What It Feels Like To Be A Ghost

C'mon people, last chapter was supposed to be a turnover chapter where you realized what was exactly going on! I got two reviews….Two, and a bunch of story alert notifications. You guys can do better than this, right? I wanna know thoguhts, likes, dislikes, the whole nine yards. Or I mean a simple 'great update, pms!' is always welcome.

Part Four: Bend and Not Break

Alex poured drink after drink, for seven hours straight. She hadn't eaten all day, and knew that she should probably put something inside of her stomach, before it ate itself. However that thought sounded pretty good, because at least then she wouldn't have to deal with the feelings coursing throughout her mind.

Wringing the rag in her hands, Alex heard a throat clear. "We're closed" she stated not looking up.
"Alex." The voice made Alex stop what she was doing, and look up. Her blue eyes met sad, red rimmed brown ones.
"Hi" Summer said quietly, taking a seat along the abandoned bar.
"Do you want anything to drink?" Alex questioned, before Summer could respond Alex placed two bottles of water on the counter.
"How've you been doing?" Summer asked, resting her head on her elbow.
"Okay"
"Just okay?"
"Yeah, I mean there's not much else I can feel in regard to everything that's happened."
"I know what you mean."
"What about you?" Alex questioned, already knowing the answer.
"Pretty shitty. Cohen tries to help, but he doesn't really know what I'm going through. If anything he's just a nice distraction most of the time, he stops me from thinking about her."
"I wish I could stop." Alex mumbled under her breath.
"I don't think people understand what it's like to lose their best friend," Summer said, "or girlfriend." She added looking up at Alex, who seemed to stop moving at what she had said.

Alex began to twist the rag in her hands, not sure of what she should say. Her eyes began to dart around the room, trying to look anywhere except for Summer's face.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." Summer stated looking down at her hands.
"No," Alex began, "It's fine, it's just still hard for me to talk about it, about her." Alex shrugged it off.
"Do you want to talk about it? About her?" Summer questioned hesitantly.
"Not really." Alex answered meeting her gaze.
"Well if you ever do, you have my number." Summer stood from her seat, and gave Alex one last glance before heading back up the stairs and out of the bar.

Alex remained motionless, her mind unable to stop the memory from playing in her mind. The memory that had changed her life forever.

Alex sat up in bed a book in her hands, glancing at the clock she realized it was almost midnight. Marissa had said she would be back in ten minutes, but it had already been an hour. Picking up her cell phone, Alex called Marissa.

"Hey babe." Marissa said picking up the phone.
"Hey where are you?" Alex questioned.
"You worried?" Marissa teased.
"Maybe," Alex laughed, "You said you'd be back in like ten minutes."
"I know the store I went to didn't have what I was looking for."
"I thought you were just getting snacks."
"Yeah, they didn't have any, well they didn't have the ones I wanted."
"So you've been driving for an hour to get the ones you wanted?"
"Pretty much."
"You're cute." Alex laughed, "I could have just gotten them for you after work."
"No it's okay, I don't mind getting them. But I'm gonna get off the phone, there's this ass tailing me."
"Try not to break check him, I wouldn't want you to get into an accident or anything."
"I'll try not to."
"I don't want to lose you just yet." Alex laughed again.
"Yeah cause you wouldn't know what to do if you did, I love you."
"Love you too."

Another hour passed and Alex began to grow worried, she picked up her phone again and dialed Marissa's number, only this time it went straight to voicemail. Figuring Marissa's phone had died, Alex tried not to think much of it. Twenty minutes later, her phone began to ring.

"Alex there's been an accident." Seth said hurriedly, as if he were running.
"What happened?" Alex questioned, her voice rising.
"Marissa was in an accident."
"Is she okay?"
"I…." Seth said, before Alex distinctly heard Summer crying in the background.
"You need to get to the hospital as soon as you can."He mumbled before hanging up.

Alex threw on a pair of jeans and a black hoodie before leaving the apartment. She drove well above the speed limit, and made it to the hospital in less than ten minutes. Making her way to the emergency room, she saw the entire Cohen family, including Summer. Everyone sat huddled around each other, Kirsten and Summer crying.

When Alex approached Seth looked up at her, his eyes sad. The whole family looked up at her, while Seth merely shook his head. Alex turned on the spot and ran out of the room. Her footsteps pounding on the linoleum and then the cement.

"Alex…." She heard Ryan say, stopping she turned to face him.
"I'm sorry."
"No, this..no she just talked to me." Alex managed out, her mind trying desperately to process everything.
"Alex…" Ryan repeated gently, pulling her into his arms.
"She told me she loved me." Alex mumbled into his shoulder unable to stop the tears.

Alex laughed bitterly at the memory, never in a million years did she think she would have hugged Ryan, much less share a moment with him.

Alex was led back into the emergency room, where Summer engulfed her, both girls crying desperately and holding onto each other for dear life. Neither one believing that Marissa was really gone.

She remembered being allowed to see Marissa's body, broken and damaged but still beautiful. She was always going to be beautiful in Alex's mind.

Alex gave up on finishing the cleaning duties for the bar, she headed straight for her office, a bottle of vodka in her hand. Closing the door, she unscrewed the cap and brought the bottle to her lips. Never once taking a breath, she downed almost half the bottle. The taste not bothering her, the burning not bothering her. Nothing bothered her much these days.

Setting the bottle down on her desk, Alex stood a few minutes feeling the effects begin to settle in. She breathed in deeply, and smelled just the slightest trace of channel number five. Marissa's smell. Opening her eyes, Alex looked around the room desperately, her eyes landing on a figure sitting on the couch. Making her way over, Alex collapsed next to the figure.

"You're back." She murmured placing her hand on the figure's thigh.
"For a little while yes."
"Why'd you have to leave me?"
"I didn't want to leave you."
"But you did."
"It's not much like I had a choice."
"You didn't have to go get snacks, you didn't have to go out. I could have gone, we could have gone."
"Alex it was bound to happen."
"No! No, it wasn't. We were bound to be together, this wasn't supposed to happen."

Marissa gave Alex a sad smile, Alex blinked and when she opened her eyes again Marissa was gone. Like always Marissa had left her heartbroken.