A/N- Thanks for all your reviews and favourites, they mean a lot to me.

Disclaimer- Same as chapters 1-3


'Come on, Chef. Your shift finished twenty minutes ago,' Daisy whined, peering her head around the kitchen door. 'Me, Rose, Joe and Anna will wait by the front doors for you.'

'Alright, send my apologies. I'll be right there,' John replied, not turning around from his task in hand of cleaning the hob he had spilt some 'Soup Of The Day' over.

'I don't know why you don't just let Alfred do that,' Thomas remarked from across the kitchen as he stood leant against the fridge, Alfred rushing around preparing orders. 'He's better at it than you, anyway.'

'Oh, you know me Thomas. I'd hate to think people thought I didn't pull my weight.'

'Go and enjoy you're night off,' Alfred insisted, placing two plates under the heat lamps to be delivered to their table. 'I'll sort that out in a minute.'

'If you're sure,' John sighed, dropping the cloth he was using in the bin. 'I appreciate it, Alf.'

John removed his chef whites and bandana before walking to the exit of the kitchen. He briefly glanced at Thomas, who was offering him a sly glance in return.

'Enjoy your night, chef.'

'I will.'

After changing, John rushed to the front of the restaurant where his colleagues were waiting, huddled together in the coolness of the early spring evening. Joseph had suggested an evening at the cinema earlier that afternoon, inviting just Anna before she insisted Rose and Daisy come too. After a trip to the kitchen, John found himself saying yes as Anna convinced him to join them.

'Sorry, I spilt something and I hate leaving a mess for others,' John apologised as the group began to walk. Consciously allowing Rose, Daisy and Joseph to walk ahead, Anna settled into a steady pace beside John.

'Good day apart from that?' Anna asked.

'Yeah, I'm loving my job at the moment,' John answered before adding. 'I just wish Thomas wasn't so, not quite as much of a...'

'Not so much of an idiot?' Anna offered, John meeting her gaze and smirking. 'Am I close?'

'I'd say you had hit the nail on the head,' John nodded. 'Anyway, enough about me. How are you doing?'

'Yeah, it's much easier now we have Joe and Rose on staff. Means we can actually have nights out like this as a big group.'

'Even though Joseph meant this as a night out just for the two of you?' John raised his eyebrows. Anna's face was a picture as she considered John's remark, looking ahead of them to Joseph who was walking just behind a chattering Daisy and Rose, his hands behind his back.

'He was asking me out on a date?' Anna's tone was hushed, yet incredulous.

John was nodding his head softly, a smile playing upon his lips. 'He came to the kitchen a little while after you asked me to join you all. Seems he's carrying a torch for you.'

'I had no idea,' she admitted, looking to the floor as they turned at the end of the street on which the restaurant was situated., heading for the bus stop around the corner. 'Should I have had? What have I done to make him think that way?'

'The problem is Anna, you don't have to do anything,' John began before exhaling a steady breath. He found her naivety wholly endearing. 'It comes naturally to you. You are a wonderful young woman, kind, intelligent, funny. And, with the risk of sounding terribly old fashioned, any man would be the luckiest of all men to step out with you on his arm.'

'Come on, you two,' Rose shouted at the bus to the cinema made it's approach.

Anna couldn't avert her eyes from John as he looked to the young waitress, acknowledging her remark with a wave. As the bus came to a stop, John turned back to Anna.

'We best catch up,' John said with a smile, pointing towards the others.

He continued on towards the bus. Anna knew she should be following, yet she was rendered motionless by the words John had just used to describe her. No man had ever said such an eloquent, beautiful thing to her in her whole life. The sincerity, the tone to his voice was unlike any she had ever heard.

'Come on, Anna.'

It took Rose almost squealing at her to bring Anna out of her reverie. Looking up to see Rose practically hanging out of the front door of the bus, Anna managed to get the message from her emotion filled brain to her legs to run towards the bus stop.


Rose trudged into the screen of their chosen film, moaning as she clutched onto her super-sized popcorn about the seating arrangements.

'If a certain chef hadn't spent so long finishing up, we'd have got here in time to have seats together.'

'Well Rose, how will I ever know who you mean if you are so cryptic in your whining,' John replied tongue in cheek, causing the other people in their party to snigger. 'Why don't me and Joe take the two seats towards the back? You girls sit further forwards, so you can drool over the baby faced lead of this romantic comedy I hoped I would never be sitting through.'

'I actually wanted to see this film,' Joseph replied, looking a little hurt at John's suggestion. 'Besides, it doesn't matter where you sit, the view is still the same.'

'I'll sit at the back,' Anna offered, John instantly smiling. 'That way if me and John get restless we won't be disturbing you guys.'

'But Anna, I thought...' Joseph began to protest until Daisy interrupted.

'That's settled then,' Daisy rolled her eyes before passing the two tickets of the seats towards the back in John's direction. 'Enjoy the film.'

John stepped aside, allowing Anna to lead the way. 'Row L. On the aisle.'

Walking in silence, John followed Anna to almost the back of the cinema, row L a couple of rows in front of the back row. Reaching their seats, Anna turned to John, almost dropping her drink in the process.

'Are you okay?' John asked, chuckling a little as Anna regained her composure.

'Yeah,' Anna said non too convincingly, looking up at John with a shy smile. She couldn't reveal to him the real reason she was suddenly feeling nervous, the fact his words from earlier, just before they boarded the bus, were still having a pronounced effect on her. 'I was simply wondering if you would like the aisle seat.'

'Not if you want it,' John replied as he shook his head.

'Don't be silly. With the amount of leg room you get in these places my knees will be up to my chin anyway. You are almost a foot taller than me so God knows where your knees will end up.'

'This is a conversation I didn't think I'd be having today,' John said amusedly, his brow furrowed as Anna shuffled into her seat. 'But thanks for the aisle seat.'

Anna put her drink in the cup holder then opened her bag of sweets. John was transfixed as he watched Anna get settled. He silently questioned if he had found any other woman in his whole life so beguiling as he did Anna, even whilst doing such mundane things as getting comfortable in a cinema.

'Settled?' John asked, his eyebrows raised as Anna's movements stilled.

'Sorry, I'm a bit of a fidget,' Anna admitted, reaching inside her pick and mix bag and pulling out a couple of jelly beans, before meeting John's gaze. 'Sweet?'

'Thanks,' John helped himself, taking a handful before looking out across the cinema. He noticed Rose, Daisy and Joseph were sitting a few rows down to their left, also on the aisle. Rose and Daisy were chatting intently about something, Joseph sitting in the aisle seat gazing up at the ceiling whilst chewing on some popcorn. It was clear Joseph had designs on Anna, John feeling a little guilty at having the woman in question sitting beside him.

'Talking of sweets, it seems Joseph is quite sweet on you,' John said before reaching for his drink set down beside him. He could feel Anna's eyes on him.

'He's very kind, but I can never see myself liking him in that way.'

Inside, Anna was screaming to herself, 'he's not you, you're everything he's not.' She closed her eyes as the voice in her head became harder to ignore. She had to change the subject. Thankfully as she was about to speak once more, the lights went down and the trailers began.

'Now, this is a proper film,' John said enthusiastically, sitting up in his seat as a trailer for some kind of action film began to play.


Reaching home, as usual being greeted by an enthusiastic Roxy, John picked up a pile of letters that lay on his doormat, flicking through them until a logo came into view, one he recognised as Vera's lawyers. Sighing deeply, he whistled for Roxy to follow him into the kitchen. After topping up Roxy's water bowl before tearing up a piece of ham to feed to her, a result of John's guilt at leaving her for a night out, John sat at the table to read his latest correspondence from Vera. He wondered what new demands she was making, and how absurd they would be this time.

John couldn't believe what he was reading. The house had suffered some structural damage in a recent storm, and John was required to either pay for the repair, or give over his half of the house to fund the work needed. Then Vera would sign the divorce papers. He knew trying to attain a divorce from a woman like Vera wasn't going to be easy, yet he didn't think she would be this awkward. As far as John knew, she wanted the divorce as much as he did.

Part of him just wanted to give in to her demands. be free of her and move on with his life. But there was that stubborn, hateful part of him, which was born out of years married to Vera, that just wouldn't let him give in. Only his wife could bring it out of John, the worst of him. Why should he let Vera have what she wanted, when she wasn't entitled to it? The house was in John's name. The truth of the matter was his mother had bought the house for them. His mother. Not Vera's.

With no reason to speed along the divorce, John was determined to stick to his guns. His terms were they sold the house and split the profits equally, which he felt was more than generous. Vera wouldn't get a penny more.


As she reached to open her locker, with her back to Ethel, Anna rolled her eyes as Ethel complained about her latest romantic escapade gone wrong. Whenever something didn't work out for her, more often than not it would be anyone else's fault but Ethel's. Having trained herself to now nod in the right places, Anna pulled her mobile phone from her bag and smiled as she read a text message from Gwen.

A warning. Don't get caught by Ethel. I did as I was leaving, just as she was about to start. Another disastrous date. Call you tomorrow xx

'Then, when the bill came he looked at me as if he was expecting me to pay. A loser if ever there was one.'

'Right,' Anna replied half heartedly, closing her locker and locking it. As she turned to face her, the alert tone went off on Ethel's phone. 'Okay, he's outside to pick me up.'

'The guy you went out on the date with?' Anna asked as John and Alfred walked into the staff room.

'Oh, the sex was amazing,' Ethel cooed, holding her phone to her chest. 'Worth another visit to his flat, even if the decor leaves a lot to be desired. See you later.'

'I'll never understand how women work,' Alfred remarked, shaking his head as he pulled his coat down from the hooks beside the lockers, Ethel leaving the staff room behind him. Alfred began to follow. 'Night all.'

'Yeah, night Alf,' John said through a chuckle, himself reaching into his locker for his phone. 'Ahh, I need to get some milk. Is there a shop still open around here?'

'The only one I know of is at the top of my road,' Anna replied, putting her coat on.

'That settles it then, mind if I walk you home?'

She could feel the blush that was overtaking her cheeks, praying that John hadn't noticed it himself. Looking over her shoulder at him, she was relieved he was focussed on his phone screen rather than on her.

'Sure,' Anna shrugged, trying her hardest to remain nonchalant.

As usual, between the two of them, conversation wasn't forced or awkward as they walked in a steady pace towards Anna's house.

'She doesn't usually see these men more than two or three times,' Anna revealed, talking about Ethel's love life. 'She's young, and having fun. Not hurting anybody.'

'As long as she's safe I don't see any harm in it,' John agreed. 'I was never like it myself, but we're all different.'

'You must have had some serious relationships, though?'

Anna asked John the question as they crossed the road so they were on the side Anna's house was situated. It took John a while to respond to her question, Anna waiting with baited breath. She was half wishing she hadn't asked the question in the first place, half intrigued to learn about this part of John's life.

'Serious relationships, yes. Regrets, plenty.'

'Have you ever been in love?' John sighed at the enquiry, looking to the heavens, Anna worried she might have upset him. 'Sorry, I had no right to ask that.'

'No, it's fine.' John reassured her, turning his gaze to her with a faint smile on his lips. 'The truth is, I don't know.'

He couldn't tell her he was going through a tough divorce. He feared it would change the relationship they had built up in the couple of months they had known each other, especially when he took into account the way in which Anna lived her life, her beliefs. Anna's friendship had meant so much to him, it was the main catalyst in his settling so quickly in the North. It wasn't that she would mind him being married, it was the fact he hadn't been honest from the start.

'I'll ask you the same question,' John began, breaking the silence that had fallen between them as they reached Anna's house. They turned to face each other before John continued. 'Have you ever been in love?'

This was it. As she gazed into his deep hazel eyes, looking back at her with sincerity making it so obvious to her he actually cared about her answer, Anna knew how she wanted to respond. She had known the man standing in front of her mere weeks at best, yet he made her feel things no man had ever come close to making her feel in the past. They shared a connection that was instant. He made her heartbeat quicken, just the thought of John made her smile. When she wasn't with him, particularly in the past few weeks, she found herself missing him, longing to be in his company. He possessed the most beautiful smile she had ever witnessed.

'You know, if you have been,' John began to speak once more before Anna could answer his question. 'the man in question was a fool to ever let you slip away.'

'There you go again,' Anna said with an awkward laugh, running a hand through her hair.

'What?'

'When you say things like that to me, it makes me realise that the answer to your question is yes. But I had never been in love until I met you.'

John stood motionless, dumbstruck as he took in the words Anna had just revealed to him. He wasn't a fool, he had known something was happening between the two of them yet he hadn't allowed himself to believe it. Anna was deserving of someone twice the man John was. Why, how anyone could fall for him, let alone Anna he couldn't begin to comprehend.

'I've just told you I love you, for goodness sake.' Anna's words, although whispered, were almost desperate as she shifted uncomfortably on her feet. ' Say something, John. Even if it's to let this inexperienced, naive woman down gently.'

'Don't,' John interrupted, raising his hand to stop Anna from talking. 'Don't put yourself down like that. Ever since I came up here, you have been friendly and welcoming of my presence. We got on straight away, I have never met anyone with whom I have had such an instant connection. But...'

'I knew it, you just don't feel the same way.'

'On the contrary, Anna. I have never felt this way about a woman before.' His words were so instinctual, they even surprised John as they fell from his lips. He continued with what he was trying to say, searching for the right words to use. 'My life is so complicated. You deserve so much better than a man like me.'

'How can I?' Anna's voice was breaking as she pleaded with John. 'When there is no better man.'

John couldn't help himself then, reaching for Anna's hand as she held it down beside her. All thoughts of propriety were almost completely banished as he caressed the back of her left hand with the thumb on his right.

'Anna, I...'

John was silenced by Anna's lips upon his, completely taking his breath away. The hair on his neck was standing on end, all in that moment he knew he had never felt such an intense feeling than that of Anna's lips on his. The sound of a car's wheels screeching in the distance made John jump, causing the kiss to be broken as soon as it had begun. Looking beyond Anna to see the car speeding by at the top of road, John then turned his attentions back to her, struggling to get his breathing under control.

'Sorry.'

'Don't ever apologise for that,' John whispered softly. 'I just don't want you to do anything you might regret. There is so much about me you don't know.'

'Well, I'm willing to find out.'

Not being able to stop the smile from spreading across his face, John dropped his gaze to the floor. 'You have a day off tomorrow. Spend it thinking about whether this is what you really want.' John's voice took on extra vigour as he added, 'if I am what you really want.'

''I don't need to.'

'Please Anna,' John insisted, taking her hand in his once more. 'Then we'll talk about how we move forward.'

'Alright,' Anna nodded. 'I will. I guess this is goodnight then.'

'Goodnight Anna,' John replied, letting go of her hand and taking a step away from her.

He stood and watched as she disappeared into her home, gently closing the door behind her. In a way, he was cursing himself for letting what had just happened happen. In another, he was feeling like it was the best thing that had happened to him in years. Anna was the best thing to happen to him in such a long time.

Maybe this was what love felt like.


'You kissed her?' Robert exclaimed, dragging John into the office as they walked past it. 'What the hell were you thinking?'

'It just felt right,' John shrugged, furrowing his brow slightly in response to Robert's reaction. 'She told me she loves me.'

'She loves you?' Robert hissed, sitting on the edge of the table before exhaling deeply. 'Stone the crows.'

'Is it that hard to believe?'

'Do you love her?' Robert asked, ignoring his friends remark.

John moved further into the room, sitting on one of the chairs as he regarded Robert's question. 'I don't know,' he said rather impatiently before raising a hand to rub his forehead. 'I think so.'

'So Anna knows everything then?' Robert waited for a response from John that wasn't forthcoming, looking to his old friend with a sceptical eye. 'John?'

'She knows nothing,' John replied, resting his elbows on his knees, then his head in his hands. 'How could I tell her?'

'John,' Robert rose to his feet, pacing the floor as he continued to speak. 'She needs to know.'

'Don't you think I know that? I want to tell her, but then the relationship we have will be destroyed.'

'And what if things work out between you and Anna?' Robert supposed, turning to face John once more. 'Don't you think the fact you are already married to someone else might put a spanner in the works?'

'Thanks for stating the obvious, mate.'

'And what about your two years at Her Majesty's pleasure?' Robert carried on .'She'll need to know about that.'

'There is more to that than meets the eye,' John said in his defence as Robert took his place sitting on the desk again.

'All I'm saying is you may have built up a strong relationship, we've all seen it but it can't become something more unless you are completely honest with Anna.'

'I know,' John said weakly, nodding his head. 'It's her day off today. I asked her to think carefully about us. If it's what she wants, I'll have to tell her everything. Then we'll see what happens.'

'She's a good woman, that Anna.' Robert rose to his feet and walked to stand in front of John. 'A mature head on young shoulders. Anyway, I need to be at the bakery in Ripon on fifteen minutes. Call me if you need to.'

'Thanks mate.'

As they left the office, John was taken aback to see Thomas standing outside leaning against the wall, a smug grin on his face. Robert walked straight past him, out into the main restaurant, leaving Thomas and John alone.

'Well, well, well,' Thomas began, a jovial lilt to his tone. 'A convicted felon? That's a turn up for the books.'

'Now, look here,' John began, striding down the corridor towards Thomas.

'I've got something on you now, Chef.' Thomas said, standing up straight to look John in the eye. 'Married, and you've done time.'

'You have no idea what you're talking about.'

'So, what I just heard between you and the boss isn't true?' John's silence spoke volumes before Thomas inched closer to John, his voice barely a whisper. 'I'd hate to see someone like Anna get hurt by your lies.'

'Come off it. You don't care about anyone. Apart from yourself.'

'Perhaps that's so,' Thomas shrugged. 'But you stole my dream job, made my life hell since you started here. Assaulted me even by throwing me against a wall. So it would give me no greater pleasure than ruining your blossoming romance.'

'You won't tell, Anna. You haven't got the guts...'

'Oh, believe me Chef. I've got the guts alright. Next time I see Anna, I will tell her everything.'

With those words, Thomas moved away from John and down the corridor to the staff room. John's breathing was haggard as he lent his head against the wall. He knew he had no choice but to tell Anna himself now. Coming from him would be bad enough, but from Thomas would be disastrous.


After some supportive words from Robert, John arranged to make dinner for Anna that evening. His friend had made him see if things progressed well with Anna, she would need to find out anyway. Honesty was the best policy, it was better to find out now how Anna would take the news before things got too deep. John knew how she would take the news, though. He knew something about Anna that only a handful of other people knew. Getting involved with a married man with no hopes of a divorce any time soon, taking into account her beliefs and the way she lived her life, would be of no use to her.

Hearing the doorbell ring, the usual routine of Roxy going mad didn't carry the amusement as it usually would. Showing his dog into the living room, John focussed on the task at hand. He was pessimistic, he just couldn't see the evening panning out the way he hoped it would. He'd love for Anna to promise to wait for him, yet how could he ask that of her? His life, the mistakes he had made, were not Anna's fault. She shouldn't have to pay for them. Opening the door, John was rendered speechless by the sight of Anna, looking simply breathtaking in a red dress, her hair down, flowing over her shoulders.

'Good evening,' John managed to choke as Anna crossed the threshold. 'You look beautiful.'

'Thank you,' Anna smiled, waiting for John to lead the way to the kitchen. 'You know, you are spoiling me with all these fancy dinners.'

'Well, if anyone deserves spoiling it's you.'


Anna had noticed John had been distracted over dinner. He didn't finish his meal, despite usually having a healthy appetite. When Anna spoke, he answered with one word, or just a sound. It wasn't like him, his demeanour concerning Anna. After hardly touching dessert, Anna decided to question him on what was bothering him.

'You've hardly said two words all evening,' Anna remarked, watching as John scraped the rest of his apple crumble in the bin. 'What's the matter?'

John remained silent as he rejoined Anna at the table. Having barely met her gaze all evening, John rose his head to make eye contact with her.

'Look, if you don't want anything to happen between us just be honest with me. You owe me that at least.'

'I do owe you my honesty, you are right there,' John agreed with a nod. 'Look, there is something I need to tell you. I should have told you sooner, but it's taken the step up in our relationship to make me realise that.'

'Go on,' Anna's voice was ominous as she waited for John to reveal what he had been hiding.

'You have always thought I left something behind in London. Well, the truth is I have. I have left behind a past I thought I could just forget, leave where it was.' John took a breath before reaching for Anna's hand across the table. 'But I didn't envisage meeting you. It's been a slow burning relationship, the one that we share. On one hand, because of the choices you have made, which I respect with all my heart. And on the other, rather sub consciously on my part, because of what happened in my past. I don't want to hurt you Anna.'

'You're scaring me now, John. What is it?'

'I'm married, Anna,' John revealed, his voice breaking as he said the words.

'Married?' Anna recoiled in shock, slowly taking her hand away from John's grasp. 'What do you mean?'

'Well, separated, but not divorced. Not yet anyway.'

'But you're still married, in the eyes of the law?'

'Yes,' John nodded slowly, closing his eyes. 'I am going through divorce proceedings now, but they have rather stalled of late.'

'Look, I'm going to need time to get my head around this,' Anna stood up, before John's voice stilled her movements.

'That's not all, Anna.' Almost in slow motion, Anna sat back in her seat, her eyes instantly on John's once more. 'Six months before I came up here, I was released from prison where I had served two years for fraud. There is more to it than that, but the fact is I was imprisoned.'

Anna was in complete shock. The man she thought she knew, the man she had fallen in love with had been hiding the fact he was married with a two year stretch in prison behind him. On top of this, he hadn't been honest with her from the start. She could have seen beyond the secrets of his past if he had been truthful with her from the moment he arrived at Downton. A prison sentence, she could have come to terms with that. A separated man going through divorce proceedings, she would have waited. But now, she wasn't sure what else he had been hiding. What other secrets did he have to tell?

'Anna, please.' She looked up to see a solitary tear rolling down his cheek, his eyes pleading with her. 'Talk to me.'

'To say what?' Anna snapped, struggling to find any sympathy in her heart for the man opposite her. 'I acknowledged you were hiding something but I never knew it would be something this big.'

'If I could go back in time and change it all I would. I would tell you everything. But I can't.'

'It's just words, John,' Anna dismissed his excuses, shaking her head as her own tears began to fall. 'I've never felt this way about any man before. But I'm not sure that's the case anymore, because you aren't the man I thought you were.'

'I am. I am the same man you met because prison changed me. I am a new man because of what I experienced.'

'You are a married man,' Anna replied, this time rising to her feet. 'I don't even care that you went to prison. I can look past that. I just can't get involved with a married man, no matter what my heart is telling me to do. I'm sorry John. I'll see myself out.'

John got up to follow Anna before realising it was fruitless as he heard the front door slam. Standing in the doorway of the kitchen, he stared at the front door, making no attempt to stop the tears falling from his eyes. He had blown it, broken the heart of the one person who had given his life any sort of meaning since he had left prison. Then, as if on cue, Roxy wandered out of living room carrying her spongy ball in her mouth and dropping it by John's feet. She then preceded to lean her front paws on John's knees, whining a little as she did so. In the next moment, he felt himself sliding down the doorframe of the kitchen, taking his little Jack Russell into his embrace.

'Your Daddy has been an idiot Roxy,' he said out loud, scratching her behind her ears. 'And is now getting all he deserves.'


A/N 2- It's going to get worse before it gets better. I hope you all stick with this story. There is lots more to come :)