They spend the evening as normally as two people in their situation could,' Leah had thought. Once the pizza had arrived, they hung out in front of the T.V. Mary lay contentedly in her car seat, except for the occasional diaper change. Once Mary was ready to go to bed, they settled for a game of Monopoly on the floor of Leah's room, leaving the door wide open so they could hear Mary if she started to cry, but the rolling of dice and shuffling of money wouldn't disturb her.
They played late into the night.
"That was fun," Leah said as she lay back on the carpet. It felt good to stretch her back.
"You better get into bed, and I better go to sleep while I can," Ethan said as he held out his hands, and helped her to her feet. She tripped over the Monopoly box and crashed into him. He held her tight to keep her from falling. "Sorry I'm so clumsy," she apologized as she picked up the errant box and threw it into her closet.
"Thank you so much, my Leah," he said.
"Ethan, it sounds so good to hear you call me yours, but you can't. I can't be yours. I want to be, but I know that after a time, you're going to move on, and you're going to find a wonderful Amish woman who will raise your children in the Amish ways, and milk your cows. The only thing I can do is milk cows," she joked trying to lighten the heavy mood that had just descended.
"I'm sorry Leah. I did not mean to cause you so much pain. It was an old habit I slipped into. Will you forgive me?"
"Of course."
"I just wanted to thank you for all you've done for Mary, and I."
"You're welcome."
Ethan went into the bathroom, and Leah could hear the shower running.
In the front room, she heard Mary start to cry.
"Shh, it's okay sweetheart," she said, holding her and switching on a lamp. She warmed a bottle and sat quietly on the couch with her. She absolutely adored Mary. She was so sweet as she just lay there, drinking her milk. At that moment, Leah wanted to just hold her close, and shield from the horrible realities the world could bring, only letting in the good, and happy for this child.
She heard a noise from behind her.
"Oh Leah, I'm so sorry. I didn't hear her."
"It's okay," she said. Her heart did a flutter as he stood there. His hair wet from the shower. He was shirtless, just wearing pants.
"Do you want to take over?" he asked.
"I think she just needs to be burped," she said as she noticed Mary had stopped taking liquid. His arms went under hers as he took his daughter. Their eyes met.
"Ethan – I –um – I have to go to bed," she mumbled. She turned off the light and flopped onto her bed staring at the wall, not sleeping.
She saw the shadows on the wall change as the light from the front room was turned off. She shifted a bit, and stretched out, hoping that would help her sleep and forget. She wanted to talk with him, but it wasn't a conversation she should even consider initiating. It was best for both of them to leave what she didn't say unsaid.
The door to her room creaked open, and she heard him hesitate. "I'm not sleeping," she said as she turned on her back and saw him come in and sit at the foot of the bed. "I can't sleep either because I have the impression you wanted to tell me something."
"Ethan, I don't even want to go there. It's not a good time."
"Go there?"
"An expression for something you don't want to discuss."
"Leah, I love you. I know that you think the minute Mary is well, I will leave and marry some Amish girl, and I will leave, but there's no Amish girl I want to marry. Martha was someone I wed because it was expected."
"Did you love her?" she asked sitting up
"I grew to respect and appreciate her, and in some ways I wish she were still here for Mary. As I told you before, Amish men are not fathers. Love, Leah, is what I have for you. I want to be with you, and some unseen hand keeps bringing us back to each other. An angel appeared to you. You had no way of knowing I was there. I had no way of knowing that was the hospital you worked at."
"Oh Ethan," she dove into his arms hugging him tightly. He embraced her back. Their lips found the way to each other resulting in kissing that each of them had longed for. Time stood still for the two lovers that had been apart for so long, as they basked in the glow of love and affection that only the other could provide. When their passionate fire threatened an inferno, Ethan paused. "My love, we had better stop."
"Right," she agreed, backing away.
They fell asleep in Leah's bed, cuddled together in the English tradition.
Mary also slept through the night, not awakening until she had to be put back under the photosynthesis machine for her treatments.
Leah woke up to the smell of something cooking in the kitchen.
"Ethan, you didn't have to fix me breakfast," she exclaimed as she put her arms around him from behind.
"I wanted to," he smiled at her.
After breakfast Leah was in a hurry to get dressed.
"I have something I have to do. Will you and Mary be okay here for a little bit?"
"Of course.
Leah drove down to Nappanee. There were questions she needed answered, and Ethan couldn't help her. She drove the long way around the Longacre farm. She couldn't risk having Ethan find out she had even been here until she was ready. She remembered Charity said they were down the road from Ethan's.
She drove past his farm, and saw the cows grazing in the pasture. Really, she thought, they were kind of cute with their big noses. It was good to see Ethan's cows were being taken care of. She guided her car up the winding road a little ways until she saw another farm. Leah could see that luck was on her side as she saw a woman hanging out laundry to dry.
"Excuse me?" she called. The woman turned from her clothing. "Oh, Leah isn't it? What a surprise."
"Hi Esther."
"Come on in for a cup of lemonade. What brings you to my farm today?" she asked as she finished hanging her clothes.
She suddenly felt foolish. "I was wondering if we could talk."
"Of course! Let's go inside for a cup of lemonade. The kids are in the stable, and my man is out in the fields. Nice and quiet," she said.
"So I take it that you've had some things happen," Esther said as she handed Leah a glass of cool liquid.
"Ethan is staying with me for a few days. His baby's treatment required electricity, and it was either my apartment or the hospital."
Leah glossed over the details of the previous night, just mentioning that she and Ethan talked about being together.
"Well, it's like I told you Leah, being Amish isn't easy."
"You said you didn't miss a lot of things?"
"Oh there are things I miss. Electricity is a big one, but over time you adapt. It's not worth it if you can't be happy with the man you love."
"What would I have to do to join the church?"
"Well you have to live among the Amish for a while, and be accepted by the community. You would have to learn farm life as well as doctrine. It's not an easy transition, Leah. Very few people join. Some of the more progressive communities have missionaries, but ours is not one of them."
"I understand. So I would have to live here in the Amish world?"
"Yes. Leah, if you would like, you can live here with us for a time. That is if you don't mind sharing a room with the girls."
"I wouldn't mind at all, but I'm not sure yet. I'm still trying to figure out if this is something I should do or if it's a temporary lapse of sanity."
An hour later she drove home, deep in thought, not paying attention to the drunk driver that was coming at her from the opposite side of the road.
