Disclaimer: I don't own the Hangover or its characters.

*dot*

Jess stared at her phone trying to make sense of the photos but nothing came. Sensing the guys were closer than she realized, she locked the phone's screen and jammed it into her back pocket. Before turning fully, she saw Phil standing with a smile on his face a few steps away.

"You okay?" he asked puzzled by her riddled face. It greatly confused him, but she merrily smiled shaking her head back.

"Yah, we are all okay…" laughed Jess as they turned toward the exit. Phil's smile widened and he let out a heart-felt laugh. Rustling her hair, they spoke with the valet to retrieve the Mercedes as the other two argued about the baby.

"So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of a baby?" Stu asked of Alan, who beamed with unusual delight. "Wouldn't it look better if Jess holds him?"

Alan looked at Stu with disbelief. "Are you trying to suggest that Jess have a baby with me?"

"NO!" answered Stu suddenly realizing the words he spoke?

Phil chimed in with a grin. "You're make excellent babies with the right man Jess." He winked at her as Alan added more to his statement.

"She can't be carrying a baby that is mine, because it would in the fanciest carriage for like any baby in the world!" stammered Alan waving his arms in Jess' direction. Alan stopped though as Stu and Phil held up their hands motioning him to shut up.

"Alan, please she's way younger than you! That's nearly statutory rape!" plead Stu trying to keep my voice as level as he could.

"Her birthday was like 3 weeks ago or something," argued Alan, as he adjusting the baby on his stomach. "And she would be an excellent mother when the right man puts his penis inside her and—"

Jess wanted to throw up at the conversation. There was no way in hell she would repopulate the world with Alan, or anyone if it came to it. She was a teenager, well young adult, after all. "Alan, for once shut the fuck up and just stand there, without making a comment about me. That kid is heavy as hell anyway. I don't wanna carry him!" pointed out Jess holding up her hands up.

"No he isn't. And what? I've found a baby before," answered Alan, ignoring her earlier request. Stu turned looking at him confused as was Jess.

"Come again, Alan? Where?" asked Stu firmly.

"Coffee Bean," he stated as matter of fact.

Stu shook his head, and Phil walked up pushing himself between the two men as he pushed Alan to take the car repeatedly. Alan expressed several times how he felt uncomfortable about the whole thing.

"Hey, Phil? I don't think Doug would want us to take the Mercedes," said Alan "My dad is crazy about this car. He left Doug in charge…"

"Alan, we got bigger problems. Doug could be in the hospital, he could be hurt. Jess is probably hungry—"

"I am actually," considered Jess, looking over at a few workers pulling something down from up above.

"—Let's worry about the car later!" finished Phil.

"Uh, guys? Check it out," said Jess pointing at the workers. They were pulling a white King-sized mattress that had impaled itself onto a statue. That was impossible surely…. Phil tapped a Caesar's employee on the arm and asked him what was going on.

"Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night. Some guys just can't handle Vegas," he answered. Jess walked with horror on her face as the workers struggled to remove the mattress. Turning to face the others, she watched each of their faces become pale.

"How the hell did we manage that?" questioned Jess as the valet pulled up.

"OH, GOD!" Stu muttered, covering his mouth seeing what the valet brought up to them. Jess took a step closer to Stu and they shared a concerned look. Phil looked over at the everyone motioning for them to follow.

"Alright, everybody act cool. Alright, don't say a word," he ordered. "Come on, let's just get in and go. Come on!" Jess smiled at the valet as he opened the back door of the police cruiser for her. Just as Alan walked forward, Stu swung open the door hitting the baby in the face. The poor little man cried out loudly.

"Are my glasses okay?" asked Alan feverishly without concern of the infant on his stomach.

"Your glasses are fine, dick!" replied Stu wanting to hit Alan again but the baby was in the way. Alan slipped in the back seat with Jess and the two of them buckled the baby into the seat.

"If we get pulled over we are fucked," mumbled Jess pulling her seatbelt on.

"We're already in a cop car, so we've skipped a step," stated Phil like it was no big deal.

"Phil, you could lose your job!" Jess stated harshly crossing her arms in defiance.

"Are you kidding me? I hate my job! Most of my students are fucking brats. Minus you, all I hear or see is nerds wanting to be me. Like, hell no was I ever like that. And the females, my God did they have to make the skirts so long!" Phil pushed himself into his seat again as they waited for the traffic to let up.

"There's a reason for that you know," Jess said giving him a sarcastic look. In the next car over, there was a little boy pointing at her laughing.

"Jess did you finish your homework?" he asked a moment later out of boredom. Letting out a strong laugh, Jess looked at Phil like he was joking.

"You are kidding right? No. I have not. I partied with my brother and his friends, getting drunk and kidnapping a baby and wearing my teacher's shirt…. So, no, I haven't."

Phil smirked in the rear-view mirror at her. "I wouldn't believe it if you told me in class."

"Neither will the other staff…" muttered Jess bringing her knees up to her chin. "Where is Doug?"

"This is so illegal!" said Stu after a while. Looking over at Stu, Phil frown at him without care.

"Can't you see the fun part in anything?"

"Yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car, with a missing child in the back seat, and a teenager that was given alcoholic beverages by her teacher!"

Phil smiled at that as Alan peeped up. "I think the cop car part's pretty cool."

"Thank you, Alan," firmly stated Phil. "It is cool. Doug would love it." Suddenly Phil grabbed for the speaker from the dashboard and began to make his way for the sidewalk. While Stu began begging for Phil to stop, the other man continued like nothing mattered.

"Attention! Attention, please. Move out of the way. I repeat, please disperse!"

"What the fuck Phil!" shouted Jess hitting his arm. "Phil stop!"

"Phil, stop the car, I want out. Stop the car! I want out. Pull over!" insisted Stu pointing at the sidewalk. But Phil didn't hear him. Instead his attention went to a woman passing them.

"Ma'am in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack!"

Jess looked at Stu and pushing herself back into the seat. She could not believe she just witnessed that. She should so tell his wife…. Of course, she wouldn't mention he potentially slept with one of his student either. Phil Wenneck was a major ass!

"I should have been a fucking cop!" Phil exclaimed a moment later as they rejoined the road with the other cars.

"Phil!" shouted Stu. "You could have killed us!"

"We aren't. Shut up man," he smiled.

"Phil, please stop. I need to eat something," stated Jess kicking his seat.

"We ate at the hotel," he said not pulling over or listened to her pleas.

"I didn't. Just stop there for a moment," stated Jess kicking his sear hard causing him to look back at her. Jess pointed out the window at a small little café off the road. Phil moaned but did as she asked. She jumped out once they stopped, followed by Stu.

"You didn't have to come," she said as he opened the door for. A playful smile crossed his face.

"I figured I could help. Plus do you have any money?" he teased patting her shoulder. Jess pulled her

"Hey I got you. Plus I'm hungry too," said Stu walking up to the counter. "This will be carry-out."

Jess looked over the menu quickly, as Stu ordered a muffin, a small bowl of fruit, and a large coffee.

"Can I have the same, but an orange juice instead of coffee? Thanks!"

Stu and Jess sat down to wait at the counter and together they saw the others talking in the car. Jess smiled at the sight of a smiling Phil, when Stu rubbed her back.

"What do you think is going through their heads?" asked Jess turning toward Stu.

"Probably something stupid," he mumbled. "Are you going to tell the others about the job offer? Doug already knows," said Stu, leaning close as a heavy-set woman sat on the other side of him. "You did tell Doug I offered the job to you right?"

Jess sighed and looked down. "Yes, I did tell him but do you want me as your dental assistant? I mean aren't the others… I don't know… more qualified than I," she mumbled unsure of the choice she was given. It was a dream of hers to become a dentist like Stu, but it was her nerves that kept getting the best of her. Often, she thought about what she wanted to become and the choice always lead toward Stu's clinic ever since she was little. The dream became a want when she was little and he would inspect her teeth as her baby teeth fell out.

"Yeah, but I know you and there is some favoritism," smiled Jess pushing his arm lightly.

"You're a good choice though. I trust you," he smiled back wrapping his arm around her back. "So you're several credits short…."

"I haven't accepted yet," she said pushing herself off the counter and eyeing her longest friend closely. A shy smile crossed her face realizing she would beat out four other contenders just for being good friends with him.

"I'll get everything at the clinic in order for you," said Stu, pulling his cell phone out. "Shit Melissa! Why can't she leave me alone for one minute?"

"You know she is the devil," Jess laughed reading the multiple texts that she had sent Stu. "Oh look, does she believe you are in Napa?"

"Jessica and Stuart?" interrupted the waitress a moment later. Standing, they exited the building returning to the car.

*dot*

"Is Stu with her?" asked Alan seeing the same thing as Phil.

"Yeah, Alan, they are in the café together," he answered obviously. Alan could be dumb sometimes.

"No, I mean together. Like a couple. Like having penile intercourse together," said Alan, turning to check on the baby.

"What?" asked Phil turning to him, hoping he didn't hear what Alan had said.

"Penile intercourse, you know with your—"

"Yeah, Alan, I took PE." Alan looked down and asked again the relationship between Jess and Stu. "No. Stu is a dentist and Jessica's boss, well will be once the summer is over. Jess is an intern at his clinic right now but so are like four other people."

"Does she like it? Being in his mouth?" asked Alan very serious. "Does he go in her mouth?"

Phil momentarily entered that bizarre image of Jess exploring Stu's mouth for cavities but not in the clinic. Then quite rudely Stu's image of going in Jess' mouth seemed faintly real to him. Had he done that? No, surely he didn't actually do it with Jess. She was a student; nothing more.

"Alan, Stu and Jess aren't together," he stated firmly, wanting to see it for his relationship with her too. "They are good friends like me and her. Our relationship is just a more complicated."

"Have you ever had penile intercourse?"

Phil looked at him like he was crazy. "Man, I have a family. Yeah I've fucked someone with my dick."

"With Jess?" he asked very serious again.

"Shut the fuck up. Here they come!" Phil said as Stu opened the door for Jess. They ate their muffin and fruit, remaining quiet for the most part. Phil snuck a glance at them and Jess was smiling at Stu.

"Thank you. I don't have any credits though," said Jess, sipping on her orange juice.

"We'll work on that," he said smiling.

"What the fuck happened in the café you two?" asked Phil with a smirk on his face.

"Did you agree to have penile intercourse with Stu, Jess?" asked Alan with a wide grin.

"We what?" questioned the two. Phil shook his head and smiled. This would be a long day.

*dot*

Arriving to the hospital, Jess helped get the baby back on Alan and she was vaguely aware of the place. They made their way to the ER, where the nurse gave each of them a look over of concern.

"Hold on hun," she said to Phil, holding up an index finger to firmly hush him. The doctor came out a moment later. He led them into an emergency room where an older gentleman was being treated.

"You came in with a mild concussion, some bruised ribs," he spoke after looking at the patient's information. "No big deal. Although none of you could articulate how it happened." The doctor was helping the patient stand as he spoke a second time and Jess tried her hardest to not stare as Alan was.

"She told me that you all were partying, so we took that as a sign you were wasted as hell," the doctor added pointing at Jess and Phil. "She did most of the talking since none of you should really talk. And you had yours hands all over her."

"Do you remember how many of us were here?" asked Stu desperately.

"I don't know," he said with a heavy sign. "It was just you guys and her. Definitely no baby," he add looking at the baby carefully and then Jess. "Is he yours?"

"No," she answered shaking her head.

"And there was one other guy," said the doctor.

"That's our guy. Was he okay?" asked Stu getting rather jumpy from the excellent news.

"Yeah. HE was fine. Just whacked out of his mind. You all were."

The doctor turned to his patient and completely ignored them as he concluded the exam. Jess rested her head on Stu's arm and turned away. As the doctor did the exam, Jess kept her composure and when he was done, she turned back.

"Guys, I really gotta go. I'm sorry. I have a surgery on the fourth floor," he said standing to wash his hands.

"No. I know. But we just need a couple minutes of your time," spoke Phil flashing a wad of ten-dollar bills between the doctor and him.

"Yeah. Tuck it right there. I don't want to re-sterilize. Walk with me," he said walking out of the room. He went over to the nurse station, and was handed not one but two files to him.

"Okay, here we go. Patients name, Philip Wenneck and Jessica Billings, 2:45 am arrival. Wenneck, minor concussion, like I said. Some bruising, pretty standard. Billings had small to medium burns on the chest and stomach, most probably from cigars. The burns were seen and treated."

Stu tried to get the doctor to hand him the two files but he just rebuffed him.

"Do you mind if I look? I'm actually a doctor," he said smartly.

"Yeah, you said that several times last night. But really, you're just a dentist."

The doctor stopped by the end of the desk and paused. "Okay, this is interesting. Your blood work came back in this morning. They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system. In both your systems."

They looked confused but Jess covered her mouth. Stu looked at her confused but considering his medical profession it made since he wouldn't know the drug.

"Ruphylin. Roofies—" he said to the confused men.

"The date-rape drug," whispered Jess beginning to cry. She and Phil were both drugged!

"Yes. Commonly known as the date-rape drug," confirmed the doctor. Phil and Stu exchanged silent concern to each other and their eyes lowered to the ground.

"What, so what are you saying? We were raped last night?" questioned Stu, feeling uneasy.

"Actually…. I don't think so, but there was semen on you though," he stated firmly eyeing Jess. "Since you're technically over eighteen, it wasn't considered statutory rape due to your age. Now, we did collect samples for a rape kit, but you insisted it was mutual.

"You said you had a great cock in your mouth," grinned the doctor taking a glance at Phil and Jess, who must have had murder in her eyes. A moment later, he quickly cleared his throat standing up straight. Phil's jaws had dropped and his cheeks had reddened like Jess'.

"We released both of you with no other findings, after treating the burns. But someone slipped you the drug. I'm not surprised you don't remember anything," concluded the doctor laying the files down on the counter.

"Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night," Stu stated loudly. "Remember?"

"Was there anything else in mine that I should know?" asked Jess extremely concerned.

"Yeah, how could someone have drugged us all?" asked Phil.

"No," the doctor said to Jess first. "You had similar marking as him, but those particular marks on his neck weren't there last night. I wouldn't worry about it. The stuff's out of your system. You're going to be fine." The doctor began to walk away, as Phil went to grab his arm.

"Wait, wait, wait. Please doctor, is there anything else?" The doctor looked like he might kill someone, and with Phil in his face, it might be him. He sighed as Phil pushed for more. "Like something we may have been talking about?"

"Or someplace we were going?" suggested Jess and this seemed to soft him.

"Actually," he considered. "There was something. You guys kept talking about some wedding last night."

"Yeah no shit. Our buddy Doug's getting married tomorrow." The doctor frowned and Phil opened his palm for his money back. "No. No. Easy. You kept talking about some wedding you just came from. At the… uh… Best Little Chapel. You kept saying how sick the wedding was and getting all crazy about it. Okay I hope this helps. I really have to leave."

Jess stared at the doctor feeling very ashamed that she got into this situation to begin with. Phil stopped the doctor again asking where the Best Little Chapel was.

"I do. It's on the corner of Get A Map and Fuck Off." Phil looked up as the male spoke, taking away by the comment. The doctor eyed the group once more before summoning his voice again.

"I'm a doctor, not a tour guide. Figure it out yourself, okay? You're big boys." He turned one last final time as Phil stood up and began to walk away with Stu and Alan in tow. Jess merrily shook her head and began to follow when a nurse approached her.

"Miss, I need to give you this," she said handing a folded piece of paper to her. "You should know what we found. Do you not remember what happened? Are you sure it was mutual? He is much older than you."

"I don't know… I mean we were all fucked up. I can't remember," said Jess, feeling the nurse pat her shoulder. Searching for the departed group, Jess saw they had rounded the corner already away from view. With shaking hands, she opened the paper and there she learned the truth that she had sexual relations with Phil.

"I didn't want to mention this in front of the others. It is up to you to share," said the nurse, before returning to her desk. Jess read the paper several times before ripping it up and wiping her face not realizing she was crying. Rushing out of the emergency room, Jess found the police car and slammed the door alarming to the guys of her behavior.

"Are you okay?" asked Phil as he started up the car. He showed genuine concern about her but Jess only shook her head.

"Yes, it's mutual," she said seeing how confused she made those around her. Ignoring them, Jess paid no attention but to her phone staring at the photos there.

"What's wrong, Jess?" asked Phil as he turned down the main road. Businesses passed them as they tried to find the Best Little Chapel.

"Nothing," she muttered out. Phil and Stu exchanged worried looks but they didn't impose the subject more on her. A moment later, Jess saw a message alert from Stu pop up.

"What's the matter?"

"Phil" answered Jess.

"What did Phil do?" Stu looked at Phil and tapped quickly a second message. "What took you in the ER?"

"It's nothing, Stuey! Just my stomach hurts from last night"

"We should have protected you, not caused it to happen"

"There was sperm found on me. What if I get preggo. Then what?"

Jess watched Stu receive the message and the man's shoulders teased up suddenly. She just couldn't bare the thought of what ifs. She didn't see the return text as he turned in his seat.

"Jess, we'll find out who it was when we get back."

Her heart dropped as Stu turned back around. There was nothing for her if she got pregnant by Phil. It would ruin Phil's career and her life. She would lie to protect Phil as long as she could, because she loved him so much. She wouldn't have that on her mind if she was the cause of his crumbling life. HE was married with a child already and Jess had been working so hard toward her post high school goals. Everything Stu had done for her at the clinic would be put to waste because she would not be able to reach her goals quick enough to meet Stu's standards. There was no way she could support herself and a child alone. A child between them would ruin their reputation and friendship of sixteen years. It would have been for nothing and that worried Jess most.

Seeing Stu's concerned face, and knowing she was scared at the thought, Jess hugged her knees. He would help her, if no else could now.

"Come on!" shouted Phil, as he honked at the slow traffic they encountered. Sitting back and allowing her worried thoughts to go, Jess inspected the photos on her phone.

"Seems innocent enough," laughed Jess at the first photo, showing Alan and Stu

It was of her and Phil at the Hard Rock Café. His arm extended out as he threw the dice out. On his lap was Jess who was clapping and laughing. Her hands were intertwined by his left one. Doug and Stu stood behind them with wide smiles.

"Wait," she whispered suddenly, leaning towards Stu. Jess looked through the album until reaching the desired one. "Oh my God! Why haven't I thought about this?"

"What are you thinking?" asked Stu not understanding her motions.

"Stu, every photo has a time stamp!" Jess clicked a few more times phone coming to a photo of Phil and her with the tiger. "This was taken at 2:08 am. We had the car at that point," she told Stu.

"Where are you in this?" he asked looking at the photos himself. His eyes widened as he reached the one Jess had. "Oh My God! Where was this taken at?"

"At the Best Little Chapel," Jess pointing out of the window. "See there is the door in the background!"