A/N: Hi. Yes. It's been a good many years. Ahem. Long time no see? I'm sorry I left many of you hanging, but I lost inspiration for a bit (if a bit = several years), but I've got it back! Yes! I still have no idea where this story is going, but I've cranked out the next chapter! So. Yeah. This is my offering to you. Sorry again. I read through everyone's reviews, and y'all inspired me to keep going, at least for this chapter. Please enjoy!

XxX

When Tsuna finally arrived at the Poke Center, panting and sweating and generally dying because hot damn that Horsea was heavy, he dumped the cheerful thing on the desk in front of a befuddled nurse.

"This thing is menacing passerby," Tsuna said. He nudged the Horsea forwards.

The nurse's eyebrow rose as she looked down at the happily squealing Pokemon. She then shifted her gaze behind Tsuna, where Reborn was sitting smugly as if reveling in Tsuna's misfortune and Gokudera was growling at the Horsea in a low, long "aroooooooooon". She then returned her gaze expectantly to Tsuna.

"You have a lot of Pokemon that seem to hang onto you. Why aren't they in their Pokeballs?" she asked.

Tsuna was just about fit to rip his hair out. "They aren't my Pokemon. They just follow me around!"

The nurse shook her head condescendingly. "If they follow you around, they're your Pokemon, and so they really should be in Pokeballs. At least make sure they're properly taken care of! Honestly, youth these days."

The nurse stuck her stethoscope in her ears and listened calmly to the excited Horsea. After a brief but thorough check, she deemed it healthy and demandingly gestured at Reborn and Gokudera. Tsuna groaned as he hefted the Horsea into his arms again and wondered, somewhat uncharitably, whether Horsea were supposed to be the weight of a bowling ball. Maybe it was just a very fat Horsea. He debated throwing it onto the floor, just to be done with this whole thing, but after glancing at sparkling, dark eyes and unnatural (creepy) good cheer, decided that he really didn't want to risk another soaking session.

Reborn hopped up primly and gave a doggy grin at the nurse, who cooed and talking about how "really, Houndours are so misunderstood" and "he really should treat you better" and "you're better off with another trainer." Reborn shot a sly, taunting look over his shoulder. Tsuna mentally screamed.

"Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr…." Gokudera was still growling menacingly. "...oooooooooooooonnnnnnnn."

The nurse peered tentatively over the hostile Pokemon, and with a distinct air of definitely-not-touching-that, said, "Well, all of your Pokemon check out fine. They'll be good to go."

"You don't have a Pokemon boarding program? Something to keep Pokemon long term? Adoption?" Tsuna asked pleadingly. The nurse looked scandalized.

"You want to abandon your Pokemon?" she hissed. "Young man, I don't care about your problems, but you need to learn that once you take responsibility of a Pokemon, they are dependent on you, and you're not allowed to just…throw them by the wayside! We're not Daycare Center!"

Reborn was all too amused by the situation.

"That's not what I meant!" Tsuna said hastily, intimidated by the nurse's wrath. "Like, I don't want to abandon it, but it was attacking passerby! I couldn't let it just…lob Water Guns at people!"

"What a good Samaritan," the nurse said drily. "Well, you'll just have to let it go if you don't want it."

Tsuna thought that rather defeated the point of moving the menace away from innocent people, but after a glance at Reborn, who was steadily growing more and more impatient (and Rayquaza knew what would happen when the Houndour reached the limit of his patience) and a still growling Gokudera (did Aron even need to breath?) and a grinning Horsea (who seemed to just know it was about to get away with everything wrong it just did), Tsuna sighed resignedly. He seemed to be giving in a lot these days.

It all started with Reborn, Tsuna thought darkly.

"I'll release it," Tsuna finally said. He proceeded to try to get a better grip on the slimy Pokemon so that it didn't slip out of his arms and marched with as much dignity as he could out the door.

It wasn't much, considering he was still soaking wet, Reborn was mocking him behind his back with huffs of smoke, and Gokudera was gazing with truly troubling adoration at him.

He managed to make it to the sea short without much more trouble other than a couple of quizzical glances from the locals.

"Alright," Tsuna said as he reached the water and turned the water Pokemon so that it was facing him. "Here you go. Home free. I'll forgive you this time, but don't do it again."

The Horsea shamelessly blinked its large eyes as if to say who, me? Never.

Tsuna dunked it unceremoniously into the water. He turned and slung off his backpack onto dry land so that it didn't get completely wet before wading into the water to wash the slime off his skin. Might as well, since he was already covered in seasalt and slime.

Reborn barked, and there was an enraged squeal that sounded like metal screeching against metal that was undoubtedly from Gokudera.

Tsuna turned suspiciously to Reborn, who was nonchalantly gazing at the sky. Tsuna didn't trust that gaze one bit. Gokudera was glaring with the fury of a hundred suns at Tsuna's backpack, where a single Pokeball had tumbled out. He seemed to be trying to land a Hyper Beam on the ball, but fortunately for Tsuna, that move wasn't in an Aron's moveset.

And I have to deal with this all the way to Sinnoh, Tsuna despaired. He wondered if he could try to lose either of them but quickly lost heart at that idea. Gokudera seemed a little too attached to him. Steel Pokemon aren't supposed to act like puppies, he thought weakly and felt his will cave beneath the pressure of two small Pokemon.

He turned to give his arms another quick wash and looked for the Horsea. It was gone, presumably to terrorize some other poor trainer. Thank Kyogre for that.

"Alright, let's go."

XxX

"What do you mean you have to stop by Route 104 before returning to Slateport?" Tsuna asked in dismay. He was pretty sure everything was Reborn's fault, even though he couldn't put a finger on the connection just yet.

"I usually stop by Route 104. It's where I live with Peeko, y'see, and it's good to check up on that side of Hoenn for any more passengers," Mr. Briney said good-naturedly. "Of course, I completely understand if you want to stay here and wait for me to get back before we head back to Slateport."

"It's fine, I'll wait for you here." Tsuna turned to find somewhere to stay for the night, but there, in the middle of the dock, stood Reborn, a small, dark, very menacing canine with all the threatening demeanor of a Sharpedo ready to rip his head off. And no, Tsuna was not being dramatic.

Reborn only grinned, deliberately darted his gaze to the boat, and breathed out a stream of fire. Tsuna liked to think he was perceptive enough to read the underlying threat. Gokudera was being an utterly useless hunk of metal and seemed all too eager to follow Tsuna for the rest of his miserable life.

"On second thought, I think I'll go with you," Tsuna amended quickly.

"Excellent!"

And back onto the boat they went.

XxX

Tsuna didn't think the one night trip aboard the small fishing boat would have been a big problem. As usual, destiny didn't seem to care about what Tsuna thought and proceeded to shit all over the voyage.

"No, stop, you're heavy," Tsuna wheezed pathetically as Gokudera proceeded to make the most of the teen's flabby stomach and plop over it like it was the most comfortable pillow he'd ever laid head on. On second thought, that was probably true, since Gokudera had been living in a cave the whole time. Caves didn't have pillows. Tsuna's complaints shriveled on his lips. Maybe, just maybe, he could let Gokudera sleep on him. Just once.

(Little did Tsuna know, but once would become twice, and twice would become three times, and Tsuna soon would learn to regret giving in so easily to Gokudera's pleading looks, even though Aron had almost no facial features to speak of to convey said pleading looks. He would regret it even more when Gokudera turned into a giant, metal monster but still insisted on treating Tsuna's poor, fragile body like a stuffed animal.)

It also didn't help that the swaying of the ocean had put Reborn on edge. The Houndour was snappy and irritable, and no matter how many PokeBlocks Tsuna tentatively nudged his way, the hellhound remained temperamental. He'd even singed Tsuna's fingers once! Tsuna made a mental note to look up seasickness medicine for the next time he set out with Reborn.

Tsuna realized that he was already making future plans with the two Pokemon and quickly tried to erase all of them. It didn't work.

A particularly shocking jolt of the boat made Reborn growl with particular viciousness, and Tsuna groaned when Gokudera accidentally pressed against his bladder. On the floor, Tsuna's backpack tipped over, spilling Pokeballs onto the floor.

There was a blinding flash of light.

"Horsea!"

Tsuna was pretty sure he was hallucinating. Maybe Reborn had finally ended his miserable life. Maybe Gokudera had crushed Tsuna's rib cage with his weight.

For there was no good reason for the Horsea Tsuna had deliberately left behind to be propped against the wall of his cabin, looking up with guileless happiness.

"W-what," Tsuna croaked.

The Horsea proceeded to soak his bedsheets. Gokudera howled and pounced on the Horsea with a nimble leap that an Aron had no right in having. The Horsea squealed in delight and splurted salt water back. There proceeded to be a tussle.

Tsuna found the opened Pokeball that the Horsea presumably come out of and recalled the Horsea back so that it didn't cause any more trouble. Gokudera shook his head, disgruntled. Reborn huffed out a lick of flame.

"Glad I could be of entertainment," Tsuna said drily. Reborn, at least, was distracted from the swaying of the boat momentarily.

Tsuna turned back to the Pokeball that held the Horsea and held it as far away from his body as possible with the tips of his fingers. He placed it carefully back in his backpack like it was a Voltorb about to explode, and after a quick moment of contemplation, wedged the backpack between his bed and the wall so that it didn't spill again.

Suddenly, Gokudera's earlier hostile actions against Tsuna's backpack and Reborn's deliberate nonchalance made a lot more sense.

That sneaky little shrimp! The Horsea had snuck into his backpack!

A pause.

Oh god he officially, actually owned a Pokemon.

Tsuna tried to raise a proper amount of indignation, but after a couple of seconds, he deflated like a sad Drifloon and collapsed onto the bed. He could deal with everything in the morning.

XxX

He emerged from the ship to the searing light of the morning sun and the dulcet tones of screeching Wingull.

"Mornin'! I'll be sticking around for the rest of the day and leaving around nightfall, so go and explore like you trainers tend to do," Mr. Briney greeted. "Petalburg Woods is right up ahead, but if you're lookin' to get some shopping done, Petalburg City is to the east."

Tsuna rubbed at the bags under his eyes. "Thanks, Mr. Briney."

All Tsuna really wanted to do was sit on the beach and hope his skin didn't burn off, but he really, really should have known better. Reborn tended to upset his plans. Gokudera was rolling around in the grass curiously, like he'd never encountered it before. That was, Tsuna mused, actually, probably depressingly true. Reborn only looked all too happy to be back on solid, dry land. The hellhound already looked like it was ready to spring off into the woods Tsuna could see in the distance.

"Now hold on-" Tsuna warned, but much to his chagrin, Reborn went sprinting off to the edge of the trees, Gokudera teetering behind at a slower but just as enthusiastic pace. Tsuna debated letting them go and finally having a moment of peace to himself, but Reborn promptly burned a poor Wurmple with sadistic glee and Tsuna grimly resigned himself to making sure Reborn didn't cause too much damage to the forest's poor inhabitants.

Petalburg Woods was dark and quiet. As much as Tsuna enjoyed the sounds of the ocean and sand beneath his feet, there was a certain charm to the tranquility that laid over the woods like a blanket, only broken by the occasional twitters of a Taillow and rustling of a Wurmple. The air was crisp and clean, the kind that was so intertwined with nature that every breath reminded Tsuna of wood and soil. Tsuna closed his eyes and breathed in deep. There was a smell of earth and growing things, of decaying leaves and the new life that arose from them.

Tsuna's shoulders relaxed. Even Reborn and Gokudera seemed more subdued here, appreciative of the shade the trees gave them. Tsuna idly wondered if the Horsea (Yamamoto, a part of his mind whispered, and Tsuna adopted the name without a thought) would enjoy the forest. Even if there were no large bodies of water nearby, Tsuna wouldn't mind carrying the water Pokemon in his arms. Despite their rough first encounter, Tsuna was feeling forgiving enough to let Yamamoto out of his Pokeball.

Plus, nothing was trying to rip his hair or throat out yet, and all the local fauna didn't seem to want to cause Tsuna any harm. Tsuna always counted that as a win.

The peace was shattered.

"-think you're doing? That Pokemon's better off in our hands!"

"P-Please, n-n-no, don't take h-him!"

"Hah, this Zigzagoon's better off in our hands! A puny little trainer like you doesn't deserve Pokemon!"

There was a growl, a squeak of fear, and then the faint sounds of crying.

Now, Tsuna was no stranger to bullying. He'd been bullied since he was a little kid, called 'Dame-Tsuna' by all the kids who were setting out on their own Pokemon adventure at 11 years. He'd been pushed, pulled, and stepped on, but he liked to think that, since starting on his own small adventure, he'd grown a backbone.

"H-hey! Stop t-that!" Tsuna yelled as he caught a glimpse of an odd man in a blue uniform and a wailing little boy sat on the ground. "L-leave him alone!"

The man turned, sneering at Tsuna. His eyes fell on Reborn, who, despite apparent boredom, was bristling and Gokudera, who was emitting that same, low screeching growl.

"What have we here? A brat who thinks he's a trainer?" The man advanced on Tsuna, the other kid and his poor Zigzagoon huddled on the ground. All of Tsuna's previous bravado promptly fled without even a wave farewell. Oh, look, there went his spine.

"N-no, of course n-not, I just w-wanted to as-as-ask you the directions to…" Tsuna cringed, eyes darting to Reborn in help. The Houndour only yawned pointedly, but he kept a sharp eye on the man. "…Petalburg City?"

The man blinked at Tsuna's incredibly dumb question. "You came from the direction of Petalburg City."

Tsuna floundered.

"So where'd you get an Aron and some foreign Pokemon, eh?" the man loomed. Gokudera growled and, without warning, used Headbutt on the man's shins. Tsuna had a zero amount of sympathy for the man. "What the – call off your Pokemon, you crazy kid! Pokemon aren't supposed to attack people!"

Tsuna grinned and said, with as much of a straight face as he could, "Sorry, these aren't my Pokemon." A vindictive pleasure curled in his chest.

Reborn also pounced, smoke and fire crawling out of his mouth in a stream, and hovered menacingly over the fallen man. Tsuna didn't bother calling them off.

"Run, kid," Tsuna advised the boy. Just because he was slowly acclimating to the chaos that was a byproduct of Reborn's presence didn't mean the traumatized kid had to witness the sobbing puddle of man that the Pokemon were reducing him to.

The boy took his advice and skedaddled.

Tsuna briefly wondered whether he needed to interfere, but one look at the fanatical pleasure with which Gokudera was pummeling the man and sadistic amusement Reborn was threating him with, he backed off very slowly. There was no need, really.

A rustle in the grass was the only warning before a round, pink and green ball wearing a skirt crashed into the man's face and sprinkled a yellow powder into the man's face. The man's limbs locked, and he fell still within the space of a second.

Tsuna stared at the newcomer. It stared back, a furrowed line above its eyes and a permanently downturned mouth stuck on its face. A Shroomish, Tsuna vaguely recalled. He slowly backed away.

"Sorry, is this your territory? I'll just leave now," Tsuna muttered and edged away slowly from both Pokemon and paralyzed man. The Shroomish took a step in Tsuna's direction with its stubby legs, and its scowl deepened.

"You can't follow me!"

The little frown on the Shroomish's face didn't budge. It seemed strangely fixed on the mushroom Pokemon's face.

"…right," Tsuna muttered. He tried convincing himself that he wasn't crazy, not at all, for talking to the grumpy little pink and green Pokemon and hoping it would respond in intelligible human words. "Well, thanks for the help, I guess."

Tsuna turned and decided that yes, that was enough adventure for the day. He was going to return to Mr. Briney's boat right now and never step another foot in these woods again.

As he single-mindedly made his way back in the direction of the ocean, he noticed something odd, and with a sinking feeling of dread, he turned to see the Shroomish still following him.

"Mish," it muttered, bouncing around on its stubby little legs as if it were excited for something even though its facial expressions gave nothing away other than disgruntlement. "Shroom! Mish!"

"No, you can't come with me!" Tsuna answered. The Shroomish looked pointedly at Reborn and Gokudera. "They aren't my Pokemon!" This was probably the hundredth time he'd said it. As usual, nobody seemed convinced, and Gokudera looked ready to cry. "Wait, no, that doesn't mean I don't want you," Tsuna hurriedly soothed and cursed his bleeding heart when the Aron bumped his head against Tsuna's shin affectionately.

Granted, the bump was more like being bowled over by a small, knee-high truck. Tsuna was probably going to have a bruise for the next week there to match the ones of his stomach. Tsuna dropped his bag to rub at his smarting shin.

"Shroomish!" the Pokemon said stubbornly.

"Fine. Fine!" Tsuna threw his hands up in the air. "Follow me, I don't care, but I don't have a Pokeball for you so you're going to have to deal with wandering around by yourself!"

The grass Pokemon squealed in apparent delight and, with the little frown still fixed on its face, bounced over to the bag and, after a second of ruffling around the bag much to Tsuna's outraged protests, tapped on a Pokeball and…went into it.

That wasn't possible. That shouldn't have been possible.

"You can't capture yourself, that doesn't even make sense!" Tsuna yelled, thoroughly fed up. He turned to Reborn and Gokudera in support. "You can't capture yourself!" he accused.

There was a worryingly calculating gleam in the Aron's eyes.

"No!"

Too late. Tsuna dove for the small steel Pokemon, but it kept moving with the velocity of an unstoppable force. Gokudera stuck his head into the bag and disappeared in a red flash into another Pokeball.

Tsuna could only stare before he sunk to the ground in despair in a little Tsuna puddle. No way this was his life. This was a dream, this was a dream, this was a dream. He didn't have four Pokemon in his bag (he actively did not think about what was in the fourth, most dangerous Pokeball), he was not in the middle of the woods hundreds of kilometers from his home, and he most certainly not did not have to deliver any kind of package to Sinnoh. No way in hell, where Reborn probably originated from.

Reborn whuffed a mocking laugh. Tsuna made a rude gesture.

XxX

Tsuna didn't dare step another foot into Petalburg City, just in case some shopkeeper was going to insist on him making another delivery, so he glumly told Mr. Briney that he was ready to go. The moment the sun set below the water, the boat set sail.

Tsuna sat on the deck, staring at the orange sky that merged into dark blue. The water sparkled in purples and reds, with the occasional gleaming ruby of a Tentacool.

He sighed. He really didn't want to, but he had to confront this strange problem of Pokemon just…following him out of nowhere. He couldn't pretend he was a trainer, because he was most decidedly not, but he couldn't not take responsibility for the three willingly captured Pokemon residing in his backpack.

He reached into his backpack, fingers skirting nervously around the one Pokeball Byakuran had given him, and pulled out three minimized balls. With a gentle, tentative throw, he tossed them on the ground.

When the red light disappeared, Tsuna confronted Gokudera, Yamamoto, and…what, what was a good name for a Shroomish. Ryohei? Gokudera and Yamamoto immediately began squabbling, Yamamoto with his usual happy-go-lucky attitude and Gokudera like an angry, yowling cat. Ryohei only bounced around in a circle, emitting squeaks in regular intervals as if goading the fight. Tsuna wondered which legendary up there thought it'd be funny to saddle him with the most problematic Pokemon against his will.

"Alright, listen up," Tsuna said in his most determined, commanding voice (which, honestly, wasn't very determined or commanding). Reborn only laid indolently on the wooden deck, yawning wide and closing his eyes.

"For whatever Groudon-forsaken reason, you've decided to follow me, which, okay, yes, fine. But I need you to know that I don't want to be a trainer," Tsuna said, feeling foolish for explaining himself to a bunch of little Pokemon. Yamamoto, balanced expertly on his tail like he was born on land, turned his head and fixed Tsuna with a serious expression. Gokudera immediately started wilting like an abandoned plant. Ryohei didn't seem to want to take 'no' for an answer. "I've never wanted to be a trainer. I haven't really ever liked Pokemon, and I still don't. But."

Tsuna straightened his spine in an attempt to take charge. "I won't abandon you guys. I don't know how I ended up with you, and I don't know why you all decided to stick to me, but I'll keep you if you want to stay." Tsuna stumbled over his words. Sweat broke out on his hands, and he clenched them. He could do this. "You'll have to understand, though, that I don't know anything about Pokemon. I don't know how to take care of you, I don't know how to battle. I won't be the best trainer ever. So I'm giving you a choice.

"I'll return you, right now, to wherever you came from. I can drop you off back in the wild, if you want, or I can give you away. Or you can stay with me, and you'll have to put up with me. Whichever you want."

There was an inexplicable clenching in Tsuna's chest, and for one still moment, he kind of hoped that they'd stay. He didn't know them long, and he knew next to nothing about each of them, but he kind of hoped they'd stay. Today had been, strangely, the least alone Tsuna had felt in a long, long time.

Gokudera and Ryohei didn't change expression (Tsuna suspected that they couldn't), but Yamamoto nodded, clearly, and with some wobbly motions, flung himself into Tsuna's arms. Tsuna winced at the slime that immediately coated his shirt and arms.

"…I'll take that as you wanting to stay with me?" Tsuna asked, tentatively, and despite his earlier misgivings and protests about how he didn't want any Pokemon, hope and warmth bloomed in his chest. Maybe he could try this. Not a trainer, most definitely not, but maybe some…friends.

Gokudera nodded vigorously and punched his head into Tsuna's poor abused shins. Ryohei bounced in agreement. Reborn only snorted. Tsuna's lips stretched into a grin.

"Okay," he said faintly. The wind tugged his words away, and he repeated, louder, to the world, "Okay. I…thanks."

They basked under the light of a fading sun and rising moon. Tsuna looked up at the stars. He could do this. He could. He couldn't stay sheltered forever in Verdanturf Town. Tsuna had been dragged screaming and kicking outside of his comfort zone, but what he found wasn't fear but friends.

He could do this.

A sudden wave hit the boat, knocking over Tsuna's bag again (he really, really needed to either get a new one that didn't open as easily or put it in a safer location). The bag plopped over, and a Pokeball flew out.

The ball fell in slow motion, and Tsuna considered just jumping off the boat and drowning himself in the ocean, just to release himself from this living hell.

"Don't dawdle too long, the Pokemon in that Pokeball is dangerous. Don't let it out! If so, it'll haunt you for the rest of your life, okay?"

The words echoed over and over in his head like a haunting melody. The Pokeball fell to the ground and cracked open, releasing a stream of red energy. Reborn's ears pricked up, and he glared narrowly at the forming Pokemon. Gokudera and Yamamoto, bless their hearts, immediately twisted around, ready for a threat. Ryohei didn't seem to care either way and bounced up eagerly, squealing challenges. Tsuna felt a burst of fondness for them (except for Reborn, he'd never feel fond of Reborn, that devil dog).

Tsuna finally drew in a breath and looked at the Pokemon Byakuran had specifically told him not to let out.

There was a dark, purple mass floating in the air. Two big, white eyes that took up half of its face gleamed in the fading light, and a wide, red mouth opened, revealing two very pointy fangs. It gave an eerie laugh.

"Kufufufu…"

Tsuna wasn't well-versed in foreign Pokemon, but he'd have to have been a fool not to recognize a Gastly when he saw one.

Oh sweet mother of Arceus. He took it back. He took everything back. He didn't want any Pokemon, get them away from him, right now. He wasn't ready!

Tsuna thanked the legendaries for magnificently shitting on his life in every way, shape, and form and mentally screamed in anguish at the heavens.

XxX

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! As usual, reviews are very welcome.

A/N 2: Guys, I finally sat down and drafted the rest of this fic. And somehow, some way, I managed to draft a horror adventure? Out of a lighthearted comedy? And I genuinely have NO IDEA how that happened. I'm sure it'll still be kind of funny, but the plotline itself just got super dark in terms of villains and plot points. So, I'm faced with two choices: either I actually flesh out the rest of the fic, but it'll no longer be all sunshine and rainbows, or I keep going on an incomplete, very whimsical style of writing where Tsuna kinda blunders all over the place. I'm leaning towards the first option, but I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Sincerely,

haplesshippo