Starting Over

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal minds.

'Our hours in love have wings, in absence crutches.'~ Colley Cibber.

XXXXXX

Spencer woke up again with the sensation that he couldn't breathe. He took a deep breath and exhaled, attempting to let some of the tension out of his body. He wanted to sleep now. he told the team that he would be back at work tomorrow. Not that they would hold him to it, Hotch even suggested he stay home a little longer as he did when Haley died. Hotch had Jack at home to care for, He himself was alone with only his thoughts and memories.

Last week JJ. Garcia and Morgan had come over and helped him clean up his apartment. He was grateful for their assistance and not one of them had asked why half the books he owned were strewn all over his apartment floor. He was loathe to tell them what he had been looking for. It also gave them some sense that they were helping him and that he was ready to move on. It wasn't really moving on; when everyone had gone home he took the book Maeve had given him and placed it on the shelf. It was put away but it wasn't out of sight. The pain of losing her was still deeply engraved in his heart, Her voice echoed in his ears and at the most unexpected times her beautiful face would appear in his minds eye. That face he had so little time to see but he would remember forever.

Reid was forcing himself to start over by trying to appear and act as normal as possible. Act was the key word. He could not imagine a time this pain would not be a permanent part of him. In the mornings he would shower, eat breakfast, go to work come home, sleep and then do it all over again the next day . He would be like a robot programmed to repeat actions over and over again. It made evryone elsre happier if it seemed like he were moving on.

He had not returned the call to Prentiss, somehow he couldn't bring himself to talk to her, he was unable to fool her, she always saw right through him. He didn't want her kind words and sympathy. He also didn't want to cry anymore. He wanted to just be.

He would start writing letters to his mother again, he had stopped when Maeve died. The staff at Bennington were so concerned that they called to see if something had happened to him. He never missed a letter, even when he was higher than a kite, he still managed to write his mother on a regular basis.

Thinking of his mother brought back an old memory. He recalled coming down with the flu when he was about 11. His mother was having one of her bad episodes and barely knew he was even in the house. He was sick and there was no one to look after him. He remembered lying there feverishly longing for a regular mom that would kiss his brow to gauge his temperature and make him soup. He felt the same way now. He dismissed these yearnings as childish and finally gave up on sleep and got up to make a pot of coffee.

XXXX

David was the second member of the team to get in early, usually he headed straight for his desk but the sight of Hotch staring out a window in his office struck him as rather odd. He hoped nothing else had happened. Today was supposed to be Reid's first full day back.

"Aaron, everything alright?" Dave asked.

Hotch turned around, he was holding a file in his hand.

"The unsub that has been copying murders in cases we have solved has commtted another one. I just received this photo from the Portland Police department."

David frowned, there was something in Hotch's voice that made Dave think that this particular one was more heinous than the others.

"Do you want the team to see it when they get in?"

Hotch appeared to be having some inner debate on what to do. He slowly shook his head and laid the file down for Dave to see.

Rossi gasped when he saw the picture "Son of a bitch" he whispered.

Hotch nodded, "Reid can't see this, we haven't been asked to come in on the case, so for now let's just keep this particular crimescene between ourselves for awhile."

Rossi agreed. "This is the last thing he needs to see on his first day back," he picked up the file and studied the detail in the picture

The photo showed two women lying on a floor side by side with blood pooled around their heads caused by a single gunshot wound.

TBC.

Please read and review.