Saving Grace

Chapter four

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"What's wrong? What's bothering her Mark?"

Derek sounded like an impatient dog waiting to be fed.

"You Derek. You're what's bothering her."

"What are you talking about? I don't even talk to her…"

"You don't need to talk to her Derek. She just sees you and gets nervous. She's scared."

Derek looked at Mark confused. "Scared? Of what?" Mark gave him a pointed look.

Derek was bewildered. Addison was never afraid, and hardly ever nervous. Especially not around him, not since…

No. he refused to think about that. Addison had forgiven him completely. He looked at Mark inquiringly, hoping that it wouldn't be what she was afraid of, not again.

Mark answered him exasperatedly.

"She's anxious Derek. She's worried that you'll somehow manage to ruin the good life she has now. With me."

"Mark, we're divorced. Addison and I have nothing to do with each other anymore. Why would she think I'd bother her?"

Mark sighed and sat down on the bed opposite Derek who leaned forward inquisitively.

"Derek, Addi's having flashbacks. She keeps remembering, over and over again. She can't stop remembering." He paused. "Every time she sees you."

Derek's heart fell in his chest. He couldn't believe it.

"But, she forgave me, I said I was sorry, and she forgave me… Addi forgave me." His voice was no louder than a whisper. "She said she was over it, and I promised it would never happen again. I promised her. She knows that."

"It doesn't matter Derek. She's terrified and it's because of you."

"You're lying Mark." Derek stood up, angry. Addison and he had worked this out.

Mark stood up in front of him stopping him from leaving the room.

"Really Derek? You really think I'd lie about this?" Derek looked at him skeptically.

"I came home one day. She was crying her eyes out on the sofa, saying 'Derek' and 'please don't' over and over. I had to shake her to get her out of it. Remember the last time Addison was like that? Do you?" Mark's voice had raised an octave as he demanded from Derek to remember.

Derek slowly nodded. It had been well over four years ago. He had come home to find her in the same rocking position she had been the night Mark found her. Rocking and pleading with a phantom Derek.

It had taken her forty-five minutes to calm down after he had shaken her out of it. That had been the last time and Addison had forgiven him at last. It took her two years, but she had.

Mark was talking again.

"I shook her out of it and she started hitting me. She thought I was you. You know what she said?"

Derek didn't want to know. He reached for the door to leave the room. Mark placed his hand on the door, effectively closing it again, preventing Derek from escaping.

"She hates you. You hurt her badly Derek." Mark opened the door.

"I didn't want to hurt you by telling you that. I just want to warn you to stay away from her. Stay away from Addison." He turned and left the room.

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Derek stayed in the on-call room for the next hour. He laid down on the bed thinking back to that night.

Addison had just gotten back from a conference two days ago, and she had been acting a little different. He didn't know what was going on, but Derek didn't care.

Whatever Addison decided to throw at him, he'd shoot it right back. He drowned himself in work and behaved indifferently towards her for a good part of that week. She seemed fine with it.

That just pissed him off even more. Then Saturday night happened.

Derek's thoughts were cut off as the door to the on-call room clicked as it opened, allowing Meredith to slip in.

He didn't say anything to show he acknowledged her standing there.

"You ok?" Meredith leaned against the top bunk as she looked down at him, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Fine"

She looked at him, and he finally looked back at her, letting out a sigh.

"Addison hates me."

"No she doesn't" Meredith sat down on the edge of the bunk.

"Yes she does." Derek sat up, placing himself next to her.

"She really doesn't Derek." He almost jumped off the bed in frustration.

"You don't understand." He started pacing, his hand on his waist, the other running through his hair.

"Understand what?"

Derek stopped moving and sat down next to her again.

"I hurt her Meredith. I really hurt her and I'm not talking about when I was with you."

Meredith just looked at him urging him to go on. He continued slowly as he told her the whole story.

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It was Saturday night. Derek had had enough of the indifference running between him and Addison and he had gone to a bar a couple of blocks away from their apartment.

He had a lot to drink. Too much.

He returned home to find the lights on in the kitchen and living room. He had expected Addi to be asleep.

She was sitting in the living room reading a medical journal she had brought home from work the day before.

"Hi honey." She said as he slammed the front door closed. Derek sauntered towards her in a drunken swagger. She put the magazine down and stood up from the couch, coming over to him. She placed her hands on her hip as she looked him up and down.

"You're drunk."

It wasn't a question.

Addison gave him a disapproving glare as she went past him to the kitchen. Mark was sitting at the table eating something that looked like scrambled eggs.

Derek wanted eggs. As drunk as he was, he knew he wanted those eggs. And Mark was eating them.

"What are you doing here?" His voice was low.

"I asked him to come over." Addison said as she handed Derek a glass of water and an aspirin. Derek grabbed the cup from her, splashing water over the sides as he did so.

"I want eggs."

Addison rolled her eyes. Tonight was not going to be fun. Derek was never good company when he consumed a large amount of alcohol, which he had undoubtedly done tonight.

She looked at Mark apologetically and said softly, yet sternly "You should go." She grabbed the plate with the eggs and shoved them at Derek. "Here."

He started gobbling them down like he hadn't eaten in days. Addison looked at him disgustedly.

Mark glanced at her. "You sure you want me to leave?" he asked.

Addison looked at him, quietly pleading with her eyes.

"Please Mark, it'll be better if you do. I'm just going to go to bed and let Derek sort himself out." Addison sighed. Mark touched her arm, giving it a tiny squeeze.

Derek snorted and Addison tried to pull her arm away, but Mark held on.

"Call me if you need anything Addi. I'm serious." Addison smiled at him. "And that's an order. You need anything, I better be hearing from you."

Derek followed them unsteadily to the door. He watched Mark give Addison's arm another little squeeze and a quick kiss on the cheek before he turned around and left.

That was when Derek grabbed her.

At first he grabbed her around the waist, kissing her passionately. Drunken passion. He started undoing the buttons of her shirt while she protested against him.

"Not now Derek. Please. You're drunk. Let me go to bed and we can do this when you're sober."

She sounded tired, but Derek didn't want to hear it, so he continued.

Until Addison slapped him. Hard.

The stinging brought tears to his eyes. Tears and rage. Addison saw it and that was when she first felt scared. He grabbed her by the arm and wrapped his hand in her hair, kissing her again, his lips crushing hers.

She tried pulling away, but he had too strong a grip on her. He tugged sharply on her hair and Addison let out a small gasp. She tried slapping him again but Derek took hold of her wrist, effectively stopping her. His lips on hers were so hard she could feel her skin bruising. He grabbed the back of her neck, hand moving lower until it reached her waist and tugged her shirt out of her skirt and ripped it open.

She was starting to get nervous. "Derek, stop."

His eyes flashed intensely. He had a death grip on her arm right above her elbow, the same place Mark had held onto no more than five or six minutes ago.

Derek slammed her up against the wall as he began caressing her. She could feel the bulge in his pants as he pressed up against her and she let out another small moan. His hand moved lower down, raising her skirt and pushing her panties aside.

"Derek…" he stopped abruptly and took a step back.

"What? Am I not good enough for you? I know I'm not Mark, but you'd think your husband would be enough!" His eyes were crazed and unfocused as he pulled her towards him roughly. He was kissing her again and fondling her roughly, pulling her towards the kitchen counter.

He turned her around, so that he was behind her, hands all over her breasts. The counter top was cutting into her hips, adding to her discomfort. Addison was so dazed at this point that when Derek started whispering breathlessly into her ear about how she didn't love him anymore, how she loved Mark, it all passed right over her.

As he shoved her so that she was leaning facedown on the counter, he grabbed her hands, splaying them on the marble. Derek was kissing her neck, licking her ear and Addison began to feel herself panicking. Derek's hot breath was against her skin. She started crying.

"Please Derek, please just stop it!"

She felt him thrusting into her and she jerked, her hand hitting the glass of water that was on the counter, sending it smashing on the floor. The sound of the glass shattering seemed to anger Derek and he flipped her over again.

"Look what you did!" he shoved her.

Being as unsteady as she was at that moment, Addison fell. She didn't realize she was on the floor until she felt the glass cut into her arm.

She whimpered slightly.

"Derek…"

Her voice was small and weak. But Derek heard it.

He dropped to the floor next to her. "Addi…"

She was bleeding from a cut that ran from a few inches below her wrist close to her elbow. He looked at the piece of glass that had cut her, seeing the blood shining on the surface. He looked down at Addison who just crouched there silently, clutching her arm to her chest, tears silently streaming down her face.

Her beautiful, delicate face, framed by her now disheveled hair which was plastered to her face by sheen of sweat.

Then he saw her eyes.

"Oh god, Addi…" he mumbled something else before passing out on the floor.

Addison let out a gut-wrenching sob and pulled her legs up towards her.

Her arm wasn't bleeding enough to be dangerous, but it was enough that it leaked through her clothing, leaving a crimson stain on her once white shirt.

Addison cried for a little longer before she leaned for the phone.

Mark. She needed to call Mark. He could help her. He always did.

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Fifteen minutes had passed since Mark had left the Shepherds brownstone. He had seen Derek drunk before, too many times, but Derek had never hurt Addison. Not physically anyway, and she always came out fine.

Which was why when his cell phone rang and the caller id read 'Addi & Derek' he wasn't worried.

Not until he heard her.

"Addi? Sweetie, what's the matter?"

She was sobbing hysterically into the phone.

"Addi, I need you to tell me what's wrong. Are you alright? Did Derek do something?'

Addison just kept sobbing. Mark couldhearher body shaking.

"Hurts-it hurts." She managed to get out.

The tires squeeled as Mark made a u-turn and started to head back in the direction he had come from. Something was terribly wrong.

"Addison, come on, talk to me. What hurts? Where's Derek?"

"He's passed out on the floor."

"I'm coming over right now."

His only response was the 'click' of Addison hanging up and the dial tone that followed.

'Shit.'

Mark stepped on the gas as hard as he could.

Addison needed him.

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