A/N:
Hi, faithful reviewers!
I'm sorry for not updating
in-*checks watch* four months, but I've had a Cheetos bag full of work to do…(Hey,
if you've ever tried to eat a whole bag of Cheetos, especially the Flaming Hot
kinds, you know that you can't finish it for months-unless you have a VERY high
tolerance for pain.) Mmm…Cheetos…@_@
Augh! Ehe…anyhoo, thanks for snapping
me out of my zoned trance…I'll be updating more frequently. BLAST YOU, SEMESTER EXAMS!!! BLAST YOU TO HECK!!!
Ahem. Have fun, and please review some
more! Now it's expected! ^_~
~Rei
VGtZ: Part Four: The Quest Begins…
//When we last left our intrepid duo, they were starting their obviously-prolonged-and-totally-pointless trek for the holy rabbit, an entity only known to mortals as COMMANDER BUN-BUN. Thus, the saga continues…//
*Setting: The wilds of Zimbabwe. Oddly enough, it looks like the set for Tarzan, King of the Apes. Quelle coincidence.*
Voldemort: *batting branches and ferns aside* Any sign of him, my faithful lackey?
Lucius: *being smart and using a severing charm to get the foliage out of his way* None at all…*strained* my liege…
Voldemort: Keep looking. I didn't hire you for your brains, anyway. I hired you for your ability to look for my rabbit.
Lucius: That made absolutely no sense.
Voldemort: Think, Lucius. Think REALLY hard.
Lucius: Do you mean to say that all your minions are nothing but glorified bunny caretakers?!
Voldemort: Wow, first try! Smart monkey!
Lucius: I am not a monkey.
Voldemort: You're a lackey.
Lucius: I am not a lackey.
Voldemort: You're a minion.
Lucius: I am not a minion.
Voldemort: YOU ARE WHATEVER I SAY YOU ARE, AND YOU'LL LIKE IT, DAMMIT!!!
Lucius: *cowers and whimpers* Yes, Master… *takes out Nathaniel and cuddles with it* Find a happy place…
Voldemort: Lucius, what ARE you doing?
Lucius: I'm restrengthening my self-esteem. It's important, you know. *squeezes Nathaniel, which makes a squeaking noise*
Voldemort: Ye Gods…Liberal ideas are spreading. It's a plague.
*Suddenly, an almost harmonic chorus of bloodcurdling screams is heard over the heavily canopied trees.*
Voldemort: COMMANDER BUN-BUN!!! He's THAT way!!! *points straight off another cliff*
Lucius: *puts Nathaniel away* I don't think he'll be off another cliff, Master…
Voldemort: Nonsense. It's entirely conceivable. Come, my loyal minion. *runs to edge of cliff*
Lucius: Yes, Master… *follows*
*The two look down the gorge and see pure pandemonium. A tribal village of wild Tiki Tiki men lays in ruin, flame and pieces of teepee scattered around the settlement. The natives themselves are either running about in large circles or laying dead in rather uncomfortable-looking positions.*
Voldemort: My beloved Commander Bun-Bun has been here! I'm gonna investigate! *runs and jumps off cliff* GERONIMO!!!
Lucius: MASTER!!! *jumps off* GERONIMO!
An Indian Who Just Happened To Be There At That Very Moment: *jumps off* ME!!!
*Lucius and Voldemort (the Indian disappeared in midair-ooh, Magic!) fall into a pool of deep-*
Lucius: SH%*&@#$, THAT'S COLD!!!!!!!!! F$*&SH@%#^!!!!!!!!
*-And extremely frigid water. They surface and paddle their way to shore. They sit shivering on the bank for over an hour, lamenting their sad and sorry fates.*
Lucius: What sad and sorry fate?
//I'm the writer. You're supposed to be lamenting. SO LAMENT!!!//
Lucius: So YOU'RE the one responsible for this fiasco! How dare you!
Voldemort: Um, Lucius…cool it…
Lucius: I will NOT 'cool it'! Now is the time to be heard and I won't stand for this mistreatment any longer!!! In fact, I- *is silenced suddenly by a large iguana dropping from his mouth*
//That'll teach you.//
Voldemort: Lucius, I was about to say, since she's the author, she can do whatever she likes.
Lucius: That little- *a toad drops from his mouth* Erp.
Voldemort: I'm going to lament now. Joining me, Lucius?
Lucius: *nods*
*The two lament for an hour.*
Lucius: A-B-C-D-E-F-G, this whole day is boring me… *a new vile animal drops from his mouth on every syllable*
Voldemort: Can we stop lamenting now?
//Yes.//
Voldemort: Yay!
*The two get up and walk through the remainder of the village. Not surprisingly, no one is there besides the dead people, and dead people don't do anyone much good. So they finally reach the edge of the little village and they find a clue.*
Voldemort: What clue?
Lucius: *points*
*A piece of paper is pinned to a tree by a dagger.*
Voldemort: *runs over* *snatches paper from tree and reads aloud* 'Dear persons, we've stolen thy wee rabbit. Har har. If ye do not bring us a bottle of cedar scent, a hamster, and a pair of garden loppers, we shall sacrifice the beast to the great god Knicknackpaddywhack. HAHAHA. Love and cookies, The Knights who say Nee.' Well, this is inconvenient.
Lucius: No kidding. *a snake falls from mouth*
Voldemort: SNAKE!!! *runs over to snake and picks it up*
Lucius: What are you doing? *stomps on tarantula that falls from mouth*
Voldemort: Getting help. *begins to talk rapidly in Parseltongue*
Lucius: …………………
Voldemort: *listens while the snake talks back; Voldemort continues to talk in Parseltongue*
Lucius: *sings* Have you ever seen a windbag, a windbag, a windbag, have you ever seen a windbag, well there's one right now…*a whole wave of lizards erupts from his mouth*
Voldemort: *shouts* I KNOW WHERE COMMANDER BUN-BUN IS!!!
Lucius: NO! I mean, YES! *random creatures fall from mouth*
Voldemort: TO THE CATAPAULTS!!!
//To be continued…//
~fin for now
*He he…Sorry for the Liberal crack I put in there…I'm a Republican, you might have already guessed. ^_^;;; No offense meant, and if there was offense taken, please make your flames interesting. ^_^
