Swish, Slash, Kama

Kama is four. Kama is four and has never seen the sun outside of pictures on a screen and in books. He knows how to read and write. He's the best at each activity, unlike his siblings. Kama does stop to help them both though Tobi is frustrating to work with. His black haired littler sibling does not seem to be able to remember any of the characters from one lesson to the next. Ears drooping and eyes shining with unshed tears the smaller boy can not help it. Delayed.

That is what Shāo still calls Tobi.

He can not help it. He will catch up. Kama does not see any way for Tobi to catch up though. The raven remains barely able to talk properly and still crawls around, mostly. Tobi can walk now, he just does not do it that much, struggling. Unlike them. He watches over the smaller boy though, because he is the older sibling. Older than Tobi is, although Yue is older than them both. It is only a handful of hours. But it is enough to dictate their roles.

Despite that, he is the first one to ever ask Shāo about the words that stain their skin.

"Shāo... What do the words mean?" he asks fingers tracing the unknown word on his right arm.

"They're your Blessings!" the man answers him before narrowing his eyes and staring down at the child. "Now don't bother me again when I'm working." it is both the first and last time that Shāo answers any of their questions. Afterwards it is their job to figure things out. Using the picture books, the lesson tapes and anything else that they can find.

It is how they learn, how they grow, it is how they live. Aside the Appraisal Rooms, the Examination Room, Observation Room... all are different rooms, though Tobi calls them all the same thing Pain. To Tobi there is only one room, and he knows that they all do kind of look the same both Kama and Yue have learnt the small differences. And they manage to understand a little bit more about what this is for.

It has something to do with the words that mark their skin.

Their 'blessings' whatever that means. He feels his tail twitch and bares his teeth in frustration. He does not understand why Shāo finds them so important. Why Tobi clings to the marks and traces his own with a happy distant smile. Probably because to Tobi it means that he has something to show that he belongs... to all of them. Because they are not that good at other things. Every choice is the wrong choice because they do not have enough of them. Shāo says it is because they have no way of knowing better. Because they have not experienced enough of the world to understand yet.

Of course, it is Tobi who has the most difficulty making choices that are right. Constantly failing to grasp the meanings behind things, failing to understand and making the wrong decision. Because he doubts and falters and just lingers...

Especially when it comes to the various tests. In the appraisal rooms. Each new test, each new challenge, each new situation. Each new dilemma that challenges them, they have to adapt and adjust. Learn new things for each one. Otherwise things progress mostly the same. And honestly Kama and Yue are finding that more and more they are making the right choices. Even Tobi is making the right choices, and Shāo gives them treats, and sweets more and more often. Praising their decisions and their understanding.

Kama is just glad that the trips to the Appraisal Rooms are getting further and further apart. Of course the trips to the Examination Room never slows down.

None of them ask why they have to sit in the strange chairs. None of them wonder what the helmets are for or why their words are always scanned. None of them ask what Shāo is looking for. They do not like being in the room, so they do not open their mouths to ask anything. They just sit still and quite, understanding that in this dimly lit room it is the best and safest decision.

It is the best decision that they could make.

And then...

Then there is the newest additions. Three little white mice that Shāo brings in one day. He gives them each one. A small tank each, and various supplies.

"Mouse..." Tobi whispers holding the one he is given so carefully. So gently despite the fact that he is normally squeezing his favoured plush. "Mouse, mine!" he says and Kama rolls his eyes putting his right into the tank he has been given. Yue settles with her own mouse in much the same way as Tobi. Holding the small creature gently. But she also considers the tank, and the other supplies.

All three of them approach the problem together. Settling the new additions to their family in and creating their own homes.

It is interesting. Because they still approach taking care of the mice slightly differently. Tobi quite often holds his one. Naming it Shiro and happily giving it all the attention and love that he can shower on it. None of them are ever discouraged from working with their mice. It is other things that the man tells them that they are not allowed to do. Their world is suddenly much smaller Kama realizes one day.

No longer are they able to wander around the entirety of their small underground home.

They are not able to go anywhere unless Shāo takes them there. The doors are always locked. Except the ones to the bathroom, and their bedrooms. They still have their own fridge and table. They can make their own food and their own decisions about things like that but... But they also can not make decisions. Not about doing anything else. They can solve the small puzzles and problems that Shāo gives them but. None of them have seen the sun aside from in their books. And each of them have trouble with handing things, especially Tobi who is still behind. Still unable to quite function the same way as him and Yue. Of course, to his embarrassment he still has his own troubles with using the potty.

Probably because for a while he really just didn't want to use it at all.

Tobi funnily enough was the one to pick up using the potty the fastest out of all of them.

It is the one thing that Tobi did pick up quickly. Aside drawing but what use is drawing? No use, there is nothing special about it, except that it makes the room look nicer. Kama does not really care. Yue does not really care either, and Shāo does not ever comment on it. So really Kama dismisses the drawings. Though every new cycle, when they wake up Tobi has his drawings hanging up on the walls. To display.

It is odd, because none of their drawings ever got displayed only the ones that Tobi creates.

Only Tobi is good enough to get his drawings up on the walls.

Which is probably best because he did take longer even if he picked it up the quickest once he got started.

Yet they each get a mouse. And supplies to make the mouse a home. To give it a name. They each get one, which is fair enough. And it is some kind of test he is sure. After all nothing here is without reason... right? He knows that this is their home, it is small, only a few rooms that they can go in on their own, but still. It is their home, their place, the place that they live and belong in.

They take care of each other as well. Especially Tobi who can not always do things on his own.

Who doubts, and does not belive that he will be able to do the same things as them. Which is probably because he still has difficulties with the things that both Kama and Yue can do easily. Such as talking and walking. And they know that they are not exactly very kind about these things. Even if it tries to be gentle, the fact that Tobi is just delayed is very obvious. It holds him back, shows that their youngest member is just different.

But still they all have the same opportunities.

The same things to do.

The same choices and decisions that they could make. But Tobi... Tobi is held back. Constantly just a little bit behind them. Behind and unable to keep up. It is annoying, because as far as Kama can tell there is no reason for why Tobi is just not right. No explanation for any of it. After all, if Tobi is the same as Kama and Yue why is he not the same? Why is he behind them in most things. Yet ahead of them in others, the meaningless things?

Kama does not understand Tobi, he does not understand why Tobi is so different, held back and unsure of himself. Oh he understands that Tobi has a bit of an issue with his abilities. Struggles to learn and retain the information but he does not understand why.

He does not understand it, so he tries not to think about it. Instead focusing on his new mouse, and musing on potential names. Eventually he settles on calling it Zen.

Zen, Shiro, and of course Yue has her little mouse Bilby.

Where she got the name they are not sure at all, but it fits and that is what matters. That, and the fact that it is her choice of a name for it, they have no right to say whether or not she should change it. So he shrugs and just lets her go with the name. Bilby, it is fitting. Despite being unknown.

And they grow. Progressing in things, learning new things and dealing with things in much the same way. Drifting and learning and... They stop asking questions. They have issues with themselves. Kama does not know why, but he knows that they all have some problems with how they view themselves. It is normal to curl up with each other and sleep in a nest of blankets and pillows. It is normal to have three white mice that are cared for in their tanks. It is normal to never see the sun outside of books.

But he does wonder... if no one sees the sun, then how do people draw it in their books?

He does not ask Shāo, after all, it is normal that you do not ask questions.

Not when they will not get an answer anyway.