Amar came to get us an hour later, bringing with him clothes for the six of us. Before heading to the mess hall for dinner, we all changed into our new Dauntless black. I had never worn anything this dark before, and it felt like it clashed with my sun-tanned skin. This was my faction now, though, and I knew I would soon begin to feel powerful in these colors.

I shoved my bag under the mattress, because I was still unsure if I was allowed to have it. No one had said anything about it, but I didn't want to take any chances. Eric eyed me but didn't speak. I gave him a small guilty smile, then walked toward the exit to catch up with Liz as she and the others began to follow Amar.

As we entered the mess hall, I saw a sea of black. Liz, Jake, and Robert found an empty table, and I tugged on the Abnegation transfer's arm and pointed to a seat. I looked to Eric, standing in the isle, then motioned for him to sit next to me. He pursed his lips but sat anyway. Opening him up might be easier than I thought.

The table was filled with plates of food: potatoes, hamburgers, steamed vegetables, and cake. At that, my eyes went wide. I reached for the chocolate cake, and, as an after thought, scooped some vegetables onto a plate.

Trying to be responsible, I forced myself to eat the vegetables before the cake. Amity eat lots of fruit and vegetables, so it was nice to have a little taste of home, but I was eager to get to the chocolate cake.

Oh.

My.

God.

This cake! What was in this?! Why isn't everyone eating it? I looked around the table, and everyone was eating piles of food except for the boy from Abnegation. I got an extra slice of the cake and slid it over to him with a smile, but he just stared at it, looking confused. Robert saw and said, "Abnegation don't indulge in sweets. They give all of their food to the factionless."

"That's why he's so scrawny," Eric chided, and I shot him a look. He rolled his eyes but went back to eating. Then the boy from Abnegation took a bite of the cake! A huge grin spread across my face as I watched, and he let out a small chuckle. Success. The rest of dinner went on well, mostly with Jake and Liz flirting and Robert cracking jokes.

Towards the end of dinner, Amar found us and told us we would be going into something called a "fear landscape" so that we could "confront our worst fears," Amar said.

Eric was interested, asking, "How is that possible? You don't know our worst fears."

Amar explained that it's similar to our aptitude test, except this time we will be aware that it's not real. He told us we need to regulate our heart in order to move to the next fear. Once we left the mess hall, he led us to the fear simulation room, where he beckoned Eric to the front of the group, "Allow me to satisfy your Erudite curiosity. You get to go first." Eric tried to argue, but Amar is the instructor, after all, so Eric let him inject the serum into his neck.

I was nervous. I told myself that it was because I would have to go through it myself, but I knew deep down that it was because I was worried he may not be as much of a hardass as he seemed.

But Eric just stood there. Hands down at his side, staring at the glass. Barely moving. And then it was over, and I felt myself relaxing. I hadn't even realized I was so tense. He scanned our group, smirked, then turned to Amar.

Amar looked at him, expression blank, and told him, "You're free to go, be up at 8 tomorrow for training. Don't be late." Without a glance back to us, Eric walked out.


The line began to dwindle. After Eric, Robert went through his landscape. Watching him, it was the complete opposite of Eric. Robert thrashed his arms, yelped, and even fell to the ground kicking his legs and rolling about. I couldn't even begin to imagine what he was seeing.

After what felt like hours, Robert opened his eyes. He was finished but couldn't seem to stop shaking.

Amar nodded to Robert, then said to all of us, "You'll be shaken up, but think about what these fears mean and find a way to live with them. You'll be seeing them several more times before initiation is done. Don't let them get to you. Robert, you're free to go."

At that, Robert seemed to jump then hurry towards the exit. Seeing him like that made me feel nauseous. I still had to wait for Jake and Liz before it was my turn. I couldn't stop myself from wondering what my fears were. Was I going to writhe on the floor and yell in pain? How had Eric stayed still during his landscape? I tried to keep my mind occupied with these thoughts so I wouldn't have to watch Jake and Liz react to their fears.

Finally, Amar, the boy from Abnegation, and I were the only ones left. The boy was ringing his hands, eyebrows creased, and looking like his mind was in the same place as mine. Amar called my name, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I took a deep breath and stepped forward as Amar got the serum ready.

I was in the Amity fields. The sun was shining down and everything was warm. I was walking up and down the rows picking pea pods, when I feel a sharp pain strike my hand. It happened so quickly that I didn't see what hit me, but I felt the pain and saw blood come to the surface of my skin.

Then all at once, I was being attacked. My hands, my arms, my face, neck, thighs, everywhere. Birds, which I had always admired, were pecking me to the point where I just knew it would be to death. I tried to swat them away from my face, failing miserably. I was screaming, and felt tears stinging the cuts in my skin.

My instinct told me to use my legs. I kept my head ducked, kept my arms in front of my face as I ran towards the trees. At least there I would have some coverage. I reached a tree trunk and crouched down, hugging it, waiting for the pain to stop.

Then instead of pecking, I felt a gentle hand rest upon my shoulder. A sweet voice, like a song, greeting me, "Hello, sunshine." My mother!

I looked up to her, laughter dancing on my lips. "Let's climb, child" she spoke. We did this, sometimes. Racing to the top of the trees to watch the setting sun.

And so we began. My calloused hands were reaching higher and higher, all the while the sound of our laughter was in the breeze. I had reached the highest branch, and peeked my head above the leaves.

I called out to my mother, "I beat you!" Looking down, I saw her begin to smile, then heard a loud snap. Her branch had broken, and I jerked my arm down to reach her, but it was too late. With her hand outstretched towards me, eyes filled with fear, I watched her fall.

Tears sprung up into my eyes, and as I began to blink them away she was gone. And I was again in the orchard. This time, plucking flowers from the earth as I built a bouquet. The flowers were beautiful, but I had a sinking feeling in my stomach: the memory of my mother falling was still fresh in my mind.

My gut was right. As I reached for a bright fuchsia flower a bee flew out of its center and stung me on the wrist. It seemed like a stream coming from the flower, stinging me all over. I could hear myself screaming, yelling at the bees to stop. If I could just give in to the pain, they would stop.

I knew I had to react the same way to the bees as I had with the birds, so I crouched on the ground, forcing myself to breath through the pain.

And I kept breathing.

And the stinging stopped.

I felt nothing, but the sun on my back. And again I began to choose the best flowers for my bouquet, knowing it was a trap, but being unable to stop. Slowly wandering through the rows, I felt a tickle on my ankle.

I looked down, but again didn't react quickly enough. The vines from the field began snaking up my legs, to my abdomen, binding my arms to my sides. This time I knew not to fight it. I let the vines twist up my shoulders and around my neck, curling over my face and tightening. I shut my eyes, not struggling, and entered darkness.

I felt the pressure disappear, and I opened my eyes. I was in the cab of one of the Amity trucks. A faceless man in red was driving, but we weren't in Amity anymore. We were driving through the city. I recognized this area; the potholes, fallen lights, and garbage littering the streets told me we were in the factionless territory. The driver was racing, not paying attention to the holes in the road, nor any of the other surroundings.

My eyes were scanning the streets rapidly, and I caught sight of a child. I yelped in surprise and warning to my driver, but again I was too late. I felt a thud, and was thrust forward into the strap across my chest. The driver was cackling, and I was again crying. I could hear whimpers, knowing it was coming from the child, but being paralyzed by the seatbelt, fear, and sadness. I couldn't help the child.

Upon this realization, I began to breathe. In and out. Calming myself down was the only way out of this landscape. It wasn't real. In and out.

And it worked. The child was gone. The driver was gone. But the walls of the car were closing in on me. The roof was shrinking towards my head. Being from Amity, I was used to the openness of the fields. I hated being cramped. As with the birds and the bees, I curled myself into the smallest ball I could, and the walls grew tighter. Once the walls were flush against me, they stopped moving. This fear was over. How many more fears did I have?!

I opened my eyes, and was now in an opposite environment: An open field. No trees, no brush, just me. And… snowflakes? It was so beautiful. I uncurled myself, leaning back and spreading my arms and legs, enjoying the fresh flakes. Was I really afraid of something so peaceful?

I don't know how long I lied there, but the snow began to pile up. I felt the feeling of impending danger; so I began to stand up, ready to fight. But I couldn't move. The piling snow had gotten heavy. The thought came to me: I just have to let it cover me. Keep calm and keep breathing. I was going to get through this hell.

It worked, I instantly felt as light as a feather. Satisfied, I felt a smile threaten to pull at my cheeks. Thinking my landscape was over I opened my eyes and was met with the night sky. The stars were shining brightly, contrasting with the black sky. Wishing to grasp the grass so I could feel grounded, I realized that the reason I felt so light is because I was floating. Panic rushed from my brain to my lungs, and instantly I was gasping for breath and thrashing my body about, looking for something solid. Yet I just kept rising. Instead of crashing to the ground, I began to rise.

Black. Only black. Falling up. Dread was rising in my stomach, as I felt completely helpless, and completely hopeless. This time I couldn't move to curl into a ball. The feeling of falling up seemed to never end.

"Marigold. Marigold. It's okay; it's over. Go take a walk. Shake it off." Amar. It was over. Finally.

I was on the floor, spread out and covered in a cold sweat. I reached around me, feeling solid ground, and felt a wave of relief wash over me. I used the floor to shakily push myself up.

I began to make my way towards the exit, giving a glance to the last boy left. It seems that watching everyone go through their landscape had not been good for him. He was pale and couldn't meet my eyes.

I mentally wished him luck, and walked out.

My mind was preoccupied with my fears. I ran through them: birds; death of my mother; bees; flowers leading to death; death of innocent; small spaces; suffocation; open spaces. Eight fears. I wondered what the average was.

Not paying attention mixed with the fact that this was my first day in Dauntless, I became lost. I didn't mind, though, the walking was clearing my head. I had been walking for several minutes before I saw someone in the shadow, crouched down and hunched over. Curiosity led me to them.

I realized it was Eric, the initiate from Erudite. His head shot up at the sound of my footsteps, but his expression was blank.

Giving him a small smile, I sat on the floor beside him. His breathing was ragged, and I recognized the sound in my own breath. The fear landscape had gotten to him after all. Slowly, I moved my hand to cover his, which was sitting on the floor beside him. He flinched, and inclined his head towards me a fraction, let out a sigh, and put his head back down. He didn't move his hand though, so I tightened mine around him, warming his skin.

I don't know how long we sat there like that, but the effect was soothing. Maybe Eric wasn't such an ass after all. Maybe all he needed was someone to be beside him.