4
I made my way down the hall, wishing my wheelchair had a higher speed. If it did then I could fell the wind in my face as I moved along, and I could forget I was inside an unsightly embassy that used to be my home. From behind me I hear footsteps. I turn my head around without slowing my wheelchairs movement. It is Zero, following behind me and trying to catch up. "Go away." I say, as I turn my head back to face forward.
I hear the pace quicken. I continue at my highest speed setting. It doesn't make a difference. Eventually I hear it right behind me. It puts a hand on my shoulder, but it quickly is taken away when I move out of it's grasp. "Nunnally, stop." It says to me. I wont slow down. "You can't just storm out like a child." I stop my chair. He bumps into it, apologizes. I turn to face him. I look him in the eye to say this, then I realize there are no eyes. I look to the side. "You seem to keep forgetting that I am a child."
"Everyone's waiting for you."
"Since when was everyone incapable of pushing a button?"
"I think you should ask yourself the same question."
"You know why not." I turn my chair to leave again, but he grabs my arm. I forgot how strong he was, and he keeps me from moving.
"Let me go."
"You can't keep avoiding your duties."
"You told me they were only my duties if I wanted them. I don't want them. Now let me go."
"What is it going to take to make this work?"
"Funeral." He stops. "I want a funeral." He pauses, and I hear a sigh. "Nunnally, you know we can't."
"Why not?"
"Because he was a dictator. He killed countless."
"You know his reasons."
"The world doesn't. You know how much controversy there would be if we held a funeral?"
"Is all you care about how the world is going to see you? Are you this wrapped up in being a symbol of 'Hope'? Try downsizing your ego."
"It's more than that Nunnally, you know that."
Logically, I understand their reasons. But emotionally, I can't let myself stand behind them. "I know that, I just think it's dumb."
He looks down."Alright." He says, still not letting go. "But if you're not going to help, we need to make some arrangements." He lets go. I want to leave, but something begs me to stay. Maybe it's the person behind the mask. "What arrangements?" I ask. "Well, if you're not going to participate I can't necessarily have you loitering in this place."
I retaliate. "Okay. How does a country cottage sound? Surely that's not too much to ask."
"What about your legs?"
"Caretaker. I imagine Sayoko is unavailable. Find someone else."
He pauses, looking just to the side of me. "Nunnally, I know you're hurt, and I know you're angry. I'm here to help you move on, but if we're always fighting I don't think we can do that." Don't do that, don't give me your sympathy. You haven't any to give.
"Things are changing, and it's hard, I know that."
Shut up.
"But think of what Lelouch would have wanted."
How dare he mention his name. Thinking so highly of himself that he has that right. But I do realize, I've never given the subject much thought. I try to calm myself down, and I think about what he would want, but Suzaku cuts in first.
"He wouldn't want you to be bitter like you are now. He wouldn't want us to be fighting. He loved you Nunnally, yes. But he realized, if he held such feelings for you, then in a world full of eight billion people there had to be plenty others who didn't want to lose someone, just as much as he didn't want to lose you." This boy, this child... Just a minute ago he was a black void, but now he speaks with such grace.
"He loved you, he loved me, he loved the people who only wanted to have a safe place to live with their family, and the nobody who only wanted to be able to have a hot meal." How does he do this to me. It never fails.
"You're being selfish Nunnally. He doesn't belong to you. He was everybody's big brother, not just yours."
He see's right through me.
