I hope your bedroom window is open because I'm on my way to your house.
I read Brittany's text message and stayed completely shocked. We haven't talked in weeks, and now she's coming here? What the fuck.
I didn't even get a chance to change from my pyjamas. It was around 8 pm but I didn't see the point in changing since I've spent the whole day in bed. I heard knocking on my window one minute after reading the message.
"What are you doing here?" I whispered as I opened my window to let Britt in.
"I missed you and since I was already in your neighbourhood I decided to come and see you!"
"Shhh. My parents are in the room next door."
"Okay, okay." She said quietly as she stroked my left upper arm. She looked me deeply in the eyes and I could see her eyes were intensely red.
I removed her hand with my right arm and looked at her angrily.
"Have you been drinking?" I asked.
"Noooo. I am pretty stoned though."
"Where the hell have you been? And since when are you doing drugs?"
"Oh chill out, weed is not even a drug!"
"Oh my God be quiet. Do you want my parents hear you talking about weed? They haven't even met you yet, do you want their first impression of you to be that you're some kind of junkie?" I said quietly but still managed to sound really angry.
She put her finger across my lips.
"Shhh. We can't let them see me like this then." She said calmly and ran fingers of her left hand through my hair. We gazed into each others eyes for couple of moments. She moved her right hand to the back of my neck, slowly pulled my head closer to hers, her lips closer to mine… And she kissed me.
A strong wave of emotions ran through my whole body. My knees became weak, my hands were shaking and my stomach got sick. Not as if I were about to throw up, but nervously sick. Only my lips were calm.
She kept kissing me. She moved her left hand to my lower back and pulled my whole body closer to hers. Much closer. I've never been that physically close to anyone before. It made my stomach even more nervous. It made me even more nervous. Although, it felt so good. I could've easily collapsed but the though of being held in her arms made me feel safe. I wrapped my arms around her body and started kissing her back.
I let her take the lead in whatever it was that we were about to do, and a few minutes later I realized she was on top of me, in my bed. She lifted her head up a bit and gazed into my eyes again. The light from the street lamps that shined through my window came right across her eyes. They were so beautiful; deep and blue. She started kissing me gentle and slowly. Next, she kissed my neck. Because of all that nervousness I didn't even realize her hands were under my pyjamas, finding their way to my back to unbutton my bra. She kissed me on the lips again, with the tongue. With much tongue, in fact. Feeling the strong heat in my pants I had to admit to myself that I was enjoying her touch and kisses. Oh, I was enjoying them so much.
Finally, I relaxed. As she gently massaged my breasts, my hands were exploring parts of her body. Her back, her stomach, her neck, her hair, her face, her breasts…
I took her shirt of and then I realized… She's high. I don't want to do it like this. I want her to be brave like this every day. I want her to like me the way I like her. Why is she even doing this? Am I just some kind of experiment? I don't want to be a fucking experiment…
She kissed me so hard that I forgot what I was thinking. I liked it too much to push her away and tell her I don't want it like this.
Maybe it's the only way I'm ever going to have her. If I tell her to back off now, she might never come back. I can't risk that. I want her. I want her and it's killing me.
Her hands started exploring lower parts of my body. How could I resist the feeling I get when she touched my thigh? Or when she kisses me like that?
I was thinking so much I didn't even realize I was only in my underwear. She took off my pyjamas, and she was removing the rest of her clothes too.
"You're so hot." She said as she unbuttoned her pants.
Is that what this is? I'm hot so she decided to have sex with me?
I smiled nervously, unable to say anything.
And there we were – on my bed, half naked, exchanging hard kisses, touching gently, exploring each other's bodies. It was both her and my first time. First time must mean something, right? Well, it definitely meant something to me.
She kissed me again. Every time she did it I could feel what she wants. This kiss meant that we're about to go all the way.
She kissed my neck, again, while her right hand was moving up and down my left thigh, and her left one found her way to my right breast. Few moments later, her lips found their way to my breasts. She licked my nipple and I moaned. As soon as she started sucking them, I couldn't keep calm anymore. I wildly ran my fingers through her hair, pressing her face deeper into my breasts. It felt so good. I was so wet.
Her lips went lower, and lower, and lower… Until her head was between my legs. She removed the only piece of clothing I had on, my panties.
Just when I thought that was it, Brittany pulled back from me.
"I… Can't do this." She said as she picked up her clothes and started putting them back on.
I didn't know what do say. It seemed like she didn't want to talk about what just happened, so I stayed quiet.
She dressed up and left. She left through the same window she got in half an hour ago.
I had nothing to be angry about; I didn't want to do it that way either, right?
But anyway, a tear dropped from my eye. I stared at the street lamps, remembering how beautiful Brittany's eyes looked in their light.
More tears came along, and soon I fell asleep.
