Chapter 4, Part 1

The Choice

Skwisgaar didn't see Toki again that day. That night, however, was a different story. Just as he had settled down and was lying in bed, there came a knock at his door. "Who whoever it is will please be going away now! I ammnest busy sleeping!"

"But youse am awake." came the voice of Toki.

Skwisgaar gasped and jumped out of his bed. Like he had before, he hurried to unlock his door and throw it open. His stomach bubbling with nervousness he asked, "Why ammnest you here?"

Toki, who was standing with his hands in his pockets, looked down. "Pickle tell me. He tell me everything."

"Oh. I, uh-"

"We needs to talk."

He nodded and stepped aside. Toki walked in to his room and looked around uneasily. "Do you have place wheres I can sit down?"

"Ja, I-"

"That not the bed."

Skwisgaar bit his lower lip a little and felt his face turn red. He motioned down and muttered, "No, onlys the floor. Sorry."

"That okay," Toki said as he plopped down on the floor. He patted the ground next to him and said in a cheerful way, a cute smile on his face, "Come. Sit."

Skwisgaar closed the door and obeyed without question. Once he was sitting next to Toki, he heard the Norwegian let out a wistful sigh. "Listen, Toki," he began. "I-"

"Ssh." and Skwisgaar jumped a little as he felt the weight of Toki's head rest on his shoulder. The other man let himself lean heavily against the Swede. He pressed close and grabbed for his hand. Skwisgaar let him take it, though a sense of doom was closing in on him, making him breathe hard.

"T-Toki, Is-"

"Skwisgaar, Pickle tell me. He tell me everything."

He nodded and responded hoarsely, "Ja, you keeps saying that."

Toki looked up at him, his pale blue eyes seeming to scan over every inch of his face. He said in a careful, soft whisper, "I kind of likes what he tell me."

He felt his breath catch in his throat. He leaned closer to the other man, not realizing it. Toki pulled away, however, a nanosecond before Skwisgaar's lips met his own. He looked down and said a bit more seriously, "But I can'ts do it with yous...I kind of wants to...I am so curious what we would be like together...but I can'ts."

"I, uh, figured that you'd say thats," Skwisgaar said with a heavy sigh. "I knew Pickle had you wrapped around hims finger."

Toki gave his hand a squeeze. "I loves him so much. I can'ts hurt him like that..." Skwisgaar closed his eyes tight, bracing himself for the pain of rejection. That pain never came, however. Instead, Toki whispered, "But I haves to know, because I loves you both, I think. I haves to know who I love more; who I wants to spend my life with."

Skwisgaar nodded, but still didn't open his eyes. Instead he asked, "How ammnest you goings to figure out who you loves more?"

"Simple." and a small, incredibly sweet and innocent smile spread across Toki's face as he leaned closer. "Touch me."

"I...whats?"

"Take your hands like this-" and Toki guided Skwisgaar's hands to his own face and whispered, "-and just touch me."

"B-But I-"

"You don'ts wants to?"

He quickly shook his head, his hands still cupping Toki's face. "No, no, I dos. So badlys, but I just...I can't..."

"You ever touched lady before?" Toki inquired. His question was met with a curt nod. "Good," he said, "Then just dos to me what you am doing to them."

"Toki, I..." Skwisgaar's voice trailed off as he looked into the Norwegian's beautiful eyes and saw that he was just as scared as himself. Then he chuckled and let his hands gently run across the smooth skin of Toki's face. He laughed, despite himself. "You feels good..."

And then his skilled hands traveled lower and lower. I've gots to do it...I've gots to feel him like Pickle do...

And the well callused skin of his fingers slipped up inside Toki's shirt, making the man let out a sharp gasp. Skwisgaar looked up, alarmed. "Whats-"

"Your hands—they feels so nice." Toki said, panting. "Touch me more."

Skwisgaar hesitated. "Ammnest Pickle knowing what we are-"

"I'll tells him...just please...I haves to figure it out. I haves to figure out who I wants to love." Toki said this as almost a plea. "Help me, Skwisgaar. I needs you more than anything."

"Just holds on. There's something that I wants to do first." and Skwisgaar leaned closer to Toki—so wonderfully close—and slowly let his lips weld their way against the other man's. Toki let out a desperate little moan as he kissed him, demanding more.

Soon the first kiss escalated into the removing of shirts, then pants. Finally, once Toki and Skwisgaar were staring at each other in their underwear, Toki let himself fall into the Swede's arms. He wound his fingers into the other man's blond hair and smiled down at him. Skwisgaar rewarded this with a kiss.

Suddenly Toki pulled away, though, and reached over for his shirt. Shaking his head, he breathed, "I can nots do this..."

Skwisgaar felt his heart sinking, crashing into nothingness, as he stared at him and asked, "But why nots? Ammnest you loves me?"

"That not the problem," he said as he got up and began pulling his pants on. "The problem ams Pickle. I...I just can't..."

"I...I understands..." and Skwisgaar hugged himself and looked down. Toki watched this sad display and frowned.

He leaned down and gave the Swede one last, long kiss on the lips before whispering in broken English, "I ams will be back."

Skwisgaar arched a brow and watched as Toki hurried out the door. "But what ammnest you-"

And the door slammed. Skwisgaar was alone again.

: :: :: :: :: :: :

Chapter 4, Part 2

One Chance

Toki slammed the door to Pickles' room and leaned against it, breathing heavily. He could still feel Skwisgaar's impossibly perfect fingers running over him, making him hot. He had a sudden urge to come, but was able to hold it off when he saw the look on Pickles' face.

"So...ah..." he trailed in his odd, Wisconsin dialect. "...you guys...made up or whatever?"

Toki could only nod and gasp, "Ja, we did."

The drummer nodded. He was sitting on the edge of the bed. When his amazingly green eyes met Toki's cool blue ones, he looked down at his hands and sighed. "Uh huh. So you guys are cool now, right?"

The Norwegian shrugged. "I guess sos."

"Mmhm."

Toki went and tentatively sat next to him. He knew that Pickles could sense something was wrong. He didn't know how, but he knew. "Umm...Pickle?"

"Huh?"

"We made up."

Pickles nodded. "Yeah, okay. You said 'dat already."

"Ands we..."

He shook his head and said painfully, "Oh, I knew it. Here it comes..."

Toki swallowed and admitted, "And wes kissed."

Pickles just nodded. He tried to hide the obvious hurt in his voice as he asked, "Uh huh, okay. What else?"

"Nothings, that was it!"

"You swear?"

Toki nodded. "Yeah, I swears."

There was a moment of silence before Pickles scratched his head and closed his eyes. He breathed, "Oh, Jesus..." and let his head fall into his hands. Toki frowned and leaned a little closer to him. He gave him a quick, cautious kiss on the cheek and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"What ams wrong, Pickle?"

"I knew it would happen, I just knowed it..."

"You knows what would happens?"

"You fallin' in love with Skwisgaar." Toki said nothing. Pickles sniffled a little and wiped at his nose. Despite how much he had mentally told himself not to, he had actually begun to tear up. The stupid, selfish Swede. It was like every girl he had tried to bring home...he stole them all! Just because he could. Just because he was Skwisgaar Skwigelf, he thought he owned everything. Pickles cleared his throat and continued, "Just tell me one thing, and don't bullshit me. Did you like it when he kissed you?"

He hesitated for a moment before saying quietly, "Yeah, I dids."

Pickles pulled away from Toki. He laid down on the bed and rolled over, so that he wasn't facing the other man as he said, "I just don't get it...I mean, I know that I treated you like shit for a while, but I said I was sorry-"

"And I forgaves you."

"-and I told you why, didn't I?"

Toki stared at him and shook his head. "No, you ams only having said, 'Toki, looks, I ams sorry for fuckings around so much, but I was just horny'. That's all yous said to me."

Pickles chuckled and said bitterly, " 'Den I guess I had this comin', didn't I?"

"No, Pickle, I-"

"Look, just let me explain." and he rolled over so that Toki could see his face. It was full of agony, guilt, and pain. "I ain't gonna try to hold in nothing. I shouldn't have to with you. The truth is that I love you, Toki, but sometimes it's just like...I ain't never had...nobody's ever..." and he shook his head and tried again. "How can I explain this? I love you, but I just don't know how to show it, cause the biggest affection I was ever shown was my father, when he told me I belonged in a fuckin' garbage can. That's the most anyone's ever given me. Do you get it?"

God, why couldn't he explain it right? Maybe it was because he himself didn't even know what it meant..

Toki seemed to get it, though, and blue eyes flitted off into space as he admitted, "I ain'ts never know loves, either, Pickle, but I knows I loves you and Skwisgaar."

Pickles stared at him for a moment before reaching over and running his hands through the Norwegian's soft, brown hair. "This ain't right, what I'm doin' to you."

"Whats you mean?"

"Listen, I...I don't want to—it's gonna fucking tear me apart—but I have to let you, ya know, make your own choice..."

Toki felt his heart begin to pound quickly as he whispered, his eyes wide with childish curiosity, "What?"

Pickles leaned forward and kissed him. He didn't pull away as he said, "I gotta let you go to Skwisgaar...I gotta let you have a night with him to find out." he said with a breaking voice and an out-of-place half-smile, "Ya know, just let your heart fall in the right place."

Toki wanted to say yes, to rush back into Skwisgaar's arms, but instead he found himself saying with tears rolling down his cheeks, "Oh nos, Pickle! I could never-"

"Look, just go. You know you gotta do it."

"But things will never bes the same after this..."

Pickles chuckled bitterly. "Yeah, I guess not, but they ain't the same now, are 'dey?"

He was still close to Toki's face. So close that the Norwegian could smell the vodka and booze on his breath. It smelled nice, though. It reminded him of the natural, warm comfort that Pickles brought him. Toki's heart filled with love as he squeezed the drummer tight in his arms in a hug.

"I loves you so mu-"

"Hey, take this and just go, okay? Go."

Toki delivered one last, loving kiss on his lips before rolling off the bed and running out the door. Pickles watched him go and stared at the door a long time after he'd left. Finally he looked away, grabbed a half empty vodka bottle from the nightstand beside the bed, and took a deep sip from it.

"Gonna get drunk," he said with tears beginning to run down his face in slow, steady streams. "Gonna get so fucking drunk that no one will be able to wake me up..."

: :: :: :: :: :: :

Chapter 4, Part 3

The Only Night That Mattered

Toki burst through the door to Skwisgaar's room and launched himself into the Swede's arms, crying loudly, "Skwisgaar, I tolds him!"

The Swede's eyes widened and for one fearful second he expected Pickles to burst through the door and shoot him or something. "Whats the fucks did yous do?"

"He saids that we could haves one night."

"What the fucks did you—wait, whats?"

Toki grinned and repeated delightedly, "One nights, he saids, to get my heart in the right place."

Skwisgaar's eyes widened and he asked cluelessly, "What? Why would he gives you up?"

This question was met with one of Toki's long, passionate kisses and, "I don'ts knows, but I thinks that I loves you both."

Skwisgaar gasped as he felt Toki's hands begin to pull at his belt. He swallowed and asked, "Toki, what ams you-"

"I wants more of you to see."

Skwisgaar was silent for a moment, but only out of shock. He had never heard the Norwegian talk like this before. It was a side of Toki that he had never seen. Is this the Toki that Pickles knew? If it was, Skiwsgaar could see just why he loved him so much. "Toki, ammnest I ever having told you just how great you are?"

He arched a brow and asked in his sweet, childish voice, "How greats?"

Skwisgaar kissed him and whispered, "The greatest."

And when he pulled away, Toki caught him and said, "Skwisgaar, please. I needs more of this—of you."

"What ammnest you sayings, Toki?" Skwisgaar asked in a dangerous, urgent whisper. "Ammnest you saying that you wants me to fucks you?"

He gave an immediate nod. "Please, Skwisgaar. I wants you so badly..."

"Toki, I..."

"...I...I thinks that I loves you."

Skwisgaar's heart became a hot burst of liquid fire and he felt a lump forming in his throat. This was like every wonderful dream he had ever had, except better, because now Toki was really on top of him, begging for sex. This was real. This was his chance. He would be stupid not to take it.

"Damns it, Toki, you ammnest just so beautiful," he said before getting to his feet. Toki's eyes grew wide with concern as he watched Skwisgaar walk off.

"Where you going? I did something wrong?"

"No, dild—" how could he almost call him a dildo? Now? What was wrong with him? "-no, my Toki. I was just getting bed ready." and Skwisgaar went and took a half glance at the bed—his bed.

He had fucked so many women in that bed. It was like a sex altar. He shook his head and glanced back down at Toki, at his gorgeous, shining blue eyes and the little, shy smile he was giving Skwisgaar. Did he really want to have him like that?

"Skwisgaar, why you look at your bed likes that?"

"I was just...uh..." and he didn't finish his sentence as he went over, scooped Toki up in his arms, and carried him over to the bed. "...just thinkings how beautiful you ammnest goings to look naked."

The last pieces of their clothing were thrown off as they climbed into the bed together. Surprisingly, Skwisgaar was tense as he stared at Toki. Never before had he felt so exposed, so utterly and desperately human. Was this love? Was it lust? He didn't have slightest clue. The two things seemed to have somehow gotten mingled and mixed together the second he had kissed Toki. Whatever it may be, it certainly was something.

"You...uh...wants me to fucks you now?"

Toki giggled and nodded, reaching out to him. He tucked some of Skwisgaar's hair behind his ear delicately and whispered back, "Ja, I wants you to so bads."

"Mmm." was his only response as he rolled over on top of Toki and sat over him. He flipped his head, trying to get his hair out of his face, before he leaned down and kissed him. Toki let his eyes travel down to the Swede's erection and grinned.

"You knows what Pickle taught me?"

"Huh?" He hated to think of Pickles now, but surely the drummer must have shown Toki something particularly delicious. Skwisgaar smiled and gently ran his hand along the hard muscles of Toki's abs. "What ammnest he teach you?"

"Might make you cum," Toki warned. "Makes him cum."

"Just dos it, please." Skwisgaar was surprised at the longing, desperate desire in his voice. Toki seemed to like it, though, as he reached down and grabbed Skwisgaar's cock.

The Swede let out a shutter as Toki began running his hands along his length and stroking. His thumb skillfully touched the head. As his hand pumped, Skwisgaar let out a groan and let his head fall back. "Oh, Toki..."

Might make you cum...the words ran thorough his head again and his heart filled with fear. Just as he felt himself about to utterly give way to his desire, he slapped away Toki's gently gliding hands. The Norwegian looked hurt as he recoiled. His eyes were full of questions as Skwisgaar let out a gasping laugh and panted, "If I only gets to do this once to you, I wants to do it."

"Oh," he said, looking down, slightly embarrassed. "I ams sorrys."

"Don't be. You ammnest perfect," Skwisgaar breathed as he kissed him again. Toki seemed to brighten up as he pressed his own erection against Skwisgaar's.

"You ams goings to make love to me now?"

And suddenly all Skwisgaar could find it in himself to do was to let out a little sob and nod. "Ja," he said, trying to hold in his tears, "I ammnest...if you wants me to..."

"Oh, I dos," Toki said, smiling sheepishly at Skwisgaar's tears. He sat up a little and kissed away a salty tear as it fell down the Swede's cheek. "Cause you ams the most perfect person that I ever seen." and he reached out and with his thumbs wiped at Skwisgaar's tearing eyes. "And your eyes ams the most beautiful ones that I ever see."

He knew he should feel embarrassed for crying like this, but Toki seemed to make this impossible. He was too kind, to warm, to wonderful in his childlike demeanor...Skwisgaar wasn't embarrassed. He was no longer afraid to let him know how he really felt. He was no longer ashamed to think of all of the things we wanted to do to Toki. It was all okay.

That's why his only response to his words was to rasp, "O-Okays," Toki frowned and shook his head.

"No more crying, please. Why you cry?"

"Cause I never thought 'dat...you and me...always I haves to watch Pickle do this things to you, and I dream of it, every singe, stupid, fucking nights I dream of its..."

"Then dos it, Skwisgaar."

He nodded and took a handful of his blond hair. After throwing it over his shoulder, he positioned himself. Using one hand he hugged Toki close to him—so close that their bodies were fitted perfectly against each other, like pieces of some newly discovered puzzle. With the other, he positioned his cock.

It was such ecstasy as he entered Toki, such wondrous beauty. Skwisgaar had never felt anything like it, not with any of the girls that he had ever fucked in his life. It was better than perfect. It was indescribable. And Toki, the beautiful way he let out cries of pleasure and threw his head back and moaned...finally they were together. It was just purely and simply them, the both of them joined as one. Always they would now be with each other, bound eternally by this one night of fantasy.

"Oh, Skwisgaar, yes, yes..." Toki gasped suddenly as he arched his back up, desperate to have more of Skwisgaar inside of him.

Skwisgaar gasped the other man's name in response and with his own well callused hands—so rough from years of playing his Gibson—found Toki's cock. He began stroking vigorously, just as the Norwegian had done to him. The desperate pants that rose from Toki's throat only encouraged him to increase his rhythmic pace.

"Dos me!" Toki cried in pleasure.

"...Toki, I loves you." the words slipped out amidst a waterfall of emotions and moans. "Oh, you feels so good."

Toki wrapped his arms around Skwisgaar's neck and raised himself up. His nails dug into Skwisgaar's skin and his cheek brushed against the Swede's. Toki nipped at his ear and whispered, "Yous insides me feel so fuckings nice..."

Skwisgaar just kept thrusting and thrusting, panting loudly. Sweat beaded on his face and fell in sparkling drops as Toki began moving his hips along to the pace Skwisgaar had set. After a second of this new found bliss he closed his eyes. "Skwisgaar, you fucks me so good..."

It sounded almost childish, and was a comment full of almost kiddish innocent ignorance, but it was all it took to make Skwisgaar come. He let himself go and then, with one last moan of exquisite pleasure, and hugged Toki to him. He rolled over, so that the gasping Norwegian was on top of him, and closed his eyes. He was exhausted for some reason, and covered in sweat. So was Toki as he fell against Skwisgaar and sighed.

They were both covered in each other's cum, and as Skwisgaar opened his eyes he saw that Toki was staring up at his face, studying it carefully. "Toki, what ammnest you-"

"You loves me? Cause I loves you."

Skwisgaar hesitated, taken aback by this. It took all the energy he had to say, "Ja, and I loves you too, now just comes here-" he pulled Toki closer to him and let him rest his head on his sweaty shoulder. "-and lets me hold you untils the morning."

He loved how sweaty Toki was. It sounded odd and was even odder to think about, but he liked the way his long, brown, damp hair was draped across his shoulders in a beautiful, brown veil. Skwisgaar chuckled to himself, making Toki look up at him.

"What ams you laughing at?"

"Nothings, I..." his voice trailed off and he smiled down at him. "I was just thinkings how much I loves your hair like this—over your shoulders and nice."

Toki grinned. "You thinks I ams cute."

"The cutest," he agreed. Skwisgaar felt a surge of emotion rising in him as the Norwegian bit his lip a little and blushed. God, he was so perfect.

Skwisgaar's fantasies were broken, though as Toki asked more seriously, "What do yous loves about me?"

"Do we really have to talk about that now? I'ms so tired." But after taking one look at the hurt that flashed in Toki's eyes, he began to ramble off the reasons, rapping his fingers on the other man's bare back as he did so.

"Well, I loves how you sometimes ams bitings your lower lip when yous smile, and-"

Toki giggled and asked, "I do 'dat?"

He nodded. "Ja, you do. It's adroables. Also, I loves you for the way you ammnest sometimes smile and turns red. 'Dat cutes too."

Another laugh then, "That's nice. You ams so good to me, Skwisgaar." and he closed his eyes and let his head fall onto the Swede's bare chest. "So goods..."

In a while both men were asleep, holding each other tight. Toki only awoke once, at nine the next morning. When he woke up naked, he thought that he was with Pickles. Of course, he had never awoken like this with anyone else, but seeing Skwisgaar lying under him made him come to his senses, grab his clothes, and give the Swede one last kiss.

"Ugh...Toki? Where ammnest you goings? It's only-"

"I am sorrys, so, so sorrys." he whispered as he ran his fingers through the other man's blond hair. "Pickle, I just thinks he need me right now more than you dos."

"But-"

"I'll see you in a while. Goodbyes." and he got up, but Skwisgaar caught his arm in a stubborn grip and wouldn't let him go.

"Please don't leave..."

"Goodbyes, Skwisgaar," was his only response as he pulled away and went out the door.

: :: :: :: :: :: :

Chapter 4, Part 4

The Choice Is Made

"Pickle? Pickle, ams you awake?" Toki whispered shyly as he opened the door to the drummer's room. Sure enough, Pickles was sitting on the edge of the bed, much like the night before, only now a variety of vodka and tequila bottles were laying on the floor, reflecting the early morning sun that streamed in through an opened window.

Toki went over to him and sat down. "Pickle, ams you-"

"It tore me up."

He arched a brow. "Huh?"

Pickles looked over at him and repeated, "It tore me up, not havin' you. Alls I did was drink...that was all I could do." and he scratched his left eye and sighed. Dark circles ringed both of his eyes and his nose was a cheery red. Toki looked down, feeling the horrible weight of guilt crushing down on him.

The only thing he could think to say was, "Pickle, I ams so sorrys. I-"

"You know what? Don't be."

He looked up, his eyes full of fear and confusion for what was about to come. "Huh?"

"You know, I done some thinkin', and maybe—well, maybe you and Skwisgaar...you and him...he loves you a lot, I know 'dat, so maybe he'd take better care of you..."

"Pickle, please, just ssh." Toki said softly. This surprised Pickles, so he did indeed grow quiet.

With a kind little smile, Toki laid his head in the drummer's lap and closed his eyes, feeling the familiar warmth and comfort that Pickles brought into his heart come racing back. The best part was that he didn't even have to talk to feel comfortable with Pickles. The feeling was just there, always present and welcome. Never before had Toki felt so good being with a person.

"Toki, listen, I-"

"Do you loves me?"

Pickles let out a soft scoff, as if insulted by the question. "Course I do."

Toki didn't open his eyes as he asked, "What abouts me ams you loves the most?"

Pickles didn't hesitate to say, "My favorite thing about you is your hands."

This made the Norwegian laugh and inquire, "My handses?"

"Well, yeah, sure. They're...I dunno...soft and nice." Pickles turned red after saying this and repeated, "Soft and nice? God, I really missed you."

And, without regret, Toki sat up and readjusted himself in the drummer's lap. Only when he was sitting and hugging Pickles tightly did he continue, "What else?"

"The way you say stuff," Pickles said, beginning to absentmindedly run his fingers lightly through Toki's long hair. "I don't know if you realize it, but you sometimes add 's'es to stuff."

"And you sounds weirds too! Like you from Wack-scackscon or somethings." Toki said offhandedly. "I don't knows."

This made him laugh and say, "Wisconsin, Toki."

"Whatevers. I ams froms Norway and I still loves you. What the difference?"

The smile evaporated off of Pickles' face as he stared down at Toki and asked, "You love me?"

"Ja, I thinks...I thinks..." and Toki met his gaze, not realizing that he had begun to cry. "I ams so sorrys for what I dos! I didn'ts means it, I justs...I..."

A look of concern flashed across Pickles' face as he kissed him on the top of his head and whispered, "It's fine, really."

"No, nos it ain'ts."

"Toki, look, I-"

"Do yous hates me?"

"No way. That's impossible." when it didn't look like Toki understood, Pickles smiled at him and said, "Look, I just wanted to make sure that when you chose who you wanted to be with, it was honestly your choice. 'Dat was it, but imagining it never hurt as much as seein' it happen."

"What means you?"

"It hurt to watch you walk out the door last night, but...well, I just wanted you to make your own choice."

Toki swallowed. "What ams you saying, Pickle?"

He shrugged. "I dunno, just that I really want you to be happy, is all. And, well, no matter who you choose, I just want you to know that I'll always love you."

"Always?"

He nodded. "Yeah, always and longer."

And that's when it all clicked in Toki's brain; he realized that the bond he and Pickles had could never be rivaled to anything in the world, even the love he felt for Skwisgaar, which, with each passing second, was beginning to seem more like an affection than a love. Then he thought back...back to Skwisgaar's words.

What do yous loves about me?

Do we really have to talk about that now? I'ms so tired...Well, I loves how you sometimes ams bitings your lower lip when yous smile, and-

I do 'dat?

Ja, you do. It's adroables. Also, I loves you for the way you ammnest sometimes smile and turns red. 'Dat ammnest cutes too...

Then his mind reeled and flashed immediately back to Pickles.

What abouts me ams you loves the most?

My favorite thing about you is your hands.

My handses?

Well, yeah, sure. They're...I dunno...soft and nice. Soft and nice? God, I really missed you.

What else?

The way you say stuff...I don't know if you realize it, but you sometimes add 's'es to stuff.

When peoples love each other, they supposed to love every little things about each others—the ways they talk to the way their hands feels, he thought now. Pickle loves me like that...Skwisgaar loves me, but Pickle loves every little thing about me...

And it all became clear as crystal. Toki remembered. He had realized some things when he had been with Skwisgaar. He had realized just how perfectly their forms had fit against each other, how they seemed to me made for each other. Skwisgaar was so lean, without any flaws...Pickles wasn't bad either, but he certainly wasn't as good looking as the Swede. Of course, Toki thought him beautiful, but he did have the beginnings of a slight—nearly unnoticeable—beer gut from his love of alcohol...

It was nice, though. He was warmer than Skwisgaar, had more to offer. As if he could tell what Toki was thinking, Pickles reached down, his hands cupping Toki's face. He cradled him gently and whispered, "I love absolutely everything about you."

"I...I..."

"Toki?"

"Ja?" he asked, his eyes wide. Pickles' words had totally shocked him. He had never seen this side of him before...

"You have to tell me now. Please, just tell me..."

"Tell you whats?"

"Who do you pick?"

This was it. Everything came down to this, but the choice had become more than clear for Toki as he said, "You, Pickle. It haves always been you."

Pickles let a loving smile come across his face. "I love you so much," he whispered. Toki just nodded and hugged him tighter than he had ever before. Pickles didn't mind it at all, though. The crushing pressure was a welcome feeling after a night of being alone.

"Just promise that you'll never do 'dat with anyone other than me," Pickles said. "Ever."

"I promises."

"Good, and so do I."

"Goods."

And they let each other go for a moment and just stared at each other. Both thought the other the definition of perfection. It was a funny thing, really. In all Toki's life he had been told that there was no such thing as perfection, but here it was. He was staring at it. Pickles leaned forward and kissed him.

"He didn't hurt you none, did he?"

"Whose?"

"Skwisgaar. You know, when he-"

And Toki's eyes grew wide. "Oh nos! I've gots to tell..." and his eyes filled with tears. "I can'ts do this no mores..."

"Toki, listen to me-"

"I can'ts break his heart..."

"-it's gonna be okay. Look, I'll even go with ya if you want me to."

But Toki shook his head firmly and rose to his feet. "No. This ams something that I haves to do alones. I'll meet you backs in here whens I am done...I need someones to talks to. Things have been crazy latleys."

Pickles gave him a little half-smile. "Yeah, you say 'dat again."

He watched as Toki turned and walked out the door for the second time, only now he didn't pick up a bottle to drink. He laid back on the bed, closed his eyes, and sighed. Things were right again.

: :: :: :: :: :: :

**A/N**

If you didn't like this chapter—meaning if you found it to be a little too much—then

I'm sorry. This is the first sexually descriptive story that I've written, so I hope you like it.

I wanted to write something more than just the normal,

'And Toki disappeared into Skwisgaar's room and didn't emerge till morning,'

kind of thing.