The Honeymoon Phase
Since the early fall, since it was time for Lily to return to her teaching job, Marshall and Lily have had a nanny, but only for the daytime hours, to facilitate their careers. The nanny leaves as soon as Lily gets home from school, which means they still need to find a babysitter if they ever want to go out at night. Tonight is happily one of those times they've been able to do so.
They plan to leave Marvin with his grandpa, much to Mickey's delight. However, Lily knows her dad too well and her trust levels toward him are still tenuous enough that she doesn't dare go too far away. So the group has resolved to spend the evening at MacLaren's, all five of them together in their booth like old times.
Barney and Robin are the first to arrive and directly claim their usual, still-empty spot. "This should be fun," Robin asserts as they slide into the far side of the booth, facing the bar, so they can see when the others come in.
"Yeah, it's been too long since we could all hang out at MacLaren's together for more than an hour." He makes himself comfortable, stretching his arm out across her shoulders over the back of the booth.
Robin takes advantage of their new closeness to lean over and press her nose into Barney's neck, breathing him in. "You smell incredible tonight. I've wanted to do that ever since you picked me up at work, but I thought it would ruin the whole professional newswoman thing I've got going if I jumped you in the lobby."
"Feel free to jump me anytime."
"Believe me, I wanted to. I had to leave so early this morning to tape my special report, we didn't even have time for a little somethin'-somethin' before work like we usually do."
"I know," he replies, his voice registering the loss.
"It threw off my entire day. I think you've become like caffeine for me; I need a shot of Barney to get going in the morning or I can't seem to concentrate at all." She turns further toward him and sets her hand to his chest, her fingers skimming down his tie. "I wanted to come meet you at GNB for 'lunch' like we used to, but I knew you had that important meeting. You left me in quite a predicament," she frowns. "You completely ruined my productivity. It got so bad I spent the whole afternoon just thinking about your hands on me. Imagining your fingers…" She trails off, noting the full booth behind them, well within overhearing distance. With a naughty smile, she bends her lips to his ear to whisper in vivid detail just want she imagined his fingers doing.
Marshall and Lily's arrival interrupts them before Robin can get to the climax of her story, but Barney more than gets the gist of it.
"Hey, guys," Marshall greets them, edging into the booth beside Lily.
"Hey," Barney answers, distracted, as Robin straightens back up to her side of the booth, taking her time about it. He clears his throat. "I'm just – I'm gonna…go grab us a round. Of drinks. Yeah."
Robin shoots him an odd look as he shoves out of the booth, but then she figures she's probably just short-circuited his brain with all her graphic dirty talk and he simply needs some time and space to recover.
Marshall and Lily don't seem to pay him much mind either. "I've got to say, baby," Marshall confesses somewhat guilty, "it does feel good to be out together again, just the two of us, sharing beers with the gang."
"I know, baby. It's okay. It doesn't mean we don't love our son," Lily reassures him. "I miss going out like we used to, too. I'm just glad we can all be here tonight, and Barney and Robin," she says, looking pointedly at the woman in question, "didn't skip out on us again, like they did on our tapas night last week."
"Uh, that wasn't even real," Robin contends. "You only wanted us there to help put together Marvin's new play yard after Marshall couldn't figure it out on his own."
Lily pats her husband's arm consolingly. "Okay, maybe that was part of it."
"But there were tapas," Marshall interjects.
"And what about my Van Alen Fest the weekend before that," Ted chimes in, pulling up a chair and taking his now customary spot on the end.
"Oh, come on, Ted. You know that was just an excuse to look smart and important for all your little architecture friends," Robin argues. "I don't know why you even asked us to come. Anyone not obsessed with a bunch of dead guys who built some stuff would have tried to get out of that one."
"Sorry, Ted," Lily agrees. "I've gotta side with Robin on that."
Marshall nods. "I love you buddy, but that night was a waste of a babysitter."
"Hey! It was catered with an open bar, what more do you want?" Marshall just shrugs apologetically. At Robin's continued triumphant smile, Ted turns to her. "But at least these two showed up."
Robin shifts in her seat, running a hand through her hair as she answers defensively, "Barney had a really important work thing he had to go to, and I came down with a sudden cold. And it's not like we just stood you up. We explained it all when we called you that night."
Ted laughs. "You guys were clearly in bed together when you made those calls."
Robin scoffs. "You don't…know that."
"Robin, I could hear heavy breathing and mattress springs in the background."
"Fine, we're sorry," she sighs.
"You're really not." Lily shakes her head, smiling. "I wish me and Marshall had thought to do the same thing."
"Okay, that's it," Ted informs them in exasperation. "None of you are getting invited to Renwick Palooza next month."
Marshall turns to Lily. "Yeah, I'm sure Barney will cry over that loss."
"Speaking of Barney," Ted says, ignoring the laughter of all three, "where is he?"
Robin looks around the bar. "I honestly don't know."
"He said he was going to get us a round, but that was a while ago," Marshall supplies.
"Maybe he had to use the bathroom," Lily suggests.
They all accept that explanation and the conversation continues until suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Robin catches movement near the far wall. Glancing over curiously, she can't believe what she's seeing. There is Barney, peeking out from within the mysterious door they now all know does not lead to some magical world within. The door is only open a crack, and luckily no one notices but Robin as Barney peers out, beckoning her to come over.
Quite reasonably, she wonders what her boyfriend is doing hiding in MacLaren's storage closet. "I – I just – I'm – " The whole gang turns to look at her as she trips over her words. "I guess since Barney hasn't come back yet, I'll go get us a round. It's time to get the booze going."
"True that," Lily seconds.
Robin uses Ted's presence at the outside of the booth to exit on the opposite side nearest the wall. She silently thanks her little godson that no one pays any mind to the odd change of habit since they're far too engrossed in Marshall's tale of Marvin's antics with his My First Blocks Set that Uncle Ted bought him – which from what Robin hears mostly just seemed to include holding and chewing one, but Ted's thrilled all the same.
They're all so preoccupied, none of them sees when Robin tiptoes towards the closet. Or when she precedes to get unceremoniously tugged inside.
"Oh my god, Barney," Robin whispers to him, shoving aside the dust mop handle that feels like it's permanently lodged in her spine. "What is going on? What are we doing in here?"
"Shh, don't get all excited," he tells her.
"Don't get excited? Barney, I can't see a thing. What is the matter? Why are we hiding in a closet?"
"Just – here." She hears some fumbling and rustling and then the closet lights up with the glow of his iPhone's flashlight app. "Better?" he asks.
"Yeah, I guess. But I repeat: why are we in here?"
Barney sets his phone down on the shelf, leaving their faces clouded in shadow but the closet still filled with a glowing light, as he reaches for her, his hands circling her waist and drawing her to him. "I thought, since you couldn't stop imagining my fingers and all they can do, I'd help you out with that," he tells her, said fingers playing at the edge of her blouse to find the warm skin beneath.
"You want to have sex in this closet?"
"Robin, you can't tell me a fantasy like that and then think I'm gonna wait all night to reenact it," he replies, his lips already on her neck.
"This is crazy," she says, but her arms twine around him and her fingers push up into his hair.
"Crazy hot," he corrects, looking at her determinedly.
Robin's hands skim down to his waist. "You really want this, huh?"
He nods like a little boy asking for his ice cream before dinner. When she smiles, his fingers instantly go to the buttons of her shirt, releasing them all in under ten seconds.
"We'll have to be quiet," she says in a breathy whisper as he peels away the open sides of her shirt, his mouth kissing a trail down her throat. "They're right outside. If we're not careful they'll hear us."
Barney pauses to grin up at her. "You love this, don't you?"
"Maybe," she says evenly. He presses her body against the wall with his own, bending back down to lick a path across the swell of her breast. When he sucks her skin into his mouth, she sighs, "Okay, yes."
He snickers, but she only tugs at his belt in reply. "Just touch me." And when he obliges she moans.
"Shh," he whispers, as he gathers her skirt up to her waist. "They'll hear, remember?" Then he moves his mouth over hers to help her out.
Robin is the first to slip out, quickly rushing over to the bar as if she's been standing there the entire time. Barney joins her a minute later. Then they nonchalantly walk back over to the table, carrying drinks for everyone, only to find they already have some.
"What happened to you guys?"
"We were getting a round," Barney says as if Marshall is losing it.
Ted holds up his nearly-full beer in reply, indicating they got tired of waiting and already got one themselves.
"What? None for us?" Robin asks. "I guess we'll just keep these for ourselves then," she tells them, setting the beers down on the table.
"Robin," Lily smirks, "your skirt is sideways."
Marshall looks at her, frowning contemplatively. "And your shirt is buttoned wrong."
Robin's hands skim over her blouse, checking to see if anything is exposed, just as Ted deadpans, "Barney, your fly is still down."
Barney turns around and zips up his pants before joining Robin, who's already scooted into their side of the booth.
"You're having sex in the ladies room now?" Ted asks.
"Technically it was in the closet," Robin corrects him.
"Although we have done it in the ladies room," Barney claries. "Those walls have seen some things," he adds, to which Robin nods and the others groan at him. "This time was Robin's fault," he insists. "She started it by whispering inappropriateness to me."
"No, I get it," Marshall knowingly allows. "This is still new to you."
Lily bobs her head in agreement. "It's like me and Marshall after I came back from San Francisco. You guys are in the honeymoon phase all over again, where you can't keep your hands off each other and you're having sex everywhere, all the time. Enjoy it while it lasts."
"Pssh. Please. This is no phase, Lily," Barney contends. "When have you ever known us to be able to keep our hands off each other?"
"Hmm, fair enough."
"Exactly. That's why this is no 'honeymoon phase'. Robin and I will still be doing it in ladies rooms when we're ninety."
And they seal the agreement with an impromptu high five.
It's a fairly routine Wednesday night. Ted is busy, and Marshall and Lily are at home with the baby, so it's just Barney and Robin stopping into MacLaren's for drinks after dinner. But on a weeknight the bar isn't too lively, and without the rest of the gang there it's not as much fun anyway. After they've each finished their scotch, they both really just want to call it a night, even if it is early yet, but that means having the inevitable and always slightly awkward conversation of just where exactly they're going to call it a night. They both studiously avoid making any suggestions if they can help it because neither one wants to mention their own place too often and make it seem like they're pushing the one out of their territory and into the other's. But MacLaren's really is dead, and they have to go somewhere.
And that's how they end up upstairs at Marshall and Lily's apartment unannounced, joining in on watching Survivor with the couple. It's actually not a bad way to spend the evening, until halfway through Lily pauses the program because Marvin completely blew out his diaper and it's apparently bad enough that the kid needs a head to toe bath – though neither Robin nor Barney are willing to go in there to see for themselves. Then the bath itself becomes a two-person job, requiring Marshall as well. Consequently, Barney and Robin are left sitting on the couch alone, staring at a frozen TV screen.
Barney twists on the cushion to face Robin. "So…this is boring."
"Yep," she nods. Then her eyes brighten with an idea. "Hey, let's go up on the roof."
Barney grins. "Okay." He's already halfway out the window, but Robin hesitates near the kitchen.
"You go ahead. I'll be right there," she informs him.
Fortunately, it's been a very mild start to winter thus far – in fact, unseasonably so. Though it's almost mid-December, the city has been experiencing record highs the past two days, meaning for a Canadian like Robin, he can't even get her to wear a jacket outside. Barney shakes his head fondly, thinking that for once her Canadian-ness has come in handy, as it leads to one less layer between him and her curves.
He's arranging the single remaining lawn chair just so to provide the right ambience when Robin appears over the roof's edge, her free arm full. She then proceeds to walk to the far corner, lining up her armload of beer bottles on the rooftop ledge.
"What're you doing?" Barney asks her, confused.
"Shooting empties off the side of the roof," she says, removing her purse from around her neck and fishing out the handgun inside before depositing it at her feet. She doesn't have access to the rooftop at her building, and the gun range is all the way out in Brooklyn. She misses the ease of being able to simply pop out the window for a little target practice. "What did you think we were doing up here?"
Barney looks down sheepishly. "You know, 'going up on the roof'," he explains using air quotes, "like Marshall and Lily used to do, like Ted tried to do, like everyone would take turns doing at parties. Gettin' it up on the roof," he imparts, emphasizing the word 'up'.
Robin rolls her eyes and lifts her gun, aiming and pulling the trigger, completely annihilating the first bottle.
"Come on, Robin," Barney reasons with her. "Remember how we got yelled at last time? The neighbors complain and then we have to deal with Angry Lily – and Angry Lily is no fun. An Angry Lily lecture is almost as bad as a Ted lecture."
Robin pulls the trigger again, sending the second bottle to meet its fallen brother. "Yeah, but she's a little preoccupied at the moment thanks to Marvin's total lack of bowel control." She's taking aim at the third bottle, when Barney's next words stop her.
"Maybe I'll tell Lily," he suggests, and there's something of a challenge in his voice that awakens her in a way that only he can.
"Oh, no, you won't," she counters, challenging him right back.
"You sure?" And he steps closer, his eyes locked on hers.
"You said you lived for the dance. So what's it gonna be, Stinson? Shall we dance?"
Barney continues to approach Robin, despite the loaded gun in her hand, stopping mere inches away from her. "Alright, I'm game. What's to stop me from going to tell Lily? What are you going to do about it, Scherbatsky?" This time the taunting challenge of it is more than crystal clear.
She stares him down right back, her heart pounding, loving every minute of it. All these years later, she still gets a little thrill sparing with him. "Maybe I'll cut off sex."
He openly chuckles at what is clearly an idle threat; she starts it almost as much as he does. "You can try," he says, cocky and full of swagger – and just looking at him she already knows it's a bet she'll lose.
Robin turns from him and, without hardly looking, fires off a shot that shatters the third bottle to pieces. "How bout you join me instead, show me what you got?" With a goading tilt of the head, she offers him the gun.
Barney eyes her, unrelenting, as he takes it from her. He aims and squeezes off a round that, though not as precise as her marksmanship, does manage to hit the bottle, knocking it off the roof.
Without a word, only a silently raised eyebrow, he hands the gun back to her, then outstretches his arms with a smug, teasing look. "Ohhh! Who's the hotshot now?"
On him, all that posturing, male bravado looks good – it always has – but she's determined not to let him know how much of a turn-on she finds it. And she certainly can't let him win at this of all things. She brings the gun back up and is about to destroy the final bottle, when they hear shouting from across the way.
"Hey!"
Barney and Robin look at each other, then slowly walk to the opposite edge of the roof in the direction of all the yelling. From the building across the street, the same building they once all proved they could leap to, there's a man standing out on his fire escape, shouting over to them. Or, more precisely, to her.
"Hey, bitch, this ain't no gun range. You want something to keep you busy?" He looks her over in a decidedly sleazy way. "Come on over here and lift that shirt, I got something you can handle." And he mimes just that. "Otherwise go back inside and shut the hell up!"
Robin is justifiably outraged and is about to give this jerk a piece of her mind when Barney beats her too it. In fact, she doesn't think she's ever seen him this angry. He unleashes a string of profanity so harsh even a sailor would blush, and then culminates the diatribe by grabbing Robin's gun back from her and pointing it directly at the guy's genitals. The man wisely makes a run for it back through his open window, slamming it shut and pulling down the shade.
Robin turns to Barney, her eyes wide and her face bathed in shock. "Barney," she gasps, stunned. "I've never seen you like that." She gazes at him – his expression still intense, the gun still in his hand – and it sparks something primal and uncontrollable in her. "God, you are a badass," she breathes. Before he can respond, she lunges at him, kissing him fiercely.
Robin's pressing her body against him, her tongue in his mouth, teasing his, and it only takes a second for Barney to respond in kind. "We should've – " he manages between kisses. "We should've started this is the – mmm – back in the apartment. Forget Survivor, we could've been on Intercourse Island already."
"Maybe. And maybe I'm not so easy." But the way her fingers are massaging the nape of his neck as she kisses him senseless suggests otherwise.
"No, you're not easy," he agrees. "But you melt for me." He runs his hand up her inner thigh to prove the point.
She draws an audible, harsh intake of breath at the movement of his fingers against her skin. "Yeah, but you melt for me too." She slides her hand over his chest, her open mouth tracing his neck, biting softly, as her hand continues down.
He makes a gruff, masculine sound that only makes her want him more. "I don't melt for you," he argues. "You, Robin, have just the opposite effect, as you can plainly feel."
When she does just that, he goes still a moment, then his hands are on her rear end, lifting her. Her legs go immediately around his waist, and he carries her into the little alcove behind the venting, pining her up against the brick wall.
"I thought you were cutting off sex," he whispers against her throat.
"I didn't try very hard." Her lips catch his again until it's too much and yet not nearly enough. "I want you. Now. Inside me now, Barney," she pants.
And in less than thirty-seconds he obliges.
Afterwards, Barney flips their positions so his back is against the wall, just in time too, as his knees give out and he slides them both down to rest on the rooftop. He's clothed from the waist up, but his pants are still around his ankles as Robin sits snugly on his bare thighs.
"Barney," she murmurs, "you defended me."
"Of course I did," he answers, as if it's the silliest thing in the world that he'd do anything else.
"You would've fought that guy."
"If I had to."
She leans in and kisses him once, then twice, until a sudden thought occurs to her. "Barney, where's my gun?"
Things had gotten so hot and heavy so fast, he honestly has no idea. His only thought was for the two of them coming together as quickly as possible. "I don't know," he admits, bemused
Robin laughs, setting her forehead to his. "I've missed this."
"Oh, I know," is his gruff reply.
"Not just the sex – although, yes, that is fantastic – I mean being this way, free and easy and….fun with you. That's what I missed the most this past year," she tells him.
Barney nods, his expression genuine as he moves his hands up to cup her face. "Me too," he agrees, his thumb running tenderly over her cheek. "But, really, this was less free and easy and fun, and more hot and wild and dirty."
Robin lifts her head to study him. "Do you think what Lily said is true? Are we in a 'honeymoon phase'?"
He thinks about it a moment before answering her. "I don't know. I don't think so. Will we one day be able to make it through a night at Marshall and Lily's without going up on the roof to have sex? Probably. But that doesn't mean I'll love you any less."
She smiles at that, wrapping her arms around him and snuggling in closer. "Or that I'll want you any less just because I've learned to contain myself till we get home."
He laughs softly, tucking a strand of her behind her ear and away from her eyes. "Seriously, Robin, I'm not sure we're ever going to learn how to do that, even after time goes by. Look at us before. We were together all summer and then some, but more than six months in – long after any 'honeymoon phase' – that still hadn't stopped. We still were having sex in so many crazy places we were even keeping a tally."
"We got up to ninety-six and a half beds," she says, kissing him sweetly. "It's the kind of chemistry that just doesn't go away."
Barney smiles, leaning in for another kiss, but then a noise on the ladder stops him. "Lily's coming," he mouths, panic in his eyes, because even now he's still half afraid of that woman, especially when she's angry.
"You fix yourself up," Robin whispers. "I'll go."
But it's actually Marshall's voice they hear next. "Are you finished?" he asks, shielding his eyes. "I don't want to see anything."
Robin starts to get up, but Barney pulls her back. "Wait." He reaches down to her chest, adjusting the top of her dress where one of her breasts is still partially exposed. "Those are just for the B-man now," he winks at her.
She grins, lifting herself off his lap with still-shaky legs, her skirt falling easily down into place. "It's okay, Marshall. You can open your eyes," she says, walking out from behind their alcove to see him standing near the roof's edge, still blocking his vision.
He drops his hand, telling her in frustration, "Lily made me come out here – she's still trying to get Marvin to bed – but I didn't want to walk in on anything while it was still in-progress."
"What makes you think there was anything to walk in on? We were just shooting empties," she lies nonchalantly, looking around the rooftop for her missing gun.
"Oh, please. I'm not an idiot. You guys can't keep doing this. You've got to take it home. Just man up and figure out where that is. We're getting too many complaints from our neighbors – first about the shooting and now someone saw you two going at it."
"They couldn't just sit back and enjoy the show?" Barney asks, reemerging from behind the alcove, looking impeccable as always.
"You're gonna get us kicked out of the apartment if you keep this up. You could have at least used our bedroom. That would have been gross but it wouldn't have violated public lewdness laws," Marshall says in a huff, disappearing back down the ladder toward the apartment.
Robin frowns over to Barney. "I think they're really mad this time."
"Yeah." Barney is quiet a minute, then he takes a deep breath. "Maybe…maybe Marshall's right. Maybe it would help if we did have a home…together." Robin's eyes shoot to his questioningly, and he hurries to explain. "I know it hasn't even been a month yet, but we've spent every single night together anyway, whether it was at my place or yours. We might as well be living together now."
"I know."
"You do?" he asks, relief clear in his voice.
"Well, it would make things a lot easier and….. even better if we were living together officially. I – I wanted to say so before but….I was hoping you'd bring it up first," she admits.
"You could have said something." He reaches for her hand. "Robin, you can tell me anything. It's hard, I know." And he winks to ease the moment. "But when we're feeling something we have to tell each other. We can't go back to just keeping it all inside. Look what that did to us before."
"I know," Robin nods. "You're right. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. Just come live with me, like we both want." He kisses her gently, lovingly, but breaks away when he realizes how that might sound. "Not that it has to be with me. I just thought that would be easier since I own my place and you're still renting yours, but if you don't want to live there – "
"No, it's okay. Your place does make the most sense. But, you know," she tells him, setting her palm to his cheek, "I am bringing more than just my mugs."
"Bring anything you want," Barney laughs happily. "Just bring yourself."
Robin shuffles in closer to kiss him, and as she does so her toe hits something on the floor. She looks down at the object skittering to a stop a few inches away. "Oh, my gun! There it is," she exclaims excitedly.
After three years apart, Barney doesn't want to waste a second more of time. First thing the next morning, he calls his Moving Guy. By the following night, Robin's stuff is mingling with his and the apartment is officially 'theirs'.
"Welcome home," he says to her as he shuts the door on the last of the movers, finally leaving them alone together. "What do you think of it?"
"They've got a few things in the wrong places, but we'll fix it." She crosses the room to him, running her hand up his arm to his shoulder. "Thank you for making room for me, Barney. I know how important your things are to you."
"You are important to me. I want this to be our place, not just my place where you happen to live."
Robin smiles at him until eventually they look away from each other to glance around the room, judgingly.
"The Stormtrooper," Barney suddenly remembers, a tension in his voice. "….It can go."
She shakes her head. "No, it stays. I was wrong."
"Robin, it's alright. We don't have to have a Stormtrooper in our living room. We can move it."
"No, it's perfect. It's you. I wouldn't want it anyplace else. Believe me, in every possible scenario, I've imagined it with us in the future."
"Okay," he says, giving her a strange look. "….But I know from before, you'll definitely want to get rid of the porn." Robin had helped him box up his impressive collection and put it into storage when he was dating Nora, but after the breakup it had come back out, perhaps not in its full glory but still enough to fill the shelves.
Robin frowns. This had been a big issue of contention with them back when they were dating the first time. On the one hand, she feels like if Barney would sweep it all away for Nora than he should certainly do the same for her too. But on the other hand, she doesn't want to completely stifle him. She still enjoys Barney being Barney. She fell in love with exactly who he is, and she wasn't nearly as fond of the subdued, restrained version of himself he presented when he was dating Nora. Sure, she likes a little romance, and flowers now and then are nice, but she doesn't want or need public serenades. She doesn't want Barney to be that person; it isn't real and it isn't him.
"How about if you scale back?" she offers in compromise. "I could go through them and pick my favorites that we can watch together."
Barney looks at her in awe. "And that's why you're the most awesome woman I've ever known." Robin shrugs, smiling. "What about when I'm alone?" he asks, still looking for a catch somewhere and thinking he's probably just found it.
Robin sighs heavily. "Barney, I really don't want you sitting here alone, fantasizing about being with some other woman. It's the same issue I have with strip clubs. I know you used to say it's innocent because you're not doing anything, but sometimes wanting to do it is almost just as bad."
He digests this new information thoughtfully. He never really saw it that way before, that his imaginary fantasies could actually be painful to her. He still doesn't agree that merely having lustful thoughts about someone else, especially a random stripper or porn star, can even be classified in the same ballpark as actual cheating. But then he has to admit that it would deeply bother him to think of Robin picturing having sex with some other guy.
"I guess I get that," he tells her finally. "But watching it when you're alone is pretty much the point of porn, or else you wouldn't need it."
She considers this and can see where he's coming from. Still, it doesn't make her like the idea of it any more. But then another thought occurs to her. "We'll make our own for you."
Barney's eyes go wide. "You've lifted the videotaping ban?"
"I was never against it, per se. I just didn't want you critiquing the playback like our lovemaking was some stupid football game. And I have to know about," she adds, firmly.
"Agreed."
"But otherwise," she says, her fingers playing with the end of his tie and her voice going soft and low, "it's kinda hot. The thought of you here alone while I'm away, getting off to tapes of the two of us."
"Yeah?" Barney grins. "You like that?"
Robin nods, setting her hands against his chest. "I do."
He tilts his head to the side. "Then…I guess I can tell you now."
She looks at him questioningly. He's wearing that Guilty Barney expression, which is never a good sign. "Tell me what?" she asks warily.
"I still have a few DVDs of us packed away from before." Before she can react to that, he rushes forward with the full confession. "And….and one from the night we were together last year. I really wasn't kidding about there being a tape of us doing it," he ruefully admits.
Robin shakes her head, trying to wrap her mind around this. "But how? That night wasn't even remotely planned."
Barney blows out a heavy breath before launching into the whole shameful story. "I was still with Nora then, and our sex life wasn't exactly amazing. We only slept together twice. I never unhooked the motion-activated cameras in my bedroom. I thought it might spice things up, at least for me. But then the cameras captured us." He pauses, looking away. "I knew what I should have done with it but, after you stayed with Kevin, I thought I'd lost you for good. It was the last piece of you I had left. I couldn't erase it. I used to watch it," he reveals, digging himself deeper, but it's full disclosure time; that was their rule. "I knew it was sick and destructive and just not good for me at all – and probably some kind of violation to you – but I…I couldn't help myself. It was us, and I needed you back with me so badly. I yearned for you, Robin; I couldn't stop it, I couldn't shut it off." He dares to glance over at her but her expression is giving nothing away. Even so, he presses on through the rest. He might as well get in trouble for it all at once. "There were even a few times I watched it when I was still with Quinn. She was gone almost every night, so I was always on my own. You and I were barely speaking in those months. I missed you so much….and a few nights I dug out that recording. I watched us together and I imagined being with you, tried to relive it all over again."
Robin kisses him suddenly, and it takes several shocked moments before he can even think to return it. "You're not mad?" he asks, when she finally pulls away.
She shakes her head softly. "No, not really. I mean, I guess it's kind of messed up, but it actually makes me feel weirdly good to know you were longing for me as much as I was longing for you, even when you were with someone else."
She kisses him again, and this time he wholeheartedly gets in on the action.
"But these new tapes of us will be better," she promises. "We can even throw in a little plot, like we did with our role-play last week."
"Yeah, that would've made great porn."
Robin smirks. "Okay. So it'll be the return of Agent Stinson." A thought occurs to her and she gasps. "Maybe you could dress up as a hockey player."
Barney tips his head in concession that he'd be willing to do that. "What about you? Do you still have the sexy nurse costume from that ridiculous commercial you made? The one that zips all the way down the front?"
"Mm-hmm. Did you keep the Canadian Mountie outfit?"
"I knew that was a crazy sex thing!" Then he realizes, "I really should have just worn it." Robin nods and he laughs, wrapping his arms around her and bringing her in close. "Hmm, you could dress up like a school girl – Oooh, Oooh!" And now he's jumping up and down with excitement. "Robin Sparkles! You can finally do a Robin Sparkles porn – and I can co-star in it." He's visibly thrilled at the notion.
"Oh, you're gonna have to really work to get me to agree to that."
"I have my ways," he says boastfully, pressing her closer into him. "Let's just say I know how to get you to the mall – by going straight downtown." Grinning widely, Barney lifts his fist for a bump.
Robin can't help smiling back. "Yeah, you do," she admits, giving his fist the respect it deserves by bumping it back. She gets a devilish snigger and nod in reply. "But just so you know, all of our little homemade films will be strictly two-way; I no longer do performances of "Two Beavers are Better than One"."
Barney's face breaks out into a beaming smile. "Oh, what up! I-finally-got-you-to-admit-that-song-was-dirty five!" When she breaks down and gives it to him, he laughs proudly, pressing a kiss to her lips. "Mmm, do you wanna go do it in our bedroom?"
"Hell yeah."
Barney grabs her hand and they start toward the bedroom, but he pauses at the hallway, nodding back towards the kitchen. "Bring the maple syrup."
She stops, staring at him curiously. "Old King Clancy?" she whispers.
"Robin, I'm about to show you how it's really done."
She bites her lip, following eagerly after him.
AN: I have one more guaranteed chapter after this (but a whole lot of ideas I'm saving for later), where Barney and Robin will be babysitting Marvin, and it will touch a lot on her infertility and the events of 7.12. After that, Season 8 will be starting back up and I'll be returning to "Catching the Clock". So this next one may be the final future-set chapter before I merge it together with the format of "Catching the Clock" and return to doing a chapter for each episode. It all depends on how soon B/R get back together. Once they do, I'm going to close out "Catching The Clock" and continue on "The Season of Us" but each chapter will be in real time, the same as the episode that just aired.
