AN: Sorry that this took so long. I had a terrible, no good, very bad day that turned into a terrible, no good, very bad week, which then turned into two :/ I'm going to seriously try to update at least once a week from now on though…wish me luck! :)
Also, for this story to work it's set in a parallel universe where the US still has a military presence in Iraq in 2014 and "Don't ask, don't tell" was never a thing/only lasted a very short time (haven't decided exactly how I want to deal with that yet).
Chapter 4
Arizona had just pulled the casserole dish out of the oven when she heard a knock at the door.
"Come in!" she called over her shoulder as she moved into the dining room to place the dish on the table. As she turned around to walk back into the kitchen she saw Alex struggling to make it through the front door as he attempted to juggle various stacks of paper.
"Here, let me help you."
"I've got it, Robbins," he grumbled.
"You know that I still have two good arms, right?" she said to him, with a smirk crossing her face.
"Good point" he mumbled as he thrust his arms out, allowing Arizona to take some of the papers.
The next two hours were spent eating, drinking beer, and going over the case files and research that Alex had brought over. Arizona was reminded of how thankful she was that she had Alex at the hospital. She had poured so much into him…she didn't just mentor him from a surgical standpoint, simply passing on her surgical knowledge and skills, but she had poured herself into him. Assuming someone possessed the proper dexterity, Arizona was confident that she could teach anyone the proper surgical techniques to use with pediatric patients. What she couldn't teach just anyone was the essence of being a pediatric surgeon. It was so much more than operating on tiny humans. It was about dealing with the terrified parents. It was about connecting and calming the children who didn't know what was going on. It was about advocating for the tiny humans who couldn't speak for themselves. Being a great pediatric surgeon was as much about who you were as a person as your surgical technique.
And Alex, as a human being, was exactly what you wanted in a good pediatric surgeon. Arizona saw it immediately when she first met him. She spent the following years pouring into him, helping him realize and see that he had what it took to make a great healer of tiny humans. Alex already had everything that he needed to be an amazing pediatric surgeon, but he still needed someone to show him that, and that's where Arizona came in. She saw so much of herself in Alex. Arizona hid parts of herself under her perky exterior, while Alex did the same with his tough guy persona. They had both experienced pain and heartache, and they both kept it mostly to themselves, not wanting others to feel sorry for them. Alex slept his way through most of the nurses and interns, just like Arizona had. In a lot of ways, Arizona came to view Alex as the male version of her.
Now, years later, the two fell into a very comfortable rhythm inside and outside the OR. During surgery it was almost as if they could read each other's minds, which definitely came in handy during difficult surgeries or when a complication seemed to come out of nowhere. Outside the OR, Arizona noticed that Alex seemed to have a 6th sense about her. He might not always know what was wrong with her, but he almost always knew when something was up.
"Ugh, I think I'm gonna burst."
"That's what happens when you don't stop at seconds, and insists on having thirds," replied Arizona as she playfully shoved his shoulder.
"Dude…it's your fault."
"My fault?!" she cried out.
"Yeah…if your food wasn't so good, I wouldn't want seconds, let alone thirds. So obviously it's your fault," Alex responded with a genuine smile on his face, leaning back in his chair, fingers interlocked behind his head.
Arizona shook her head and rolled her eyes as she got up from the table, taking each of their plates to the kitchen sink. Alex got up to follow her, delicately balancing the casserole dish in one hand three empty beer bottles in the other.
"Arizona, I wanted to talk to you about something."
Shit.
Alex never called Arizona by her first name unless it was something serious and sentimental that he wanted to talk about. She kept her back to him as she started to rinse off the dishes at the sink.
"Hmmm?"
Play it cool, Robbins.
"Emily was a dick." He blurted it out so quickly that it took Arizona a moment to realize what he even said.
"And I know, I know, it's complicated." Alex used air quotes and an almost sing-song voice to make his point.
"Karev," she quietly replied as she turned to face him, arms across her chest with the small of her back resting against the lip of the counter.
"Let me finish, okay? Emily was a dick. I'm sure that it was or is more complicated than I know, but she was still a dick. The way that she ended things, and just up and left like that…that's…that's not okay, Robbins."
Oh thank God he's gone back to my last name.
"And Arizona,"
Fuck.
"Yeah?"
Arizona seemed smaller. She certainly felt smaller. She was now slouching against the counter, head hung low with her hands shoved in her jeans' front pockets. She couldn't bare to look at Alex right now, and more than anything she just wished that she could disappear.
"You deserve better. You deserved better."
Arizona looked up at Alex, and saw nothing but genuine love and concern in his eyes.
"And I'll be the first one to admit that you were a major dick too, bu-"
"What?!" Arizona cut him off before he could finish, unable to control her laughter. He simply rolled his eyes and gave a quick shake of his head before continuing.
"Yes, you were a dick too, but you had been in a fucking plane crash…and then spent almost a week alone in a fucking forest somewhere in Idaho, with Kepner. April Kepner! That's enough to make anyone go crazy!"
Arizona bit her bottom lip in an attempt to stop herself from laughing. It wasn't exactly working as her body continued to shake.
"And even when we finally get you back to Seattle…it's…it's too little too late. And then they have to amputate your leg."
Alex had gotten quieter as he continued to speak, and was now staring at a spot on the floor.
"You had trauma after trauma after trauma…in the span of a week. You get to be a dick. You're expected to be a dick. It would have concerned all of us if you weren't a dick."
Alex lifted his head to look Arizona in the eye. His brow was furrowed and he was chewing on his bottom lip. Arizona wasn't quite sure if he was concentrating on what to say next or if he was simply overcome with emotion. She stared at his face and realized that she honestly could not remember him ever looking like this before. She smiled weakly at him and reached out to take his hand.
"Alex."
Shit. Don't go getting all sentimental like him. One of you needs to keep your shit together.
He pulled away before she could grab his hand, taking a deep breath to steady himself before continuing.
"So yeah, you were a dick, but you had a legit reason to be a dick. And then you stopped. You did everything right. You went to that PTSD support group that Hunt told you about…every goddamn week you went. And you saw that trauma counselor every week. And, and you found that amputee support group. And Jesus…you fucking 'found Jesus' or whatever."
Alex was becoming more animated, using his hands as he talked.
"And she did you wrong, Robbins. Emily fucked you over, and she had no right. I get that she was scared shitless while you were missing…we all were."
Arizona studied Alex's face. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought tears were welling up in his eyes. He took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling for a moment before continuing.
"I was scared shitless."
Arizona reached for Alex's hand again, and this time he let her take it. He stared at the ground and bit his lip for a few moments before continuing.
"I had a really fucked up childhood, you know? No one cared about me. No one looked out for me. No one believed in me. I went to college on a wrestling scholarship…and everyone just thought I was some stupid jock. And I get into medical school, and it's like everyone thinks it's some sort of fluke. And I start to think it's some sort of fluke."
At this point Alex looked like a scared and defeated little boy. Arizona knew about his past, but he had never opened up to her like this before. She wasn't quite sure what had brought it on. Usually it was her picking away at his layers to figure out what was going on.
"You believed in me. You believe in me, Arizona. You showed me that I'm an awesome surgeon."
Arizona giggled at his word choice.
"Awesome, huh?"
"Yeah, and you've also added to my vocabulary," he replied with a smirk. Alex took his hand back and scratched the back of his head, taking a moment to compose himself before finishing.
"Anyway, you've been like this big sister to me. You're more than just a surgical mentor to me, you know?" He was much less emotional now, but still very determined in what he was saying. "And then this horrible thing happened, and you, the great Arizona Robbins, needed someone to look out for her."
Arizona chuckled as she playfully shoved Alex. He momentarily smiled at her, before plastering a very determined and resolute look on his face.
"So I did everything that I could to help you. I ran your service. Every day you were in the hospital your room was my first and last stop of the day. I double and triple checked all your charts to make sure that you were getting the best care. But the one thing that I couldn't control…the one thing that I couldn't help was Emily. And I hated it. I hated it, Arizona. She had no right to just walk out on you like that. You don't just give up on someone…you don't just leave someone because it gets difficult."
It started to click in Arizona's mind why this was such a big deal to Alex. Over the years they had grown closer, and had an almost brother-sister relationship. They were certainly closer than any other mentor-mentee relationship she had ever had. She had come to deeply care for and about him, and was confident that he felt the same way about her. And from Alex's vantage point, Arizona's girlfriend Emily had simply left her when the shit hit the fan and things became too difficult. Which is exactly what virtually every person in Alex's life had done with him, especially when he was growing up. From Alex's vantage point, he was witnessing Arizona get treated exactly like he had been treated time and time and time again. He was reliving his traumatic childhood as adult, and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it…and that fact had completely broken him. He couldn't save himself, and he couldn't save Arizona either, even as an adult.
Shit.
"Come here." Arizona stepped forward and got on her tippy toes so that she could wrap her arms around Alex's neck and pull him into an embrace. He didn't hug her back, but he didn't move away from her touch either. He was trying to be brave and stoic, she was sure of it. She started to let go, and gave him a chaste kiss on his cheek before stepping back to once again face him.
"Alex, I want to tell you something about Emily. I want to explain the whole it's complicated thing to you, but before I do, you have to promise me two things, okay?"
"Okay."
"First, you have to stay here tonight."
Alex's face scrunched up at this request. He was confused. He wasn't sure why he needed to stay at her place.
"Well?"
"Yeah, okay. I'll stay here tonight."
"Good. And second, you can't tell anyone what I tell you. And I mean anyone. No one knows about this, not even Teddy."
Alex did his best to hide his surprise at the revelation. Yes, the two had become close over the years, and certainly closer since the plane crash, but Teddy was Arizona's best friend. Teddy knew everything about Arizona. If it was worth knowing, then Teddy knew it. At least that's what Alex thought.
"Deal?" Arizona thrust her hand out, waiting for Alex to take it so that they could shake on it.
"Deal," he said, a small smile creeping on his face as he shook her hand.
11:12pm. Fuck.
Teddy groaned as she exited the elevator. She had been at the hospital since 5am, and was only now walking to her apartment door. A semi-truck overturning on the interstate had meant that she had stayed far longer at the hospital than she had intended for that day. To make matters worse, she had to be back at the hospital at 7am the next day. When she got to the door of the apartment she shared with Arizona, she fumbled through her purse for her keys.
Shit. Where are they?
She kept digging around, but still no keys.
Damnnit. I must have left them at the hospital.
Teddy noticed that there was light coming out from beneath the door, meaning that Arizona was still awake. She was glad, as she didn't want to wake her roommate, and she certainly didn't want to trek back to the hospital to get her keys. Today had been a long and exhausting day, and she had zero desire to make it last any longer.
She quickly rapped on the door.
"Arizona? It's me, Teddy. I left my keys at the hospital. Can you open up the door for me?"
No response. She waited a few moments before trying again. This time she knocked a little more forcefully.
"Arizona! It's Teddy. I lost my keys. Can you let me in, please!?"
This time Teddy could hear movement in the apartment.
Thank god. I'm exhausted.
"Hey Dr. Altman. Robbins is taking a shower and getting ready for bed."
The last thing that Teddy was expecting was to be greeted by Alex Karev in her doorway. She knew that he was supposed to come over tonight to go over some cases with Arizona, but he should have been gone by now. He should have been gone an hour ago, truthfully. Well, she did remember once or twice him staying late while the two of them drank beer and watched bad TV. If she was honest, what surprised Teddy wasn't so much that Alex Karev was greeting her in the doorway to her apartment, but what he was wearing. Or more accurately, what he wasn't wearing.
"Hi," she drew it out, and scrunched up her face at the scene before her.
"Oh, sorry," Alex responded, holding the door open for Teddy while stepping back so that she could easily step into the apartment.
Alex closed the door behind Teddy, and the two of them stood then stood a few feet apart, staring at each other. Teddy looked Alex up and down, confused by his outfit. Alex followed her eyes, and glanced down at his wardrobe as well.
"Oh, yeah…this," he said, motioning the length of his body as he spoke, "well, see I didn't have any pajamas with me. Obviously. I mean, who takes pajamas with them when they go over to someone's place for dinner, right?" He let out an awkward chuckle as he finished.
"Okay," replied Teddy, as she watched Alex appear to become uncomfortable under her gaze. If she didn't know any better, she would have sworn that he was starting to blush. She still wasn't sure why the peds fellow was standing in her kitchen in his underwear.
"So, care to explain to me exactly why you're standing in my kitchen in a black wife beater and dark gray boxer briefs," she paused, once again eyeing him up and down, "that leave very little to the imagination, I might add?"
Yep, he's definitely blushing now.
"Dude, don't make this weird." Alex shifted uncomfortably, tugging his A shirt down in an attempt to better cover himself. It didn't work; at all.
"How am I making it weird? You're the one half-naked in my kitchen."
"Hey, Karev, I go-"
Arizona looked up and suddenly stopped at the sight in front of her. She could no longer even remember what she had come out to tell Alex, at the sight of him looking like an underwear model standing next to her best friend, who appeared to be giving Arizona her best "mom glare."
Oh shit.
"Oh, hey Teddy. I didn't expect to see you tonight. I thought that you were staying at Henry's tonight?" Arizona flashed her trademark grin with dimples popping. She was pulling out all the stops.
"Yeah, I was supposed to, but there was an accident and I got pulled into the OR. I actually just left the hospital about 20 minutes ago, and I was so exhausted I just wanted to come home and crawl into bed and go to sleep."
Alex's eyes nervously darted between the two women.
"I actually left my keys at the hospital, but Dr. Karev here was nice enough to let me in."
Arizona couldn't read Teddy's face, but it felt as if her eyes were going to bore a hole into Arizona's body.
"Great! Well, I'm glad he let you in. Please, don't let us keep you. You're exhausted; you should go to bed."
"Arizona, why is there a half-naked Alex Karev in our apartment?"
"Um," Alex started to answer before being cut off by Teddy.
"Shut up, Karev!"
"Yes ma'am," he responded as he took a step back and hung his head.
"Teddy! Don't talk to him like that! He's a colleague."
"Yes, a HALF NAKED colleague in our apartment!"
"I'm drunk!" Alex blurted it out before he could even think. Both women were now staring at him.
"I'm drunk," he said again, this time much quieter.
"You're drunk?" Teddy asked, surprised.
"Yep. I'm drunk. I had waaayyy too much to drink at dinner, and Robbins said I couldn't drive…so I'm spending the night here."
Teddy turned to face Arizona, not quite buying the story. Arizona momentarily panicked, not sure what to say. She shifted on her crutches, but before she could open her mouth to say anything Alex interrupted her.
"Look," he stepped forward and placed a hand on Teddy's shoulder, his other hand running through his short hair, "I just had a shit day, and Robbins was nice enough to listen to my sob story. I don't really share my feelings, so I needed more than my fair share of liquid courage. I mean, I would have taken a cab or something, but I drank so much that Robbins didn't want me to be alone tonight."
"He passed out earlier!"
Teddy and Alex just stared at Arizona. Teddy looked confused, and Alex looked pissed as hell.
"You passed out?" Teddy asked Alex, turning to face him again. He quickly changed the look on his face.
"Um…yeah, I guess. I don't really remember. I mean…I, I thought I just fell asleep, but like I said, I drank a lot and Robbins was really worried about me." He grit his teeth and was now glaring at Arizona.
"Yeah. Okay. Whatever…" Teddy gently shook her head as she began to walk towards her room. "I'm exhausted and I'm going to bed. Alex, make sure you've got a bucket to puke in…I'll be pissed if there's any vomit on that couch in the morning."
"Okay."
Teddy stopped as she reached the door to her room, hand stilled on the handle. She quickly called over her shoulder "And drink a lot of water before going to sleep," before entering her room and closing the door behind her.
"Oh shit!" Alex sort of loudly whispered, while trying not to laugh too loudly.
"Shut up!" hissed Arizona in response. Staring at him though, she quickly succumbed to her own giggling. Alex quickly doubled over with laughter, resting his hands on his thighs just about his knees. He took a few minutes to compose himself before speaking again.
"Wow, that was something, huh?" he chuckled. "Anyway, you got a blanket or something for me? I'll just use one of the pillows that you've already got on the couch, but like Altman said, I am kinda half-naked here." A sheepish grin came over his face, and Arizona could see Alex start to blush.
"Um, yeah…" Arizona quickly trailed off, shifting awkwardly on her crutches, quickly looking away from Alex.
"You okay, Robbins?"
Arizona mumbled something, but Alex couldn't make it out. Confused, he scrunched up his face before speaking again.
"Say again…I couldn't hear you."
Arizona's head dropped. If she weren't on her crutches her shoulders would have slumped forward as well. Suddenly she felt a swell of emotions inside of her. They flooded her and overwhelmed her; her head began to spin. Before she knew what was happening, Arizona felt a tightening in her chest.
"I uh," she would barely squeak it out.
"Dude, you okay? You don't look so hot."
"Um…" Arizona licked her lips. She noticed that her mouth felt unbelievably dry.
How long has my mouth been this dry? This is like cottonmouth to the extreme.
"Here, take a drink."
Arizona looked up and saw that Alex was now standing in front of her, offering her a glass of water. She steadied herself on her crutches before reaching out for the glass. She took a few small, slow, and deliberate sips before handing the water back to Alex. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, finally meeting Alex's gaze.
"Would you stay with me, um, in my bed? At least until I fall asleep…please?"
Alex immediately replied, not giving Arizona the chance to backpedal or regret the request that she had just made.
"Of course, boss. You go ahead…I'm just going to grab another glass of water for me." He smiled at her before turning to go back into the kitchen.
A few minutes later Alex walked into Arizona's bedroom, a glass of water in each hand. Immediately to his right was a dresser, the side of which was almost flush with the doorframe. The bed was against the wall to his right, and Alex walked up to the right side of the bed where Arizona already lay curled up on her side.
"Here," he smiled weakly as he placed one of the glasses of water on her nightstand. Arizona smiled back at him, and he walked over to the other side of the bed. He stood there for a moment, debating if he should get under the covers or not.
"I'm going to go ahead and turn the light off, okay?" Arizona's voice momentarily roused Alex from his thoughts.
"Yep, I'm good to go," he replied as he crawled on top of the covers. She had simply asked him to stay until she fell asleep, so he figured that there was no point in getting comfortable. He repositioned the pillow so that he could lean against the headboard comfortably. Taking a deep breath and stretching out his legs, Alex thought about what had happened earlier that night. He realized now why Arizona had insisted he agree to spend the night before she would tell him anything. Alex was a protective man, and what Arizona told him had shocked him. Shocked him to the point where he felt that his only recourse was to avenge Arizona, though practically he had no idea how to go about that.
Who the fuck even avenges people, anyway? This isn't a damn comic book, Karev.
Regardless of how silly it sounded, even to himself, Alex's kneejerk reaction would have been to fly out of Arizona's apartment to go on some ass-kicking rampage. This revelation only made him more determined to look after and protect his mentor. He was simultaneously infuriated and heartbroken at what Arizona had told him. He closed his eyes, trying to process all the new information that he had been given tonight. After a few minutes he thought he heard sniffling, and then noticed that the bed was very slightly moving. Opening his eyes he turned to see Arizona barely shaking.
She was crying.
She was crying, and he did the only thing he knew to do.
Alex pulled his legs up and quickly pulled the covers down on his side of the bed, so that he could slip beneath them. He scooted down the bed slightly, flinging the covers off of him.
"Hey, Robbins, come here." He spoke quietly and soothingly. Arizona stilled at his voice.
"It's okay. C'mon." As he spoke again, Arizona turned over in bed to see Alex on his back, motioning her with his arms to come closer. He could clearly see her tear streaked cheeks illuminated by the moonlight. Arizona's lower lip trembled; she was willing herself to not completely fall apart in front of him. She felt so fragile and breakable right now, like at any moment she would crumble into a million pieces.
"C'mon…I gotch ya."
Arizona burst into tears as she buried herself into Alex's side. He pulled her in tight, and she shifted so that her head was on his chest, gripping him tightly around his midsection with her left arm. She held onto him with all her might. It was as if she was afraid that he would float away, and if he did, she would be all alone and would fall to pieces.
With his right hand, Alex gently and methodically rubbed up and down Arizona's back, trying to soothe her. His left arm was wrapped around her shoulders, with his hand gently grabbing on to her right shoulder. Alex had no idea how this situation was going to get fixed. He didn't even know if this was the kind of thing that could be fixed. He felt helpless, and totally out of his depth. He said the only thing that he could think of…the only thing that he knew he could do right then.
"Arizona, I've got you, okay? I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. You're safe now. I won't let anyone hurt you tonight."
AN: Thoughts? Comments? Additions? Subtractions? I don't know that every chapter will be this long from now on, but I felt like all of this needed to happen in one chapter to be cohesive.
I feel like I've got a good handle on where this story will go/end (so the big stuff is figured out), but I'm not 100% sure of what I want to happen between now and then (funny or 'fluff' type stuff), so if anyone has any thoughts that you would like to share, feel free to PM me. I rarely bite ;)
And lastly, any editing/grammar errors are all mine. If anyone wants to volunteer to be a proofreader, let me know! :)
