Hi peeps! Happy Halloween! Here I am with another update for you, even though I should be in a deep sugar coma right now. I really adore this fic and I'm glad so many of you are liking it, too. The reviews and all the alerts/favourites are awesome and I can't thank you enough for reading and reviewing!

So, I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. Brooke and Lucas are still confused, although there's some progress, and there's a bit of a confrontation with Peyton. It turned out a little differently than I expected. Lucas is going to be kind of assy, but he's a teenage boy and they're usually assy by nature (even if they don't realize it.)

Let me know what you think - next chapter will have more Haley, Nathan, Karen and Keith.Chapter 4 – I Saw Red


"Every day I love her a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more. Every day I love her just a little bit more and she loves me the same...It makes no sense at all; I saw red...One more secret lover that I shot dead. Every day I wake up, just a little bit more, feeling like a dog in the yard; it's just how we are. And every day I wonder if it's over - then I wake up...and break down the wall. You say it's black but I don't believe you. And if I say it's white, you say I'm just trying to deceive you. I'm aware of the high and the low and I'd be waiting for you in the middle, but I just lack control." - Sublime

Lucas slammed his locker door shut as the warning bell rang. He sighed and leaned against his locker. He'd only gotten about an hour of sleep before his Uncle Keith shook him awake on his way to the garage. He was hoping to catch Brooke before school and talk with her about last night. Unfortunately, Brooke was gone for the day by the time he got out of the shower. His mother was working the early shift at the café, so he was on his own. Eating breakfast alone in the empty house was an eerie experience. It was much too quiet and his thoughts were overwhelming him, adding to his feelings of loneliness and isolation. Tree Hill High was the last place he wanted to be today.

He sighed, rubbing his eyes and watching the halls empty as his classmates scurried off to homeroom. He'd only shown up because it was game day. Now that he was here, he found he didn't give a shit. It didn't matter; it wasn't like he'd be playing anyway. Whitey had him warming the bench ever since he was diagnosed with HCM. He toyed with idea of skipping out for the day. It was Friday – his mom and Keith would both be working late. Maybe he could catch up on some much-needed sleep. He smirked to himself; strange how yesterday school seemed so important and now he could care less.

No one would care if he left. Brooke was upset with him. He was barely on speaking terms with Nathan and Haley – he was still pissed they knew about the baby for weeks, yet neglected to tell him. And Peyton...well, he thought it best to avoid her for the time being. He scowled, thinking of their confrontation yesterday morning.


Thursday

Lucas was digging through his locker, searching for his Chemistry textbook. He had a free period and needed to study for a test that afternoon. School had kind of taken a backseat over the last few days. It all seemed so irrelevant in the face of the personal drama he was currently facing. But, he needed to focus on his future. In a few months, he would have a child to support and he needed to keep his marks up in order to get a scholarship.

His mother and Keith were willing to help him and Brooke out by giving them jobs and a place to live; but only as long as they both attended school. He was grateful for the support, but he knew he had a long way to go to earn back his mom's trust and respect. Her disappointment in him was a heavy burden to carry. Lucas sighed. He and his mother hadn't really talked since the night he and Brooke told her about the baby. It didn't help when he saw her comforting and encouraging Brooke. It felt like a double-standard. He and Brooke were both responsible for the situation they were in. Shouldn't they each be assigned equal shares of support and blame? Keith told him to give her time to process the situation; that she would eventually come around. Lucas understood her need for space, but his mother's apparent rejection of him still hurt.

The back of his neck prickled; he had a feeling someone was watching at him. Lucas looked up and met a pair of hazel eyes. His lips curled up at the sight of the owner of those beautiful eyes. At least things were looking up in one area of his life. Brooke quickly looked away, a faint blush coloring her cheeks. Lucas wondered if she was remembering last night...how he poured all of his feelings; all of himself into their lovemaking. He wasn't expecting it to happen, but he couldn't say he was sorry. He'd been worried when he woke up alone. He had panicked, convinced that she had run away from him, from Tree Hill, with their child. His greatest fear was that he would wake up one morning to find Brooke gone, taking their child with him, never to be seen or heard from again.

Lucas had never been more relieved in his life when he stumbled into the kitchen to find her seated at the kitchen table chatting with Keith over orange juice and toast.

Brooke met his gaze and nodded, before walking away. Lucas stared after her, a goofy grin on his face. Maybe there was still hope for them. At least she was acknowledging him today. That was progress.

"I suppose congratulations are in order." A sarcastic voice broke into his thoughts. Lucas turned to find Peyton standing behind him. She was glaring at him ferociously, her green eyes blazing with anger.

Lucas froze, wondering if she had somehow found out about the baby. "For what?" he asked, playing dumb.

Peyton snorted, her thin lips curling into a sneer. "You and Brooke are back together, aren't you? I hear you two have been playing house."

Lucas calmly shut his locker and leaned against it, facing her. "No offense, but what happens between Brooke and I is none of your business."

"It's my business when I find my boyfriend and my best friend making out on your back porch."

"You mean ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend." Lucas interjected, wearily. He was so tired of Peyton and her constant self-victimization. He frowned, remembering the harsh words she had for Brooke the other night. If that was the way Peyton spoke to her friends, he wouldn't want to see her verbally eviscerate her enemies.

Her face flushed at his response. "Well, I was hoping you'd come to your senses...Obviously, she suckered you in with some sob story. Brooke can be very manipulative. I figured if I gave you some space, it'd clear things up for you."

Lucas just shook his head, in disbelief. "I really don't have time for this." He muttered in annoyance. "Look, Peyton, I never meant for you to get hurt. You're one of my best friends and I love you, but I'm not in love with you."

Peyton blinked and took a step backwards. "But, I told you I loved you...and we started dating..."

"Did I ever tell you that I loved you back?" Lucas asked in a quiet, calm voice.

Peyton opened her mouth and then closed it, her eyes widening at the realization. "No." She whispered.

"That's because there's only one person that I love; that I'm in love with. And it's Brooke."

"But she doesn't love you, not like I do. She dumped you, Lucas. She told you she stopped missing you. I was there for you when she walked out the door; when she ignored you and pretended you didn't exist."

"I know and I'm grateful for your friendship." He replied, putting emphasis on the word 'friendship.' "But, she's the girl for me. I never stopped loving her."

"Then why did you start going out with me so soon after your break-up if you loved her so much?"Peyton let out a sharp laugh.

Lucas closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the locker. Should he tell her the truth and risk hurting her further, completely demolishing their friendship? Or would it be better to lie? Peyton was one of the few people who 'got' him. She could usually tell what he was thinking without him having to say a word. She was unfailing in her support of him; she had his back, no matter what. But, it was only on her terms...Lucas' brow furrowed as he sank deep into thought. Sure Peyton was such a great friend to him, but what about Brooke? Why was she willing to toss Brooke aside for a guy after all the two girls had been through? What kind of person did that make her? And was Peyton's friendship really worth losing Brooke and the child she carried?

It wasn't.

Lucas refocused his gaze on Peyton, whose features had softened into an expression of hope. She thought his long delay in answering her question meant that he had magically discovered his hidden love for her. He shook his head and gazed down at the ground. He had to make her understand, so he told Peyton the truth he was unwilling to admit to Brooke the night before.

"You were always there...if Brooke didn't want me, I had someone who did. You were my safety net." Lucas exhaled, and swallowed hard. "Besides, I wanted to hurt her...like she had hurt me." He added in a soft voice.

Peyton stared at him, in shock, her eyes filled with tears. "You were using me?"

He bowed his head. "I'm sorry."

"I thought you were one of the good guys, Luke." Peyton shook her head. "I just - I can't believe I left Jake for you. I destroyed my friendship with Brooke and for what?"

"What do you mean you left Jake for me?" Lucas asked, puzzled. "When did you see him? Did you two get back together? And how did you destroy your friendship with Brooke? I thought you said you had no idea why she was angry with you."

Peyton paled. "Never mind. It's not important. I thought we were meant to be; you and me. You wanted me since the eighth grade – you never wanted Brooke."

Lucas narrowed his eyes and glared at the blonde. He wasn't fooled by the rapid redirection of the conversation. "That was then; this is now." He felt a stab of guilt at the hurt expression in Peyton's eyes. "You can't help who you fall in love with."

Peyton smirked and shook her head, avoiding his steady gaze. "Ain't that the truth." She drawled, sarcastically. There was an awkward silence. "I'll be going now. As pleasant as this was, I think you can understand if I can't be around you right now." She brushed past him and walked rapidly down the hallway before he could question her further.


The conversation with Peyton had unsettled him. He wasn't sure why, exactly. It was just...odd. It felt unfinished. Lucas pushed the curly-haired blonde to the back of his mind. He had more important things to focus on. Brooke. The baby. His mom. His future.

He needed to get out of here and clear his head. Lucas turned and walked down the deserted hallway towards the outside doors.

He was a few feet from the doors when a small sound caught his attention. Lucas turned his head and saw her – Brooke. She was leaning against the wall in the hallway leading to the locker rooms. He could see tears streaming down her face and even though she was quiet; she was crying so hard, her shoulders were shaking. Lucas hesitated, not sure whether he should approach her or not. She obviously didn't trust him and that hurt.

She was wore a loose jersey knit skirt and the same oversize zip-up hoodie she'd been wearing the past couple of weeks. Lucas watched as she slowly unzipped the hoodie and placed her hands on her abdomen. He inhaled sharply seeing the small, but noticeable bump. He hadn't seen it since two nights ago when they made love. Except for that night, Brooke kept herself well-covered and just out of his reach. Seeing her caressing her stomach stirred those same feelings he felt that night. Something he couldn't put words to...a mixture of reverence, fear and a strange primal urge. It was because of him that her stomach grew; it was his baby, his Brooke. For the rest of their lives, they would be linked through the baby inside of her. The breath was knocked out of him and his heart began pounding at the realization. This was forever. He felt a dizzying mixture of exhilaration and fright all at the same time.

Seeing her like this, vulnerable and unaware of his presence, made it all the more real. It made him all the more scared. Still, he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. Brooke gently rubbed her stomach, almost as if she was trying to convince herself that it actually existed. He could only stand and stare at Brooke in awe. He was so entranced; he nearly stumbled backwards when she spoke.

"I'm so sorry, baby." She whispered, her voice made raw by her tears. "You deserve so much more than I can give you...but I'm going to try my best, I promise. It's just going to be you and me. You're everything to me. I hope you know that."

Lucas blinked back tears. He felt guilty for how he'd acted last night. He saw how scared she was and instead of reassuring her, he only succeeded in pushing her away, like he always did...and now she felt like she was alone in this. He was not going to be Dan. He was going to be a father to this baby; he would support Brooke, he would do whatever it took for this baby to feel loved and accepted by its father. Maybe in time, Brooke would learn to trust him again. Maybe she would be able to freely love him again. Lucas wiped away his tears and approached Brooke.

"You're not alone, Brooke." He whispered in a hoarse voice.

Brooke looked up at him, startled. Wariness crossed her features and Lucas' heart ached. "I thought...last night you made it pretty clear that I am. Alone, I mean."

Lucas reached over to touch her and he frowned when she flinched at his touch. "I'm not Dan. I'm going to be there for you; and for the baby." He reached down and rested his hand on Brooke's abdomen. He gently rubbed soothing circles over where his baby was growing. "I'm scared, too, Brooke."

Brooke just nodded and smiled weakly. "How do you think I feel? I have a person growing inside of me...and in a few months, I'll have to push that person out of my body."

Lucas smiled at her, relieved that she was letting him in, even if it was a tiny bit. "Do you want to get out of here? I just can't deal with school today. I mean, I know it's game day and you're cheering..."

Brooke sighed, sadly. "I quit the squad. I just told Whitey and he agreed it was for the best, you know, under the circumstances." She gestured towards her stomach. "It probably didn't help that I slapped the smirk off Theresa's face on Monday. It was either quit or get kicked off. I preferred to leave on my terms. It's strange...it used to be so important to me, but now it just seems so pointless."

"Come on, let's get out of here." Lucas pulled her towards him and put his arm around her waist protectively, making sure his hand was placed securely on her belly. Brooke looked up at him in surprise and he hugged her even closer to him.


After stopping off for ice cream, they found themselves at the River Court. They each knew they needed to talk but neither of them had any idea where to begin. Just hanging out seemed safer, comforting almost. If they started talking, it would most likely degenerate into a fight.

Lucas worked on his jump shot while Brooke sat on the bleachers, sketching some designs in her notebook. Occasionally, she would raise her head and watch him for a few moments before returning to her drawings. Brooke's heart pounded as she watched him shooting baskets wearing his black dress pants and white dress shirt. He'd already tossed aside his jacket and tie and unbuttoned his shirt, rolling the sleeves up past his elbows. He looked so handsome and strong at that moment that she just wanted to cry. She wanted nothing more than to nestle into his arms and forget the rest of the world. But it was dangerous to think that way; she would only wind up getting hurt. Unconsciously, her fingers brushed her small baby bump. And now she had someone else to think of.

Lucas was confused. Brooke wasn't certain she could trust him. The night she told him about the baby, he told her he loved her and wanted her and their baby. Then last night...Brooke couldn't think about it without breaking down. Why would he say something like that? And then this morning, he's promising he would be there once again and touching her stomach, something he hadn't really done before. In fact, it seemed as if he avoided looking at her body; like he was too scared to face the reality of the situation.

And then there was what happened two nights ago...


Wednesday

Brooke's eyes fluttered open to darkness. Her heart thumped loudly in her chest as she realized that she was in Lucas' bed for the second night in a row. Nothing physical had happened between them since he kissed her Monday night. Brooke turned over and watched him sleep. He was on his stomach, arms wrapped around his pillow. She wished they were wrapped around her. She desperately needed to feel safe right now; she needed to feel loved. She was still in love with him; she needed him. She craved everything about him. Brooke felt an uncomfortable pressure on her bladder and she groaned. The constant peeing was not something she was at all used to. She sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Careful not to disturb Lucas, she crept out of his room and down the hall to the bathroom.

When she returned to the bedroom, she was surprised to see Lucas awake and sitting on the edge of the bed. He only wore a pair of flannel pyjama pants and a tight grey wife-beater that clearly defined his chiselled abdominal muscles. It wasn't fair...why did he have to look so sexy?

"Did I wake you?" she asked, in a raspy whisper.

Lucas gazed at her and rubbed his neck. "No...I was only dozing." He ran his fingers through his tousled hair. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just had to use the bathroom." Brooke shifted uncomfortably and sat down beside him. He looked into her eyes with the brooding sadness that made her fall for him just a little more. She felt like he could see right into her soul...but she knew it was wishful thinking. Sometimes she felt as if he didn't know her at all. The silence was becoming heavier by the second.

"Why?" he finally asked.

Brooke was puzzled. She cocked an eyebrow and tilted her head. "Why what?"

"Why did you break it off with me?"

"Lucas, I already told you-"

"No," he interrupted her. "I want the truth. I already heard the 'you never let me in' and the 'I stopped missing you' excuses. I want the real reason."

Brooke dropped her gaze to her hands, no longer able to meet his eyes. "Those are the reasons." She insisted in a soft voice.

Lucas heaved a sigh and cupped her chin in his hand, turning her head to face him. "I don't believe you." He replied in a low voice.

Brooke tried to pull away from his grasp, but Lucas held her firmly. Tears sprang to her eyes and she blinked rapidly, trying to hide them.

Lucas' eyes softened, seeing her tears. "Talk to me, Pretty Girl." He whispered, tenderly.

Brooke closed her eyes and she felt a tear slide down her cheek. Her breath caught in her throat, as Lucas brushed it away with the pad of his thumb.

"Tell me, Brooke." His voice was so low and deep...he sounded less like the teenage boy she knew and more like the man he would one day become.

Brooke opened her eyes and gasped sharply, seeing that he was mere inches away from her face. Having him so close was confusing...her resolve was weakening by the second. Her walls were starting to crumble... as he leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. She melted against him and began to kiss him back...she felt safe...loved. Then she remembered.

Peyton. The adoring look he gave to her former best friend the day she confided in Haley. Seeing them kissing in the hallways, leaving the gym after practices and games with their arms wrapped around each other. Maybe they'd even made love...the thought made Brooke's stomach turn. What if he'd looked at Peyton the way he was looking at her right now? She was not safe, she was not wanted and she certainly wasn't loved by Lucas. She pulled away from his embrace.

"Three weeks." She whispered, turning away from him.

Lucas leaned back, puzzled. "What?"

"Three weeks...that's how long it took for you to get together with Peyton." Brooke got up and walked away from the bed. She stood with her back to him so he wouldn't see just how vulnerable she was. "You said you loved me, that I was the girl for you, that you'd fight for me...that you'd save me..."

"Brooke..." he had moved from his position on the bed and stood behind her. He ran his fingers through her hair and Brooke felt a shiver run down her spine.

"But, three weeks Lucas? It was such a slap in the face. It's like you never meant all the things you said to me..." Brooke wiped away a couple more tears.

Lucas placed his hands on her shoulders, pulling her towards him. "I did mean what I said to you, Brooke. I love you. You told me that love wasn't enough, that you didn't miss me. Don't you get how much that hurt me?" His voice broke and Brooke felt a pang of guilt in her chest.

It was quickly replaced with anger as she realized what he might be implying. "Did you start dating her to punish me?" Brooke asked incredulously, turning to face him.

"What? No! God, no!" Lucas exclaimed, but Brooke didn't miss the brief flash of guilt in his eyes.

"Well, then how did you go from loving me to dating her?"

"I just-" he squeezed his eyes shut and locked his hands behind his neck. "You always say that I never let you all the way in. Maybe that's true. But you never let me in either, Brooke. You push me away as hard as you can. You act like you never need me; like you're just fine without me. Like you could live without me." He opened his eyes. "Peyton loves me; she needs me and-"

"Are you listening to yourself? I'm pushing you away? You started dating Peyton! My best friend! If anything, you're pushing me away. You're proving that you're just fine without me; that you can live without me!" Brooke nearly screamed before remembering that Karen and Keith were asleep just down the hall. "How could you love me and go running into her arms the first chance you got?"

Lucas exhaled, angrily and rolled his eyes. "We're going in circles, here, Brooke. I love you, Brooke. You, not Peyton." Brooke turned her back on him again, but he grabbed her by the wrist and spun her around.

Brooke twisted in his grasp, trying to get some space between them. She couldn't think when he was this close to her; it was like he had cast some sort of spell on her that scrambled her thoughts. "Then why were you with her?" Brooke demanded between clenched teeth.

"Because I was fucking settling for her!" Lucas roared. "You didn't want me, she did! You didn't need me, she did! You didn't miss me, she did!" He tightened his hold on her as Brooke squirmed in his arms. "Get it through your stubborn head, Brooke – I'm in love with you! How many times do I have to say it?"

Brooke looked intently into her ex-boyfriend's blue eyes. They were filled with anger, sadness and pain. And confusion. Her own eyes were widened with fear and astonishment as she stared at his flushed complexion and listened to his ragged breathing. Her heart fluttered, in spite of herself. He didn't love Peyton after all. But, still...he had hurt her so badly and acted so selfishly the past month or so, even before the break-up.

She took a deep breath and swallowed her desire to jump into his arms. "It's not enough to say that you love me, Luke. You have to show me."

Lucas' eyes narrowed and Brooke could tell he was thinking over what she had just said. "You need me to show you that I love you – that I'm in love with you."

Brooke just nodded slowly, not trusting herself to speak. His breathing had become heavier, more erratic and she wondered if this was good for his heart. She bit her lip uncertainly as his eyes glittered in the darkness. She could feel his hands trembling, as they moved down her back and rested on her hips. He dipped his head down and rested his forehead against hers. She could feel his warm breath on her face and her fingers began tingling in anticipation.

"Okay, Brooke. I'll show you how much I love you; if that's what you want." His voice had gone dangerously low again.

Brooke had never seen him act like this before. She was a little scared, but also turned on by him as well. This was a new sensation for her. She opened her mouth to protest, to snap him out of it, but before she could say a word, his lips were on hers and his tongue was in her mouth. Brooke didn't bother pulling away – she knew it was a losing battle. Her hormones took over and she succumbed to his will.


Brooke shook herself from her reverie, her cheeks flushed from remembering their night of passion. How he had relentlessly pounded into her; how she'd orgasmed more than she ever had before; his whispered declarations of love and devotion while he gazed at her body and caressed her stomach. They shouldn't have gone that far. If anything, it only made everything were more confusing.

She looked over at Lucas who was still shooting baskets. He'd removed his dress shirt and wore a white wife-beater. An intense wave of love and longing washed over her; so intense, Brooke was nearly left breathless.

And then, it happened. She felt a light fluttering sensation in her abdomen; just like Rachel said there would be. Her sketchbook slid off her lap and onto the ground. She sat perfectly still, waiting. Was that what she thought it was? She held her breath...and then it happened again. Her baby was moving around inside of her. Brooke let out a joyous laugh and placed her hands on her tummy, in wonder.

Lucas turned his head sharply at the sound of Brooke's laughter. His heart beat faster and he smiled at the wonderful sound. It had been so long since she last laughed, he thought he would never hear it again. He dropped the basketball and jogged over to the bleachers. He bent down and retrieved her sketchpad from the ground.

"Brooke? What's so funny?"

She looked up at him, her hazel eyes shining with tears. He was starting to get worried and then he noticed the wide grin on her face. "I felt it, Luke. I felt the baby move!" Her cheeks flushed with excitement and her dimples deepened.

Lucas just stared at her, and a slow grin began spreading across his own face. "Really?" Brooke nodded eagerly. "What did it feel like?" he asked breathlessly. Her excitement was contagious.

"Like...a bunch of butterflies fluttering around."

Lucas sat down beside her on the bleachers. "Wow." He was in complete awe, as he silently regarded Brooke. She was absolutely glowing. "It's really happening...we're having a baby." Lucas murmured in a dazed voice. "We're going to be parents."

"Yeah...parents." Brooke whispered her smile fading. She stared into Lucas' stormy blue eyes. For the first time, she really looked into those eyes she loved so much and tried to read the emotions swirling in those cobalt depths. She saw the same anxiety and fear she was sure emanated from her own eyes. She could feel the sadness and loneliness...and love. Her lips parted in surprise at the intensity of the emotions in his eyes. He loved her; he really did love her. But was it enough? Was it safe for her to lower her walls and give herself to him again? She wasn't sure if she could do it. She wanted to trust in him so badly. As much as she refused to admit it, she needed him. His baby needed him.

"I have an appointment next week. For the sonogram." Brooke started.

Lucas took her hand in his and squeezed it. "I'll be there."