Chapter 4 - Smile of the Damned

Song: The Ghost of You, by My Chemical Romance (Album: Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge)

It was Paige who found her there, sobbing on the kitchen floor, and Paige who crossed to her and knelt beside her. And it was Paige who simply held tight as Piper sobbed all over her.

"I'm sorry." Piper stammered, when she'd finally sobbed it all out. "I shouldn't have cried on you."

"Why? You don't have to be strong, just because you're older." Paige replied flatly. Close it off, don't feel. Don't feel.

But damn it, she was hurting too, and it was getting harder to ignore.

"If I don't, who will?" Piper replied, smiling weakly.

"Why should anyone?" Paige replied. Piper nodded slowly. "Piper, can I ask you something? I...In your heart, do you believe she's...that Phoebe's dead?"

"Ah..." Piper paused, thought, felt. "No. I don't."

"Me neither. I wondered if I was just in denial." Paige murmured, lowering her gaze, and, watching her, Piper didn't know how to help.

"No. No, you're not." Piper mumbled. "She's still alive. I can feel it."

"The only thing is...how much longer will that last?" Paige murmured, confessing her worry, her fear.

I never said I'd lie and wait forever

If I died, we'd be together

I can't always just forget her

But she could try

"Do you think I'll kill you, Phee?" Rob asked casually, the way someone would ask about the weather.

"This time last week? No, I wouldn't have. Now, I think you could." She muttered.

"Really? I always thought I could. Kill you, that is. After you ditched me like that, I thought about it all the time."

"Well, gee, thanks." She muttered. She was tired, hungry, cold, scared, and getting angrier by the hour. She'd almost rather he kill her than keep her here, telling her how bad a person she was, hitting her occasionally. Fresh blood was still trickling from her nose, from the last time he'd rammed his fist into it, barely fifteen minutes ago.

"I should kill you, shouldn't I? You deserve it, don't you?"

"Sure. Now either kill me or let me go home, 'cause you're boring me now." She didn't care if she made him mad anymore, knew he'd hit her anyway if he felt like it. Might as well know she'd eared the hit, get her opinion in. Or maybe she was just going slowly crazy.

"I don't think you're ever going home, Phee." He said, his voice hard and sharp.

At the end of the world

Or the last thing I see

You are

Never coming home

Never coming home

Could I? Should I?

"Really?" Phoebe kept her voice carefully flat, but filled with a desperate kind of fear.

"Really. You're not bleeding anymore."

"Oh, you wanna fix that?" She spat. "I never knew you were this evil, Rob. Never." He hit her across the face, backhanded, and sent her sprawling onto her side and hitting her head on the floor, dizzy, she looked up at him.

"Evil? Me? You - you are evil, Phee. You. And you're going straight to hell." He stepped towards her, a smile on his face. The haunted smile of the dammed.

And all the things that you never ever told me

And all the smiles that are ever ever...

Ever...

An hour later, Inspector Trudeau walked into the Halliwell manor, his mouth grim and his face showing horror and sadness that he struggled to hide, a colleage at his side.

"What's happened?" Grams asked, a slight hopeful note to her voice.

"Ma'am." The other officer began. "I'm afraid -"

"No, Jay, let me." Trudeau said. "Why don't you...ah..."

Jay just nodded and stood up, walked from he room. He knew that sometimes cases got personal. For his partner, this was one of them.

"What's happened?" Grams said again, this time all hope faded from her voice.

"Penny." Trudeau shook his head. "God, Penny, I...They've found a body. It might not be her, it just matches the description, I'm going in, I'm going to see her, find out."

Get the feeling that you're never

All alone and I remember now

At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies

She dies

"I want to - I have to -" Grams began, and he nodded.

"I have to take you with me, you have to tell us if it's her. I pray to god it's not, Penny."

"Now. I want to go now." Grams muttered, springing to her feet.

"Of course. Jay will stay with the kids." Grams nodded, stumbled into the hall.

"Dad..." Andy said quietly, getting up and walking over. "How big a chance is it?"

"I...I don't know, son. I just don't know." His dad put his hand on Andy's shoulder, squeezed, not daring to wonder how he'd feel if he lost his own kid. "Take care of these girls, son. Look after them." Andy nodded, watched his father walk into the hall and help Penny out of the house.

Piper was shaking, violently, and had slid from her seat onto the floor. She'd been shaking from the start of Inspector Truduea's arrival. And when Andy crossed to her, pulled her up and hugged her like a brother, a father, she held on for a few seconds before pulling back.

"I killed her." She said. Her eyes were dry, her voice full of pain and guilt. "I killed her."

"Piper, I know you argued with her, but it's not your fault. And we don't know it's her -" Prue said shakily.

"No, Prue. No. If it's her, then it's my fault. I killed her."

At the end of the world

Or the last thing I see

You are

Never coming home

Never coming home

Could I? should I?

Words were no comfort to her, and none were offered. Piper stared at the floor, her own guilt eating at her.

I want you out of my life. Those were the words she'd said. Those were the last words she said to her sister. Hate-filled words that had caused Phoebe to run from the house.

And into the arms of a murderer?

And the worst, the worst of it all, was that deep in her heart, she still didn't believe Phoebe was dead.

And all the things that you never ever told me

And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me

Never coming home

Never coming home

Could I? Should I?

And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me

For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

If I fall

If I fall (down)

Andy pulled Prue close to him, held her, because he needed it. It hadn't been long ago that he'd almost lost her, that he thought he'd lost her, and while his heart filled with sorrow for Phoebe, he needed to cling to Prue.

Prue clung back, suddenly helpless. She didn't know what to do, how to fix this. And her own grief was choking her.

Paige just sat, watching Piper. And she, too, didn't believe Phoebe was dead.

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna...