And the author has made her long-due return! I know this chapter is short, and I would've written more, but I need to plot ahead a bit. Also, is the style not funny enough anymore? Dry? Annoying? Suckish? Is there not enough narrator-ness? Too much narrator-ness? Please tell me in a review. It all depends on you, yes you, to decide whether this will be a success. And, another bright bit of news, I'll start updating regularly! Go nuts.
When Dave woke up, he found himself tied to the mast. It was an unusual place, sure, but he'd been in worse situations. Namely, that incident when he'd 'accidentally' woken up in the woman's bathroom.
However, it wasn't the place or the situation he found himself in, but the pirates glaring up into his eyes. The anger was nearly palpable.
One of them-a man in a strange polka-dotted shirt with a mask over his face-stepped up, surprisingly skinny arms crossed over his chest. "You failed to get up. Punishment," he grunted. Dave felt mildly insulted when he turned on his heel and walked away from the deck of the ship. Although, he thought, I should consider himself lucky they haven't impaled me on those spikes lining the sides.
As Dave's groggy mind caught up to him, he could do no better than look around in mild confusion. "What?"
"Still hung over, marine?" Yellow-mohawk man was leaning against the rail, just as unfriendly as the rest of the crew, judging by his voice.
"Oh...that's what happened." Dave scowled, and attempted to move his arm, just a little bit, so he could stroke his stubbled chin in a scholarly manner. It didn't work. As he fought with the ropes a bit, he looked around again. The crew looked a bit familiar...
"Damn."
It was a simple word, and one of Dave's favorites. Oddly enough, it always appeared around his admittedly terrible drinking habit; most often when he couldn't remember a thing from the day he got hung over.
Which happened just as often as waking up in strange places.
Although, he had never woken up on the famous Captain Kidd's pirate ship. Dave was quite proud of himself.
"Are you going to even attempt to get yourself down, pincushion?" A voice drawled from behind the mast. "I might need to model you after your namesake."
Dave's healthy tan faded into a pale white. Damn it, why did it have to be Kidd, of all people?
"For a 'holier than thou' marine, you don't have the best manners," Kidd commented, circling the mast like a predator. His teeth were almost unnaturally sharp. Dave felt that if someone told him this man was half Sea King, he wouldn't be surprised. Although, his lipstick and lack of eyebrows were very disconcerting.
"Not at all," Dave gave a sort-of grin. "I'm on your ship, right?"
Kidd's face contorted with anger, and Dave realized that he could have phrased that a bit differently.
"YOU-" One of the spikes from the ship's edges rose into the air, hovering over Dave's vulnerable chest. There wasn't an ounce of muscle to protect him, either.
The metal glinted as it went to dive in to his rib cage, and it was only stopped with a yell from the look-out.
"There's an island coming up, right ahead! Lot 'a fog; watch out!"
Kidd swore, and the spike fell to the ground. The red-headed captain marched off to what Dave assumed was the captain's quarters, leaving Dave to breath a sigh of relief. That was too close; he had to be more careful. An idiot he was, but not a stupid idiot.
The rest of the crew either went to the back of the ship to help, or stayed behind to fix the sails in case they ran into strong winds.
In the midst of all the work, someone crawled down from the lookout and ran up to Dave.
"Sorry 'bout that, but I timed it right, I think." The man started untying the ropes that bound Dave to the mast.
Dave could only stare, both awed and confused at his behavior and the odd hairstyle.
"-And I really don't like it when he kills people like you, I mean you looked pretty confused, and all-"
It kind of looked like the top of a pepper, Dave decided. All green, with an antennae thing sticking out of the middle.
"So, you just need to stay on his good side, and 'amuse' him some more; that's the only reason you're alive, y'know-Whoops."
Dave crashed onto the deck, rump in the air in a rather unsightly fashion. His face felt like a giant had sat on it.
"Helph."
Pepper-man held out his hand, and pulled him up with ease. Apparently, he had some muscle. Unlike Dave. He wondered how the man could possibly be-and he shuddered at the thought-manlier than him. The man had a freaking pepper on his head, for Sengoku's sake!
"Thanks," Dave muttered. He stood there for a moment until he noticed that Pepper-man was just staring at him.
"You didn't listen to a single thing I said." The man sighed, face held into his hands.
"Nope," came Dave's cheeky reply.
Our protagonist's appearance still alludes us! Tune in next chapter to see what he actually looks like!
