With Open Eyes

Chapter Four

E: I'm on your porch with flowers and a smile.

Bella read the text as she fiddled with an earring and rushed to the door. She paused for just a moment to admire the silhouette of broad shoulders framed in her screen door and forced herself to calm down.

"Hi," she said as she opened the screen door.

His smile seemed to reflect hers as he handed her a pot of rose-colored poinsettias. "Hi."

"They're lovely," she said as she set them on a table near her porch window. "Come on in."

He wiped his feet as he entered and hung his coat on the coat rack near the door.

"This was always a sweet place when Grandma Swan was alive. I'm glad you've kept it." She watched his eyes roam over the floors that had been sanded and refinished, the once yellowed walls she had spackled and painted in a warm cream, and the woven rugs she had made that defined the dining and seating areas. "You've done a lot."

She smiled, pleased that he approved, and motioned for him to follow her to the kitchen. "I'm whittling at it as I have money and time."

She pointed to the kitchen table before turning her attention back to dinner. She could feel him watching her every movement.

She cleared her throat. "How was your day?"

"I worked on Matt Olson's car. It needed a new brake job. How was your day?"

She stirred the green beans before answering. "I work part-time at the elementary school library, and today, we had a reading circle for the kindergarten and first graders. I read Polar Express and Bear Stays Up for Christmas. I love all the Bear stories—Bear Snores On; Bear Wants More—they're great."

She knew she was rambling, but it felt good to talk, to have someone listen.

"I'd like to hear you read all of the Bear stories."

The tender tenor of his voice stilled her hands for a moment. She took a breath and continued to turn the pork chops in the cast iron frying pan. "Maybe someday."

Silence lay thick between them as the air of the domestic scene swirled and filled them with longing.

Edward cleared his throat. "Can I help? I've been fending for myself for some time."

That struck a chord with her, and she shut the cabinet door hard. "Where have you been for the past eight years?"

She heard him take a deep breath and hold it. She stirred the sawmill gravy and waited.

"Okay, I guess it's time to talk about it."

She whirled to face him flinging gravy against the refrigerator. "It's past time—about eight years past."

He didn't look at her as he grabbed a kitchen towel off the counter and wiped the fridge. "You're right. Serve up dinner, and we'll talk. Fair?"

She turned back to the stove with her heart racing. "Fair enough."

Edward stared at his knife as it spread butter across his biscuit and felt her heartache pressing down on him. "That night, James wanted me to ride along with him to a party out in Belmont."

She took a sip of her sweet tea and waited for more. Edward squared his shoulders and continued.

"James was taking pills and joints to the party, and your dad pulled us over. It gave him the leverage he needed to separate us. I was let off with a warning if I went to live with my Uncle Eleazar and Aunt Carmen in Alaska. I sat in Carlisle's study watching him explain my screw up to Uncle Eleazar, and then I had to listen to Aunt Esme cry at the foot of my bed while I packed. I wasn't allowed to call Charlie Swan's daughter to explain. Uncle Carlisle drove me to the airport in the morning, and I was in the air while you were in homeroom."

A tear rolled down her cheek and hesitated on her chin before dropping to the tablecloth. She cleared her throat. "Why didn't you call, write when you got there? Something?"

He gave up trying to eat and took her hand to lead her into the living room. He sat on the slipcovered sofa and pulled her down next to him. He pulled his leg up to rest between them and turned to face her.

"Bella, your dad told Carlisle he had evidence with my fingerprints on it. If I contacted you in any way, he would reopen the case, and I would have charges brought against me. James did eight months as an adult. Carlisle wasn't going to let me have that fate. I had hurt them so much already. I couldn't go against him. After a while, I figured you had moved on."

She picked at a loose thread on a throw on the arm of the couch. "My dad did all that?"

"Bella, your dad has always resented me. I made mistakes that night, for sure, but I was a kid."

She leaned her head against the back of the couch and looked at him. "I missed you."

His eyes glistened, "I missed you too—so much."

"Why would you think I would move on?"

Edward looked away to keep the bitter pain from showing.

"Edward?"

He swallowed thickly against the lump in his throat. "You never said it."

She frowned. "Said what?"

He shook his head and looked at Bo lying by the tree—such a sweet old guy.

"Edward?"

Edward closed his eyes. "Bella, how many times, how many ways did I tell you I loved you?"

She stared at the string on the throw. "Oh."

He gritted his teeth and forced out the words that wrapped around his heart like a vice, "You never once said it back."

Bella leaned back as if slapped. "And you left me. I knew you would. You were always talking about traveling, leaving."

"Bella …"

Silence fell between them as the wounds of the past lay open.

She placed her hand on the cushion between them, and he wrapped his hand around hers.

"Why did you come back now?" she whispered.

He drew their joined hands onto his knee. "This town has always been where I wanted to be. It was like a mirage I could never reach. When Emmett asked me to partner with him in the shop, it gave me the way to come back, to come home." He scooted closer. "I'll tell you the truth, Bella. I came back to build a life here, in the town I love. But I also came back to make you a part of that life in any way you feel comfortable."

She leaned her head against his shoulder. "I missed you."

He wrapped his arm around her and drew her closer. "Did you love me, Bella?"

He felt her stiffen and play with his button. "Yes," she whispered.

"Do you think you could again?"

She nodded, and that was enough for now.

They sat wrapped around each other as the shadows of the room lengthened. Bella heard the whispered confession before she realized she was speaking.

"You know my mom left when I was seven."

He nodded and rubbed his hand down her arm.

"I didn't tell you—anybody—what happened before she left. Dad and Momma had been arguing for days. He would stomp around and slam doors, and she would cry and hug me until I had trouble breathing. The last night at dinner, Momma was trying not to cry over the meatloaf on her plate and all of the sudden Dad picked up his plate and threw it over our heads to shatter against the wall behind us. I felt a shard hit my arm and rubbed it as Dad stormed out of the house and roared off in his truck. I fell asleep with my mom crying in the next room and woke up with no one there to make breakfast."

"I'm sorry, baby," Edward whispered warmly against her hair.

She sat back to look him in the eye, and he wiped her tears away with his thumb. "I'm saying you are not the first person to leave me because my Dad hurt them."

Edward nodded and swallowed before tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I don't want you to ever hurt again, Bella. I want you happy. I want to be the one who makes you happy."

She melted against him and hugged him around his middle as she rested her head on his shoulder. "Coming back has made me happy, Edward."

When Edward's stomach growled, she laughed.

Leading him by the hand back to the kitchen, she warmed up the food, and they ate with sweet, hopeful glances. While she was making coffee to go with the cookies, Jangles kept Edward company. They took dessert out to the front porch to watch the snow fall in a lazy curtain. It would be gone by midday tomorrow, but it was beautiful to watch in the glow of the Christmas lights.

Edward and Bella snuggled under the throw, feeding bites of cookie to each other as Bo and Jangles lay at their feet enjoying a cookie of their own.

Cocooned in his warmth, Bella was drifting toward sleep when she felt his lips on her forehead. She leaned her head back in invitation. He ran his finger down her cheek before pressing his lips to hers. She ran her hand into his hair, and he angled to deepen the kiss.

One kiss more and he pulled back. "It's still there," he whispered.

She smiled. "It is still there."