Chapter Four: The Reason
Buffy had her hands down at her sides, surveying the destruction she had caused with a certain amount of glee. She breathed only slightly from the exertion, a slow grin taking over her features. Overall, it had taken less effort than she thought it would. This disappointed her. She was hoping for a bigger fight, a chance for her to waste some of her energy, to create true carange. Instead, she was left standing amidst the bodies with her friends staring at her.
"Well, they wanted a massacre," Tara threw out, trying to lighten the situation.
Xander was practically gleeful, "She's Buffy. She's herself again," Buffy slowly turned her head to face him the grin fading from her face. Herself again? Her mind struggled, but for some reason, she didn't believe this is how she felt before "You're back, Buffy, you really are." He moved in to give her a hug, and Buffy was slammed by his emotions, his gratitude, his happiness, and suddenly she felt ashamed and scared. What had just happened back there? She touched her face frantically and quickly backed away from him.
Trying to calm her, Xander held out his hands, as if surrendering, "Whoa… Whoa."
She just didn't know what was going on. First, she was scared thinking she was in Hell. Next, she was reveling in causing pain and destruction, gleeful even. Now, as she felt the emotions of Xander flood over her, she knew something was wrong. Something was wrong with her. She wasn't really sure if she was the same Buffy as before. She wanted to bite down on her lip and cry, but she stopped in mid-action once she realized that there was blood dripping from her lower lip. Shaking slightly, she brought up her already bloodied hand to smear it off. After wiping away the crimson drop, she glanced at it for a second when her mind flashed: our blood.
Dawn. Glory. The Portal. Memories from her past rushed through her and she remembered exactly why she had left in the first place. How Dawn was the key, how Glory had kidnapped her, how Dawn's blood had opened the portal that would end the world…and how she had jumped into the portal to save her sister. Her eyes widened with a realization Maybe she had failed, and while she died and went to wherever she had gone, Dawnie had died shortly behind her and went to hell. Her eyes widened as tears threatened to spill over. She looked fearfully at her friends. They would have only brought her back if the reason she had died had failed in some way. Their love was clearly evident in their emotions. They wouldn't have stolen her peace away for any other reason. Maybe they had tried to help her sister, but they didn't have the power so they summoned her to the hell dimension with them. It was unbearable to think about, but it made sense. So as her mind wrapped around this frightening idea, she took a slow, hesitant step forward. But once she was filled with the resolve that she had to go help her sister, she burst out into a full sprint.
Ignoring Willow's call, Buffy ran straight down the alley, only to be briefly stopped by a surge of rage from yet another demon, this one swinging a large metal pipe aimed right towards her head. Ducking away, she kicked him in the groin. Using his pain as a distraction, she grabbed a hold of his shirt and threw him against the wall, where there just so happened to be another piece of metal out and ready to impale him, which upon impact, skewered him whole. Once again, she felt the fury of the demon seep into her pores and she gave a bark of laughter in his demise His groans only lasted a few seconds before the breath went out of him, dead. And shortly afterwards, her wrath disappeared.
For a moment, she just stared. Hesitantly, she reached out and gave him a slight push expecting a shock of some sort, perhaps another burst of anger. But there was nothing. She brought her shaking, bloodied hand up to her face once more. What is this? She thought despairingly, looking at her hand as if it held the answers to all the questions she dared not speak aloud. But it would not betray its secrets. So instead, Buffy dropped her hands and turned to opening of the alleyway, focused back on her previous purpose.
She had to save Dawn.
Her strides were filled with purpose but no direction. How she would save her, she didn't know. But she had to believe that once she did, they could go back to where she came from.
While she was dashing onward, she suddenly saw an eerie structure loom in front of her. Her breath became shallow as she realized what she was seeing: Hell's version of the fateful tower that had claimed her own life and most likely Dawnie's as well. This could be no mere coincidence that Hell 'just so happened' to have the tower she had jumped from? The key to rescuing Dawn had to lie there, so Buffy wasted no time as she ran toward the tower entrance.
She made her way up the stairs, with her mind focused on Dawn, and Dawn alone. Once she reached the last ladder rung, she walked slowly to the edge of the ghostly tower. Dawn was not here. Buffy struggled with this information. Maybe Dawn didn't have to be here… but she was grasping at wild thoughts. Buffy was once again at a lost of what to do and where to go. She should have been thinking of what to do next, but her past memories caught up with her. Feeling her head tilt downward, she allowed her eyelids to follow, and began to fully immerse herself into her past life memories.
It was strange, although the sights and sounds from her memories were blurry, her feelings shone through with perfect clarity. There was an absolute sense devastation when Buffy had first seen the portal. It was then she believed that either the world would end or her sister would die. And she had felt absolutely trapped. But then clarity had come to her and she had known without a shadow of a doubt that she could stop it all, saving Dawn and the world. It was that knowledge that had given her an immeasurable amount of strength that had given her the power to leap into the abysses. It was her gift that she had been glad to give.
Dawn had been so frightened. She had pleaded with Buffy, begged her to not jump. Her cries were still clear in her head, "Buffy, no," were her words. She had made up her mind; she hated the idea of leaving her sister, but she was happy… so happy that she would be able to keep living. Even if it meant she had to die in her place. So she could place her hand on Dawn's cheek, smile, and say:
"Dawnie, I have to." Buffy whispered the words softly in remembrance. And she would do it again for Dawn. She would do it again, and they would both be able to go back.
"Buffy?"
Her memory fogged a bit as she struggled to remember their last conversation. She didn't remember Dawnie saying her name like that, but then again, she had thought if she jumped in Dawn's place, Dawn would be saved. Now knowing that that was not the case, she now questioned her own memories as she closed her eyes even tighter, struggling to recall their conversation.
"Buffy…"
No, this wasn't her memories. She felt a presence behind her, and it was giving off strong, yet indefinable emotions-emotions that were charged to a very high degree, but were full of uncertainty. Slowly, Buffy turned… and then she saw her.
Dawn was staring at her, her eyes wide and hopeful. Her emotions soon switched to something definable, and Buffy felt herself go weak under them. Dawn was emitting feelings of amazement and happiness… and it was like a warm bath for Buffy. The closest thing to the peace she once had…but she was confused.
She had been so sure that she had been guided here, to this place, in order to save her sister once again. But how was it that Dawn was standing in front of her, happy - ecstatic even? She could have imagined gratefulness, but pure joy? It was hard to say how she knew that these emotions were so different from each other, but it was her soul that guided her, not her brain.
"Is it you? I mean really?" Dawn's face slowly exhibited a smile. She took a small step forward, "Wh-What are you do-" but Dawn was cut off as the entire tower began to sway. Immediately, Dawn's emotions turned into one of fear as she grabbed onto the side handrail to steady herself.
As she felt her fear, Buffy turned back to the ledge. Gone was the momentary confusion, but back was her direction. This was good, this made sense to her. Dawn was scared about dying and being in Hell, she reasoned. She wanted Buffy to save her. And she would. She slowly turned back to the ledge's edge, and stared at the wide expansion. No portal to jump into this time. Regardless, she begin to prepare herself.
"No!" Dawn shrieked, now her emotions changing once again as it morphed from fear to terrified. "Don't!" Desperation had seeped into the mix of Dawn's emotions. Buffy looked back, bewildered.
"Don't jump, Buffy, don't move! Just walk to me. Please!" Dawn's eyes were wild with a frantic fear, gesturing wildly at Buffy to move towards her, away from the ledge.
Don't jump… she was mystified. How else was she going to be able to save Dawn? She looked at Dawnie with uncertainty. She tried to reason with herself that Dawn just didn't want to see her sister jump again, but her emotions of fear seemed all directed toward Buffy and none for herself.
"Please?" Dawn's pleaded tensely in a slightly high pitch. Her voice had cracked slightly, on the edge of fear and tears.
Buffy's eyes were opened wide with confusion; she struggled with her hoarse throat and dry lips as she struggled to say, "How…" she struggle to form her own words.
Dawn grasped onto her singular word as a lifeline, "How what Buffy?" She made a move to step toward Buffy again, but the tower creaked and shook once more, forcing her to hold her ground.
Buffy shook her head, trying to clear the cobwebs in her brain, "… how… how do I save you?" Dawn's forehead formed a slight crease.
"What do you mean Buffy?"
She closed her eyes tight, struggling, "I need to save you Dawn. And when I do… we can both leave this place."
"This place?"
"Hell," Buffy opened her eyes to search Dawn's, imploring her, "This is… Hell, isn't it?"
She felt the shock come from Dawn before she saw it, "No! Buffy… no!" Dawn insisted, moving forward as much as she dared. Buffy could feel the balance of the tower shift vicariously. "Whatever happened to you, whatever you've been through, it's…it's over now. You're back."
"Back?" Now it was Buffy returning the questions, clearly confused. "This isn't Hell?"
"No, Buffy no, it's-"
"Then why is everything so… hard… and violent.. and..," she felt her composure begin to slip as Dawn's frantic fear became manifested as her own, and to a large scale at that. She felt herself almost start hyperventilating again. She took a single step to a railing the dangerous tower had graciously provided and leaned into it, trying to breathe normally. The tower swung slightly in place once again. Dawn shrieked for a split second, but then closed her eyes briefly and began to whisper calming words to herself. After she regained her self-control, Buffy felt calmer. Dawn took a deep breath and gingerly took a step forward, closer to Buffy.
"Buffy…what is it? What happened?"
Buffy, however, ignored her, "Back? What do you mean that I'm back?" her voice shook.
"It means you are alive again! It means you are on earth!" She paused for a brief moment, before smiling very slightly, "… it means you are here, with me."
The sisters looked at each other, not saying anything. They were still separated by a few feet of distance, and at the same time, they both took a small, tentative step towards each other. Their equal stepping seemed to placate the tower, as it did not shift as crazily as it had previously. So they continued with their small, baby steps: Dawn with an extremely anxious and happy look on her face, Buffy with confusion and fear.
Finally they reached each other. Dawn's emotions were clearly palpable. There was a level of confusion, but most importantly, she felt happiness and relief. Buffy begin to sink into these emotions as well, but although she begin to feel happy, her mind's confusion had frozen her. If they weren't in hell, and if she were truly alive again, why did everything seem so… horrible?
Dawn saw her sister's scared look, and in efforts to calm her, she slowly brought her left hand to Buffy face. In that instant, Buffy felt truly alive. She was so happy to see Dawn, alive and well. She felt like crying. Softly, Dawn placed her warm hand against Buffy's cheek, "I thought I never see you again." She heard her sister say, just as softly as her gentle touch.
Buffy felt tears slide down her cheeks. She placed her own hand over Dawn's and said nothing.
"Buffy, what is it?" her voice trembling.
Her eyes slowly opened, to look at Dawn's eyes, shining with tears that threaten to spill over. She swallowed hard, and forced the smallest, ghost of a smile she could bring herself to muster, "I'm so—I'm so happy to see you again."
Dawn dropped her hand and smiled, and was about to say something, but Buffy felt just a trickle of joy leave her. With that, her smile disappeared and she began sobbing. Her entire being began to shake and tremble, her shoulder hunched over struggling with the enormity of her situation. However, even with this strong, emotional display, she did not make a single sound, nothing except for a few shaky drawn in breaths here and there, trying her hardest to control it.
Dawn didn't know what to make of it. She gestured to hold Buffy's shoulders, but Buffy flinched from her grasp. She wanted to know. She needed to know what was going on before she received any sort of comforting.
"Why am I here?" She forced out in a strangle sob. "Why … Why is everything so much worse than what I remember?"
For a moment, there were only harsh indrawn breaths, and shuddering exhales. Then slowly, she felt Dawn's hands drop from her shoulders, and Buffy felt Dawn's emotions shape into horror. This shook Buffy out of her state. She looked up at Dawn with wide, fearful eyes to be met with a similar gaze from Dawn.
"Buffy?" Dawn questioned softly, "Where you were—were you," she licked her lips and gulped as if afraid to voice her thoughts. Buffy bit her lip and focused her attention on the tower ledge's floor. "Buffy, were you…happy where you were?"
Tension hung in the air.
Slowly, Buffy returned Dawn's gaze and whispered, "Yes."
Dawn's eyes were filled with shock and pity. Don't look at me like that, Buffy pleaded internally. Once again, Buffy felt like how she did with her friends, like she was some sort of freak, a ghost of who she once was. It confused and scared her.
"Buffy, I'm so sorry-" She moved to place her hand on Buffy's cheek again, but Buffy took a harsh step back. As a result of her quick action, the tower groaned and shook harshly. This disrupted Dawn's pity towards Buffy, and switched into high fear.
"We have to get off this tower!" Dawn shouted, grasping onto a nearby handrail. Her eyes were still sad over with what Buffy had lost, but now they were also full of fear of imminent death as the tower continued to sway dangerously.
Buffy stared at the tower as she felt its treacherous motions beneath her feet. For a brief moment, she thought that she should do nothing. Maybe she should let the towers fall to pieces. But it wasn't until Dawn shouted, "Buffy! Please, help me!" that Buffy shook her thoughts free and instead looked for a way to get them off this deathtrap.
She eventually spotted a pulley system near the ladder by the ledge on the opposite side. The wire looked thick and strong, but the pulley had seen its better days, as it was coated in rust and grime. By now, the handrails and the arch surrounding the ledge were beginning to fly off, falling to the ground 200 feet below. The handrail, which Dawn had latched onto, began to shudder violently and flew off as well. Dawn, having lost her source of balance, began flailing violently, as she desperately tried to regain her footing.
"BUFFY!"
"Dawn!" She did not hesitate. She leapt after her sister, and looped an arm around her torso to steady her. Without even to check to see if she was alright, Buffy rushed the two of them forward toward the edge by the ladder, which had also lobbed off the tower at this point. She tensed her legs for a brief moment, and the jumped toward the pulley system, grabbing the wire with her other free hand. She winced momentarily at the pressure she placed on her bloodied knuckles in the strain to hold not only her weight, but Dawn's as well.
They hung in the air for a few seconds, with nothing to break their fall from the ground 200 feet below them. The tower was practically finished, so Buffy, in a desperate move, yanked the wired rope. The pulley system finally gave, and it sent them reeling down to the earth below. Dawn screamed the entire way, holding on to her sister tight, where Buffy gritted her teeth, trying to ignore the pain in her hand and the fright emanating from her sister.
Suddenly, the wire went taught, and they had stopped mid-air, about 11-12 feet from the ground. Buffy let out of groan of effort as she nearly lost her grip from the sudden momentum change. She glanced down at the earth below. Satisfied at the distance, she lowered Dawn as far as she could. Dawn looked up at her, and gave a fearful nod to signal that she was ready, and Buffy dropped her. Once Dawn hit the ground, Buffy jumped after her. She lost her balance on the uneven ground and fell beside her sister.
Just when they thought they were safe and were about to get up, they heard a nasty mechanical sound, as metal clashed to make a high pitched moan. Buffy looked up to see the tower's ledge come flying down, as if it had been hurled from the tower as a last ditch effort to finish them both. Buffy once again letting her slayer side take over as she grabbed a hold of Dawn, and rolled the two of them away from the ledge's intended target zone. She barely made it as the ledge practically grazed Buffy's legs upon impact. Without giving Dawn the chance to even breathe, she hauled her sister up by the arm and rushed away from the tower, as the rest of it came crashing to the ground.
Since the tower had kicked up an enormous amount of dust and debris into the air as a result from its crash, Buffy led her sister to the fence running alongside the former tower for cover. Upon reaching the opposite side of the fence from the crash site, the two of them slumped down breathing hard from the effort of dodging the monstrous beast.
But once they were in seated positions, Dawn did not waste a moment in grabbing a hold of her sister into a tight embrace, her emotions so varied and rampant from one another, Buffy could not distinguish what she was feeling and she didn't know what to say. So all she could do was return the favor, wrapping her arms hesitantly around her sister's shoulders, giving her a gentle, awkward hug.
That was the scene for a good twenty minutes: Dawn crying, Buffy holding her gently, not saying anything, but occasionally sweeping Dawn's hair away from her eyes or soothingly rubbing her back. It was strange, she felt as though she had two set of emotions within in her, her own and Dawn's. She was happy that she was able to save her sister, but she was confused, sad, and almost angry that the end result had left her here… not Hell she slowly accepted, but Earth. But when she felt her sister, she felt nothing but a sense of weakening relief and an almost perfect sense of joy. Tried as she did to separate Dawn's emotions from her own, she found it impossible. It left her mind in a limbo, unable to decide how to feel.
Finally, Dawn slowly slid out of her sister's embrace and sat up straight, almost a little embarrassed about her emotional neediness that she had shown Buffy she so desperately desired. She cleared her throat and wiped her eyes with the neckline of her shirt. Once Dawn seemed a little more put together, she sat next to her sister, her back against the wall in a fashion similar to Buffy's. The two of them did not look at each other, but stared forward. Now that they were no longer touching each other, Buffy was finally able to separate Dawn's emotions from her own and place a mental block, a wall. As soon as she did that, she could breathe and think more clearly.
"Buffy? Is there anything I can do?"
Buffy kept her gaze forward, focusing on holding the wall.
Dawn sighed, "I know my shrieking on the tower and my crying probably makes you think I'm still 8 instead of 15. But you told me to be strong," Buffy kept looking forward but her eyes crinkled in the sides, remembering her last words to Dawn, "and… well, I've tried my hardest. I can help you… if you want me to anyway." Buffy remained silent. Instead of being discouraged, Dawn continued, rambling slightly trying to get her point across, "I know this place probably sucks for you, if you really were in… but-but that doesn't mean it's all bad. I mean, it wasn't bad before right? Well, maybe it was with the whole dying episodes and bad boyfriend breakups and mom leaving…," Dawn swallowed hard at this part, but with effort, she put a smile on her face, "but you still had good things too, right? Like friends, pizza, chocolate… and me, right?" Her eyes snuck a peek to Buffy, but the returned her gaze back to the space in front of them.
"And you're the slayer, that's gotta be a ticket for heaven no matter what… well, maybe not in Faith's case, but in your case definitely. So it wasn't your time, but it will be eventually, and then-"
"It was my time, Dawnie." Buffy commented dully.
Dawn frowned, and finally looked at Buffy, "But you're back, I mean, you wouldn't be here if-"
"This, my being here, wasn't done by any greater power Dawn. It was done by my friends," even with the enormity of the statement, Buffy's voice remained monotone, save for her last word, which had a hint of sarcasm.
Dawn's eyes went as big as saucers and she felt Dawn's emotions surge slightly to break through her wall, "What do you mean? What did they do?"
Buffy only shrugged. She didn't know how they had done it, nor did she care to find out.
"Wow…" Dawn could only comment softly.
"Yeah. Wow," her voice conveying the lack of awe she felt. But then her mind crossed to something Dawn had asked of her earlier, confirming that she really wasn't in a Hell Dimension. "Did you all really think that I went to hell?"
Dawn's hands waved in front of her defensively, "Well, yeah. But not because we thought you deserved Hell, but because you died by evil forces and killer portals. We thought Glory would make sure that, you know, you wouldn't be able to rest in peace? And you know, when Angel died, even with his soul, he got sucked into a hell dimension…and…yeah…"she trailed off, unable to find any other words.
Buffy had to admit it made sense. With their past experiences, they couldn't have known. Buffy didn't even know what was going to happen to her when she jumped. Hell certainly wasn't on her mind, but then again, Dawn and Buffy's friends have had a lot more time to think about it than the 2-3 minutes that she had before she jumped. With that in mind, Buffy eyes finally matched Dawn's gaze.
"Dawn, listen to me."
Her sister looked at her expectantly, 'What is it?"
"We… We can't tell them."
"Can't tell them that you're back?" Dawn asked, paranoid.
"No, not that. They already know that. Ran into them" she explained. Dawn nodded her head in understanding.
"Then what?"
"… They…They can't know where I was…"
Dawn bit down on her lip, apparently torn, "Buffy, they would want to know."
"I know… and maybe, eventually, we'll tell them." Buffy gave out a sigh, reflecting the weight she felt on her chest. Slowly, she brought herself up to her feet and then reached her hand to Dawn to lift her up to her feet as well. Once Dawn was eye level with Buffy, she went on to say, "For now, we'll let them believe what they want. That I was in some…hell-place thing, and that they saved me."
Dawn nodded once more, but her eyes implored her as she asked, "But…eventually right?"
"Maybe," Buffy said sternly, not wanting to give any flexibility to her statement.
She looked slightly disappointed at this and looked to the ground. She kept her eyes downward refusing to look at her sister.
Buffy gave an impatient sigh, and said, "Dawn, it would kill them if they knew just what they had done to me. I know… now… that they thought they were saving me. We just can't… not now."
"It's not that. I understand why you don't want to tell them, I do…" she took her left hand to hold onto her top right arm, showing her insecurity, "Buffy… you scared me up there."
Buffy's mouth formed a tight, thin line, "What, by seeing zombie Buffy?"
Dawn's eyes met Buffy's with a small glare framed with agitation, "No. By seeing suicidal Buffy."
Buffy's mind went blank. Suicidal, she wasn't suicidal, was she? But she took a gauge of Dawn's emotions, and they were bleak and depressed. Buffy begin rubbing her temples, feeling exhausted by sorting out all this… human stuff. She just wanted to go back home, back to her peace. But she forced herself to look at Dawn, the one direction, the one anchor she had received since coming back, and made herself listen.
"Buffy, I can't imagine what it's like for you here… but you can't leave me. You can't just come back, and then leave me again. Do you have any idea what that would do to me?" Dawn begged her. "I love you…"she trailed off softly, eye backs on the ground.
Buffy looked at her sadly, and with a small smile, whispered, "I love you too." And to both her surprise and Dawn's, it was her that initiated a hug. She drew in her sister, trying to comfort the both of them. When she pulled away, she said with a little bit of the old Buffy confidence, "I won't leave you."
Dawn's eyes were hesitant, "Really?"
"Yeah," Buffy's smile faded off her face, "but… it's going to be tough." Dawn's eyes showed fear once more, and Buffy quickly reassured, "Not the suicide thing, just… being here. Living."
Dawn finally allowed herself a tiny smile as she slipped her hand into Buffy's, "The hardest thing to do in this world is live in it." Buffy allowed a small smile appear on her lips as she heard her sister quote her. Dawn wrapped her hand around Buffy's and said reassuringly, "I'll help you."
With that, the wall broke and Buffy allowed herself to sink into Dawn's reassurance. Looking down at their folded hands, she gave a slight squeeze, "Ok" she said softly.
Dawn responded with an even harder hand squeeze, and replied, "Let's go home."
Buffy forced herself not to wince with those words. She didn't feel like she was home, and she doubt that she would ever feel that way. Regardless, she gave a short nod of affirmation, and let Dawn lead the way.
This girl was proving to be a nightmare. It seemed like every time he took his eyes of her for a millisecond, she'd disappear. And next thing you know, she was being chased by a werewolf or being tackled by a vampire. He wondered how Buffy had managed to keep her alive for all these years…
He swallowed hard, shouting in his brain that if he thought of Buffy now, he would never find Dawn. But he was out of ideas. He had scoured the town looking for any Hellions or a singular trace of Dawn. He went to the looted stores, the damaged homes, and of course, the graveyard. Nothing
If anything, it looked like the Hellions were making their way out of the city. The few times he had run into the demon bikers, they were tearing down the road away from the central part of Sunnydale, with no cargo (meaning no teenage human girls).
So next, he tried places she might have run to for safety. He went to the Magic Box, nothing. He tried the Bronze, again nothing. In a desperate attempt, he even went to the wanker and his girlfriend's apartment, nothing. A whole lot of bleeding nothing.
At one point, he had heard the Scooby Gang walking down a street. He snuck up behind them silently, not wanting to ask them directly if Dawn was with him. Might as well just ask to be staked directly before telling them he had lost Buffy's sister. Seeing just the four of them without any teenage tag-a-longs, he immediately dodged around them and continued looking for Dawn. It was all for the better anyway. From the few snippets of conversation he heard from them, it sounded like they were talking about the broken Buffy-bot.
Now, he was making a final loop around Sunnydale. It had been almost an hour since she had wandered off or by God been kidnapped. He wanted to believe that she had just gone home because she was just a stubborn, stupid girl who was going to be killed by him when he got to the house to find her there. But in order to satisfy any nagging worries that she may still be somewhere in the city, he told himself he would do one more round, and then head back to the Summer's home.
He was about halfway to three-fourths done with his final lap and was currently making his way through one of the alleys. His eyes widened as he came across at least eight Hellion corpses. One of them had a giant axe in the middle of his back. Spike tsked. It seemed that he had missed a good tumble. Either the Scoobies had dramatically improved in their fighting abilities, or the Buffy-bot had taken care of this gang before her demise. His vote was for the latter.
As he came to the end of the alleyway, once again finding another corpse (this one with a giant metal rod sticking out of his torso), he rounded the corner in dreaded anticipation. This was the one area of the city Spike had avoided since… well; he had avoided it for 148 days now. Yes, there had been a few times it had been unavoidable, such as when the Scoobies employed him to take out a demon or two that booked it out of the graveyard and made their way in this direction. But this would be the first time he came here intentionally. Once his view was unobstructed by the bricked alleyway, he looked at the town's landscape and abruptly came to a halt.
The tower had collapsed, gone from Sunnydale's horizon.
He gazed numbly on the scene. Vaguely, he realized he was parking his motorcycle and dismounting. He found himself walking forward into the mess. There were bits of metal, wood, stair pieces, wire, and other random debris scattered everywhere. Slowly, he sank to his knees, surveying the damage.
Part of him was glad. After all, this is where it had happened. This is where the one person who ever really made him feel like man, who he loved with every fiber of his being, had left... had died. But at the same time, it was a desecration to a holy site. In a sense, the tower had acted as a giant looming tombstone whose great size still paled in comparison to the magnitude of service and sacrifice Buffy had given the world. And now, someone or something had torn it down.
He closed his eyes and felt his hands sink into the dirt and dust that surrounded him. Almost as if he were at a proper burial, he grabbed a fistful of dirt and clenched it tightly within his grasp. He could almost feel her here…after all, he had never known where she had been buried. Dawn had tried to tell him once, but he stopped her. He couldn't bear to think of her beautiful body as dead and wasting away underground. So instead, he had come to think of this tower and this area as his personal gravesite for his goddess. His eyes opened, red but not wet from the strain of remembering. Gradually, he stood up onto his feet, and released his handful of dirt onto the piled destruction.
"Dust to dust," he whispered bitterly.
Slowly, he rubbed and wiped his hands together to rid of the excess dust and to shake his mind from the scene. He let out one low breath of air through his lips. Separating his hands from each other, he dropped them to his sides, shaking them out and breathing inward through his nose, bending his head to either side. He could come back later if he wanted; right now he had to see to a girl.
A girl that bloody well better be safe, so he could kill the little twit once he found her.
