Disclaimer: HP does not belong to me, just the idea I used on the characters… all recognizable things are Rowlings
Information: AU-Sorting, takes place in HP1. Reincarnation-fic!
To all that send me ideas for pranks: THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
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WHY TO SORT A STUDENT IS A HORRIBLE JOB
A PRANKSTER'S CASE – THE REVELATION
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"Oh, we would be honoured –"
"Absolutely honoured –"
"If this genius –"
"This incredible mind filled with pranks and pranks –"
"Would have belong to one of us."
Minerva McGonagall just refrained from pinching her nose in distress. She had ordered the Weasley-twins in her office to ask them about the pranks and how to dissolve them – just to find herself in the presence of two fan-boys with absolute adoration in their eyes and willing to shoulder every punishment she could come up with just to be able to say that they had a part in those pranks.
In pranks they obviously didn't commit.
"So – who is this prankster if it isn't one of you?" she sighed, hoping against hope that the twins had at least heard some rumors concerning the new jokester in Hogwarts.
"Oh, Professor –"
"Our most beloved Transfiguration's Professor –"
"If we'd knew –"
"Or if we'd just have had a suspect –"
"We'd offer ourselves up as apprentices on a moment's notice!"
"Or as slaves if they won't take any apprentices!"
"Yes, as long as we're near them we'd grovel to their feet –"
"And eat mud for breakfast, lunch and dinner!"
"Oh, how right you are, my brother dearest!"
Minerva just pinched her nose again.
"So you have no idea," she started.
"Absolute no, professor," one of the twins interrupted her.
"But we'd gladly hear you out if you'd have a hunch," the other one added. "After all, it's always good to know who to observe."
"Maybe we'll find them if you'd give us a little more information about them-"
"Information that the teachers gathered, but we lowly students have no way to obtain."
Minerva frowned at the twins, then she pointed at the door.
"Get out of my sight," she said. The twins looked at her with mock-hurt in their eyes.
"Don't you love us anymore, now that there is another great mind in Hogwarts?" one of the twins said with a pleading voice – to Minvera's utter frustration she had still no idea which twin was talking.
"We promise, Professor, we'll do great again the next time," the other twin said.
"Yeah, we'll make you proud again-"
"And you'll be able to scream at us to your heart's content-"
"Like you always do, our beloved Head of House!" they finished together.
"OUT! NOW!" Minerva bellowed, and the twins left.
She waited until her office door was closed, then she buried her head in her hands.
Pranksters!
There were new pranksters in Hogwarts!
Oh, how she sometimes hated her life as a professor!
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Meanwhile, in a damp, cool hall, way beneath the known parts of Hogwarts, a hat sat on the wet floor. It was desperately pleading with its capturer to let it go again.
"Please!" it said, begging with all it had. "Please, Salazar! You don't need me! There're a lot of other people in this castle that would gladly help you with your pranks and plans but-"
"Gúþwine!" the hat stopped mid-sentence when it heard itself addressed like that.
"There is no need to flatter me anymore," it said, this time sounding bitter. "I am no longer your 'comrade in war'."
Salazar just snorted.
"Only if you refuse to work with me, gúþwine," he said. "And be truthful: you will work with me again. You can't refuse."
The Hat laughed at that.
"Oh, Salazar!" it cried. "You never change! Do you truly think that I will join you just because you kidnaped me? Gods! I won't change my mind even if you would feed me to your damn basilisk!"
Salazar pouted.
"Do you truly think I brought you to the Chamber of Secrets just to feed you to my basilisk? Are you mad? She wouldn't even think of eating you! After all, you're nothing but old and sweaty leather!"
This time the Hat harrumphed. "Thank you for your thoughtful words of wisdom. I really feel appreciated."
"You're welcome."
The Hat just sighed at that response.
Damn Salazar and his caring comebacks! Not!
"Well, back to the original reason I brought you, gúþwine," Salazar said in that moment.
"As I told you: I. Won't. Help. You!" the Hat interrupted heatedly.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Salazar said. "Just tell me why there is a Cerberus in my school."
If the Hat would have had real eyes, it would have rolled them.
"Because of the damn stone, it is protecting," it answered.
"Stone?"
"Some stone of Nicholas Flamel's, or such nonsense."
"Ah. That stone. Why, in the Gods name, is the philosopher's stone at Hogwarts?"
"Something about protection," the Hat answered and it would have shrugged its shoulders if it had them, that is.
Salazar's eyebrows rose.
"So, to make it clear. They hid the philosopher's stone in the castle and to protect it they brought in a Cerberus? Which fool decided to do something idiotic like that? The old goat, maybe?"
The Hat started.
"Old goat?" it repeated, not understanding the reverence.
Salazar just shrugged.
My last prank gave every one parts of their animagus form as obvious body parts. The Headmaster is a goat, so old goat does the trick, don't you think so, too?"
The Hat just groaned.
"Tell me at least it wasn't one of your long term pranks!" it pleaded with the Founder of Slytherin House. Said founder just shrugged.
"No, don't worry. Tomorrow is tutu-day, after that girls-day and after-"
"What, in the Gods name, did you do?"
Salazar grinned.
"I spelled the entrance of the Great Hall with a slowly evolving curse. If they don't find the counter, it will run its course until Hallowe'en."
The Hat groaned. "Salazar!"
"What?"
"What did Helga tell you?"
Salazar blinked and then looked at the wall thinking.
"Er… not to curse the entrance of the Great Hall?" he finally said hesitatingly.
"And what did you promise?"
"Not to curse the entrance of the Great Hall," Salazar repeated slowly.
"And what did you do?"
Salazar thought about it.
"Jinxed the entrance of the Great Hall?" he finally offered.
"You cursed it!"
Salazar pouted for a moment. Then his eyes lightened up and he started grinning.
"And that's the reason you have to work with me!" he concluded. "After all, I'd forget all my promises if you weren't there to remind me of them!"
The Hat spluttered.
"I'm not your mother, Salazar!"
"No, gúþwine," Salazar said, grinning evilly. "But you are my best friend. And that counts three times as much as being my mother. Don't you think so, too, Godric?"
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Explanation:
Gúþwine – old English for 'Comrade in war'
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Sorry it took me so long. I know, there's not a lot pranking in the chapter but I hoped you liked it anyway.
'Till next time.
Ebenbild
