It was most certainly not how Clarke had imagined it.

The party had started at sundown. But the party included a feast and a very boring ceremony which was meant to honor the alliance and most specifically the River Clan, the newest member of the 13. It still felt odd to talk about the thirteen clans but since the defeat of the Mountain Men and the newfound peace between Sky People and Wood Clan, the 100 and everyone of the Ark were now a strong and important part of the alliance, both for their technology and the closeness (physical and not) to the Grounders.

It was definitely a different party than the others that the 100 had had until that moment. Monty had his home made booze, the Moonshine, and it had always been enough for the kids to be happy and excited and -after a while- extremely drunk, too. They had always managed to relax in such ways but of course it wasn't a great idea to wave a bottle of Moonshine in front of the Chancellor or the always-so-serious-and-depressed-looking Grounders, especially the Clans that hadn't lived with the Sky People long enough to understand or at least get used to their ways.
But it didn't take long to Jasper and Monty to let some Moonshine accidently fall into the drinks of everyone at the feast. The result? The majority of those present got drunk in less than 15 minutes. Pretty obvious, since no one of the Grounders had ever tasted something even remotely as strong as super alcohol.

'Congratulations guys. Once again you managed to do the dumbest thing possible', Clarke thought, but couldn't help secretly smiling to herself. After all, everyone was actually enjoying the party and having some fun, which Clarke thought they hadn't ever had. Not those on the Ark, nor those on the ground. Maybe this would made the bond stronger. Hangover buddies, as Octavia liked to say.

The Arkers were in slightly better conditions than the grounders but the following morning they would all see the consequences of the night.
Abby, one of the few that hadn't drunk almost anything and was fine, glared at her daughter when she passed by giving her a guilty look and an apologetic smile.

It was about 11pm but the night had just begun for Clarke and most of the 100. She had said that she would enjoy herself and relax and she was determined to stick to that thought. She walked over to her friends, who were laughing and telling jokes and swallowing enormous quantities of Moonshine, grabbed the bottle and took a deep sip of alcohol. It burnt while going down Clarke's throat. The flavor was bitter and left an even worst taste on the tongue, but Clarke didn't really care. That wasn't the point of drinking. She just wanted to let loose a little bit, she didn't even wanted to get drunk.

She spent some time with her friends, enjoying the company and the warmth of the fire, until she spot Lexa in the distance. The girl was intensely looking at her with an expression Clarke had never seen on her face. She was practically staring, burning a hole inside Clarke. She seemed, judging by her lascivious look, that she wanted to eat Clarke alive. The blonde felt a sudden urge to physically relieve the tension that that hungry look on the Commander's face was building in her. She couldn't just act as if it wasn't a big deal that Lexa and her shared maybe something more than friendship, though. It wouldn't be appropriate to show their affection in public. Right? It took Clarke less than a second to shake off that thought of indecision.

She stood up right away and her head spun a bit, which made her realize that maybe she was a bit tipsy. She hadn't really thought about whether or not go talk to Lexa when everyone was standing there around them either, so she was probably more than just a bit tipsy. She just got up and walked over to her without thinking about it twice.

When Lexa saw her approaching, a wide smile appeared on her face. She had drunk, too, Clarke thought. She wouldn't be smiling like this otherwise, not in front of everyone. her eyes were fixed on the blonde, watching every move she made and lingering on her curves as she walked towards her. A smirk had then taken the place of the smile. As Clarke reached the Commander, Lexa pulled the other girl in for a hug.
'Definitely drunk', Clarke decided.

"Clarke", Lexa mumbled nuzzling against the blonde's neck. Her grip on the Sky girl's back was strong and yet gentle. A hand started to travel up and down her back. Clarke managed to silence a moan that tried to escape her mouth at the light touches.

"You smell good", Lexa continued while smiling against Clarke's skin. Clarke could feel the hot lips brushing against her pulse, sending shivers down her spine and building the heat inside of her. She was pretty sure half the camp was watching them, but she didn't really care. It felt nice, why would she push Lexa away and shut her out right now?
Their bodies were flushed against each other, tight to tight, hip to hip, chest to chest. Not an inch was separating them, not that either of them did mind or was bothered by it. The feeling to be so close was new to them both. They had shared moments of intimacy but this was something else, they had never been this close physically.

Lexa was breathing slowly against Clarke's skin, her grip on the blonde's back getting stronger while she gently pushed her nose right under her jaw. Clarke couldn't now control a moan that slipped out of her mouth, making Lexa grin and intensify her actions.

"Lexa. We- ugh- we should get out of here", Clarke managed to put together a few words before her breath caught in her throat as Lexa lowered her head to place a kiss on Clarke's collarbone and nipped at her skin there. Lexa simply hummed in response, but without showing any will to part from the blonde.

"Lexa", she repeated.

"Clarke", the Heda whispered in her ear, still without pulling away.

"CLARKE!". Both girls jumped startled at the unexpected and extremely loud voice that came from behind them. They loosened their hug and regain a bit of composure, a low groan escaping both Clarke's and Lexa's throats, already missing the contact and the warmth of their bodies close.

Octavia is standing right in front of them, hands on the hips, with a not too happy look on her face.

"Clarke what the hell you think you're doing?", she blurted out. She seemed pretty annoyed, Clarke thought.

"I'm enjoying myself. What are you doing? That's the second time that you walk in on us."

"I didn't really walk in on you guys. And you know why? Because we're in the middle of the camp. Out. In the open. Where everyone can see you. And that includes your mom, if you're wondering. And before you do anything I'm sure you would regret tomorrow morning, I think it's best if you, like, keep your hands off each other for now?"

"You're such a buzzkill, O". Clarke grumbled although she understood what Octavia meant. She looked at Lexa and fought against her instinct to capture the brunette's lips despite the presence of Octavia and the others scattered around the camp. Clarke gave the Commander an apologetic smile, hoping she too had understood the situation. Lexa returned the smile, and it took her everything not to give in and restart from where she had been interrupted by Octavia a while before.

Clarke let Octavia drag her away from the Commander and lead her to the small group of the 100 but not before stealing a glance at Lexa. The brunette was surprised by the look. It was different from the one Clarke had given her a while ago. That previous was filled with lust and want and hunger. This one was filled with affection. Happiness maybe? Lexa didn't know exactly but it lit anyway something in her. A feeling she hadn't felt for anyone for many years. It struck her. She stand there wide eyed and with her jaw slightly dropped, watching almost in awe the two girls walking away.

It took her a few seconds to recompose herself and shake off that feeling.
"Alcohol. It must be it. I must remember not to drink it again.", she thought. "It can't be what I think it is". She decided it wasn't important and it was due to the heavy drinking but when she looked back at Clarke, the girl was laughing at something one of her friends had said and she looked so beautiful, so breathtaking that Lexa couldn't tear her eyes from her.

She shook her head, hoping to regain a bit of control over her actions, and walked away to her tent after nodding at Indra and her generals and excusing herself, finally heading to her bed. Still, she couldn't shake off the confusion in her head.

When Clarke noticed that Lexa had gone sleeping, she returned her attention to her friends. It was not long after that she realized that there were only a couple of them still awake. She was sitting next to Octavia, and in front of them there were Bellamy and Raven seemed to be pretty involved in some weird conversation about mechanics -since when did Bellamy understand something of mechanics? really- .

The two girls were sitting without saying a word, until O broke the silence.

"Talk about what?"

"About you and Lexa obviously having a thing for each other?"

Clarke was taken a little aback by the question. She took a piece of leaf from the ground and started playing with it and then she tossed it into the fire.

"What are you asking?"

"Do you really want to know, Clarke? Because I remember pretty well how Lexa sounded the retreat right before the battle with the Mountain Men. I remember how she betrayed us all, how she betrayed you. Don't get me wrong, now things seem to have improved a bit at least and we are again part of the alliance. You know how I like it here, I like being a Grounder."

Octavia stopped, she threw a pebble towards the fire pit and then turned her head to Clarke. The blonde waited for her to go on.

"What I don't get is, how can you be so intimate with her? Just, how? After everything she did, how can you still trust her? I respect her as a Commander and I respect her decisions, but a relationship? That I would even think about starting". Octavia looked straight at Clarke, staring fiercely at her waiting for the girl to give her some answers.

Clarke took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second. Why had she forgiven her so easily? She hadn't really wondered why, she just felt like she had understood.

"Do you ever feel like you understand someone but you don't know what is it that makes you understand them? You just feel it. I guess I understand what she did, after what I did inside the mountain. I spent a lot of time alone, thinking and rethinking and being angry and wanting to shout or hit something, O. I wasted a lot of time, so much that I'm already tired of analyzing the details of everything. I just want to feel free and right now this freedom seems to identify with Lexa.

I know you don't understand this relationship of whatever this is, but when she found me in the woods and saved me and healed me, I just felt a connection with her. It was like finally finding someone who's on my side."

Clarke finished talking and looked right at Octavia, who was now staring at the fire in front of them. The brunette didn't seem to be wanting to pursue the conversation, so Clarke kept silent and continued to play absent-minded with pieces of sticks and leaves.

"I do understand", Octavia said breaking the silence a few minutes after. She looked at the blonde, holding her gaze for a while. "I just- I hope you know what you might get yourself into. She could do it again."

"She could, but she won't. I know it. I feel it. I saw it in her eyes when we were in the forest, the first moment I laid eyes on her after she had saved me. There was pain in her eyes, and guilt. I think she regretted her choice at the mountain. Well- not as a Commander but as a person", Clarke explained sure.

Octavia nodded. "I hope you're right, Clarke. I really do. And I know what I said after the missile but- "

"We're good, O", Clarke interrupted with the hint of a smile. The brunette smiled back, her shoulders relaxed and the tight grip on the log they were sitting on loosened.

They stayed there like this for another few minutes. It was getting cold in the night, probably it was about 2am and almost everyone was already gone to sleep. Clarke inhaled deeply, the cold of night filling her lungs. A shiver ran along her back, giving her goosebumps. She rubbed her hands on her own shoulder to get warmed up a bit. The fire was almost dying.

"What are you going to do with Lexa?", Octavia asked resuming their previous conversation.

"I don't know yet. I guess I'll just do what I feel moment by moment and maybe I should talk to her to see what she thinks about this. I can tell that we have a connection and I'm sure she feels it, too, but feeling and accepting are two very different things", she said with a sigh. "We should head to bed now, it's actually freezing out here".

Clarke stood up and tended her hand to Octavia to help her out. The brunette took it and once standing she extinguished the remaining bits of fire.

They walked towards the tents and wished each other goodnight.

Clarke let herself fall on the bed inside her own tent, the tent Lexa had ordered her men to build up for her. The bed was cold at the touch but it was covered with furs, so that Clarke wouldn't feel the bitter cold of night while sleeping. She slipped inside and tugged the covers up and above her head.

She closed her eyes as soon as her head hit the pillow. She had lots to figure out in the following days but she felt something building inside her, something that made her smile and somehow made her happy. She fell asleep with the face of Lexa imprinted on her mind.