Ignoring his comrades' terrified looks, Sergeant Guy pulled a huge Bob-omb out of nowhere. Mario and Private Goomp panicked and ran away, the Goombas trailing their leader, while Sergeant Guy chased after the two, with Corporal Paraplonk attempting to reason with the mad sergeant.
"Hah! Sidestepping won't work this time!" Sergeant Guy yelled as Mario attempted to get out of the way. "Nice try!"
"Dude! Chill out!" Corporal Paraplonk yelled. "We shouldn't use this! If it backfires, we're toast!"
"Do you have a BETTER plan?!"
"Uhhhh…I'll get back to you on that."
"Aw man! This is the WORST!" Private Goomp cried, as the Goombas started to outrun him. He suddenly heard a loud growl. "I'm hungry! Wish I'd eaten a Candy before this, I could use one right now!"
Mario couldn't believe what he was hearing. "How could you be thinking about CANDY at a time like – OUCH!" He felt a second stabbing pain on his side, then realized why Dreamy Luigi had done so. He dug into his pockets and pulled out many pieces of wrapped Candy, then deliberately dropped them on the floor, hoping his plan would work.
It did.
"CANDY!" Private Goomp and the Goombas cried, as they rushed at the sweet treats like kids at a pinata party, allowing Mario to finally stop running and witness the rest of the scene.
"YOU IDIOT! What're you DOING?!" Sergeant Guy yelled. "GET MARIO!"
"Sergeant, SLOW DOWN!"
"Huh? AHHHHHH!"
"OH NO!" Sergeant Guy had been running so fast with the Bob-omb, he wasn't able to stop in time to avoid the swarm of Goombas in front of him, despite Corporal Paraplonk's best efforts to slow him down. The two crashed into Private Goomp and the Bob-omb exploded, knocking out all three minions at the same time.
"Darn it…I was hoping it would work…"
"I…told you…so…"
"So…much…Candy…"
Exhausted, Mario plopped down on the ground as Dreamy Luigi fused out of him, not sure what to think of the battle that had just transpired. If anything, the Elite Trio had been woefully incompetent, which had worked to Mario's advantage. On the other hand, they hadn't exhibited any real malice towards Mario in the first place…
"I take it you guys don't like fighting?" Mario asked, raising an eyebrow, as Dreamy Luigi curled up into a ball and fell asleep.
Private Goomp moaned, sitting up. "I hate it! Bowser always makes us do it! But we don't like fighting you guys, you're not that bad! We only do it because Bowser tells us to…"
"Yeah," Corporal Paraplonk said, readjusting the bucket helmet. "I mean, being Elite gets us a nice paycheck, and food, and shelter, but…"
"We don't like it." Sergeant Guy was still lying on the ground; he had taken the most damage from the Bob-omb's explosion. "Bowser's the only one who would take us in because we look like enemies anyway."
"We've stuck together!" said Private Goomp. "We've been trying to find a way out, but we keep getting promoted!"
"Well, what would you do if you weren't working for Bowser, then?"
"Huh? Me?" Private Goomp looked around nervously again. "Well…I'd be an astronaut! I heard about Bowser being in space and it sounded cool!"
"I guess I'd be a gardener," Corporal Paraplonk admitted sheepishly. "I always liked tending to the plants in Koopa Village."
"Well…"
All three heads turned to Sergeant Guy, who raised his head off the ground.
"I'd be a doctor. I saved someone's life once with a Life Shroom I was carrying around. It made me feel good that I helped someone in need."
Mario was intrigued. The Elite Trio seemed like good beings with a sense of heart. "Well, what's preventing you all from pursuing those dreams, then?" he asked. "Wouldn't your life be more fulfilling if you went after what you really wanted instead of helping someone else achieve nothing but destruction and chaos?"
The Elite Trio looked guiltily at each other.
"He's got a point," Sergeant Guy muttered.
"But we all signed contracts," Corporal Paraplonk. "We can't get out of them!"
"Yeah, they're binding!" added Private Goomp. "Unless we mess up real badly in battle, we can't leave!"
…There was a very long silence.
"…Ohhhh…now I get it…Woohoo! We're going to get fired!"
"Goomp…" Corporal Paraplonk warned.
"KAMEK!" the private shouted into his cell phone. "We lost against Mario, so fire us now!"
"GOOMP, NO!" Sergeant Guy buried his face into his hands.
"WHAT?!" Kamek's voice rang through the phone. "What are you talking about?!"
"Mario beat us, and we've had enough, so this means we're fired, right?!" Private Goomp screamed enthusiastically.
"NO!" Kamek yelled, and everyone winced at the amount of feedback heard through the phone. "It means you've been demoted, idiots! DEMOTED! Which means you're all scrubbing the floors now!"
"Aw, man!" Private Goomp moaned, closing the phone. "I hate cleaning!"
"I told you he was going to be the end of us!" Sergeant Guy complained.
"But if you hadn't thrown the Bob-omb in the first place like I told you to, we might've won!" Corporal Paraplonk countered.
"But then Mario wouldn't have made us realize our real dreams!"
"Yeah, because getting shot into space is so much fun…"
"Oh, and I suppose your ambition of tending to Piranha Plants is worthy of a medal?"
"I saved a life, that holds merit!"
"Yeah, because saving someone's life entails singing endless repetitions of the DK Rap until they wake up?"
"HOW DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THAT?!"
"Oh, so it wasn't a Life Shroom after all?"
"Argh!"
"I'm hungry again!"
Mario tossed another piece of candy to the hungry Goomba as he smiled and laid on his back, listening to the Elite Trio bicker back and forth about each other's incompetencies. This would keep him entertained for a while.
A/N: Thanks for reading; I hope you enjoyed it! This is my second Dream Team fanfic, after Battle Ring Surprises.
