I'm sorry for being gone so long. Real life has been insane, but things have finally settled down, and will stay settled for awhile. Hopefully this chapter helps to hit the spot and make up for my absence.
Madeline staggered off her stool the next day, feeling tired down to her bones. The long-distance calls had been particularly trying, and would have been regardless, but the fact that she only got three hours of sleep the night before had made the entire experience hellish. By the time she was finally relieved, she was dead tired and irritated enough that she was ready to strangle someone with her line.
She made her way out of the room that served as AEF headquarters down to the hotel restaurant. It served as the mess hall for the AEF personnel stationed in the hotel as well as being a red cross canteen. It technically still served it's original purpose as a restaurant to those few guests that the hotel had, but those were few and far between. The hotel was all but an army base at this point.
All Madeline wanted was to suffer through her wartime rations before heading back up to her room and collapsing into her bed, hopefully too exhausted to be tormented by thoughts of a certain Sergeant Major in the Corps of Royal Engineers.
Instead Madeline walked into the restaurant and saw a group of four men in very familiar khaki sitting at one of the tables. It wasn't terribly uncommon for soldiers on leave to stay in the hotel. In fact, they were some of the only true patrons at this point. Tourism tended to take a nose dive during wartime. One of the figures was horribly familiar. Tommy Shelby, and three of his unit no doubt.
"Speak of the devil," Madeline muttered under her breath, shaking her head.
She could sneak by him, she thought, if she really put some effort into it. There were a few other "Hello Girls", as the papers had so playfully dubbed them upon there arrival, sitting in a corner of the hotel restaurant. She could use the other girls as cover, hide her uniform amongst theirs. And she had been meaning to try and get closer to them.
"Madeline Clarkson!" A familiar voice called, and Madeline let her head fall forward. She'd hesitated just a little too long, apparently. She'd been spotted.
Madeline turned and shot the table a dark look. Tommy gave her a smirk in response before gesturing her over.
For a long moment, she considered ignoring him. But she'd gotten to know Tommy fairly well over the past two days, and she had a feeling he would simply follow her to wherever she decided to sit. Better to just make her way to him, she thought. Avoid the spectacle he was certain to create.
Huffing out a heavy sigh, Madeline made her way over to the table where the four of them sat. She stood at the end, crossing her arms over her chest and giving Tommy the most unimpressed look she could manage.
"Why, what a surprise, running into you here," Tommy said, smirking at her unrepentantly.
"I'm sure," Madeline answered, her voice as dry as she could make it.
"I told you we'd see each other again," he reminded her.
"You did," Madeline answered, finding herself softening somewhat without meaning to.
Tommy pulled out the empty seat beside him, before looking back and forth meaningfully between Madeline and the chair.
Madeline arched an eyebrow at him.
"Come on now, don't be shy. We don't bite," one of the men with Tommy said.
"Tommy does," Madeline told him, deadpan, recalling the feeling of his teeth nipping against her neck.
There was a moment of shocked silence, and then the three men who had come with Tommy burst into laughter. Tommy gave a small snort and rolled his eyes, but his lips were quirked as he took a drag from his cigarette. The man exhaled the smoke and smirked.
"I didn't hear any complaints about that yesterday," Tommy said. "If anything, you seemed appreciative of the fact."
Madeline rolled her eyes, but her lips were moving upwards without her permission.
"I need to go get my rations," Madeline told him, fighting a smile. "I'll deal with you when I get back."
"I look forward to it," Tommy said, smirk still in place.
It wasn't charming. It really wasn't.
Madeline turned and made her way towards the kitchen, allowing the smile she'd been fighting to bloom across her face. That man was dangerous for her self control. Still, Madeline had to confess that she'd never had quiet as much fun as she did when matching wits with Sgt. Major Shelby. Talking with him was exciting, on a number of different levels.
If she didn't want to get carried away, she'd need to slow down and keep her wits about her. The trouble was, Madeline wasn't sure she didn't want to get carried away.
By the time she'd received her rations, things were no clearer. All the time had done was give time for a sensation to build low in her stomach, warm and achy and leaving her on edge in a very familiar way.
Taking a deep breath, Madeline did her best to shove her feelings aside. They were a distraction she couldn't afford now. Madeline wanted to make her decision with as clear a head as possible.
Then she looked up and saw blue eyes fixed on her, and Madeline knew that a clear head had been a foolish hope. Not when Tommy Shelby was looking at her like that. Those cold blue eyes that somehow manage to blaze with desire. They followed her across the room, watching every step she took with hunger. Between those eyes and the intent, intense expression on his face, all of his attention fixed on her to the exclusion of all else, every step she took towards him, every step that closed the space between them, the tension mounted higher and higher.
Tommy reached out just as Madeline passed by him on her way to the empty seat at his side. Nothing untoward or unseemly. Just the brush of his hand across the back of her own as she sat. The brief moment of contact was all it took to bring the memories from the night before rushing back.
The feel of Tommy's hands on her, the press of his lips against her own. Not just the sensations, but the feelings, the moment. She'd felt as if she were drunk. Not on the terrible, terrible alcohol Tommy had stolen that they'd drank together under the stars. No, she'd been drunk on Tommy. The feel of him, the taste. The rough sound of his laugh that she'd managed to coax out more and more the longer they were alone. More. All she wanted was more.
Madeline swallowed and sat down, staring at the food in front of her to try and gather herself before giving it up as a lost cause. With Tommy right next to her, with Madeline painfully aware of every scant inch of space separating them and how easy it would be for all of them to disappear, there would be no ignoring this. The tension between them was far too strong for that to be a possibility.
Madeline wanted to know Tommy. The man she'd gotten a glimpse of the night before had been a complex one. Intelligent and dangerous, yet surprisingly gentle with her. Gentle, yes but not coddling. He didn't treat her as if she were fragile. He didn't indulge her, he met her as an equal.
Madeline had never met a man like him, and she doubted she ever would again.
"Tommy," one of the men sitting at the table said, and Madeline looked up, blushing, suddenly remembering their was a world outside of the man beside her. "Aren't you going to introduce us to the lovely lady?"
Madeline rolled her eyes, but allowed herself a small smile.
"Are you boys blind?" Tommy drawled. "That's no lady. That's a solider."
Madeline couldn't deny the pleasure that coursed through her at the words, fight down a pleased blush. Instead she turned and gave Tommy a warm smile before turning to face the rest of them, straightening her uniform and holding her chin high.
"Madeline Clarkson of the American Expeditionary Force," she said.
The men exchanged grins, and Madeline just stared at them, eyebrow quirked, daring them to say something. It was an attitude she was used to, and one that she was willing to confront head-on.
"Is something funny, gentlemen?"she asked them, her voice soft.
Those who knew her would have taken it for the warning it was. But these men, these boys were strangers to her, and they didn't know any better.
Madeline would teach them.
"What exactly does a lady soldier do?" One of them asked, a disbeleiving grin on his face, echoing the question from the night before.
"A lady solider," Madeline said with a tight smile, "A lady solider saves lives, for all that she isn't allowed on the front. A lady solider finds a way to get the Americans and French coordinated. A lady solider posses skills that men do not, and she uses them in service of her country. A lady soldier is a soldier, and is treated like one. The only difference is that her uniform has a skirt.
"Never underestimate a woman," Madeline said, staring each of the men down. "We can do everything men can do, but backwards and in heels. And we're always armed."
One of the men sorted.
It seemed they wanted a demonstration.
Reaching into her hair, Madeline pulled out the hatpin that went through her chigon. It was long and filed to a sharp point. Madeline held it comfortably in her hand, twirling it through her fingers before tilting it so it caught the light just right.
"The last time a man tried to put his hands on me without my permission," Madeline said, thinking back on the streetcar ride in question with a small wrinkle of nose, "he needed stitches by the time I was done with him."
The men all fell silent, staring at her with wide eyes.
One of them laughed, but it wasn't unkind or condesending, the way it might have been before. His eyes were filled with respect, and he was shaking his head. Freddy, she thought.
"What happens to a man who has permission?" he asked, a mischievous light in his eyes.
Madeline gave him an amused smile.
"You have to ask your Sargent Major Shelby about that," she said simply before reaching out and taking a demure sip of her drink.
The table burst into laughter, and Madeline grinned, pleased with herself.
"Christ, Tommy," Freddy said. "You may have finally met your match."
Tommy said nothing. He'd remained silent throughout the entire exchange, watching the proceedings with a growing smirk on his face. He reached out and rested his arm along the back of Madeline's chair. Not quite touching her, but she could feel the heat from his arm along her back regardless.
It was an answer, loud and clear. Once that had been communicated without saying a word.
Still, Madeline turned to him an arched an eyebrow.
"You were remarkably quiet," she told him.
He smiled at her, his eyes dancing with amusement.
"You had it sorted."
Madeline laughed, filled with warmth. Tommy thought enough of her to defend her honor, as he'd demonstrated so aptly yesterday. That he respected her enough to let her fight her own battles made her feel as nothing else had.
Meeting his eyes, Madeline leaned back her chair, pressing her back along Tommy's arm. After a moment's hesitation, it wrapped around her shoulder, and she settled back. The warmth and weight of his arm wrapped around her wasn't stifling as she had feared. No, it was reassuring. Comforting, even.
Tommy Shelby may have met his match. Madeline Clarkson was certainly beginning to feel that she had met hers.
Madeline sat on her bed with her head in her hands.
Tommy Shelby. Twisting her into knots with his blue eyes and rough voice and strong arms.
Tommy Shelby, who'd spent all of dinner with his arm around her, his foot draggin up and down her leg beneath the table in the most distracting way possible. A way that sent shivers up her spine and had left her feeling on edge the entire time they were eating.
Tommy Shelby, who challenged her. Tommy Shelby who teased her, who flirted with her boldly even in front of his childhood friends. Tommy Shelby, who made her brash enough to flirt back.
Tommy Shelby, who she wanted like she had wanted no one before. Tommy Shelby, who had walked her to her door, excitment and nervousness a knot in her stomach, only to kiss the back of her hand before bidding her goodnight.
Tommy fucking Shelby.
A knock on the door dragged her out of her thoughts, and Madeline turned her head to the door. It was late, after curfew. Not that that would stop most of the girls from visiting each other in the safety of their own hotel. Still, Madeline hadn't yet had the chance to get particularly close to any of the other girls stationed in Paris. She'd spent some time with Ethel in the past few days, but Ethel wasn't the sort to be knocking on doors at ten o'clock at night.
Still, there was no use in trying to fool herself
Sitting here wouldn't give her any answers. Madeline pushed her way back from the desk, but before she could get any further there was another knock, and Madeline realized that it wasn't coming from her door, but the other direction.
The window. Of course. Of course it was the window.
There was only one person it could be.
If Madeline let him in, he wouldn't be leaving. Not until the morning. She knew herself well enough to know that.
There were reasons why she shouldn't let him in. Madeline knew that. If she slept with Tommy, she wouldn't be a virgin anymore. In the eyes of most everyone, she'd be ruined. No one would want to marry her if she wasn't pure. If anyone found out she'd be seen as easy, nothing more than a whore. Left alone, a spinster for her entire life. At least according to most of polite society.
Madeline had made it a goal of hers to offend polite society as often as possible. She was here, doing her bit. Fighting what most people considered to be a man's war. She was in school, working towards her degree. One she was going to use to become an independent woman. Madline would stand on her own two feet, no matter what the rest of the world thought.
She'd dreamed of having someone stand next to her. That much was true. About what it would be like to have someone to share her life with. But the truth of the matter was that most of the men she'd met didn't want a partner. They wanted a soft, obident little wife. One who would wait for them in the kitchen, and have dinner waiting on the table when they came home.
Madeline wasn't that woman. She'd never been that woman. And she wouldn't be with a man who expected her to be.
Madeline could die here. For all that she hadn't let herself consider much beyond the excitement of an adventure, her work here had made that clear. The bomb that had fallen next door, destroying the building. The death and destruction she could hear over the line. This was war, and death was everywhere. Tommy...Tommy was on the front, at even more risk than she was. If he made it through the war alive, it would be a miracle.
She wasn't going to let fear keep her from having this.
Decision made, Madeline crossed over to the window to find Tommy Shelby waiting on the other side.
"I was beginning to think I wasn't welcome," Tommy said, climbing through the window frame.
Madeline didn't say anything. Instead she crossed to where Tommy stood, grabbed his shoulder, and tugged him down to kiss him properly.
Tommy's arm wrapped around her waist, tugging her up against him until there wasn't even a hairsbredth between them. His mouth opened, his tongue slipping into her mouth. The day before she'd been surprised, unsure of what to do. Tommy had fixed that soon enough up on the rooftop.
Madelien Madeline slid her tongue across his own, the kiss warm and wet and fogging her mind like nothing had before. Tommy tasted like cigarattes and whiskey, and he kissed her like he was conquering, laying a claim for all the world to see.
Madeline returned the favor as best she could. Madeline was not one to simply stand back and let a man take charge. This was as much about her claim on Tommy as it was his claim on her, if not more so. Only when she felt as if she couldn't breath did she pull away, and even then she didn't go far. Not that Tommy would have let her, if his grip was anything to go by.
"That wasn't the sort of welcome I was expecting," he said with a low chuckle, his knuckle brushing across her cheekbone.
"Disappointed?" Madeline asked him breathlessly, arching an eyebrow in challenge.
"I am beginning to suspect I could never be disappointed with you, Madeline," he said, remarkably serious for what the moment was.
Madeline wasn't stupid. She didn't have any expectations. She knew there was a good chance neither of them would make it through this. Even if they did, Tommy had made her no promises. He was here for his leave. Nothing more. To hope for anything else would be silly. The actions of a little girl, not a woman.
The way Tommy Shelby was looking at her didn't mean anything. She knew better than that.
"You're a flatterer, Tommy Shelby," Madeline said with a smile that was somewhat forced.
Tommy shifted his grip, titling her head upwards.
"I don't often say things I don't mean, Madeline," he told her, staring at her seriously. "I want you, Madeline Clarkson. Make no mistake about that. But if all I wanted was sex, there would have been much easier ways to go about getting it."
Looking into his clear blue eyes, Madeline found that she had no choice but to believe him.
"Now, I believe I asked you a question the first time we met," Tommy said, his thumb stroking along her cheek, the arm around her waist dangerously low. "Do you have an answer for me?" he asked her, face inching towards hers.
"I don't know," Madeline told him, angling her head. "Have you learned to ask properly?"
He leaned down until his lips were at her ear, his warm breath ghosting against the skin sending shivers down her spine.
"J'ai envie de toi," he said, accent far less atrocious than it had been just two days ago. "Je veux faire l'amour. J'ai envie de te sauter ."
The words sent shivers down her back, she pressed herself closer to him without meaning to. When Tommy Shelby set out to learn something, he apparently learned it very well. There was only one answer she could give.
"Ouï."
Madeline lay on Tommy's chest, his chest rising and falling beneath her ear. She traced her fingers along the tattoo on his chest, while Tommy's fingers ran gently through her hair. There was an ache between her legs, her muscles sore from moving in ways they'd never moved before. It was a good sore, one she like.
"Alright?" Tommy asked her, staring down at her, his face softer than she'd ever seen it before.
"Better than alright," Madeline said, curling up against him.
"Good," Tommy said, a smug, self-satisfied smirk on his face. "I wouldn't want to disappoint."
"I didn't know," Madeline said softly, staring at Tommy's chest.
"Didn't know what?" Tommy asked, pulling her closer.
"That sex could..." Madeline trailed off.
"Feel good? That's rather the point, love."
Madeline sat up just enough to give Tommy a glare.
"I know that," Madeline told him.
She'd done a great deal of reading on all sorts of topics, many of which would have given her father an aneurism if he'd known. Sex was supposed to feel good. For men, at least. Madeline knew better. She'd put her fingers between her legs often enough to know those books that talked about it like it was a woman's duty, a burden to be born were a load of
With a partner, though...it had been something else entirely. This wasn't just two bodies coming together, brining each other pleasure. It wasn't just an orgasm. It was better than that. To know that she was giving pleasure just as she was receiving it. There was a closeness, a companionship. It left her satisfied in ways she had not even known she had been wanting.
"I didn't know it could bring two people so close," Madeline said at last. "I didn't know I'd laugh. I knew it would be good, but I didn't know it would be fun."
It had been, to her surprise. Tommy had been undressing her, while she worked at the buttons of his uniform with unsteady fingers. Madeline had felt hot, aroused and excited and nervous all at the same time, the tension between them almost suffocating. Tommy had unzipped her skirt and pulled it off gently, almost reverently, his hands lingering on her legs. Then he'd take one look at her regulation black bloomers and burst into laughter. Madeline knew they were ridiculous. All the girls hated them, Madeline included. They were like something her grandmother would have worn, god rest her soul.
Tommy hadn't even tried to apologize, laughing so hard he gasped for air. Madeline had grabbed her pillow and smacked him across the head. He'd retaliated, and before she knew it they were both sprawled all but naked on the bed, wrestling playfully.
Madeline didn't know how, but in that moment, something had changed for the better. Madeline could feel it.
"It doesn't," Tommy said, brushing his finger along her cheekbone, "not always. Sometimes it's just bodies. Bodies filling needs, whatever they might be. But sometimes." Tommy said, staring into Madeline with those deep eyes, "sometimes, when you're with the right person, it's something else. Something deeper."
"They call it 'knowing' for a reason," Tommy said softly before kissing her.
As Tommy rolled her onto her back once more, as she wrapped her legs around his waist, she considered Tommy's words.
She knew Tommy. She knew him in ways that she'd never known anyone before. An she felt known by him.
For the first time, Madeline felt as if someone truly saw her.
