Word Count: 1,879
Levi made a mental note to never leave the responsibility of naming a child to Hange ever again. He hoped that there would ever be an opportunity to even give her that kind of power, but he was also in charge of a bunch of hormonal brats. Who knew what might happen with those kinds of disgustingly blatant pheromones floating around.
(He made a mental note to make anti-fraternization rules among his subordinates later.)
"You named her what?" he demanded, probably for the third time in a row.
And for the third time in response, Hange grinned and replied, "Lillian Elizabeth Rivaille. I liked the alliteration of 'Levi and Lillian,' and Elizabeth was the name of one of my childhood friends."
"But– It's just–" He struggled to voice his displeasure at the use of "Rivaille" as the baby's last name. Sure, he had no idea what his real last name was, but something inside him still hated the false one he'd lived with all his life anyway.
"I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you naming her 'Isabel'," Hange said, "would lead to more feelings of anguish and potentially bubble into regret after a while. And besides, you did give me full naming rights. No buts or ifs about it."
He had been quite thoroughly defeated. "Tch," he said, at an utter lack of words. Hange offered him the baby to hold, and he rather clumsily took her as he said, "Did you at least finish the paternity test?"
She shook her head. "No. It takes several days to finish, even if you do know what you're doing. Which I assure you I do. Anyway, you'll know the truth in about three to five days, give or take, although I suspect you already do know it."
Levi sighed, choosing to ignore her, then smelled the blanket that was wrapped around Lillian before instantly recoiling out of disgust. "Four-eyes, she stinks," he snapped. "Are you sure she hasn't soiled herself since she came?"
She crossed her arms and looked at him, amused. "Well, I didn't think about that, Levi. But it would make sense, she's a baby." She leaned in to take a closer look and pinched Lillian's cheek. "But since I highly doubt she's newborn, she might not poop all week. Why do you ask?"
He glared very pointedly at her. "Hange, have you smelled what she's wrapped in? It's disgusting."
She briefly took the baby back and sharply inhaled the scent of the blanket. "Ah, yes. The sweet scent of soiled children," she said, completely unfazed. "You should clean her." She handed Lillian back to Levi. She then turned to go outside to train. After all, she had to be in peak physical condition in order to control any titans Erwin might someday allow her to own again, and it was simply good practice to practice anyway.
"What?" Levi sputtered. Although it was a perfectly mundane and reasonable thing to ask, he had still been caught off guard.
Hange didn't even stop. "She's your responsibility, since it was you the letter was addressed to, and you have a cleaning fetish. Of course you would be the one to clean her. You're probably the only one who knows, or could figure out how, considering the fact that there is literally no one alive in this branch who had previously done it."
"I do not have a cleaning fetish. I do not have any fetishes," Levi snapped after her. "I am asexual."
"Of course, Chibi-chan. A poor joke of mine, as usual. Have fun," she replied as she stepped outside.
Not even bothering to snap back at her for the insolent nickname of "Chibi-chan," Levi held Lillian out at arm's length so as not to smell her shit fumes. "This is going to be just peachy."
Bathing Lillian turned out to be rather difficult. Sure, the proper supplies were sooort of lying around headquarters (they were on a shelf in the storage room/basement where he had liked to hang out with his squad before their passing). But the fact that the castle had been uninhabited for a decade combined with low overall survival rate of Corps soldiers, it had been quite the period of time since anyone in the Corps had cared for any children of their own.
Fortunately, cleaning products seemed to never expire, and that was a fact Levi had always taken great joy in. Sure, the shampoo felt a bit off (and perhaps a bit lumpy) beneath his fingers as he gently rubbed it into the hardly-haired head, but it was the only baby-safe stuff he could find that hadn't congealed into some sort of gross, waxy lump.
Yet despite it all, cleaning Lillian wasn't as difficult a task as Levi had anticipated, though it was still a challenge. It was probably due to his instinct to keep everything spotless and the fact that he would have forcibly bathed Hange once a week if Erwin hadn't made him stop (and hadn't made Hange start taking her own showers) ) that it wasn't as hard as it could've been.
Lillian was also a lot calmer than he'd expected her to be. Granted, she appeared to be an overall quiet and gentle baby, but Levi still expected her to put up some fuss when he unwrapped the blanket and plopped her in the kitchen sink.
(She did not.)
That Jean kid had done a good job cleaning it that morning, and he had cleaned it again since breakfast, it was certainly clean enough to scrub the child he had come to accept was most likely his own flesh and blood in.
Levi expressionlessly rinsed out Lillian's hair as cadets Braus and Springer snuck into the kitchen, ransacking it of all the potatoes it held. He knew they were there; he could sense their excitement and hear their muffled snickers.
"Hi, Heichou! Bye, Heichou!" Sasha called as she and Connie began to dart towards the exit, as prideful and dickish as Odysseus taunting the blinded Polyphemus. He chose to ignore them; someone else would catch them within thirty seconds of their exit.
Connie skidded to a stop as he looked over Levi's shoulder, with some difficulty. He then began to grin. "It's acting much better than several hours ago. I didn't know you had a way with kids, Heichou," he said.
(Well, I've got to be if I'm to deal with imbeciles like you on my squad, he thought.)
Sasha also poked her head over Levi's shoulder as he made sure that Lillian was absolutely clean. "How long have you been cleaning her?" she asked. "She's getting prune skinned."
"Sasha's right, she is getting sorta pruny. Aren't you only supposed to wash babies for about five or ten minutes?"
They had never been the most polite and respectful of subordinates. It really showed how childish they were.
Levi refused to dignify their questions with a proper answer, instead choosing to rinse the soap off of Lillian. "Why don't you put those potatoes back and mind your own beeswax?" he very calmly stated as he began to drain the sink.
The color drained from the duo's faces. "Crap," they said in unison. They'd been so caught up in pestering their captain that they forgotten that they were trying to swipe food.
"Or else I'm simply going to have to report you to the commander for both insubordination and theft," he continued, pulling the plug from the sink to allow all the soapy bath water to drain away.
Sighing, the duo began to slowly replace all the potatoes to their rightful places in the pantry.
"But don't think you're getting off so easy. Braus, go track down some cloth diapers. Springer, do the breakfast dishes," he said as wrung out a sponge and began to pat his daughter down with it. Lillian responded by looking directly up at him for the first time, gurgling and smiling.
Sasha sighed, putting away the last of the potatoes before she poked over to the sink, just to see Lillian up close, and booped her very gently on the nose. "She's making noises other than crying and whining. And smiling while awake," she commented. "Connie's right, you do seem to have a way with kids." Sasha gently poked Lillian's nose again and ran off in search of diapers before their captain could scold her again.
Connie dragged himself over to the table where he and his friends ate and began to pile up the larger dirty plates into one stack. "Hey, Heichou? What'd you name the kid? Is she really yours?" he asked as he placed them gently on the counter beside the sink.
Levi tossed the sponge back into the sink and looked for a clean-smelling towel to dry his daughter with more thoroughly. He didn't respond.
"Hellooo? You there, sir?" Connie sang as he cleared the smaller dirty plates from the dining table. "What'd you name the kid?"
Levi sighed. He really ought to discipline the cadet for speaking so informally to him, but at the same time, he was just a kid. Assuming he survived, there would be plenty more chances to groom his subordinates into more respectful soldiers. "I made the awful mistake of letting Hange name her," he finally replied, searching through the clean towels, carrying around his naked daughter as though it were an everyday occurrence.
Connie's eyes widened in shock and he would've dropped whatever dishware he was holding if he hadn't just placed it on the counter. "Why would you do that?" he whispered.
"I suck at naming kids," Levi said, carefully drying Lillian and wrapping her in the towel. Where was Sasha with those diapers? It couldn't've been too hard to track some down.
"Well, what'd Hange name her?" Connie impatiently asked.
Levi sighed, hanging his head slightly. "Lillian Elizabeth Rivaille."
Connie relaxed and began to continue clearing the table. "It could be worse. I mean, she came up with the names Sawney and Bean. She could've named Lily something like, oh, I don't know, Dunce."
At that moment, Sasha burst back into the room, clutching a few clean cloth diapers. "What's a Dunce?" she panted, leaning against the doorframe.
"It's the kid's legal name," Connie joked, and Sasha's jaw dropped. She turned to Levi for confirmation.
"Her name is Lillian, you brats. Get back to the dishes, Springer, unless you want to help Braus here run laps until the cows come home."
"But Heichou, we don't have any cows!" Sasha cried as Connie immediately went back to work.
"Exactly my point, Braus. Go run those laps around the castle grounds. Now," Levi said as he diapered Lillian.
Sasha scrambled away, grumbling something that Levi couldn't catch. Not that it particularly mattered in the end. With authority always came at least a little bit of resentment.
Revised Author's Note iv. can you believe i upped the word count for this chapter by like seven hundred words? amazing. this is also where i remind you that the canon events have been slowed down for plot convenience. i have no idea how i'm going to handle the current time skips in the manga lol. we'll see eventually. you guys are in for the rather long haul after all. anyway reviews are nice but if you're not up to it, i would like to bid you a good day. or just a day. yeah!
