Chapter 4 – Lost and Confused
Pan opened his eyes. He looked around and found himself in a new place. He tried to sit up but he was just so tired. He looked around at the large room. The walls were a pale shade of blue and the floors were wood. A huge window was to the left and he saw a glimpse of blue sea. A fireplace was across from the bed. The bed he was lying in was huge with wooden head and foot boards. The mattress he lay on was super soft. On the stand by the bed were bottles of water. He realized he had needles in his hand again. His hand looked all red and blue from when he had ripped the needles out. His shoulder ached incessantly.
"How are you feeling?" Regina asked as she stepped into the room.
"Tired," he said quietly. Embarrassment washed over him as he remembered throwing himself in her arms and crying on her shoulder.
"I'm not surprised after your adventure on the roof yesterday. I had the hospital bring you to my house." She explained.
"Why?" he asked suspiciously.
"I thought it might be a better place for you to recover in. It's a lot quieter and I think my taste in décor is better than the hospital." She said with a quick grin.
Pan nodded looking around. "It's nice. Thank you."
She could still see suspicion in his eyes. "We didn't treat you very well when you first arrived. We thought you were the person who took over your body and he did some terrible things. We thought you were him. It took a while till we realized what had happened to you was the same thing that had happened to my son Henry. You had no idea the terrible things Malcolm did while in your body."
"Why did he take my body and how?" Pan asked.
"I don't know it was a switching spell of sorts but to be able to do it for so long is a mystery. You don't remember anything do you?" He shook his head and she continued. "Malcolm is a middle-aged man with straight brown hair and blue eyes. He wanted to be young forever. Apparently he heard of Neverland through his young so. He had given him a doll and the son named it Peter Pan after you. With his son's help he went through a portal came to Neverland and was given special powers from a shadow."
Pan inhaled sharply. "My shadow. We didn't get along."
"With those powers he was able to steal your body and keep you locked away in a bottle or box. You would have been in a state of oblivion. Somehow when Rumpelstiltskin – Malcolm's son destroyed himself and you-I mean Malcolm, the spell then broke and you were freed and back in your body." Regina explained.
"So this Malcolm is the one that killed Felix?" He asked angrily.
"Yes while he was in my son Henry's body. Pan, Malcolm is dead now – he's paid for what he did." Regina said softly to calm him.
Pan's hand came up to rub his forehead. "How many years did he take from me?"
"Hundreds." Regina looked at him sympathetically. "But you are here now and as soon as you are healthy you can start to live again and make up for everything you missed."
"I don't want to stay here, I want to go back home to Neverland." Pan insisted.
"Why? Why do you want to go back? All your lost boys are gone. Felix is gone. You'd be all alone there." Regina explained.
Pan looked stricken. "Because I don't belong here."
"Look, I know we didn't have the best of starts but you can belong here. Pan, if you are willing you can stay here- have this be your home. I share custody of my son Henry, he is the one that suggested this to me and I really think it could work." She suggested.
Pan's green eyes narrowed. "NO. I had my freedom in Neverland. I didn't have any grownups controlling me and … I don't want this."
"What happened to you before you went to Neverland? What happened to your family?" Regina tried to find out more about this defiant teen.
He didn't answer.
"What happened to your mother?" she asked.
"She died giving birth to what would have been my half brother." He spat out.
"Ane your father, what of him?"
"He died when I was a baby." Pan had pulled himself into a sitting position.
She realized he was flushed – obviously the fever still hadn't broken.
"So you had a step father, how did you get along?" she asked hesitantly knowing instinctively that he must have been the trigger that made him run away to Neverland.
"We didn't so I left." He held his head up proudly over taking control of his life.
"How did you get to Neverland?"
A flash of sadness washed over his face. "My grandmother. Just before she died she gave me a magic bean. It was a portal and it brought me to Neverland and to its magic." He explained softly far away in thought.
"A place were no grown ups could control you or hurt you?"
He nodded then his eyes flashed angrily realizing he had revealed more than he had intended to.
"I just want to assure you that you are safe here. No one will hurt you while you are under my care." Regina assured him.
He still had a look of mistrust on his face and she realized her words must appear empty after she had slapped him up on the roof. She sighed. "I want you to know I have never struck my son, when I hit you yesterday it was a fear reaction. You almost died and when you turned back to the ledge I did the only thing I could think of at that moment to distract you. I don't know why exactly but I don't want to see you die. Can you forgive me for it?"
The mistrust didn't leave his face but this time it was mixed with a look of vulnerability. He paused for a moment then nodded. "I'm sorry I scared you. I wasn't thinking clearly when I thought I could just fly home."
"It's okay, it was just the fever."She reached over to feel his forehead. "It hasn't broken yet. I'm going to spell the room until you are better so you can't leave it on your own…are you okay with that? You have a bathroom right there and if you need anything just press that button there."
"I'll be fine. I've been on my own for a long time."
"I understand that but right now you are sick and that isn't a time to be alone. My cook will bring you something to eat and later if you are up for it Henry would like to visit you, as would Wendy. Wendy was held captive in Neverland by Malcolm."
"I'm not very hungry."
"That's okay, maybe something will tempt you to at least nibble." She smiled at him.
Pan felt odd once she left the room. While he never got sick in Neverland all this attention reminded him of his own mother and how when he was hurt or sick she would take care of him. He hadn't realized until now how much he had missed having someone care about him.
Regina stepped out of his room and closed her eyes. He truly was the original lost boy and it would be a challenge to make him feel at home and learn to trust.
A few hours later she entered his room again, she noticed he had eaten a bit of the roast chicken and mashed potatoes but the roasted vegetables lay untouched. She suppressed a smile – typical boy when it came to eating vegetables.
"Pan, this is my son Henry and this is Wendy, they just wanted to say hi and stay for a few moments." She looked at Henry. "Don't stay too long he needs to rest."
Pan looked at the two that had entered. Henry was about 11 or 12 and Wendy appeared to be closer to his age, around 14 or 15. Regina's son came and sat in the chair next to the bed.
"It's kind of weird knowing you are the real Peter Pan, when I spent all this time with the fake one." Henry said.
Pan smiled wryly. "I hear that this Malcolm guy did the same thing to you that he did to me."
"Yeah, my very own great grandfather." Henry shook his head.
"Wait, you were related to him? So he was Regina's grandfather?" Pan questioned.
"No, Regina adopted me, she isn't related to Malcolm or Rumpelstiltskin, That connection comes from my dad's side anyway." Henry explained.
Pan pulled himself up a little straighter wincing as his shoulder ached badly.
"Are you all right?" Wendy asked.
He realized she spoke with an English accent just as he did. He looked into her big brown eyes and saw concern there. He smirked. "I'm fine, just a stab wound I acquired thanks to Henry's grandfather."
"He didn't know Malcolm had switched bodies and locked you away. He did what he had to - to destroy Malcolm and he died doing it. He sacrificed himself so he could protect us." Henry defended Rumpel.
Pan shrugged, instantly regretting it when his shoulder gave a sharp pain. "I guess if it hadn't been for him, I would never have been freed." He looked at Wendy again. "I hear you were locked up for a long time thanks to Malcolm?"
She nodded. "Yes, he did it to control my brothers to do his bidding. It's weird looking at you and knowing you aren't the same person inside.'
He teased. "How do you know that I'm not? I mean you don't know me, maybe I'm the same."
She studied him with her dark gaze. "I don't think so. I don't think you are as cruel as he was. I don't think you would have killed Felix."
Pan suddenly paled. "You knew Felix?"
"Of course." Henry spoke up, "We both did."
"He's really dead." Pan choked out.
"I'm sorry." Wendy said. "He always followed Pan's…I mean Malcolm's orders, he was his second in command but he was never as cruel. I think he was just lost, and Pan, I mean Malcolm well I think he thought of him as his real family."
Much to Pan's horror tears welled up in his eyes; he hastily blinked them back and swallowed the tightness in his throat.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." Wendy said reaching over to squeeze his hand for a second.
Pan shook his head and cleared his throat. "It's okay, I just wish he could have known it wasn't really me that …" His throat closed again and he wiped his hand over his eyes.
Wendy and Henry looked at each other helplessly for a second.
"You have to remember he'd been with Malcolm for a long long time. He saw his cruelty but did nothing to stop it. He was blindly loyal to him." Henry explained.
"You must have been close, was he the first lost boy?" Wendy asked.
Pan had collected himself again. "Yes, my shadow, when it was still on my side, picked him off the streets after he was all alone. We became really good friends, more like brothers really. He helped me build Neverland. Well the old Neverland, I don't know how much it's changed since I was there."
"I don't know if it helps any but he seemed happy." Wendy stated.
"It does." Pan answered hoarsely.
Impulsively Wendy leaned over and hugged him. Pan didn't know what to feel. He hadn't been around girls in a very long time and his heart fluttered when she hugged him. Her golden hair was soft and silky and she smelled of violets.
He grinned impishly when she released him. "So how are you feeling being out of Neverland."
"Quite honestly, very weird. The real world has changed so drastically. Everyone I knew grew up but I'm still the same age. My younger brothers are now considerable older than I am. It takes some getting used to." She explained.
"And Henry, you lost your grandfather. Were you close?" Pan asked.
Henry sighed. "Not really. I didn't know my dad for a very long time, actually I thought he was dead so I didn't even know Mr. Gold was my grand dad."
"Mr. Gold? I thought his name was Rumpelstiltskin?" Pan asked confused.
"It is- it's a long weird story." Henry stated.
Pan suddenly yawned.
"I think we should go. Pan needs to rest." Wendy stated. "You'll see Henry every day but if you like I can come back some time and fill you in on what Neverland looks like these days."
Pan smiled softly. "I'd like that – thanks to you both for coming to visit."
As Wendy went out the door, Henry turned back for a second. "I'm glad my mom brought you here. I know things have been pretty bad for you and you miss Felix but we can be friends too – you aren't alone. " With a smile Henry left.
Pan bent his knees and pulled them close to his chest resting his elbows on them. He was glad he was alone right then because that tightness in his throat threatened to strangle him again and tears spilled out of his eyes and ran down his face. He felt so lost – he appreciated Henry and Wendy and Regina reaching out to him as they had but all he wanted was to go home to the life he once had on his beautiful island where magic abounded and he could fly and feel free, He mourned his former life that by the looks of it he could never return to, he mourned Felix with whom he had a strong friendship bond full of trust that he thought would never be broken. He cried for Felix knowing he must have thought he had killed him – he must have felt so scared and betrayed and hurt. He could never fix that.
Regina carrying a plate of food entered Pan's room only to find him with his arms wrapped around his knees, his head resting on his arms, and crying bitterly.
Her heart ached and the urge to comfort him was strong but instead she slowly and quietly backed out the room. He had suffered a lot of loss and he needed time to himself to grieve. She understood that, she had been there. She only hoped he could find a way out of it and a way to move on with his life.
