. I just barely missed the metal edge of Roxas' bed with my left hand, but instead of landing on the usual soft gray carpet, it landed on something smooth.
I glanced over then sat up curiously, tugging the papers from under his bed. They hadn't been there the night before, and if they had been, then they went unnoticed. Words were scribbled on the first page, some of them roughly concealed by dark pencil marks and other words struck out a couple of times. There were also arrows, as if changing his mind in their placement. I read the first couple of short paragraphs, linking the chains in my mind. Either he wrote poetry or he worked hard on his lyrics and didn't bother to rewrite them on a clean sheet of paper. Well, I thought they were the same anyway. Songs were like poetry most of the time, just with different vocal tones while playing instruments.
I shifted through the papers, some of them crumpled and some clean and neat. After the fifth page, I noticed a drastic difference in handwriting. The ones on the bottom were neater, which meant they were most likely newer. But why would someone put older lyrics on top? Wouldn't recent projects be better on top for convenience? Then I came across the seventh page of his little pile here. After the first two sentences, and the fact it was recently written, it caught my attention.
Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did
It has not healed with time
It just shot down my spine
You look so beautiful tonight
Reminds me of how you laid us down
And gently smiled
Before you destroyed my life
I quickly looked at the door when I heard footsteps, then stupidly sat there and listened to see where they were. Luckily, they were coming up the stairs and it was no doubt Roxas. I shuffled with the papers and efficiently put them back where I had found them, resuming my position on the floor before I had found them, though my arms were at my sides now. The door opened seconds after I finished getting comfortable to show an angry looking Roxas. The poor door, being slammed in his frustration. I kind of felt bad for it, but I just kept my eyes on Roxas as he took his spot on his bed. I knew it wasn't any of my business to poke my nose in, but I had to ask. I didn't expect him to answer, though.
"So what happened?"
"Naminé pleaded innocence and begged me to let her come back to me because she has strong feelings for me still," he said in reply. It sort of stung hearing those words, knowing it was a lie from her mouth just so she could retain her reputation as the cute innocent one. I pushed those thoughts away as fast as possible-I shouldn't need to care. Just enough to make sure he didn't get caught up in some stupid lie of a relationship, like friends do.
"And?" I pushed. My arms were now crossed under my head as a makeshift pillow, despite the fluffy one underneath. I heard the doorbell ring again downstairs, but didn't think anything of it.
"I pointed out that she wasn't the one pinned against the wall helplessly and she was nothing more than a tramp then I shut the door on her face." I felt an eyebrow rise in surprise at his reaction, but didn't dwell too much into his answer. "She keeps knocking and stuff, but I'm not going to talk to her anymore. She should have known it was over the moment I saw her."
I couldn't help but look at him in sympathy. He was now curled on his left side, facing the wall. If I didn't know him, I wouldn't have thought he was hugging his pillow, but I think he had a habit of doing that when he was trying not to cry or be angry. I couldn't tell. Then I thought back to those lyrics and somehow knew they had to be linked to Naminé. An idea then struck me. I remembered something Marluxia had told me about once before, this one place. It would be interesting to go there sometime soon, like a tomorrow type of soon. I held back a smirk, but I stood and left the room. I needed to talk to Roxas' mom. Sure, I could be nice when I wanted to. I could have decided to stay there and give him some sort of comfort in one of those odd ways. But I wasn't exactly normal. Plus, this idea was burning with victory.
Yes, it was short. I can only apologize because this is meant to be a filler. I wanted to get something for you guys while I was gone and this was honestly all I could think of. I had a lot of drama happening in North Carolina, but I'm just glad to be back home. I even don't care that I have to start school tomorrow-and that's when things are going to slow down a little, I think. I won't have all night to type up these chapters (except on weekends!). But I hope you like it anyway.
(Oh, and I don't own the lyrics. They're from the song Rest in Pieces by Saliva. Love the song to pieces!)
Wishing of a happy school year,
Moonie -luff-
