Note: I was working with a Beta, but they ran off without finishing the process. I can't promise perfection or if everything is consistent. I've tried. Sorry for the loooong delay. Ugh, I hate leaving author notes. Oh well. If anything is wrong/messed up, please let me know!
Chapter 4: Confusion and Happiness
"Ron!" Harry called out to the red head he saw heading around the corner. It had been a few days and he had yet to hear anything from Ron or Hermione. Harry pushed his way through the crowd to follow the blob of red walking away. In the few classes he shared with Ron, he had moved his seat far away from him. At meals he would either eat in a different spot or find someone else to fill the spot Harry normally had. Harry had just stopped going to meals. He was not starving himself. He would just go to the kitchens and grab a snack.
With a sigh he gave up his chase, Ron obviously wanted to get away, and, in this crowd, there was no way Harry was going to catch up to him. Harry had only made it a few feet into the opposing movement of the other students and was already winded. He found an alcove and sat down. He was feeling a lot weaker than normal lately. It was likely just the weather or maybe the lack of food. He had been eating light, but he was used to that. He stayed there for a few minutes until he decided to get up. The crowd had thinned as classes were starting. Harry had this time free though. He had progressed far enough in Transfigurations that McGonagall had given him independent study time. He headed towards the library to find Hermione. 'I really need to see her about Draco… I don't want to decide this on my own.'
He hurried to the halls and quietly entered the library. He looked down every isle he came to in search of the bushy brown hair he was so familiar with. He was nearing the back of the library, all hope almost gone, when he spotted her in the restricted section. The door was surprisingly unlocked. He walked in and tapped her on the shoulder, "Hey, Hermione." 'When did it become Hermione over Mione?'
She turned, a large tome in her hands, and replied without looking up, "Hey, Harry. I'm in the middle of something, is it important?"
'She isn't even looking up. She isn't even acknowledging me. ' He wanted to scream at her, 'Yes, it bloody hell is important! I'm dreaming about taking it up the arse from Draco!' He wanted to shake some sense into her. She had always been more observant than he wanted. She had always been so damn clever. She had always cared. She had always been willing to listen. He turned around and walked away. As he was leaving, he thought he heard someone absently call his name, but he continued on. He would decide on his own.
Head down, he stared at the ground as he walked back towards his room. It would not matter if he went to class or not. He had already turned in the homework for the next week. No sleep was handy every now and then. As much as it had been happening, he was feeling a little wobbly and weak on his feet. He hated sleeping. He really needed to, but he hated it. He could never sleep for long. His nightmares always came back. 'Except for when Draco kissed me good night…' He sighed and kicked at an imaginary rock on the ground. His musings were rather interrupted as someone shoved him into the wall. He tried to turn as he was shoved, but it ended up with him smacking face first into the wall. He heard a crack as his glasses broke on impact. He turned to see his attacker but everything was too blurry. All he could make out was a floating head of red.
'Why… why does Ron hate me so much?' A tear trickled down his cheek as he limped to his room. 'Must have twisted it when I tried turning.' A flare of pain shot up his leg with every step, but he was used to physical pain. He was used to emotional pain too, just this hurt so much. 'I want Draco.' That thought stopped him for a moment. He wanted Draco. Not Hermione to comfort him. Not his blade to release him. Draco. He wanted Draco to hold him. He limped in another direction heading to Draco's last class of the day. He would wait there for him.
Ancient Runes let out a few minutes late. Draco scowled. It had been a boring day without Harry. How the git had managed to get out of classes without any point penalties was beyond Draco. Every teacher had smiled when he mentioned the golden boy's absence. 'He is so infuriating at times. Not only does he miss all of his classes but all the teachers are giving him good marks. What the bloody hell!' It was on this note he finally finished packing his things and walked out the door. He was the last to leave so he closed the door behind him to give the teacher his privacy for grading. As he turned from the door he was startled when he heard a very familiar voice call out, "Draco."
He looked across the hall into the alcove and saw none other than his Harry with a small grin on his face. Draco schooled his mask into place before he walked over and kneeled down by the sitting boy. "Hey Harry, I didn't expect to see you today after you have missed EVERY class. Why do you think you…" A growl was drawn from his throat as he took in Harry's appearance. His glasses were broken in his hands. He had scraps on his face along with a bruise. His right ankle was swollen as well. "Bloody, Harry, what happened to you?" Draco's mask fell off as his concern over rode his years of training.
Harry smiled, "Don't worry about it, Draco. Would you mind helping me to my room? I can't seem to walk any further."
Draco growled, "I am not going to drop this for good. We will talk later." Draco grabbed Harry's offered hand and pulled the smaller boy to his feet. He wrapped Harry's arm around his shoulder and wrapped his own around Harry's waist. It felt nice to have the other boy's heat on his side. He shivered and had to fight hard to school his features. He wanted to give Harry a chance to decide. He did not want to just jump him as that would scare him off.
It only took a few minutes before they were at Harry's room. Harry waved his hand and released all of the locking charms. They entered the room and Draco lowered him onto an arm chair near the door. While Harry wandlessly recasted the locking charms, Draco kneeled and examined the twisted ankle. He pulled out his wand and casted a few spells on it. The swelling went down and the pain severely dropped. With that done he looked at Harry's face as he clucked his tongue in irritation and casted a few more spells. Looking at Harry's broken glasses, he decided to take something that had bothered him into his own hands. He searched his memory for the right incantation and pointed his wand at Harry's eyes.
Harry stuttered when he saw the wand so close, "Wha… what are you doing, Draco?" Draco ignored him and cast a rather long spell in Latin. A glow formed on the end of the wand and darted into both eyes. Harry yelped as sudden warmth spread from his eyes to the rest of his head. He covered both eyes with his hands as he weakly tried to kick Draco. "What the hell, Draco! What did you do to my eyes?"
Draco smugly smirked then sighed in irritation. It was not as much fun to smirk if the person you were doing it to refused to open their eyes. "Open your eyes so you can see my smirk, git."
Harry frowned and moved his hands away as he slowly opened his eyes. The light burned for the briefest of moments, but it passed quickly and Harry opened his mouth, unable to form words. 'I can see! Without glasses!'
Draco smirked again as Harry looked up at him. The smirk was quickly dropped as Harry moved a hand and cupped Draco's cheek. Draco moved his face into the touch and closed his eyes. Harry didn't know why he was doing it, but he leaned forward and pulled Draco down with his other hand into a kiss. It was a light and feathery kiss that ended all too quickly for Draco's liking.
"Sorry." Harry said as he blushed profusely. The color lighted his cheeks and stained down his neck. Draco chuckled as he took in the sight. He refused to blink or reply for a moment so he could absorb the sight into his memory.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Harry. I quite liked it." He chuckled as Harry's blush deepened. "Have you given any further thought to my question?"
At this Harry dropped his head and stared at the rug as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Draco's heart dropped for a moment. He was sure the kiss had been a sign it was okay to press forward. Was it still too soon? Had he screwed everything up? Before he could have a break down, Harry grabbed one of Draco's hands and played with it with both hands. The contact sent a spark up Draco's spine. Maybe he had not screwed up yet.
"I…," Harry stumbled, "I… I'm not sure for sure yet. Can I sleep on it, please?" Harry looked up with doubt and insecurity in his eyes. Draco swallowed the lump in his throat. 'Damn, he so has me wrapped right around his finger.' Draco sighed and nodded. He stood to go when Harry captured his hand again. Harry was not looking at Draco though. Harry had taken additional interest into the pattern on the rug. Draco was mystified as a Harry's blush turned a deeper red and traveled farther down, below the neck line. Draco raised an eyebrow in question and waited for Harry to explain.
"Would you… could you… would you mind… ?"
Harry still did not look up as Draco chuckled and kneeled in front of Harry again. Draco lifted Harry's head to they were looking eye to eye. "I am sorry, but all I got out of that was would you and night."
Harry tried to look down but repeated himself slower, "Would you please spend the night with me?"
Harry turned his head slightly. It could not be the sort of invitation his dirty mind wanted to twist it into, could it? "What exactly do you mean? I can come back after dinner for a little bit if that is what you want, is it?"
Harry looked a little crestfallen when he mentioned coming back later. He decided to try a different approach, "Or did you mean stay here, get the house elves to send us dinner, and talk some, almost like a date?" Draco winked at the end, eliciting a chuckle from Harry along with another round of blushing. 'If I can keep him blushing like that for the rest of my life, I swear I will try my best to do it every minute I can. So beautiful.'
"Well, I meant spend the night, but everything else included would be nice too." At this Harry managed to snap his head out of Draco's clutches and to observe the rug some more. Draco was shocked to say the least. 'Spend the night?'
"Where would I sleep, Harry?"
The blush deepened, "With me, prat. We would keep our clothes on. I… I just like it when you hold me…"
Draco smiled and startled the smaller boy by swooping him up into his arms. He bridal style carried Harry to the bed and laid him down, who was still blushing like crazy. Draco kicked off his shoes and pulled Harry's off at the same time. He jumped up on the bed, bouncing Harry a little in the process, and cozied up behind Harry. He wrapped an arm around Harry's waist and sighed in contentment. "Like this, Harry?"
"…yea. Like this."
Harry smiled. He was warm. He was content. He was happy here. Was it what he wanted though? Was the person behind the warmth and comfort who he needed? What about a family? What about Ron and Hermione? What would Mrs. Weasley think? He pushed the insecurities aside and decided to enjoy the moment for now. He soon dozed off into a deep and restful sleep.
It was not for a few hours before he woke up. He was cold and alone on top of the sheets. He frowned as he felt around the bed. 'Where is Draco?'
"Hey, sleepy head." A warm hand lightly traced his cheek and he smiled.
"Draco!"
Draco chuckled and crawled into bed next to Harry. He wrapped his arms around Harry's waist again and smiled when he heard a small moan come from Harry. "So warm, Dray."
Draco rested his head on Harry's shoulder and tightened his grip possessively. "Dray, is it?"
All he heard back was a muffled, "Mmm hmm." He squeezed Harry one last time before he lightly shook Harry and unwrapped his arm.
"Come on, Harry. You slept all the way through dinner. I asked Dobby to make us something special to eat."
"…mmm… not hungry Dray."
Draco chuckled and leaned close to Harry's ear and blew warm air on it as he spoke, "But I thought you would enjoy the strawberries with chocolate dipping sauce along with chocolate tart."
Draco's breathing stilled for a moment in response to the moan his ministrations on Harry's ear had elicited from the smaller boy.
"Only if you hold me while we eat."
Draco's smile was brilliant enough to blind as he pulled his sleepy Harry out of bed and sat him down at the transfigured couch in front of a small table. There was a small plate with pizza on it next to bowls filled with various fruit. In the middle of the table was a miniature chocolate fountain. Despite his claim of not being hungry, Harry ate a generous portion of the pizza followed by a sickening amount of chocolate covered fruit and chocolate covered tart. There were a few awkward moments when Harry caught Draco openly staring at Harry's mouth as he sucked the chocolate off of a strawberry, but it was a glorious time. Harry thoroughly enjoyed himself for the first time in a long time.
When the food was finished and cleared away by the house elves, Harry looked at Draco thoughtfully. 'Normally I would call him a prat, but he has been rather sweet. The Draco I used to know would never have arranged for something like this. Why me? Why does he like me when even Ron hates me for some reason?'
"Knut for your thoughts, Harry?"
Harry turned and looked into Draco's eyes. 'Well, it's not like Hermione has given me any time to ask her. I guess I'm on my own with this one.' Harry swallowed nervously and tugged Draco behind him towards the bed. Harry pulled off his shirt and pants and crawled under the sheet, waiting for Draco to follow. When Draco did not immediately follow, Harry looked up and reached a hand out towards the boy, silently imploring him to follow. Draco took off his pants and shirt as well then climbed under the blankets with Harry. Harry immediately cuddled up to Draco, both of their faces inches apart.
"Draco, "whispered Harry quietly, "if I ask you something, would you answer me honestly?"
Draco reached a hand out and stroked Harry's cheek as he replied, "Yes, anything you want to know I will tell, if it is mine to tell."
Harry nodded and closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of Draco's fingers on his face. He silently built up his courage to ask, "Why do you like me?"
Draco's fingers stilled as he digested the question. 'Why do I like him? Is he so blind he cannot see himself?' Draco sighed and resumed the movement of his fingers. "Why do I like you? Are you really that blind, Harry?"
Harry did not respond vocally. He kept his eyes closed and nodded. Draco smiled, "First, you are too damn handsome for your own good. If you think about it, Harry, we have always been passionate towards one another. Before it was animosity, now it isn't. I was confused before. I adored my parents. I worshipped the ground they walked on. I was raised to be proud and to remind others I was better than them. Everything I was taught was shattered when I saw my proud father bend before Voldemort and kiss his hem. My father acted like a simple peasant. I was so confused for so long. I have only now started to make sense of it. I think my parents were right in a way. It is good to be proud. It is good to be intelligent. It is good to treasure your family above others. It is good as long as you stick with it. However, it is not good to be ignorant and blindly follow in the name of power. It is not good to turn your back on the values you claim to hold. Can you understand that, Harry?"
Harry nodded but refused to open his eyes or to speak. Draco ploughed forward, "When my father died, I thought I would be broken. I thought I would mourn him and seek revenge. Instead, I fled for comfort, safety and as far from his empty shell as I could. I never cried over his death. I have cried over the fact that I really didn't love my father, but I never cried for the man who was my father. When I ran from his dead corpse, where did I go?"
At this Draco gripped Harry's jaw with his hand lightly, "I ran to you. I ran to you and your foolish friends who thought they could stand up against a dark lord. I helped you. I ended up giving my own mother up. True, it was for her own good, but I still betrayed my family. If I had to do it again, I would. Do you know why, Harry?"
Harry shook his head, brows knitted in confusion. "I did it because of you, Harry. I saw you with your friends up close for once. I saw your pain, but I also saw your loyalty. Even when things were dark and maddening, you and your friends remained together. You held them up when they needed it. They held you up when you needed it. The atmosphere around all of you was warm, gentle, kind and prideful, in a way. You took pride in each other's successes and each other's failures. I realized I wanted that. I wanted to be cared for, and I wanted someone to care for. I wanted someone who would be loyal and who I would be proud to be loyal to."
Draco stopped and chuckled at this point. "Given, I never imagined I would want you, Harry. At the time I was slightly resentful that I had to turn over my mother and some of my old friends. When it was all over though and Voldemort was dead, I watched you in the hospital until you were better. Since then, I haven't been able to get you out of my head. I want you, Harry. Question is do you want me? Do you like me?"
A tear worked its way out of Harry's closed eyes and onto the blanket below. Draco kissed the trail left behind by the offending water. His Harry should never cry. His Harry should never know distress. The notion of Harry being his filled Draco with a strong warm feeling throughout his chest.
"Can I still sleep on it, Draco?"
Draco's heart fell again. 'Can you sleep on it? No! I need to know, Harry. It is driving me mad not knowing!' "Sure, Harry."
The next morning was slightly awkward, but they managed to get through it. Harry blushed red the entire time, starting as soon as he realized why he was so warm. He was in Draco's arms. It calmed him so much to be in those arms. They each dressed quickly and headed off to breakfast. Draco would likely have an inquiring Pansy on his hands. 'She's going to think I jumped him last night or something.'
When they reached the Great Hall, Draco hugged Harry briefly before entering the hall and sitting down at Slytherin. Harry hurried over to the end of the Gryffindor table and grabbed a few biscuits and bacon to nibble on. His eyes continually strayed to the Slytherin table to look at Draco as he considered the possibilities of dating him. Would he stay the same? Would he return to his cold hearted persona? 'Will he hurt me like everyone else?'
He was slightly distracted from his thoughts as he observed Pansy next to Draco. She would usually be all over him, literally trying to grope him at the breakfast table. This morning her cheeks were stained a faint pink, and she kept stealing glances over at the Ravenclaw table. He followed the gaze to Luna, who he noticed was staring right back with a smile on her face. 'Hmm... I wonder if Luna finally made her move? I hope so. It's about bloody time.'
It was afternoon on the next day and Harry was livid. Potions had been a disaster. Ron had sabotaged his potion. Slughorn had been busy elsewhere so failed to notice. Needless to say Harry was not happy having to redo all of the work. Even having to redo it, though, he was still finished before Ron and his partner. Also, Draco had been quiet and reserved during the class, which made Harry worried. Had he offended Draco asking him to wait? Had Draco changed his mind? To top that off, all of his teachers and several students pestered him about his health throughout the day.
"Oh, you look pale, Harry…"
"Are you getting enough sleep?"
"You should really try to eat more for breakfast…"
"Are those bags under your eyes, young man? Sleep is an important function, especially for growing young boys…"
All day he was relentlessly hounded. He needed release and he needed it now. Instead of heading to his last class, he stormed towards his room and slammed the door behind him. He was digging in his trunk when he heard the door open and close behind him. Terrified of his dark friend being seen, he tucked it back into its sheath and turned around to face the intruder. His anger melted when he saw shimmering silver eyes boring into his.
"Draco…"
"Harry, " Draco interrupted, "I've been thinking and I'm worried. Are you okay? You seemed to sleep last night, but after watching you all day I'm not sure. Are you sleeping enough? You haven't been eating that much either, and don't try to tell me otherwise. You might fool Granger by banishing your food, but you can't fool me."
Harry's temper returned full force. All of the earlier aggravation stemmed to the front of his mind and blinded his rational side. This was Draco, but at the moment he envisioned everyone who had pestered him today, "Why the bloody hell does it matter? Why do you bloody care?"
Draco was stunned. He was sincerely concerned. 'What bloody hell makes him think he can yell at me for being concerned?' Draco was about to retaliate when he caught sight of Harry's eyes. They burned with anger. Harry was panting, obviously strained near the point of breaking. Draco sighed. He loved the git, and Harry obviously had yet to catch on.
"Haven't I made it obvious to you yet, Harry?"
Draco's voice was smooth and calm. Part of Harry had expected an enraged Draco to retaliate, to take the bait and argue. However, another side of Harry had desperately hoped for some reassurance. He wanted someone to just hold him right now. He wanted release, and Draco promised that.
"What?" Harry managed to stutter back.
Draco sighed with a slight smile on his face, "I love you, you git."
Harry's heart stopped in that moment. All time and meaning stopped as he absorbed the words. 'Draco… loves…me? Why? I don't get it… but… but he said it. Draco said it. He loves me! Who cares why, he loves me!'
Harry fell to the ground and sobbed. Draco, eyebrows knit in confusion and concern swooped down to comfort the frail boy. "Harry, are you okay?" Draco didn't receive a verbal response as Harry continued to cry. He had wrapped his arms around his knees, slightly rocking in Draco's embrace. Draco soothed him with comforting words whispered in his ear and by gently rubbing circles on his back.
When Harry had calmed down, Draco found himself on the receiving end of a very passionate kiss. This one was not light or feathery like their others. This was forceful and needy. Draco moaned his approval of the kiss as he licked Harry's lips, seeking entrance. The lips parted slightly and Draco took the opportunity and shoved his tongue deep inside Harry's mouth. Harry moaned as Draco explored the various corners of his mouth. When they released for breathe, Draco noticed tears on Harry's face. He carefully licked each tear path off of his beloved's face.
"What's wrong, Harry? Why are you crying? Are you okay?"
Harry smiled as he reached a hand out and pulled his fingers through Draco's blond hair, "I'm ok. I am more than okay. You are the first person to actually tell me that. It… it… it feels so good."
Draco frowned. 'The first person to tell him that? What about his family? The Golden Trio? The Weasleys?' He was about to ask before Harry continued, "Well, Hermione and Mrs. Weasley have, but I'm really not interested in either of them that way."
Draco chuckled and Harry smiled. He still had tear tracks on his cheeks, but his smile was brilliant and blinding to Draco. He loved to see his Harry smile, and he would give anything to keep that smile there. "So, Harry, does this mean you will be my boyfriend?"
"Yeah." Harry blushed and looked down as he grabbed one of Draco's hands and played with it.
"Are you ready for that though? And don't even think of yelling at me. I'm concerned and have every right to be."
Harry nodded. "I… I am ready to date you Draco."
Draco pulled Harry close and wrapped his arms. It was heavenly to just hold him like this. Draco smiled as he sighed, "I meant are you ready for everyone to know? The Prophet will have something to say along with the entire population of Britain. Your fan club will storm the walls and Creevey will be sneaking in to take pictures. Are you ready for that?"
Harry frowned and looked down. Draco continued as Harry thought it over, "I would do my best to protect you from it, and I am sure McGonagall would be willing to help. Just some will get through. No one can stop the other students from saying things, but I would be right there with you the whole time."
Harry brought his hands to hold onto Draco's wrapped around him, "Do you not want to tell everyone?"
Draco shook his head, "No, I want to tell everyone. I want to climb on top of the head table and scream across the Great Hall that I am yours and you are mine. I want to tell my Mother. I want to be the one who leaks it to the Prophet. But. I won't do that unless you want me to, Harry."
Harry shuddered and tensed as Draco spoke. He wanted to tell everyone; he really did. Just he could not do that yet. He was already stressed to the point he needed his release every day almost. He didn't want to make it worse. Besides now he had Draco. No one would have to know about it. Draco could be his release.
"I would prefer if we could keep it secret for now, Dray. I don't think I could take all of that right now."
"Okay, Harry. Just remember I might have to act my part though I promise to not let anyone else kiss me nor will I kiss them, ok?"
Harry nodded and relaxed into Draco's embrace. It felt so right to Harry to be wrapped up in Draco's warm arms. He was getting sleepy though. He broke free from Draco's arms and pulled Draco up with him. He stripped to his boxers and slipped into bed. This time Draco didn't need an invitation. He slipped out of his robes and other clothing then followed Harry into the bed. He spooned up behind Harry and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy. Harry smiled as he felt sleep's approach. His friends were unavailable. Ron was a total ass. But. He had Draco.
"Night, night, Dray."
"Good night, Harry."
