She had entered the hospital room that day, had taken one look at the body on the hospital bed and clarity had hit her. That feeling of not knowing the answer to a test, to be scratching and clawing for one as one pits oneself against the ticking clock and to only then, at the very last moment, remember and that is it - one gets a word, a physical reminder and the rest, just falls into place. She had felt as such; she had felt too, sick.

She had felt dizzy, the room had started to spin, and she had felt like well, exactly like a car had hit her.

She had sunk onto the floor. She had leaned against the wall. She had been glad for a second that she didn't phase through walls. She had felt sick but a part of her must have had known all along, because her head had cleared, the blockage had disappeared. She had tried her voice.

"That car, the one that came at Maura and I, that came at us. I pushed her away and now she's left with Jane comatose Rizzoli?"

"People like you Vanilla. Stuck between the living and the dead, are called watchers or drifters. It depends."

"Why am I stuck? Why can't I just, hop back in there and be alive again?"

"I don't know about that Vanilla. It depends on your physical body state I suppose. Maybe the car didn't hit you so bad?"

"Badly," she had corrected Rondo; her correction was immediate and her smile was grim. Maura, how she must be feeling, she had thought as her smile had remained grim.

"That's one of the reasons as well."

"Maura?"

"Yes. You're holding onto her as much as she's holding onto you."

"Of course I'll be holding onto her, I'll never leave her."

"As she would do and wouldn't do, for you."

"So, no one can see me?"

Rondo had nodded.

"Really? Why can you?"

"I'm your C.I. Vanilla."

"My confidential informant?"

Rondo had laughed. "That, and I'm also your comatose informant."

"Really? They have jobs or positions like this now?"

"I'm not getting paid. Nor am I very real. I pop up when I have to Vanilla. If you haven't exactly, noticed it."

"Right, of course, that's why."

"You'll be okay? I leave once I've done my informing."

"Do I need to pay you for your nice tip this time?"

"Nope," Rondo had offered a shoulder pat, "It's just part of the service."

"Really? Thanks!" She had sighed.


Rondo had left and she had stayed.

With her body, she had stayed; with herself, she had stayed.

She had tried to of course, touch herself.

Her fingers had felt nothing.


A/N: Hi there, thank you, for the time~