Author Note – This chapter should've been finished weeks ago, most of it was done but real life kept rearing its ugly head, so I apologise for the delay.
Chapter Four – Keeping Your Word
Natasha steps into the lab, letting her heels click loudly on the polished floor as she walks past Bruce to the centre of the room. She looks at his illuminated computer screen, his inbox on display. She keeps going, feeling out of place in the room where he feels most at ease. It's far from neutral ground and evokes memories of getting to know him, happy ones which are now bittersweet. She turns on her heel to find him staring at her. His gentle, kind brown eyes unnerve her more than she already is. She turns her head towards the computer. "Were you busy?"
"No, I was just looking through the messages I missed when I was…" Bruce gestures instead of finishing his sentence, stilling when he notices his jacket folded over her arm. When he trails off Natasha turns back to see him slowly drags his eyes up to her face, searching, longing. She sees the questions in his eyes only he doesn't voice them as he self-consciously scratches the back of his neck as he realises she's seen Tony.
Hastily, Natasha walks forward to meet him halfway, handing him his jacket and tie. Their fingers brush and she looks away before side stepping him to move around the room trying to find something beside him to focus on. She finally settles on his desk at the side of the room. She feels his eyes on her as she strokes her fingers across the corner of his desk, remembering a time when she would perch on it to distract him while he was working. He was always pleasantly surprised at her quirky sense of entitlement, even after they became friends. She never pointed out that she usually only took those liberties with Clint, and if Bruce realised she was as comfortable with him as she was with her best friend, he never mentioned it.
'Best friend,' she inwardly sighs. She never felt the need to make the distinction before she grew close to Bruce, one she made quite often after she realised she wanted to be more than Bruce's friend. She would never betray Clint by revealing his family without his permission, that was his story to tell, but she wanted Bruce to understand their friendship was just that. She's half tempted to slide on the desk to remind him of the easier, less emotionally trying times. She takes half a step to pivot but her eyes catch sight of the open, half empty duffle on floor tucked behind the desk leg. She pauses for a fraction of a second, frowning down at the offending bag as her heart clenches. While she knew he might leave again, the reality hurts. For a split second she feels like she's back on the Helicarrier and the Hulk just cut the connection to the Quinjet. Sucking in a breath Natasha looks over her shoulder to meet his eyes again, inclining her head toward the duffle.
"Packing?" He never unpacks, not completely. There's always a go-bag stashed somewhere.
"Would you like me to leave?" Bruce counters with a small edge to his voice.
She had almost forgotten how blunt he could be when he was feeling defensive. Natasha feels out of sync with him and everything else. And she doesn't have the energy to pretend to be as guarded as she used to be. She didn't come here to argue but couldn't blame him for thinking otherwise. She had been blunt with him when he approached her earlier. Facing him, Natasha softens her expression and drags her hand over the desk again as she steps closer to him.
"I want to ask if you're staying, but I don't know if that's a question I get to ask."
"Natasha," he draws out her name apologetically. He doesn't attempt to breach the space between them, just shakes his head. "Why are we doing this? Maybe we should just forget-."
"Is that what you want?" Natasha cuts in.
He looks as if he's about to agree but he seems more lost than ever when he shakes his head. "No," Bruce reiterates when she lifts an eyebrow at him. "No, I…" The rest of his explanation dies on his lips. "I'm sorry, Natasha."
"For leaving? Or for not telling me you were back?"
"Both," he tells her without missing a beat. "I never meant to ambush you."
"I know," Natasha says gently. She did know Bruce meant to ambush her. Even if she hadn't heard as much from Tony, she would know. Still, he'd been naïve to assume Tony wouldn't. "A head's up would've been nice."
He offers her a contrite look although he still seems confused at seemingly being let off the hook so easily. She puts it down to being out of sorts but doesn't dwell on it. She didn't come here to play the blame game. She came because she missed him and the way she felt when he was near her. She turns fully toward him and sees a tiny flicker over his shoulder through the glass wall which looks out toward the large living room.
"This isn't how I thought this would go," Natasha says, without letting her gaze linger on the spot.
"You thought about this?" She supresses her smile at the genuine surprise she hears in his voice.
"Yeah," she shrugs as if it were obvious. "But I thought it would be just you and me."
"It is just you and me," Bruce tells her with a frown.
"You think we're alone?" Natasha questions and Bruce's brow knits together in confusion. "Your lab kind of has a gold fish bowl quality to it," she explains with a small smile. Bruce turns when she points beyond him through the glass wall to Steve on the balcony where Tony has joined him. Her predatory smile has always been her most disarming silent threat, and she uses it now for their benefit rather than Bruce's. They baulk at being caught mid-gawk and spin to face the city skyline as Stark starts gesturing at the view and Steve stands beside him, nodding awkwardly. Seconds later Steve starts to turn his head to either see if they're still being watched or throw them an apologetic look but Tony's hand clamps down on his shoulder to keep him where he is. Bruce huffs out a chuckle which borders on fond amusement. She presses her lips together to smother her smile as she drops her hand. "Just you and me huh?" She asks rhetorically, teasing him with his words from years ago when they first met.
"Point taken," Bruce deadpans as he faces her again, his eyes alight with humour. A moment passes as he considers their quandary. "Tony has cameras everywhere; it'll be hard to find the privacy we want."
Natasha answers him with a lopsided smile and steps close enough to wind her hand loosely around his wrist, quickly sliding her fingers down across his palm to interlock with his. "Follow me," she says into his ear and tugs him out of the lab.
They make their way along the corridor without another word. She doesn't relinquish her hold on his hand nor does he try to wriggle from her grasp. She spares him a furtive glance; he's keeping up with her stride and focusing on their path. Her relationship with him works differently, she doesn't plan ahead or calculate every move or word because it's hard to predict his reaction. She works on instinct. And it's one of the scariest, exhilarating things she's ever done. Continuously opening up to Bruce and knowing he is a flight risk is daunting. Years ago, she wouldn't have cared; now, after so many drastic changes to her life in a relatively short period of time, she wants some stability. After nearly six months apart, he is hard to read but something in him has shifted, that much she can tell. Without letting go of his hand, Natasha takes the lead as they approach the personal quarters. Tony hasn't changed them in the months since they moved out, nor demanded they remove the last of their belongings, his subtle way of telling them that they'll always be welcome at the tower without actually saying it. He matches her pace as she quickens, so close behind her that she can feel him.
Moments later her free hand encircles his door handle and turns it. The bolt gives way easily and they slip inside. The moonlight pours in through the half-slanted blinds, casting parallel lines of shadow across them. Neither say a word to FRIDAY to turn the light on. Both stop in front of his bed and Bruce's fingers fall from hers. Her fingers feel the loss and her thumb rubs the pads of her fingers, taking in the residual warmth. He surprises her by stepping into her back, his confidence belied by the slight shake of his hands when they come to rest lightly on her shoulders. She's killed for less but she doesn't shake him off as the usual shot of adrenaline shoots through her at his touch. For people who fiercely guard their personal space, contact had become an integral part of her relationship with Bruce and the Hulk. She encourages him by sinking back into his hands when his thumbs lightly work the knots she had been ignoring at the base of her neck. She releases a quiet sigh and looks out over the city, the one they saved together with their team, the one they lived in together, where they let go of their monsters for a little bit, where they were able to feel at home, albeit a skewed version of what many would consider home.
"Just you and me," she sighs softly.
"Could be worse," Bruce murmurs. A smile cracks her face. His thumbs rub her skin to soothe it as he feels the knots give way. "Tony could suit up and fly by the window."
That makes her snicker as she shrugs him off and faces him with a smile. "He won't if he knows what's best for him." She tempers her expression as he looks indecisive as his hands twitch and inch toward her waist only to change his mind and stuff them in his pockets at the last second. "You could've called, I would've met you wherever you wanted to," she tells him. There's no point putting this off any longer.
"I know," he huffs out and shakes his head. "But I didn't even want to be there Natasha; I wasn't going to drag you there too."
"You're not the only one who wants to escape who they are," she reminds him.
"Isn't that what we do here?" Her head tilts slightly, waiting for him to elaborate. It's Bruce's turn to sigh, only it's not content like hers were. "I got caught up in this romantic idea that I was doing something good."
"Like I said, you're not the only one," Natasha says thickly, blinking quickly as her eyes water. Bruce regards her with compassion, realising his mistake. "You spent so much time worrying that he would hurt me and you hurt me more than he could because I can deal with physical pain Bruce."
"I was trying to protect you," he defends weakly.
"It didn't work and you both hurt me," her voice cracks.
"We finally found something we agree on," he says darkly with a sad laugh.
"You're a package deal," Natasha quips sarcastically.
"And you deserve more than that."
"At least I accept it." The words fall from her mouth before she can stop them, "So did you, for a while."
"I became complacent," he corrects, his eyes flashing meaningfully.
She has to step back to get some space. Being so close to him, listening to his dismissal of the progress, is difficult for her to accept. She spins on her heel and stops in front of the window. She's looks through the slanted blinds at the sea of lights coming up from the streets below. "Why did you come back?"
"I missed you," he says it so easily, so simply, another shot of adrenaline pulses through her. "I know you're angry with me and I understand you don't want-."
"I'm not angry with you, I understand why you stayed away," Natasha interjects. "You're not the only one who should apologise for what happened, I shouldn't have forced you to change."
He inhales sharply behind her and his feet shuffle on the floor as he approaches. "You thought that's why I left?" She answers him with a barely discernible bob of her head. "It wasn't, Natasha."
"Maybe not the main reason, but it was part of it."
Bruce sighs. "No, it wasn't. Natasha, I knew you were going to push me and I let you. I made that decision when we first talked about the lullaby. I let him be used as a weapon and I had to make my peace with that."
"Have you?"
"I don't think I ever will even though it was for the right reasons. The fallout from the Other Guy is too much for my conscience."
"What about the people you saved? That he saved? Don't they count for anything?"
That makes him pause. She refocuses on the window, tries to find him in the reflection. She catches sight of the glint of his glasses as he looks to the floor. She raises her chin. "What about me? I wouldn't be alive if he never took me to the carrier."
Still he says nothing, and she isn't sure if it's because he has nothing to say or if he doesn't trust himself to say it. She can sense him behind her, he doesn't fidget, doesn't shuffle, just stands steadfast to his spot.
"You would've been on a boat if you didn't need to get me," he says after a moment.
"Do you think the lullaby was just for you?" Bruce lifts his head and she meets his eyes in the window. "I don't have powers, Bruce, just a skillset. You gave me something to do besides point a gun or be a glorified handler. You made me feel like I was helping without creating more damage. You made me feel like I had a place in the world."
After the fall of SHIELD and in light of Fury's lack of trust she felt more exposed than when Clint recruited her years earlier. Covers blown and contacts burned, at first it felt like she was back at square one. All the good she thought she was doing for SHIELD turned out to be, for the most part, continuing HYDRA's agenda. She ended up adding to her ledger than crossing out. It took a while to pick herself up after the revelations but she eventually felt like she belonged in the Tower. Working with the Avengers on a regular basis to fight HYDRA felt like she was making some headway with her ledger again. While she thrived under the circumstances, it was different from SHIELD. When the team were all together the differences in their skills and abilities became apparent. Maybe she was still vulnerable but she was hyper aware of her mortality compared to that of Thor, Bruce, even Steve. There were times when she wanted to be able to do more than hand-to-hand. Sure, she was skilled at interrogation and understood more than most when it came to technology, her knowledge paled in comparison to Bruce and Tony but was better than Steve, Clint or Thor. It had never been an issue before and it was barely one then because she was still able to stand beside them and fight, but the underlying frustration lingered.
"You do Nat, more than you know." Bruce's voice brings her back to the present as his hands rest on her waist with a slow confidence so not to spook her.
"Were you ever going to let me leave with you?"
Natasha never considered walking away from the job until the opportunity presented itself. It was probably the wrong time to make the decision, both of them reeling from Wanda's influence and torture but Natasha readily jumped at the chance to get far away as possible. In hindsight, she had been too eager, and if she had been thinking clearly she would have given his concerns more consideration rather than talk herself around them. But in the many times she's gone over that conversation in her head, she's never been able to imagine an outcome where she didn't run with him. It may have been a spur of the moment decision mostly based on her nightmare but once she voiced it she realised how much she wanted it, wanted him. A little forward, definitely spontaneous. Their connection was honest and innocent and something she hadn't encountered with anyone else. She felt like the most important decision she ever made, one she never thought she would, was a mistake.
"I wanted to," he admits. "We deal with things differently Natasha. I needed to be alone, you were needed here."
She had felt like she was freefalling, her head and her heart going a mile a minute and she just had stop, shut it down and pretend nothing happened. Training became an outlet for emotions she never felt before, all under a carefully schooled mask. She felt drained physically and emotionally trying to keep up that façade, resulting in the uncontrolled outburst earlier.
"But you came back."
He responds with a short, sad laugh, the one he uses in his own self-depreciating humour. "From the moment I got here, I thought it would be better if I left, safer."
"I swear on my life I will get you out of this. You will walk away and never ever…"
"Tony made sure the world knew you weren't responsible for Johannesburg and Wanda admitted it."
"I saw the press conferences but people tend to believe what they see and they saw the Hulk." He waits for that to sink in. "It was worse when I left, we were both restless and jumpy. I tried to isolate myself but it was a matter of time. It took me a while to figure out the safest place I can be is right here. I trust myself when I'm with you. My place in the world is right beside you."
"Bruce," she whispers. Her hands cover his and draw them around her body, pulling him closer so his chest meets her back, seeking a comfort she usually rejects because he's unaware of the significance of his wording.
His breath grazes her neck, lips whisper against her skin as he inhales. "Yeah?"
"I want you to stay."
The future will always be uncertain and she knows there's a tentative time is a head of them as they find a balance with their new circumstances. In the months after he left, she envisioned their reunion somewhere exotic, and they would disappear. When she first made that promise she assumed Bruce would return to his old life, disappear like he did after Harlem, because that's what he wanted. She never expected to want to go with him or the heart ache that took his place in her life when he did. She respected his choice, stayed put and, most of all, hoped he would find peace one day. She never thought he would find it with her.
THE END
