Kakashi glanced over at the shinobi-turned-feline now occupying space on his couch. The cat lay on his side, stretched out as long as his diminutive form would allow, his eyes closed and his breathing even. It wasn't all that late, but considering that Kakashi had spent a good chunk of his day conducting a high speed chase against the sensei all through the village, he could see how Iruka may be tired.
Still, the jounin was about to make dinner, and he would at least check if the sensei wanted some as well. "Hey, Iruka, are you still awake?"
One dark brown eye blearily peeked open and a tan ear twitched in annoyance.
Kakashi was not fluent in feline-Iruka body language, but he roughly translated the answer to be "Yes. Thanks to you I am, unfortunately, still awake."
"You hungry?"
His furry head immediately lifted from its former reclined position, ears perked, both eyes wide open. That more or less amounted to a "Hell yes!" were the sensei prone to such colloquialisms.
Nodding in understanding, the jounin rooted around in the refrigerator before finally pulling out a large sealed container and reheating its contents on the stove. Iruka padded lightly from the sofa into the kitchen, hovering around the jounin's ankles while the man cooked. The smell of grilled meat teased Iruka's nose, reminding him that he'd barely eaten in the days since his mission had gone wrong. He raised himself to a more upright position, front paws resting on a cabinet door as he sniffed the air.
"It won't take long," Kakashi commented, smirking at his impatience. "Just wait at the table, would you?"
Remembering his manners, the feline ducked his head in embarrassment and made his way to a chair at the kitchen table, where he sat in a duly dignified manner. However, he was so delighted when Kakashi set down a generously-laden dish of yakiniku, bite-sized portions of grilled beef and vegetables, that he jumped up to the tabletop where he'd have better access to the dish.
The jounin didn't seem bothered by the move. He took his own seat, but then looked up as though something just came to mind. "You may want to avoid the vegetables," Kakashi advised. "If a cat's digestive system is anything like a dog's, it'll just give you gas. Perhaps even make you vomit."
Tilting his head, Iruka considered the advice. All he'd eaten since becoming a cat was Naruto's ramen- mostly the broth, since the long slippery noodles were difficult to get a handle on and he couldn't slurp in this form. He didn't know what would happen if he tried vegetables. The thought of inadvertently vomiting on something of Kakashi's was enough to make him wary.
"If you don't want yakiniku," Kakashi grinned, noticing his hesitation, "You could always have some dog food, just to be safe."
Iruka rolled his eyes, but quickly nipped up a piece of meat, just in case the jounin had been serious about the switch. He carefully picked at his food, sorting through the meat and vegetables. Since the feline had to keep his face toward the plate in the process, Kakashi had no trouble eating his own meal without being seen unmasked.
Thirsty, Iruka stepped toward his glass. The rim was narrow, and he couldn't get his tongue close enough to lap at its contents. He was about to tilt the glass to move the water closer to the edge but Kakashi, noticing the inconvenience, quickly removed the offending vessel.
"My mistake, sensei." The man retrieved a small, shallow bowl from the cupboard and transferred the water into that. He was, it turned out, a conscientious host. So, when Kakashi set the water bowl on the table and Iruka caught a glimpse of the angry red scratches on the man's wrist, the feline couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt.
He placed a paw over the marks in wordless apology.
The jounin raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "Eh, don't worry about it. I've been through a lot worse than catfights, trust me."
Catfight? The feline crinkled his nose. Was that an absolution or an insult? Iruka just wasn't sure.
The food was excellent, and once the chunin lapped up the last bit of sauce from his plate, he meowed his thanks to Kakashi and jumped down from the table, content and sleepy.
"Now would be a good time for a bath, ne?"
The feline looked up sharply, all appreciative thoughts vanishing away. "You wouldn't dare," his eyes said.
Kakashi chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck, "But sensei, you really do need one. You've got mud on your fur, from crawling through the ditches. And dried egg yolk from that food stand you knocked over. Flour from the bakery you cut through…" His eyes roved over the feline's fur, identifying the dried-on and clinging substances, "Bits of cat litter from the pet shop episode. My blood…"
He took a step toward the tabby, who immediately took a step backwards.
"There's nothing to worry about. It'll be quick."
The jounin took a step forward; the chunin took a step back.
"You let Naruto do it."
Another step forward. Another step back.
"Iruka, you're making this harder than it has to be," Kakashi warned, narrowing his eye and taking yet another step forward.
Iruka retreated- right into the arms of a waiting clone. He hissed, spitting mad, as the double gripped his front and back paws together to avoid being lacerated.
"You're really going to scratch me so soon after apologizing?" the clone asked reprovingly.
Iruka was clearly considering it. Finally, he ceased actively struggling- though he was by no means relaxed or compliant.
The real Kakashi, in the meantime, had gone to prepare the bath. His pants were rolled up to his knees and he crouched in the tub filled to about four inches with water, an additional basin of warm water and a bottle of unscented shampoo at his side. The clone sat on the side of the tub and placed the feline inside, hands still holding onto the legs, lest he decide to bolt.
"All right, sensei, this won't take long at all," Kakashi began, in a soothing tone as he began rinsing the captive's fur. "I won't pull any surprises. First I've just got to get you thoroughly wet."
Iruka's tension increased every time more water was poured over him, however gently it was done. His eyes shut tightly. The smell of fear was just barely palpable, and the jounin realized with some regret that it wasn't only embarrassment that made Iruka so resistant.
But he had to finish what he'd started. The jounin quickly proceeded to the shampoo, lathering it into fur, especially where the aforementioned mud, egg, and blood were concentrated. "You're doing great," he commented lightly hoping to relieve some of the tension with humor. "In fact, when we're done here you can have a treat for good behavior."
Iruka glared hatefully at him while letting out a low pitched growl. Kakashi translated that to words he'd bet the sensei never said in front of his student.
"All right, all right," the jounin sighed, rinsing the shampoo off. With drenched fur clinging to the feline form, Iruka seemed even smaller. "Next time you need a bath, I'll make sure Naruto comes over."
The last of the suds were rinsed away, and the clone finally released his hold and dispelled. Iruka shook himself vigorously, flinging water droplets everywhere- a disproportionate amount seeming to land spitefully on the jounin's clothes. Kakashi held out a couple of white fluffy towels as a peace offering. "Do you want me to dry you off, or would you prefer taking care of that yourself?"
Iruka nipped the towels in his jaws and pointedly left the bathroom.
Figuring the sensei was embarrassed quite enough and would want to be alone, Kakashi summoned Pakkun for his turn to be bathed. Though the pug complained about having to bathe where a cat had been just moments before, in truth he genuinely enjoyed his bath times. Of course, he complained again when Kakashi dismissed him, but that chunin was high-strung enough, without his ninken hanging around.
When Kakashi finally emerged from the bathroom, he casually looked around, trying to locate Iruka. He finally found the feline back on the couch, looking anything but relaxed.
Huddled on top of one towel, with the other draped over his body, he was shivering miserably. His fur was still quite damp, but Iruka had given up his attempts at drying in favor of seeking warmth in his improvised cocoon. Idly, he licked his forearm the way a normal cat would after a bath, before becoming aware of the action and abruptly tucking the arm underneath him.
Kakashi grabbed a fresh towel and approached. Without a word, he rubbed the cloth over Iruka's head and neck, drying them off. When the chunin offered no form of protest, Kakashi proceeded down to his shoulders and back. The cat pulled in tighter on himself, eyes downcast and ears swiveled out, practically radiating misery.
Having to depend on the jounin for something so simple was humiliating.
"Mah, sensei, everyone needs help now and then," Kakashi noted, once again demonstrating an almost uncanny ability to read his mind.
Iruka did not respond, and it disturbed the jounin how violently his mood had swung from defiant to defeated.
"I'm meeting with the genin again tomorrow," Kakashi began, changing the subject. "Would you like to come with me?"
Iruka glanced up at him, considering, before dropping his eyes and twitching his shoulder in his version of a shrug.
"I was wondering if you would help me train them," Kakashi continued. "That is, if you don't mind."
Iruka looked up again, more sharply this time. His cautiously puzzled eyes made the jounin imagine he was saying something to the effect of "Is that a joke?" or "What do you mean?" or possibly even "I can't quite tell if you're making fun of me, but if I decide that you are, so help me, I'll use you for a scratching post."
"I'm being serious," Kakashi assured. "The way you evaded capture with limited access to your normal abilities demonstrated impressive versatility, situational awareness, and the ability to think fast and form plans under pressure. I'd appreciate if you'd agree to help in tomorrow's training."
Iruka waited for the punch line, but it never came. The request was sincere. With a nod, he acquiesced.
The prospect of being useful, even in this vulnerable form, was enough to bring the light back to the sensei's eyes.
The following morning, Kakashi stepped out of his bedroom to find the couch unoccupied. Iruka had slept there last night amidst the spare blankets Kakashi had set out. But now he was already up and about. He noted with some amusement that the chunin had attempted to fold the blankets neatly and set them aside. The result was an unstable pile of sloppily creased fabric.
He paused when something else caught his eye- the half eaten body of a dead mouse. Kakashi quickly cleaned up the remaining carcass. It was troubling. Not that the mouse was dead- he had no qualms over that. But if Iruka was hunting and eating mice, it did not bode well for the chunin's hold on humanity.
Bypassing the couch, Kakashi sought out the tabby. He walked toward the bathroom and pushed open the slightly ajar door.
The feline perched on the toilet let out an indignant yowl. Kakashi quickly clicked the door shut. "Sorry."
Leaning on the wall, he waited for his new housemate to finish. Eventually he heard a flush, and then a bit later the water running in the bathroom sink.
Finally, he heard a rather bossy-sounding meow. The Copy Nin peered inside. Iruka held a tube of toothpaste in his fangs.
"I'm not letting you borrow my toothbrush," Kakashi informed him, images of the dead mouse flashing in his mind.
Iruka merely tilted his chin upwards, silently demanding that the tube be opened.
The jounin shrugged and unscrewed the cap.
The cat held his paw out, pad up. Kakashi squirted a small glob of toothpaste onto it and the feline commenced vigorously scrubbing his tongue and fangs with his paw pads.
The shinobi took this moment to study Iruka with his Sharingan. There were limitations to the kind of changes he could notice. His right eye could see what sort of chakra was being exerted or utilized; it could not see into the body's actual chakra pathways. From what Kakashi could tell, nothing had changed since last night, but he was going to recommend that Iruka be examined by a Hyuuga.
Iruka did not look like he'd be finished brushing his fangs any time soon. In fact he held his paw out, requesting an extra glob of toothpaste. Obviously, the mouse incident disgusted him, which in itself was a good sign.
Kakashi retrieved his own toothbrush, standing behind the feline and out of sight of the mirror, and commenced brushing his own teeth. The two shared that small sink.
Kakashi only narrowly missed spitting on the chunin when the latter craned his neck to catch some running water in his mouth. The tabby hissed in response, and the Copy Nin stopped himself from chuckling. Iruka did not seem to be a morning person.
However, he couldn't restrain the laugh when the cat tilted his head back and made a valiant attempt at gargling. That had to be one of the funniest things he'd seen in quite some time.
This earned him another irritable hiss from the sensei.
Yes, definitely not a morning person.
* * * * *
"I'm heading out early, Iruka," Kakashi informed him, heading toward the door. "Do you want to go out on your own for a while, or should I come back to pick you up when I'm ready to meet the kids?"
Iruka noticed that accompanying the jounin was not one of the options, and wondered what Kakashi would be doing. Not able to verbalize the question, he merely followed the man to the door, indicating his desire to spend that time outside.
"We'll meet at the bridge at 8:30," Kakashi informed him.
Iruka narrowed his eyes.
"All right, all right," the jounin sighed. "9:00, actually."
The sensei spent the first part of his morning spying on his Academy class. He wondered how they were holding up with his longer-than-anticipated-absence. Thus, Iruka lingered around the Academy grounds, observing his pre-genin students and creating a mental list of those who gave the substitute a hard time.
Punishment would be waiting for them once he got back to his classroom. That'll teach them not to set the substitute's toupee on fire.
When he decided that he'd seen enough, he set off to join Team 7. The chunin was walking along, contemplating suitably creative methods of discipline, when he suddenly found himself swept off his feet.
"Kitty!" A toddler held him in her pudgy arms, her face beaming with pure delight as she squeezed the life-giving oxygen from his lungs.
His reflexive response would have involved claws and fangs, but Iruka's humanely protective nature overrode animal instinct and he allowed himself to be crushed- merely offering a pained meow to let the girl now that he was acutely uncomfortable.
The child, heedless of his protest, toddled off to her mother, who was choosing tomatoes at the vegetable cart. "Mama, look! Kitty!"
Were Kakashi there, he would have known immediately that Iruka's eyes were pleading "Woman, get your precious little monster off me!"
Now most mothers would tell their child not to touch a strange animal, lest they contract some horrid disease. Unfortunately, little Ms. Vice-Grip's mommy was either a true cat-lover at heart, or perhaps simply didn't believe in germs.
"Oh, how cute!" The woman gushed, pleased to see a cat placid enough to allow itself to be held by the child.
A gruff voice intervened the overflowing display of affection. "Put the cat down."
All three looked over to find Pakkun, with his packmates standing behind him like a troop ready to attack. "You heard me. That's our cat."
The toddler pouted, squeezing tighter. "Mine!"
The mother was, thankfully, much more sensible. Especially when the behemoth black dog caught her eye. "Honey, you need to give the ninja dogs their kitty back." She coaxed the child to release her furry captive and hurried off, tomatoes completely forgotten.
Iruka gulped down precious oxygen, too absorbed with the act of breathing to really pay attention to the dogs. That is until, Pakkun stepped closer. "You okay, Iruka?"
The cat tensed and nodded. They're just watching out for me, he reminded himself. Kakashi must have told them to follow me, in case I get into trouble. There's nothing to be afraid of.
The other dogs also stepped closer, curious about their new charge.
I'm not afraid, Iruka reminded himself again, inclining his head in polite greeting. The dog with sunglasses took this as an invitation to step closer and sniff at him.
I'm not afraid. He repeated his inner mantra.
Another dog with bandages wrapped around his neck actually poked his nose right in Iruka's face. They were all around him now, standing very close and the sensei felt distinctly claustrophobic. He shrunk in on himself.
I'm not afraid. I'mnotafraid I'mnotafraid I'mnotafraid…
Finally, the largest of the pack let out a low whine of disapproval. He stood over the cat, physically acting as a barrier between Iruka and the rest of the pack. The other ninken took the hint and backed away from the distressed feline.
The tiny cat stared up from his spot between the thick muscular forearms to get a better look at the canine towering over him like a breathing shield making sure the others kept their distance.
"His name's Bull," Pakkun interjected. "I guess he likes cats. Bull's always been a bit of a softy."
Bull looked down at Iruka, before planting a large slobbery dog kiss on his head.
* * * * *
When Iruka and the nindogs finally joined Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura, his former students greeted him with curious looks. Most likely because Iruka was seated comfortably between Bull's shoulder blades.
Iruka meowed a greeting and, after patting the gargantuan dog on the head, perched lightly onto the rail of the bridge to join them in their wait. Kakashi had left the house long ago. What could he have been doing for all this time?
Another ten minutes drifted by.
"You're late!" Naruto and Sakura yelled suddenly.
Sure enough, the chronically tardy shinobi had finally decided to grace them with his presence. "I got caught up with my cat-sitting duties and time got away from me," he placidly responded.
"Liar! Iruka-sensei has already been here waiting!" Naruto accused.
"That's what he wants you to think," Kakashi replied cryptically.
Naruto folded his arms against his chest. "Don't blame Iruka-sensei for your bad habits! He doesn't lay around in bed when he should be teaching his students!"
Iruka cringed at the implication that Kakashi had lounged at home all morning, as he knew that was not the case. The jounin was not lazy.
The Copy Nin, however, seemed unruffled by the accusation. "Is that so?" He hummed. "Well, in that case, it's a good thing Iruka-sensei agreed to help train you today." That got his student's attention.
"We'll be testing your tracking skills in the forest. The three of you must try to find and capture Iruka. He'll get a twenty minute head start, then the rest of you are to follow. This will be a five-hour exercise. Now here are the rules. If you fail to capture Iruka in five hours, return here to our meeting area. You may use any jutsu or technique you want…"
"But I don't want to hurt him!" Sakura interrupted.
"You won't," Kakashi assured.
"But..." Naruto waffled between wanting to protect his sensei, and wanting to believe he was too skilled to get injured by genin.
Sasuke frowned. "But what happens if we do injure him?"
Kakashi tilted his head as he pondered. "Hm…Based on the severity…he'll get appropriate medical treatment. And you'll be forced to train with Gai-sensei's team for a month."
Iruka wondered why the mention of training with Gai could make even Sasuke pale. Sure, the spandex clad jounin was a bit over-exuberant, especially with his "dynamic" entries in the mission office, but he always turned in such flawless, impeccably-written reports. He even used a bright green paperclip to hold the multiple pages in perfect order. Gai really was a fine shinobi.
Kakashi continued on, "Now here are the stakes. If you fail to capture Iruka-sensei in the five hour time limit, you'll go without lunch today. But if you do capture him, he treats you all to Ichiraku Ramen."
Hey! Iruka glared at the jounin. When did he agree to that?
Naruto whooped and threw his fist in the air. "Yeah!!! Talk about motivation!"
Well… it had been a while since he'd treated his students to ramen, Iruka inwardly sighed. And besides, he had no intention of going easy on the kids. This was preparation for future missions. He'd make it as difficult as possible for them to track him. If they wanted to pass, they were going to have to work for it.
At Kakashi's prompting, the feline shinobi took his head start. While he sprinted, he thought through his strategy. Iruka was limited on jutsu to perform and on traps he could set without hands. But he could focus on creating false trails. Simple disorienting jutsus, misleading chakra signals, these were still well within his capabilities. And now that he thought of it, there were some traps he could still manage.
The more Iruka planned, the more fun this exercise seemed. The kids would get a chance to really see the classroom basics put into practice.
The feline was in the midst of preparing his first trap when it occurred to him: Kakashi had just found a way to keep his team occupied for the next five hours… without having to do a thing. And, win or lose, he wouldn't be responsible for lunch.
Lazy jounin.
Kakashi was reading in the limbs of a tree when the ANBU approached him.
"Hatake," Boar bowed "My squad returned from our mission late last night, and Morino has finally got information from our targets. Lord Hokage has requested Umino's presence."
"He's over there with the kids." Kakashi pointed vaguely in the direction of the forest, never taking his eyes off the book.
The ANBU nodded and took off.
The Copy Nin briefly wondered if he should have informed the black op of the training exercise. With a shrug, he turned his page. He'd figure it out soon enough.
Two hours later, a mud covered, quietly cursing ANBU emerged from the forest. His mask was askew and foliage clung to his uniform. In his right hand, a tan and brown tabby cat dangled by the scruff of his collar, miffed expression suggesting he didn't know what he'd done to make the man so angry
Kakashi watched the spectacle in amusement. His gaze then returned to the forest where Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura were still trying to find the now absent chunin. He should go tell them what happened.
The shinobi stretched and tucked his book away. Dropping to ground, he landed lightly and turned back to the village. He'd let them know in three hours, back at the bridge.
Sarutobi raised an eyebrow when his ANBU returned. Boar was very late and in a bedraggled state, holding the feline Iruka by the nape of his neck. The cat was deposited none too gently on the Hokage's desk.
"Was there a problem?" the Sandaime queried, worried for a moment that he'd run into an enemy along the way.
The ANBU went still for a moment. "None, sir." With a quick bow, he left.
Sarutobi shrugged off Boar's odd appearance and smoothed back Iruka's ruffled fur. "You'll be happy to know that we have the perpetrators in our possession, and Ibiki has already gotten some answers about your condition. Anko, would you give the report?"
Anko stood from the seat she'd been lounging in while waiting for the ANBU to return. Her eyes settled on Iruka and widened comically. "Oh, shit."
Iruka very clearly recalled being kicked clear across the trees when he'd been desperately low on chakra and in need of help. It seemed Anko remembered that incident as well. Seeing her now, looking so stunned, the sensei felt more inclined to forgive.
Anko burst into peals of laughter. "That was you?!" she managed to choke out, before dissolving into further hysterics.
Forget forgiveness. She'd better get a monsoon-proof trench coat for her pending journey to Rain Country.
At that moment, Kakashi swung in through the window, giving his leader a two finger salute and then standing there as though he had every right to be in the Hokage's office, with or without a summon.
Sarutobi rubbed his forehead, trying to reign in a growing headache. "Anko…the report?"
"Oh, right," the kunoichi cleared her throat. "Ibiki reports that Prisoner 2-B cast the jutsu, but is genuinely surprised by the affect it had on Iruka. It was an experimental technique that scrambles chakra paths, but it had never done anything like that before," she indicated the sensei's condition with a wave of her hand.
Iruka did not like where this was going. He waited for Anko to continue.
"Ibiki is still getting the finer details of the jutsu's execution. But he said that, since Iruka's Master Henge already alters his chakra paths, it's likely that the reaction of Iruka's jutsu, when struck with the enemy's experimental one, caused his condition- not the technique in and of itself. But once we study the technique, that should give us the key to…"
"Lord Hokage!" a chunin burst through the door, interrupting Anko and bowing hastily to the leader. "Prisoner 2-B…he's dead!"
The Sandaime stood abruptly, but before he could say a word, Anko grabbed the messenger by the collar and shook him vigorously "Dead? What do you mean dead! Ibiki was supposed to be careful!"
The unfortunate shinobi squirmed under her withering glare "I-it wasn't Ibiki. The prisoner managed to k-kill himself. Poison. W-we're not sure yet how he hid it, but an investigation is underway."
"Anko, it does no good to kill the messenger. Put him down," Sarutobi sank down into his seat with a sigh. "Make sure Ibiki sends me the final report. You're dismissed."
The Hokage met Iruka's worry-filled feline eyes. His own weathered face set in a stubborn expression. "This isn't over yet, Iruka. We'll find answers another way."
"I believe he would benefit from a visit with the Hyuuga medics," Kakashi offered.
"And the Inuzuka veterinarians," Anko added.
"There's a specialist in Lightening Country who may be able to help us as well," Sarutobi pondered aloud. He gave the tabby a reassuring pat on the head. "We'll not leave you like this, Iruka. A solution will be found."
Iruka unconsciously leaned into the Hokage's touch, trying his best not to panic. Sarutobi's presence was comforting. The elder had been like a father to him ever since the Kyuubi attack. He had no doubt whatsoever that the Hokage would do everything in his power to fix this.
It was difficult, however, to ignore the uneasy feeling of doubt that this problem could be fixed.
Note to Reviewers: Once I was done "editing," this six-page chapter became 12¼ pages long.
Some alterations include: the addition of Anko and her reaction to learning she'd kicked Iruka; and the appearance of Kakashi's nindogs, since many of you seemed to want to see Iruka react to them. Even just knowing what you found funny in the earlier chapters guided my writing in this one. And when I felt like putting the "editing" process off for a later time, a review would show up, motivating me to write again.
It's sad, really. You people have me wrapped around your collective little finger!
Still, I have not veered from the original storyline, despite having added and revised so many scenes. The next chapter will be the last! At the rate I'm going, expect it no earlier than Monday.
Many thanks to my reviewers/taskmasters: xXxJaycee81196xXx, Ally Plz, KakashiKrazed, Reidluver, terracannon876, Inny-hakky, chibi heishi, jazzy2may, Key Shinigami, umino-gaara, Ryu Earth, SkaterValentine, Auphora66, dk-joy, Petague Killaboo, TheWatcherandReader, Rangerfan58, Phoenix Eternia, Rae-Wolf-Demon, and Lenea89
