Man. I'm so happy with this. This was a benchmark chapter, believe it or not. Hope you guys enjoy it. Also, please review. Every time. Go ahead, and feed my ego. Just do it. (Nah, you don't have to) Hope you understand 23 a little better now.
*Edit (I fixed the line breaks. Sorry, I forgot about them. I'm tired, so yeah. Anyways, Enjoy)
"Damn it…"
23 sighed, sinking into the co-pilots chair. The entire mission was a failure. Maybe if he'd explained more. Maybe if Tali let him use the data. Maybe…
-Maybe if Koris wasn't a bastard, it wouldn't have turned out like this-
The final thought stirred an angry noise from his throat. It surprised even himself.
-I'm growling? Jesus, maybe I'm turning into a Turian-
Zaeed sat to his left, piloting the shuttle. The mercenary didn't say anything for a while, just causally glancing over at the stewing assassin. The shifty looks were noticed by 23, who wasn't in the mood to deal with such things.
"You got a problem, Messani?"
Zaeed didn't say anything for a second, judging the situation. Finally, he responded, his rough voice emphasizing the point.
"I'm wondering why you're up here in the cockpit moaning like a bitch, while the only person on this damned shuttle who has reason to complain is sitting in the back all to her lonesome."
Cole narrowed his eyes, ready to retort before the words died in his throat. Zaeed was right after all. Here he was complaining when really, Tali was the one who had just lost everything. Then again, she had just lost everything because it seemed that 23 was incapable of helping the people he cared about. It only served to add to his depression, which then turned to anger towards himself.
"She's not alone. Kasumi went back there to help her cope."
Zaeed merely grunted. The conversation came to a close, allowing 23 to review his mistakes.
-Let's run down the list, shall we? First, you let her father get killed. Second, you let her convince you to delete the data. That was stupid-
Cole frowned, his mind creating a counter-argument.
-No. She wouldn't have ever forgiven me. I couldn't….-
He yelled at himself.
-Couldn't what? Give up your friendship for her happiness? For a future with her people, her family, the people who cared for her? What the hell kind of reasoning is that?-
He closed his eyes.
-I cared for her. I STILL care for her. I could…I could give her everything-
His eyes shot open when he thought that. Was he really going there? After what had just happened?
-Goddamn it. I can't do this. I can't do that to her. It's not safe, it's not a sure thing, it's not-
His romantic side pushed through, the heart talking to the mind.
-It's not what? Natural? You sound like Lawson. You know how you feel about Tali. You know what she did for you-
He grimaced outwardly.
-I know what she did for me. I know how I feel about her. How I want her. But I can't. No matter what I want to give her, no matter how much I care for her, I can't. I let her down. It'd be a mockery to share my feelings when I can't even save her from her own people. She deserves better-
Leaning against the chair, his internal conversation fell silent, the note of finality implied at the end of his monologue. However, his heart wasn't done.
-She made you better. She protected you. She helped you. She saved you-
He wanted to scream at himself.
-I couldn't save her!-
-You still can!-
"So It'll take us about nine hours to reach the rela-"
23 bolted out of the chair, the voice surprising him. Zaeed turned, startled at the sudden movement.
"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?"
Cole glanced around, realizing he'd been deep in thought.
"Er. Nothing. Just…Nevermind."
At the finish of his sentence, the door to the shuttle opened, revealing Kasumi. She stepped into the cramped room, stealing 23's seat. She looked exhausted, as well as sad. Cole looked at her questioningly.
"Tali is…She's alright, but…She's hurt. I watched her put together and take apart a heating unit that was working just fine. She swore there was something wrong with it, but…you need to talk to her, 23. She just needs someone there for her, and it can't be me."
Cole opened his mouth when she resumed.
"She needs you."
He closed his eyes, mentally preparing himself.
-Go on. You can do it-
Was this how she had felt? When he stormed off to the cargo hold after flashing back to the Rebirth, was she thinking the same thoughts?
-You owe her. Show her she still has something-
23 sighed, straightened his posture, and stepped into the cramped compartment. For the first time since before all this had started. Since before he had lost himself to this new reality, he felt butterflies in his stomach.
The clicking of holo-pad was fast, calculated, and efficient. Garrus stood at the console, his three-fingered hand flying over the buttons, while he refused to move, dedicated to the task.
His mind however, was a different thing altogether.
-She betrayed me. Shepard. How could she? I had him in my sights. All she needed to do was move-
He remembered the feel of the trigger against his finger, the scope to his eye. He nearly opened fire when he saw the familiar colony marks approaching, the face just as strong a reminder.
-I had him. I was ready. She had no right to choose to let him go-
She talked to him, asking his name. The air around him almost stopped, his breath slowing for the shot.
-My soldiers. My team. My mission. She ruined it all-
He could still remember the look she gave him, the Turian voice on the other side of the mike, apologizing.
-Damn him. Damn her-
There wasn't anything to say on the flight back to the Normandy. Shepard had bought the biggest lie possible.
He slammed his hands down onto the desk, the hologram disabled.
"DAMN IT!"
He breathed hard, the anger seeping into his mind again. Calmly, he resolved to push out of this. Despite his rage, he could maintain himself. They still had a mission to do.
The sound of the battery doors opening caught his attention, but he refused to turn around. He knew who it was.
"Garrus."
Shepard's voice was softer than normal. She way trying to comfort him. He shrugged off the effort, not speaking to her. She tried again, with a more direct approach, the slight annoyance creeping into her tone.
"Officer Vakarian, are you busy?"
He barely raised his voice over a whisper, trying not to let the anger slip in.
"Can it wait for a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations."
Alicia sighed, leaning against the door.
"No. I need to talk to my XO. Please Garrus."
Still, he didn't turn around, refusing to acknowledge her. Deep down, the Turian soldier in him screamed, yet he continued to rebel.
"I'm afraid they can't wait. I'm sorry, Commander."
Shepard narrowed her eyes. She was friends with Garrus, and in all the times he had ever called her that, it was with respect and admiration, even care. Yet, this time, it was different. Angry, almost mocking. She wasn't going to let that slide.
She walked up to him, grabbing him by his armor's collar. Spinning him around, she threw the startled Turian against the wall, holding him up by the neck with her arm. The move happened so quickly, Garrus couldn't respond. Shepard spoke, the anger obvious in her voice.
"Don't pull that shit with me, Vakarian! You think I wanted to let him go? I know what he did to you, and trust me, I'd have been willing to pull the trigger. But this wasn't about me. It was about you."
"It was about me and him! You would-"
She pressed harder, cutting off his words. Alicia could hardly believe she was holding him up, but something was stirring inside her, letting her body ignore that small fact.
"Yeah. I let him go. But you think I didn't have my reasons? You haven't had to see your best friend lose it while hunting some shadow. I know what's got you, Garrus. I know how you feel. It's that feeling I had when I lost Ashley."
Garrus narrowed his eyes, but remained silent.
"Sidonis betrayed you. Your team, your family, was killed. I understand. But if you really wanted him dead, then why didn't you kill him when he walked away from me?"
He looked up, away from Shepard. Why hadn't he? She wouldn't have been able to stop him. It was a clear shot. What had stopped him?
"You didn't want to kill him, Garrus. You don't blame him. You blame yourself."
He opened his mouth, ready to respond, but stopped. Alicia continued.
"I wasn't going to let you make that mistake. You needed to stop trying to turn it into another mission. You need to realize, that it wasn't your fault. It was them. The mercenaries. I could never let someone I love make such a horrible mistake. I'm sorry."
She slowly let him down, his feet hitting the floor solidly. Shepard looked at him, her eyes a little more tender.
"I'd rather not lose someone like you, Garrus. Can you forgive me?"
Garrus looked at her.
-How could she…She had no right to…to…-
His internal self slapped the part of his mind that was still angry.
"I…You're right, Shepard. But you aren't the one needing to apologize. I am."
Shepard smiled, taking his hand with hers.
"Apology accepted."
Garrus took his eyes from the floor, looking at Shepard again.
"Heh. I surprised myself. Talking back to a commanding officer. Lucky this isn't a Turian ship, or they'd toss me out the airlock."
Alicia smirked.
"That can still be arraigned, Officer Vakarian."
She started to turn, ready to leave, lest she give in and kiss him. The situation had gotten to her more than she expected. She was almost out the door before she heard him.
"I'm a little curious though. What exactly did you mean by love, Shepard?"
She froze, the words playing in her mind again and again. He had heard it. Turning, she smiled nervously. He stood there, arms crossed, a stupid Turian eyebrow raised.
"I…meant, a…a…"
She was livid with herself. No man alive had rendered her incapable of speech. She needed to think fast, or the gig was up.
-The gig's already up. He knows-
It was obvious from his stance that her mind was right. She had two options now. She could run away, and hope he didn't come looking, or…
Shepard dropped the nervous smile, eyes sinking darker with lust. Her breath drew it heavily, and she stalked towards him quickly. She was on him before he even knew what hit him.
She kissed him in full, the momentum she had built carrying them back into the battery. The door shut as Alicia wrapped her arm around his neck, pulling herself closer to him.
-It's all or nothing now-
Turians weren't natural kissers. Garrus didn't know exactly how to react, but the few vids he had seen did teach him a few things.
He brought his arms around her back, pulling her even closer. Next, he pushed his head forward, effectively returning the kiss. Moving his mandibles, he was able to imitate some sort of lip movement, which earned a quiet sigh from Shepard.
Finally, they pulled apart, their arms still wrapped around each other. Garrus looked down at her, a happiness starting to swell in his chest. Shepard was wearing a silly grin, her normally orderly demeanor now disheveled all to hell.
"How long, Shepard."
She leaned into his armor, resting her head against his shoulder.
"Since the clinic. Took me long enough, eh?"
Garrus nearly lost it right there.
"The clinic? Damn it Shepard! You had all those opportunities to tell me, and you have to go and die before I find out?"
She smirked at him, wiping a lose hair from her forehead.
"It wasn't just me, Vakarian. You had a choice as well."
He turned away from her, clearing his throat.
"Er…That's true. Sorry Shepard."
They stood like this for a few minutes, simply enjoying the turn of events, and each other.
"Where do we go from here?"
Shepard smiled at him.
"Do you like kissing me?"
Garrus lowered his head to hers, bumping softly against her.
"I like a lot of things about you, Shepard. Kissing included."
She leaned towards him, ready for another kiss. He almost made it too, until she went past his mandible, and for his ear.
"Then we go from here, to my cabin. Ten minutes."
She stepped back from him, running her hand down his face. Even with her soft skin, it felt warm.
"Don't be late, Officer Vakarian."
With that, she walked off, leaving a very nervous and excited Turian standing there, watching her hips sway casually.
He watched her work, her hands moving quickly over the components, determined to find the small error in the machinery.
Cole wondered how to break her from her spell. He tried to talk to her, but she simply responded with quiet noises of approval, or disapproval.
"Tali, maybe you should take a break. You've been at it for a few hours."
She didn't even turn to answer him.
"I can't, 23. This heating unit needs to be repaired."
He glanced past her, at the wiring of the unit. It wasn't connected to the ship, or anything secondary.
"Tali."
She just kept working at an exhaustive pace. He raised his voice.
"TALI."
She turned to him for a brief second, her annoyance obvious.
"I'm trying to work. If you want to bother someone, go talk guns with Zaeed, or…I don't know."
Cole sighed. It didn't bother him that she had responded as she did.
"Tali, you need to take a break. Please."
She stopped for a second, her hand hovering hesitantly over a tool. Cole tried again.
"For me?"
Her voice was quiet.
"I can't. I need to fix this. If I can…"
Her voice broke, and he could hear the pain start to slip out.
"If I can fix this, I'll be happy. Please, 23. I just….I just need to fix this, and everything will be alright."
She turned away from him entirely, her hands working on the machinery in the wall.
He knew what has happening.
-How do I…Screw it. Worked for me-
He approached her, stepping over the unit. She didn't notice him.
He walked up behind her, placing his hands around her waist. She felt him, and stopped her repairs.
"Let me work, 23."
He didn't say anything, as he continued forward, wrapping his arms around her torso. He was against her now, and he placed his head in the crook of her neck.
"Tali. C'mon."
She was starting to tremble slightly. She knew what he was trying to do.
"I…Cole, please. I just…If I fix this, then...Please. let me fix this. I can do it."
He didn't say anything.
"Please, Cole."
He whispered softly, his words barely picked up by her audio receptors.
"I'm sorry, Tali. I'm sorry."
She dropped the tools, her hands lay at her side. Leaning back against him, her frame wracked with the silent sobs she had trapped. Cole merely held her tighter, reminding her that he was there for her.
She turned, facing him. She embraced him, her silent cries masked beneath her helmet. Cole refused to let go until she demanded it.
Tali lay along the seat, head resting in 23's lap. He was checking the arrival time, and slowly rubbing Tali's arm soothingly. She looked up after a while, her silver eyes meeting his brown. Her voice still sounded a little sad, but it was different. Healed, almost.
"Cole…"
He smiled softly.
"How can I help?"
She shook her head. Taking his hand, she held it with her own. Leaning her head against his leg again, she spoke, barely a whisper.
"Thank you."
As they laid there in silence, Tali's mind was abuzz. She had nothing left. No family, no mission, no reason. It suddenly dawned on her that she had nothing to lose. Coming to a conclusion, she finally made up her mind.
She was going to tell Cole that she loved him.
Next chapter is going to take a little longer. I did get this one up fairly quickly though, didn't I?
