I promised you a bigger chapter, here it is ;)


Chapter 4 : Telling The Truth

When the alarm clock rings this morning, I wake up with a big headache. I hear Chandler getting up and going to the bathroom, but I keep my eyes closed. What happened yesterday, already ? Oh yeah... This man, me wanting meaningless sex, my very embarrassing request to Joey and my even more embarrassing behaviour with him after that. Oh no, who's entering the bedroom, whistling ? It's Joey ! And now the phone is ringing ! I quickly sit up on the bed, but Joey is faster than me and picks up the phone. I can here Phoebe's voice. Oh no...

Phoebe sounds like she's angry (or concerned ? I only hear her yelling) but Joey stays calm : "Hey. I spent the night out. I met this cute bridesmaid. She is so..." Oh my God, Phoebe is going to think it was me... Thankfully, Joey immediately clarifies the situation : "Oh no no no, not Monica, the other one !" I mouth "Thank you" to him, and he raises his thumb up to me. He talks to Phoebe for a few minutes, then hangs up the phone. He then explains me the Rachel situation and I'm relieved to see there's no awkwardness between us. He acts like nothing happened this night, I should thank him. He gets up and I stop him : "Hey, Joey ! I really want to thank you for being so understanding..."

He shrugs his shoulders : "Nah, that's normal Mon. We're friends ! You drank too much last night, you were sad. That's all." I hear a door opening but I don't pay attention to it (I really should have...) and I continue to apologize to Joey : "Still, I'm sorry for what I did. I really am. I was stupid. I'd appreciate if we keep this between us..."

"What did you do ? What's to keep secret ?" Chandler's voice. Shoot. He's out of the bathroom. I have my back turned to the bathroom so I don't see him, and I don't turn back. He's going to think less of me. Definitely. Joey is the one who answers, too quickly : "Nothing man. Don't worry. She... errrm... came here and... she threw up on the floor ! That's why she's sorry ! ... Right Monica ?" I can't lie to Chandler. Especially not today after everything he did for me last evening and night. So I turn back to face him, still sitting on the bed and smile weakly at him : "I'll explain to you. I promise." He doesn't say anything but he's clearly uncomfortable... anxious, even ?

We can feel the tension in the room and Joey breaks the silence : "Well... I'm gonna go... We have Rachel to find, remember ?" I nod, and Joey pats Chandler on the shoulder before leaving the bedroom. I don't know where to start, I'm afraid to say the first word. What is he going to think of me ? Of my behaviour ? He'll be disappointed, for sure. He doesn't move either, but he says : "You can use the bathroom if you want to, I'm done here." I only whisper "Thank you" and rush into the bathroom, where I lock the door. I take a shower and get ready, thinking about the words I should use to tell Chandler the truth about yesterday and why I was really in their bedroom. I have to be honest with him, I owe him that. Sure, I could wait until we're back in New-York, but I don't want to think and stress about that during the wedding. I want to enjoy my brother's wedding.

When I come out of the bathroom, Chandler is sitting on his bed, ready too. He's cute in this suit. When he sees me, he smiles : "You look great." I feel myself blushing and I can't even thank him because he immediately adds : "By the way, Phoebe called and wanted to know if we found Rachel. I had no idea of what she talked about so she explained everything to me. We should better going to search for her..." Saying that, he gets up and heads for the door.

I stop him and grab his arm : "But before !... I owe you an explanation... About what I really did last night... Or almost did..."

He takes off my hand from his arm and holds it in his : "You don't have to, Monica. It's none of my business. I shouldn't have been curious earlier. No matter what you did, you..."

"I HAVE to tell you." Wow, I even had no idea I wanted to tell him so much. But why ?

He sits on the edge of his bed : "Okay, I'm listening then."

I'm nervous (obviously...) and I sit beside him. "Okay... Um... First..." I'm looking for my words, looking at my feet. Not a good start... "Remember how depressed I was last evening ? With my mom, the drunk man..." I don't look at him but I'm sure he nods. "I wanted to forget everything. You were the sweetest guy on earth and you told me everything I would have loved to hear at any other time... but yesterday that's not what I needed. I wasn't myself. I'm really not proud of what I did... almost did..."

He interrupts me : "Look Mon, I think I know where this is going. And I'm not sure I want to hear that you wanted to have sex with Joey to feel better."

I'm shocked. How does he know ? How ? Is it written all over my face ? Plus, he's not totally right. That's not what I originally wanted. I'm so stunned that there's a silence. I guess he thinks he's right and he sighs, then gets up. Finally I can talk again : "No, Chandler, wait ! That's not right !"

For the first time since the beginning of this conversation we watch each other into the eyes. I don't like what I see in his : hurt and pain. I so wanna hug him, but I'm not sure he would let me... "I know you're very disappointed. You have every right to think less of me. I'm definitely not proud of me."

He runs his right hand through his hair and suddenly I feel the same goosebumps in my body like yesterday. I though it was the alcohol... Or maybe I'm just too anxious. He's one of my best friend. "I don't think less of you. When you're sad or depressed, you often do things you regret afterwards. I know that too well." Shoot, there's pain in his voice too. What have I done ?

I get up to face him : "Chandler, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you. It has nothing to do with what you said or did yesterday. You were a great friend, you were perfect, it's not..."

"Yet you wanted to sleep with Joey !" Okay, now he's angry.

"I just wanted sex, okay ?! I didn't want Joey ! I could have picked any other guy..."

"Yet you didn't pick me !"

Now we're arguing. Great.

"You weren't even there !" I don't know why I say that, he was never an option in my head... well, before I woke up in the middle of the night with him looking at me and those weird feelings and thoughts afterwards.

There's a blank, he looks me in the eyes and quietly says : "It wouldn't have changed a thing if I would have been there. I know it. You know it."

If I kiss him right now, would he forgive me ? What ? Why are you thinking that again, Monica ?

"Chandler... I wasn't myself... But nothing happened with Joey."

"Yes, I'm sure he stopped it." Still this bitterness in his voice.

"Actually I did."

Ah, he's surprised. Finally. I'm taking this opportunity to carry on : "I couldn't do it. I was surprised myself because I thought I wanted that. Meaningless sex, no strings attached. It turns out my mind was really screwed but my heart and my body weren't. Joey was onboard with it. I had to convince him, yes, but he was okay. I told him to try twice. Both times I backed off, I pushed him away. I really didn't want to kiss him and I was uncomfortable in his arms. Happy ?"

Okay, I shouldn't have added the "happy ?" but he was hard on me too. Maybe I deserved it, but still. He still looks at me suspiciously, it seems he's trying to understand everything. I cross my arms. "That's the truth, Chandler. You can ask Joey."

"I-I-... I believe you."

"Good." I still have my arms crossed and I don't know what I should do. Oh, I know what I would want to do... I have to chase these thoughts of my mind... He comes closer to me and pulls me into a hug. It feels so good. I hear his soft voice in my ear : "I'm sorry I was mean to you..."

"It's okay. I deserved it. And I'm really really glad I couldn't do it last night. I would have regretted this so badly..."

He slowly stops the hug and laughs : "Regretted sex with Joey ? Nah..."

I smile and punch him playfully in the arm : "You know what I mean !"

He smiles at me and kiss my forehead, then says : "I do..."

I'm nervous again when I ask : "So... we're good ?"

He keeps smiling and I get lost in his eyes when he confirms : "Yeah, we're good."

He scrapes his throat and reminds me that we have to find Rachel.


TBC...

I preferred Chandler to know the truth immediately rather than later like it was in the show... It was painful for poor Chandler but now it's over. Don't worry Monica will take time to think about everything...