Melee School Boys
-Four-
Zelda was sitting down in the front row of the
auditorium.
"You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals so
let's do it like they do on the discovery channel--" Roy
tripped and fell flat on his face. Marth stood there while Link was
shaking his arse and running his hands over his body seductively.
"I
am not appeasing to the fangirls," was all Marth said.
Roy raised his hand and flailed, signalling he needed help. Marth
took his hand and pulled the general up, at which point Roy fell over
again, this time, on his arse. Marth sighed and took both of Roy's
arms. Pulling him up, and stared at Link.
"Can we please
do another song? This one's too...sexual," Marth
said.
"Yeah!" Roy said. "My dad's coming to
this thing!"
Link stopped the music and walked over to
them.
"Have any suggestions? Hmm?"
Roy raised his
hand.
"'It's My Life'." Marth had no idea what was going
on and decided to sit on the edge of the stage.
- - -
"I like where we are, when we drive, in your
car. I like where we are... Here..."
Marth was leaning
his head against his arm, which was propped up on the armrest. Link
was walking around with a headset and clipboard (which he stole from
Zelda). Roy was clutching the mic stand, the microphone in the other.
He was singing his little Pheraean head off. Zelda was in charge of
leading the band and making sure they didn't mess up. Marth noticed
that Roy looked hot with his shirt half unbuttoned, his tie
completely undone, and his jacket tied around his waist. He didn't
know why, but that was the way it was.
"Our lips, can
touch. Our lips, can touch...here..."
"Hey,
Marth, you haven't submitted a solo yet," Link said, tapping
Marth on the shoulder.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah. About that. I really
don't want to sing a solo." Link gave him a "what are you,
nuts?" look.
"If it's about not being able to find the
perfect song, don't worry. I found one just for you."
Marth rolled his eyes as Link showed him the clipboard.
"What?!"
Roy stopped singing, the band stopped playing, and Zelda turned
around to see what was going on.
"I am not singing
'Cry for the Dream'," Marth said, matter-of-factly.
"Why
not?" Link asked. "There's nothing wrong with it." If
Marth wasn't a prince, he would have punched Link for making such a
suggestion. As it was, though, he just calmed himself and said, "I
am not singing a Heero Yuy image song."
- - -
"Looking at the crowd, and I see your body sway, c'mon. Wishin' I could thank you in a different way, c'mon. 'Cause all of your time spent keeps us alive," Link sang, over enthusiastically at that. He looked over his sunglasses into the non-existent crowd. He did some Michael Jackson-esque moves (minus the crotch grabbing), and moon-walked around the stage. He stopped to yell at Marth for not having his shirt unbuttoned enough. Marth sighed and unbuttoned it all the way; he crossed his arms in a vain attempt to cover himself, but it wasn't working. Two fangirls from the school across the street shrieked like ten year olds at a Green Day concert, to which Link stopped the music and told them that "this is a closed rehearsal," and that "Marth and Roy and myself are open for autographs after school". They promptly fainted, and Marth damned his sexiness.
"Now, you're supposed to tip your hat like
this," Link said, demonstrating with his own top hat.
Marth held it in his hands like it was a piece of trash, and Roy said
that it "clashed with his hair", to which Link replied that
that was a bunch of bullshit.
"Red and black go perfectly
together," Link said, and placed the hat on Roy's head."
"Oh
my...Roy? Is that you?"
"Marthy? What the
heck?"
The two Fire Emblem boys looked to see two blue headed
girls, each around the same height, stand in the doorway. The taller
of the two was wearing an Academy of Talis uniform, the other one was
wearing Ostia's School for Battle Arts uniform.
"Oshitoshitoshit,"
was all Roy said, quoting Crowley from Good Omens. It was his
favourite book, okay?
Marth hastily tried to button his shirt, but
Link simply said, "Nu uh, Mr. Lowell. You're keeping that open
until we're done with this song. Hey! You two ladies--" he saw
their glares and said, "Have a seat somewhere. Okay! Let's pick
up from the chorus!"
The two girls sat down in the front
row next to the music teacher.
"All you people can't you
see, can't you see how your love's affecting our reality?
Every time we're down, you can make it right. And that makes you
larger than life," Roy, Marth, and Link sang, though Link
was singing much more enthusiastically than the other two.
"Aww,"
the taller girl said. "Marth looks so adorable with his shirt
unbuttoned."
Marth's face flushed. Hopefully this whole thing
would end soon.
- - -
"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my
shirt, so sexy it hurts. And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for
Milan, New York, and Japan." Link was practically making out
with the microphone. He also sounded like he was about to orgasm,
which Marth noted, sounded way too real to really ignore. Zelda was
particularly disturbed with the "I'm too sexy for my hat,"
part, but in all, she thought the song was very egotistical. Roy's
girlfriend was sitting on his lap, watching the whole
performance.
"...Is he supposed to be making out with the
microphone and shaking his butt?" his girlfriend asked.
"To
tell you the truth, Lilina, I have no idea." She left it at that
and decided to not ask anymore questions.
"Marthy,"
Sheeda said, sitting next to him.
"What, Sheeda?"
"When
is it your turn?" Marth looked at her and then back to
Link making an arse out of himself.
"Hopefully never."
Link
was finally done with his song.
"ALRIGHT MELEE HIGH!"
"But
it's Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys!" Roy shouted. And then, for the
hell of it, Link started singing "Swagger" by Flogging
Molly.
"...Since when was Link Irish?" Marth
asked.
"Since never!" Link replied, square dancing with
the mic stand. Roy looked a bit embarassed.
"Is Link a friend
of yours, Roy?" Lilina asked.
"No," Roy replied.
"No, he's not." Meanwhile, Link was doing Justin
Timberlake-esque moves, cartwheels, and jumping jacks.
"I think that boy needs help," Sheeda said, and Lilina nodded in agreement with her.
- - -
"I am not getting up to sing, Link Anaka
Mekkai," the prince of Altea said, refusing the microphone.
"You
agreed to--"
"I agreed to nothing!"
"But it
says here--"
"Screw what it says! I didn't agree to
anything, right Roy?"
The red head put his hands up in
defense. "I'm not getting into an argument with Link
again."
"Just sing the damn song, Marth! It can't be
that bad!"
Marth said nothing. Link shoved the mic
into Marth's hand and jumped off the stage.
"Pretend we're
not here!" Link shouted, grabbing his clipboard.
'That's a
bit hard to do,' Marth thought, but shook the feeling off. Zelda
pressed "Play" on the stereo and cranked the music up to
all the way.
Link was whistling and cheering and clapping, and
Marth didn't even start. So Roy slapped him upside the head and told
him to Ess Tee Eff Yoo. Link rubbed his head and dimmed the
lights.
"Arikitari no hiiroo nante/Mappira sa Ore ni wa
naranai/Tamaranai," Marth sang, and he sang them in a
disinterested sort of way. Link was shouting "GO MARTH!"
and holding signs up that he made in 1.542 seconds. Zelda was sitting
as far away from Link as possible, pretending that they weren't, in
fact, going out. Sheeda was acting like a 1x2 fangirl at an anime
convention. Roy and Lilina were whispering sweet nothings in each
other's ears, giggling, and having passion-filled make out
sessions.
"Cry for the dream... yeah yeah
yeah/Hageshiku/Cry for the dream... yeah yeah yeah/Sakebu yoru,"
Marth sang, finally getting into the song. Zelda had to keep Sheeda
restrained in her seat before she jumped on the stage and molested
Marth or something. Even though Sheeda and Marth were married. Roy
and Lilina were now necking, to which Link said, "Oh, look Zel,
they're necking." Zelda told him to stop watching so much
Roseanne and Link told her to "ssh because Marth's
singing".
Marth finished singing and was met with
security guards trying to keep all 8594083534053 of his fangirls at
bay. Marth sighed and placed the microphone on the stand. Gracefully,
he leapt off of the stage and landed on his feet.
"Ohmigods,
Marth! That was wonderful!" Sheeda said and kissed him hard.
Marth kissed her back, and Link turned away.
"Let's not see
the make out session, mkay? Mkay," the boy that was blond
said.
"Roy, can I see you preform?" Lilina asked, still
sitting on his lap.
"Tomorrow," Roy said, and kissed her
forehead.
"Aww," Lilina said, disappointed.
- - -
Four boys were blocking Marth, Roy, and Link from
leaving the school.
"Haha, you're all queer," they said
in unison. Link cracked his knuckles, Roy whipped the Fuuin no
Tsurugi out, and Marth settled for glaring.
"Mo, Moo, Adpot,
and Rowe-gull," Link muttered, preparing a plan in his head that
involved the Master Sword, his boot, their asses, and black
eyes.
"Nice girls you got there, boys, but what they'd want
with losers such as yourselves, I'll never figure out," Moo
said, and his three brothers agreed.
"Hey!" Sheeda said.
"Marth's not a loser!"
"Yeah!" Lilina said.
"Our boyfriends are fine! We don't like stuck up snobs such as
yourselves."
Link snapped and started to go all Mortal Kombat
on their asses, leaving the Fire Emblem boys, his girlfriend, Roy's
girlfriend, and Marth's wife to be astounded.
"WHO'S A
SMUDGE ON THE PAVEMENT, NOW, HUH?" he shrieked, and kicked their
bloody carcasses for good measure.
"Uh, Link?" Roy
said.
"What?" Link said, instantly calming down and
acting as if nothing happened.
"...Nevermind. Let's go home,
we have the Battle of the Bands tomorrow."
"Oh, and
Roy?" Lilina asked.
"What?"
"Your dad's
waiting for you at the Manse."
"...Oh dear
Elimine."
Marth found the conversation amusing and snickered.
Sheeda stared at Marth for a minute, grabbed his arm, and walked with
him to the Manse. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.
But Link
didn't think so.
- - -
Author's Notes: So,
my fellow readers, what did you think of this chapter? Well, if you'd
like to, please review! I like to hear what people think of my
fanfics.
Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Mo, Moo, Adpot,
and Rowe-gull belong to Quikil. Fire Emblem belongs to Intelligent
Systems/Nintendo. Melee belongs to Hal Laboratories/Nintendo. The
songs, lyrics, and artists featured here belong to their respective
places, not me. Use of the lyrics falls under the fair use act. They
belong to their respective bands, people, whoever.
