Author's Note: As always thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed, or favorited after Chapter Three.
So I know I said that this chapter was most likely going to be the last. Well it turned out that I had a lot more than I thought I did so the hopefully good news is that this is now going to be a 5 part story. Anyways, I hope you enjoy Chapter Four, and as always, please let me know what you think.
Chapter Four
Matt was sitting in the common room with the guys and reading the newspaper when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Reaching for it, he saw a text from Antonio.
"How is she?" it simply read. He stared at it for a minute, trying to decide what to do. Hopefully, he wasn't acting too strangely or attracting too much attention. Hermann had already asked about Gabby, which wasn't surprising given what the man had witnessed at Molly's the previous evening. Matt had tried to brush off Hermann's concerns, but he wasn't completely sure Hermann had bought it.
"She's doing her best to hang in there," he ultimately decided to text Antonio back. "This morning wasn't as bad as last night."
Once he'd hit send, Matt was startled by the sight of a figure racing past the common room. Looking up, he had no doubt it was Gabby. Instantly concerned he threw the paper down on the table and got up to go after her. He followed her down the hall and into the bunkroom, noticing her stop right outside his office door.
"Damn it," she cursed as she looked into his office and noticed that he wasn't there.
"Gabby," he said cautiously as he came up to her.
"Matt," her body instantly relaxed as she realized he was there.
"Hey, what's going on?" he asked as he guided her into his office and then closed and locked the door.
"Promise me," Gabby said as she turned around to face him. He noticed that despite a look of fury on her face, her eyes were watering as she paused for a moment trying to get her thoughts in order and then continued. "Promise me that you'll never lie to me or keep anything important from me or go and tell someone my personnel business without my permission."
"Of course I won't," Matt replied. He was pretty sure something else had happened. He wasn't sure what or how it had happened at work, but it was like Gabby had taken a step back from where she was this morning.
"Promise," she said desperately.
"I promise," he told her. He wanted to pull her into his arms, but she had started pacing frantically in the little aisle between his bed and the window that overlooked the bunkroom. He knew she was just trying to get her anger out. "What happened?"
She didn't respond. She just kept pacing.
"Gabby, baby, talk to me," he tried again.
"Antonio," Gabby started to speak even though she kept pacing. "He…he told Brett everything."
Matt was shocked. As far as he was concerned, if anyone had a right to know what was going on with Gabby, it was him, but Antonio wouldn't give him anything last night beyond basically implying that he should be worried about her. He and Gabby were all but married after all. How did Antonio go from not being willing to tell him what was going on to telling Brett?
"I guess he thinks the fact that he's been fucking her for a hot minute gives him the right to blab my personal business to her. It's not okay though. He can't just tell whoever he wants something about me, especially someone I know and work with. Someone whose supposed to be my friend," Gabby ranted as tears started to fall. She was clearly very pissed. Matt was tempted to ask where the supposed to be part came from but figured it was just Gabby being angry.
"I know," he said as he took a seat on his bed and motioned for her to join him. "Come here."
Gabby sat down next to him, and he started massaging her shoulders in an attempt to relax her.
"I'm sorry," Matt told her. "Things will be okay again. I promise."
"How am I supposed to face her now that she knows?" Gabby asked.
"I know, and you haven't had any problem facing me," Matt pointed out.
"That's not the same thing. You're you," Gabby replied. Matt just nodded somehow understanding exactly what she meant. He pulled her towards him as the couple sat in silence for a few minutes.
"Antonio's basically betrayed me twice now. My so-called parents are nothing more than liars. You're the only person I feel like I can trust right now," Gabby broke the silence. She sounded so vulnerable. As much as he hated seeing her like this, it meant a lot to him that when she felt like she had nobody, he was the person she held on to.
"There's something I need to tell you," Matt felt Gabby stiffen at his words. "It's nothing bad. At least I don't think it is. Right before you came looking for me, Antonio texted me. He wanted to know how you were doing. Since you had said it would be okay for me to update your mom, I thought it would be okay if I did the same with Antonio. If you don't want me to do that anymore or talk to him or anything else, I won't. Just let me know."
"That's what doesn't make any sense," Gabby said. Matt just looked at her confused. "Brett said that Antonio wanted her to keep an eye on me, but he knows you're here and that you can do that. So why did he need to tell her?"
Before Matt could respond, the bells went off calling both Truck and Ambo to assist a person who was trapped. Gabby's demeanor suddenly changed. In an instant, she pushed everything aside, and forced herself to focus on nothing more than being a paramedic. Matt was still concerned though and silently promised to keep as close of an eye on her during as much of the call as he possibly could.
"Hey Dawson, can you patch the ketchup?" Otis called from the other side of the table.
They had returned from their call a little over an hour ago. Wanting to avoid the common room, especially since it was Brett's turn to make lunch, Gabby had spent most of that time camped out in Matt's office reading in the hopes that a book would help her escape from reality while he worked up his report from the call. Now they were all gathered around the table, eating the macaroni and cheese lunch that Brett had prepared.
"That's disgusting Otis" Kidd said from her spot a couple chairs down from where Gabby and Matt sat.
"You just haven't tried it yet," Otis told Kidd.
Gabby meanwhile sat there, not responding to Otis's request. Instead the name reverberated in her mind. Dawson. She had been known as Dawson for her whole career with the CFD. It was just a name or at least it was supposed to be. Suddenly though she found it offensive. She didn't really know what she should be, but she shouldn't be Dawson. The name, the fact that everyone called her that, was just a symbol of the lie.
"Dawson, ketchup," Otis said again when she hadn't responded a minute later.
"Here," Matt grabbed the ketchup and passed it down the table. Looking at Gabby, she was sitting there stoically almost in a daze. Worried about her, he was about to reach for his plate and suggest to Gabby that they go eat in his office when she suddenly stood up.
"Guys," Gabby said. "I have an announcement to make."
Everyone looked at her expectantly and then to Matt, who was clearly surprised by this turn of events, and then back to Gabby. However, she just stood there for a minute before saying anything else.
"I guess it's more of a request," she finally continued. "I know I've been Dawson as long as you've all known me, but would you guys mind calling me Gabby from now on?"
She didn't know what everyone had been expecting her to say, but it wasn't that. Everyone just stared at her with looks of surprise and confusion on their faces.
"Sure," Hermann finally said. He didn't know what exactly was going on with her, but he could tell that for some reason that was what she needed to hear.
"Thanks," Gabby mumbled as she sat back down again. Only she didn't start eating again. She just stared at her plate and sort of played with her food.
"You okay Gabby?" Hermann followed up.
"I'm fine," she said. "Just not very hungry."
She then got up and headed back towards Matt's office, eager to avoid any further questioning. She wasn't exactly sure what she'd say if anyone asked why she suddenly wanted to go by her first name. Matt grabbed both of their plates and got up to follow her. He found her sitting on his bed, the book she was reading earlier sitting on her lap unopened.
"Hey," he said as he put their plates down on his desk, closed the door, and then joined her on the bed.
"Hey. Did anyone say anything about my running out of there like that or the other thing?" she hoped no one was getting suspicious. She certainly wasn't ready to tell anyone else what was actually going on.
"No," Matt replied. "I think everyone was a little surprised. You've always been Dawson to them, but I'm sure they'll get over it."
"I know its technically, legally my last name, but it's not real Matt," Gabby started to explain. "When Otis said it, it was just a reminder that I'm not who I thought I was, that my life's been one big lie. I'm not really Gabby Dawson. I'm Gabby no-name. Even if you're right, and Gabby no-name is who we thought Gabby Dawson was, how can I continue to answer to that? Every time someone tries to talk to me, it's going to feel like a slap in the face."
"Well, I can't speak for Squad or Engine, but if you want to start going by Gabby or anything else at work, the guys on Truck are going to have to start calling you that or I'm sure I can find some really painful drills for them to run," Matt told her.
"Thanks Matt," Gabby squeezed his hand and let out a slight chuckle. Matt couldn't help but smile at that, he was pretty sure it was the closest she'd come to laughing since finding out about the divorce.
"Do you want to try eating some more?" Matt asked.
"I really don't have much of an appetite. That wasn't just an excuse," Gabby replied.
"Well, I am so," Matt got up and returned with both their plates. "You don't have to eat this if you don't want to, but it's here if you do get hungry."
The couple sat in silence as Matt started to eat. Gabby's plate sat on her lap, but she initially didn't touch her food. After a few minutes of watching Matt eat though, she finally took a bite, earning a smile from Matt.
"What if I changed my name?" Gabby asked.
Not quite following, Matt just looked at her, confusion evident on his face.
"Get rid of Dawson. Pick a new last name," she clarified.
"What would you use?" Matt asked. He was still hoping that one day she'd change her name to Gabriela Casey but was pretty sure that was not where this was going. Besides, he knew now wasn't the time to have that discussion. Gabby had a lot to get through before she would be ready to hear about how badly he still wanted to make her his wife.
"Not sure. Maybe just randomly pick something out of the phonebook, assuming I can find one," Gabby replied.
"Why don't you take some time to try to figure all this out first? If you're still feeling this way about everything in a few weeks, we can look into what you would have to do," Matt suggested. He didn't want her to make any rash decisions that she'd later regret. That's what her instincts would tell her to do though. It's what she always did after all.
"What's wrong with now?" Gabby asked.
"I just want you to make sure it's what you really want. I know right now it doesn't feel like you'll ever forgive your family, but if you do reach that point one day, are you going to be able to forgive yourself for doing so much to erase them from your life?" Matt asked.
"You and Louie are all the family I need Matt," Gabby told him.
"I know, but just please think about it," Matt said. "Can you at least do that for me?"
"I'll try," Gabby replied. He'd done so much for her in the past two days. He'd been her rock. As much as she wanted to act now, she would try to do this one thing for him. It was only fair.
Matt was washing his hands when Brett joined him in the bathroom.
"Casey," she started. "I didn't mean to upset Gabby earlier. I just wanted to let her know I'm here for her."
"Then you should have let her come to you instead of trying to force sympathy or whatever it was on her," he replied. The words came out a little colder than he had intended, but he couldn't help but feel like Brett was partly responsible for the state Gabby was in.
"How's she doing?" Brett asked. "She didn't really seem great at lunch."
"How do you think she's doing?" Matt shot back. He didn't pause for an answer though. "You asking for you or Antonio? Reporting everything back to him?"
"That's not fair," Brett tried to defend herself.
"What's not fair is what all of this has done Gabby," Matt said.
"I know she's not happy that he told me, but I was just trying to help," Brett claimed. "I was at Antonio's last night when he got home. He seemed upset. Then later I overheard him on the phone saying that Gabby had been there that morning, heard everything, and wasn't taking it well. He wasn't trying to spill some big secret. First he just asked me to keep an eye on her, especially when we were out on calls, make sure she was okay and didn't get distracted."
"Gabby would never let this interfere with how she treated a patient," Matt interjected.
"Not intentionally," Brett started to say.
"Never," Matt insisted. "You both should have more faith in her."
"Look, don't hold this against Antonio. He tried to stop there. I had to pry the whole story out of him, but I think it did him some good to get it all off his chest. I was just trying to help him, just like I was trying to help Gabby," Brett said. "Besides, I'm his girlfriend. Aren't I supposed to know what's going on in his life?"
"If it was his life that had been turned upside down sure, but not in this case," Matt countered.
"So if it had been, then Gabby would have been wrong to tell you?" Brett argued.
"Don't compare you and Antonio to Gabby and me. You want to help her, give her space," Matt said angrily before turning around and walking away, eager to get back to his girl.
It was dark out as Matt sat in his office trying to get some paperwork done. He wasn't getting much done though as his focus kept drifting to the sleeping form on his bed. Gabby had passed out shortly after ambo had got back from a call about an hour earlier. He was pretty sure she'd headed straight for his office as soon as 61 was parked on the apparatus floor. About fifteen minutes after she and Brett got back, they had been called to dinner. He'd gone to get them both some food since Gabby had wanted to keep hiding out in his office. When he'd returned with two bowls of chili, she had been sound asleep. He'd eaten his but hers still sat on the corner of his desk. It had to be cold by now. They'd, or rather he'd, have to microwave it once she woke up.
He was worried about her. The past couple of days had clearly taken a toll. The fact that she'd fallen asleep a little after 6:30 was proof of that along with the amount of time she'd spent in his office. Aside from when ambo had been out on a call, she'd been camped out on his bed, spending her time talking with him, reading, staring blankly into space, and bursting into tears at random points throughout the afternoon when the full weight of everything would hit her. It was the last two that especially had him concerned. Normally, he'd be thrilled to have her in here all day, but he knew that this time it was because she was lost and wanted to hide from the world. She felt safe and secure when it was just the two of them but vulnerable around anyone else. She was relying on him to get her through this, and he was pretty sure that over the past twenty four hours she had come to realize that none of this mattered to him, that he loved her just as much as he always had, but she was still afraid of how everyone else would react. She needed his love and support but didn't want anyone else's pity or concern. So she was afraid to face everyone, worried that she wouldn't be able to keep a façade up all day and that they'd see something was wrong. He was pretty sure that they all already suspected that something was wrong though. While she did normally spend more time in his office than most paramedics would have, her refusal to leave it wasn't normal and would have set off a red flag to anyone who was paying attention.
"Lieutenant," Hermann called as he knocked on his door.
"It's open," Matt replied quietly. Once Hermann had opened the door, Matt motioned towards Gabby on the bed to make sure that Hermann knew she was sleeping.
"Dawson's actually what I wanted to talk to you about," Hermann began.
"She asked to be called Gabby," Matt pointed out.
"Sorry, habit," Hermann explained.
"Well, change it. That's an order," Matt said.
"Is she okay though?" Hermann asked. "Between last night and how she's been acting today. Not just with the whole name thing, but she's been tense on calls and otherwise in here all day. She pretty much won't speak to anyone the few times we have seen her. The Squad guys heard her yelling at Brett in the ambo this morning. Cruz asked Brett earlier what that was all about, but Brett wouldn't give him an answer. Something just isn't right."
"She's dealing with some personal stuff. If she wants to talk to you about it, she will," Matt explained while trying to be vague. He did not want to hurt Gabby more by accidentally revealing too much but he also didn't lie to his men, and even if he tried, it wouldn't be believable. "Otherwise I've got her so there's no need to worry. Thanks for your concern though."
"You sure?" Hermann pressed.
"Yeah. Be there for her if she reaches out, but if she doesn't, just give her some space," Matt said.
"Alright," Hermann said as he left and movement from the bed caught Matt's eye.
"You're awake," Matt observed.
"I heard voices," Gabby said sleepily.
"Yeah. Hermann stopped by. He's worried about you," Matt informed her as he took a spot next to her on the bed. Hearing his words, a look of alarm spread across Gabby's face. "Hey it's a good thing. He cares. Don't worry though. I didn't give him any specifics. Just told him that if you wanted to talk to him about what was going on you would."
"Thanks Matt," she told him for what felt like the hundredth time since her world had come apart. "You always have my back."
"Well, it's a very sexy back," Matt was hoping to get at least a small smile out of her, but it didn't work. "I know you're not ready yet, and I'm not trying to force you to do anything you're not ready for, but you have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by or anything else. When you are ready to talk to them about all this, I know that Hermann and everyone else here will be there for you. You don't just have me and Louie to help you through this. You have everyone at 51 too."
"I can't Matt," Gabby told him.
"Then you don't have to," he reassured her.
Before either of them could say anything else, Gabby's stomach let out a growl.
"Want me to heat that up for you?" Matt pointed to the bowl of chili on his desk.
Gabby simply nodded in response.
"I'll be right back then," Matt placed a kiss on her forehead before getting up, grabbing the bowl, and heading towards the kitchen.
Author's Note: So that does it for Chapter Four. Hope you enjoyed all the Dawsey goodness in this one and let me know what you thought of it.
Until next time.
