Chapter four
I can't do this any more
I sat in silence while the other killjoys discussed battle plans, I was again doubting myself there were only six of us compared to hundreds of them , I couldn't lead my fellow killjoys into an out numbered fight, if I did I would be no better then … I stopped my thoughts at that point I wasn't about to blame the fabulous killjoys for how I was feeling I just wished I could work out why they had told Dr D whatever it was they did about that made everyone think I was going to be the one to end it all.
"Oi Angel what do you think about this" came a voice pulling me out of my thoughts it was one of the other killjoys with purple and pink hair who I seemed to recall was called Peroxide Princess
"sorry I missed that I feel a bit off I think I might go lay down for a bit" was all I said as I simply stood up and walked back to the room I woke up in, I laid down but didn't fall asleep I held my mask in my still trembling hands. I closed my eyes however it didn't ease my feelings any I could still see the site that hurt me so bad. "Angel are you awake" I heard Danger Knights voice I didn't reply I just kept my eyes closed thinking to myself 'I'll let them think I'm asleep then when they go to sleep I'll leave.'
I heard danger knight leave I reopened my eyes, I could hear them talking in the next room, they were talking about me I didn't like the fact they were seeing me as some kind of saviour hell I couldn't even save my family there was no way I could protect them. I closed my eyes again however this time I wasn't pretending to sleep I really did fall asleep, but it was a restless sleep with all the images of the day from before filling my head.
About an hour or so after someone else came in to check on me, I knew this cos I was awake again what did that think I was going to do climb out the window. I heard them leave and the talking ended "she's still asleep" I hear a gruff voice say it was strange the voice sounded almost like party poisons but I knew it wasn't so I just reclosed my eyes I needed to leave these stupid feelings behind 'wait feelings that's my problem I need to get some of those meds ' I suddenly sat straight up not realizing the girl was sitting in the corner staring at me "are you ok" she asked walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed "if I said yes it would be a lie" I replied
"you were talking in your sleep, your worried aren't you" she said looking at me
"How can I not be" I replied before quickly faking a yawn "I'm still rather tired I think I might get a bit more sleep"
"oh ok I'll leave you then but please don't do anything stupid" she said before leaving the room 'wait a moment I didn't say anything about that in my sleep did I' I thought laying back down as the sunlight started to fade, I could hear all the other killjoys saying good night before taking off, I heard danger knight come back in the room I kept my eyes she I didn't want him to think I was awake, it was a few moments later I felt the warmth of his lips on the side of my face 'no don't you dare lay down beside me' I thought I knew he still loved me and I still loved him but not the same way but I knew I was lying to myself it was the same and that was why I couldn't risk his safety.
I could feel myself falling into a restless sleep again I knew I couldn't run away just yet it wasn't just knowing it would break his heart the fact he was now laying next to me with his arm held firmly around my waist I seemed to drift back into consciousness for a moment it was at that moment he whispered in my ears "I promise I will never let you go." It was then that I felt the tears slipping down my face again how could I keep denying my feelings for him when he is always there to keep me safe even when I ran he found me even though I idolised the fabulous killjoys and possibly even started crushing on them at one point but Danger was always my saviour.
The night went on just like it used to back before the war and the pain that came with it, I felt safe in his arms and I wished I could stay there forever I didn't want the morning to come. I started finding myself restless again as I began to dream we were sleeping safely until we hear ray gun fire outside securing out masks we ran out of the room to make sure Dr d and the girl were safe then once we were sure with ray guns in hand we ran outside to see show pony and the other four killjoys fighting Dracs and they were losing Danger looked at me "save yourself I'll hold them off" he said forcing me back inside and shutting the door 'no you can't do this you can't' were the thoughts pouring through my mind as I went to open the door but I was stopped by Dr D's voice "they'll be fine" I didn't believe him and I wasn't going to let this happen quickly I opened the door but the fight was over the Dracs had been defeated, the other killjoys were injured but then I saw it a site that made me cry Danger my love lying on the ground "w…we're sorry Angel we couldn't save him" Peroxide Princess said placing her hand on my shoulder as they all came inside. It was then that I jolted awake accidentally knocking Danger out of bed in the process "Angel are you ok" he asked getting back up but I couldn't answer I was frozen in fear 'it was just a dream' I thought over and over again "angel talk to me please" said Danger a strong sense of urgency in his voice it was almost as if he was worried but I couldn't speak it was then that he sat beside me taking my face in his hands like he used to always do. "Angel please don't do this now we need you" he said his strong voice melting though my ears and I relaxed my eyes no longer wide, all my fear seemed to fade away "I…I had a bad dream" was all I said looking down I could see the sunlight starting to seep in through the window I had lost my chance to run at least for now but as soon as he turns his back even though I know it'll break his heart I would cos I couldn't let my dream become a reality I wouldn't let him die for me.
