4 — Unwavering View

The morning dragged in with a cloudy sky and an unseasonably cold spring day. No one was in much of a hurry to get up or go anywhere; they were just on their way back from an extermination, and there wasn't much necessity for speed. Miroku and Sango lazed in their corner, whispering quiet conversation and stroking at her softly-rounding belly. Rin and Shippou shared a blanket and a box of crayons, coloring opposing pages in a thick sketchbook while a full-sized Kirara lounged behind them to proffer her body heat.

However long the morning dragged though, Kagome continued to sleep as if she were dead to the world, barely moving, face at full ease, breathing deep and relaxed. Shippou cast her worried glances, nose twitching. Sango and Miroku occasionally let their eyes wander to her, cautious and reserved. Sesshoumaru surveilled them silently, noticing that they were not unaware that something was different, even if he had yet to touch her. Shippou was understandable; his nose would tell him all he needed to know. The humans… he guessed it probable that they were worried about the presence of empty sake bottles and the absence of Inuyasha, as the two were likely— and indeed were— related. They allowed her to sleep, however, prepared to not address the issue should she awake in an impressively foul mood. She would probably have a hangover, as she was (technically) still underaged for drinking, and whatever Inuyasha had done to inspire the fit (they had guesses) would eventually air itself out… hopefully, after tentative amends were made.

When Kagome finally started stirring, it was just before noon. Eyes fluttered open bit-by-bit before she was really awake, a long, spine-popping stretch following soon after.

Kagome opened her eyes to the shaded room, brain only functioning insofar as to acknowledge "Inuyasha hasn't woken me up yet? It looks late…" and that she was sleeping without her kit. Gunmetal blue eyes still bleary with sleep tracked across the room, smiling in turn at Miroku and Sango before seeing Shippou apparently engrossed in a primitive version of Pictionary. Apparently, because despite still being sleepy she could see him sneaking glances at her without greeting. The birds outside were still singing, no one was yelling… rather, everyone looked relaxed enough that the priestess felt rightly compelled to simply lounge right where she lay and slowly gather her thoughts. This was laundry day, the rain was over, she needed more ginger, remember to clean out Shippou's pockets, it was rabbit season so Inuyasha needed to—

Well, now I'm awake. Her slow thoughts had gained enough speed by her last observation that their screeching halt was nearly audible. She finally cast a glance to her right, noticing that—as she thought—Inuyasha was not present, and Sesshoumaru was casually seated between her bedding and Rin's trailing blanket. Eyes similar and yet worlds apart gazed down at her, observing, waiting. I guess this means he's worried if being drunk means I don't remember… or maybe I'll use it as an escape? We didn't… seal the deal or anything… She briefly hoped that she really had just drifted off instead of doing something entirely foolish like giving herself over after… well, it was suitable to call it an upset. Like in a football game or something. The most damnable turn of events you never expected… and despite herself, she had to laugh. It was barely more than a catch in her throat, almost inaudible altogether, but the wry smile that accompanied it had the demon at her side arching a brow in question, observing her carefully, shoulders still relaxing a bit with the assurance that she was not suffering a drunken amnesia.

Still, she couldn't help but remember the swell of hope at the possibilities he presented, becoming someone stronger, better, more mature than before. Kagome discreetly shot him an affectionate look, one he quickly returned. Without touching, in a single glance, they communicated that yes, their vows were serious and would be upheld.

She lazily hauled herself into a sitting position, and Shippou finally said "Good Morning!", and just like that their day started without any amount of fanfare. Despite the huge, huge change in dynamic, it was even quieter than usual; it left her feeling peaceful, relieved, even content. She casually gathered the empty bottles of sake and carried them outside, intent on washing them well and filling them with water.

Of course, her feelings couldn't stay so light and fluffy. Not when reaching the local creek meant facing Inuyasha.

He was in one of the blackest moods she'd ever seen, dark brows drawn down into an intimidating scowl and systematic destruction of local trees in evidence. His bottom lip showed recent evidence of biting, blood trickling from a fang's ragged puncture. He was already trying not to lay into her, wasn't he? Kagome pulled to a stop, but her heart kept beating. It kept going with just a little pain, a lingering regret that things couldn't have been solved differently. He already knew what was going on, obviously. There was no reason for this mood otherwise, and even her human nose could still smell the masculine musk lingering on her hair. It was probably Sesshoumaru that changed her clothes, but regardless… she was covered in the scent of him, head to toe. She couldn't lie even if she wanted to.

Not that she actually wanted to.

Her steps looked more sure than they felt; it felt like walking carelessly in front of a predator. Guessing that he was trying to say something but wasn't calm enough to say it yet—and doubting he would be able to get calm enough—she went carefully about her business. Washing her face, cleaning the bottles and filling them, braiding back her hair a few different ways before just leaving it in a loose plait over her shoulder. She considered cutting the length for a moment, eyeing her reflection in the water with suspicion, but decided she would just have her mother trim it. Maybe continue letting her bangs grow out for a while was a good idea. She wasn't lovelorn or anything; no use cutting hair over spilled milk… or something to that effect. With a short sigh, she straightened, dusting off her knees and preparing to return… but Inuyasha still hadn't said anything. It drew her eyes to his face, watching how he watched her, a tension radiating from him one-sidedly. She wondered if he noticed; her feelings were in order, and she wasn't going to begrudge him anything, but did he see how calm she felt? Did he realize how turbulent his emotions were in comparison?

When he finally, cautiously cracked the silence, he asked, "Why did you go to him?"

So she honestly answered, "Why didn't you come to me?"

It wasn't the answer he expected or wanted, so she sighed and gave him the best answer she could. "I went to him because I was tired of waiting for leftover scrap affection you didn't give Kikyou. I am his because he gives me hope… like I can be someone better in the future just because I'm with him. Maybe it sounds weird, but I'm tired of having to be the bigger person. It's exhausting to apologize to you just because I know you won't apologize first. It wears me down to the quick, hoping that you won't go to Kikyou next time and will stay with me," the sentences she'd avoided so long came out like that. Short, simple reasons. Lists and lists of them that answered one short question that… well, in a way, it was a long time coming. She knew better than to expect Inuyasha's reasons in return. Why did he go to Kikyou? She probably wouldn't ever really know, but at least she could stop asking herself and not feel guilty for not knowing. "I'm not waiting on Sesshoumaru, you know. With him, I can try with all my might to catch up; even if I don't, he will still respect and appreciate me. There's no such thing as 'falling short,' because he only expects me to be myself."

"But he's—!"

"Don't try telling me he hates humans. Rin-chan is his daughter, and he's the one who proposed to me."

"He kills anybody! He'll do it for any reason, or no reason at all! He's an ice-cold bastard without a heart!"

"And how much of your prejudice is in that statement? He saved lives with the Tenseiga. He learned a little humility with Rin. If he has no heart, then explain why he didn't just use me and throw me away last night, instead of giving me a reason to believe this would work?" she returned. Inuyasha's ears broadcast a plethora of emotions, confusion, anger, and distrust all fighting for first. Still, Kagome had to ask him, "Inuyasha, why didn't you ever play for keeps? He did. I may have started the game, but he had me in check before we even got going. What stopped you? Was there ever a single reason for you to hesitate?"

"Kikyou—"

"Was dead. For nearly fifty years she was dead, and then some clay machine with a stolen soul started wandering around. You could smell death on her, Inuyasha. You knew she wasn't really there. You were making promises of love to the one shred of her soul left that could hate, and all the while you kept me on a leash, using my feelings to make yourself comfortable. It doesn't work that way."

It hurt to see his ears droop. It hurt to look at his face and know that he was in pain, but it felt so good to have him finally see what a trooper she'd been. Two years of cheating, of fighting, of wondering and waiting; she'd more than earned her reprieve. Still, this was one hell of a breakup; he only wanted her when he thought she was leaving, and in a way that made it easier instead of harder. She could feel affection for him; if he let her, they could still be friends and companions, battle-worn and close-knit. Not holding hopes for him made it easy to do that somehow, but she wasn't sure if he could say the same.

Kagome left him there on the bank, wending her way back to the hut in no hurry. In a way, she was savoring the feeling; breaking it off had been so much easier than she thought it would be, all because Sesshoumaru did something unexpected. She would never have suspected it of him, nor considered asking him herself, if he hadn't said something. Under the influence of sake and a healthy dose of vexation, she'd gone to him out of spite, attraction, and highly suspecting that he would dump her off his lap and leave pissed as hell. Her wandering steps slowed until she stopped, caught in a hazy memory of lips and fangs, his hesitance and then hesitant acceptance; his evolution from non-response to proposal had been mind-blowing. The air around her was dry and smelled clean, but last night the rain, the steam of the hot spring, the heady scent of flowers, the masculine heat from his body… it sent a shiver down her spine, leaving her to stand and blush in embarrassment, gooseflesh making free with her arms.

She supposed it had been a while… half an hour or forty-five minutes, when Sesshoumaru came up behind her, youki soothing her agitated aura with its calming rise and ebb. The backs of his fingers stroked the exposed column of her neck, petting aside angel hairs and leaving him space to lay a soft, patient kiss. It relaxed her again, into nearly the same state of well-being she felt before confronting Inuyasha. Peace, contentment, trust; it was a strange way to feel in the presence of Sesshoumaru, but Kagome certainly didn't feel like arguing with it.

"You argued?"

"Came to an understanding, but there wasn't much he could do anyway." A pale arm looped around her shoulders, drawing her back into an embrace that filled her senses with him. "Somehow I think you made it easier."

"I became a reason?"

She shook her head, smile creeping up her lips as she opined, "No, more like a balm. I was calmer. I had hope. Having you meant not having to break myself to get us apart. Y'know if it were as I'd thought it would go… he probably would've said all kinds of horrible things, been perfectly in his right to do so… and I would've said horrible things back, and it would've killed us both inside. I thought it would take something that drastic to end this, but because… well, I guess just saying 'I have you' covers most of the bases, but it doesn't feel like it says everything… but because you were there, and we really became each others', it just didn't hurt to let go. Inuyasha, too; if I made my choice, he knew he had to respect that. You made this easy. Thank you."

She turned to look him in the eye, not surprised that he looked a bit confused. It was confusing, trying to convey even a tenth of the gratitude she felt toward him. It would take her a long time to elaborate on all the things he'd done right in one evening that set straight two years' worth of wrongs. She was ready though; Kagome was ready to take all the time in the world, explain it slowly, make sure he knew just how much his words meant to her. His respect, his regard, his affection were hers; in the future, hopefully, his love would be hers too.

Kagome pressed her nose against his chest, shifting to wrap her arms around his waist, hugging him as both a reassurance and a sign of possession. What a light, beautiful feeling; love had always been so painful, so what was this?

"Only I can have you, right?" she found herself asking. After a moment, his clawed hands rose to her cheeks and tilted her head back. His eyes met hers so directly that, there in the sunlight, she could finally see flecks of copper in all the sea of gold.

"Inu-youkai mate for life. We choose one, and bond forever. My pledge to you was made with an honest heart, and I shall not be duplicitous in my dealings." She made a face, cocked brows clearly stating that he would not ever-so-neatly dodge the question. It made his expression soften, and his voice deepened as he earnestly stated, "You are only mine. I am only yours. Not even Time will change this."

It sent her heart off in a clattering beat as if it were dancing in a frenzy. The uncontrollable smile that spread across her lips was contagious, quickly coaxing the stoic Sesshoumaru to let his own smile—a quiet, beautiful smile—blossom across his face. It was too beautiful to resist, and she saw no reason to, either; Kagome peppered his lips and chin with kisses, and the closer he drew to her the more she spread them to his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, his ears. All caution thrown to the proverbial winds, she pushed back his hair, tangling her fingers in his bangs until she could see all of his face, after which only giggling fits and Sesshoumaru's own stolen kisses kept her from raining even more signs of affection on his forehead. It was a silly, quiet little game that had the joy welling up in her from her toes, closing around her heart, pushing up through her throat like a fountain that produced laughter and teasing affection. She wondered if he might be feeling the same way, eyes shining and focused solely on her.

When Sesshoumaru really, really kissed her, it was different than the previous night. It wasn't their peaceful acceptance, nor their lustful tauntings; he was kissing her just because he could. It was warm and a little teasing, a mischievous fang hooking her lip as if to tell her she could ask for more and he would always give it. It was possession and gentleness and infectious joy all at the same time, and it was quite possibly more intoxicating than any liquor she had ever tried. How could happiness be born so easily? It almost worried her, how good it felt. Still giddy and red in the face, she caught her breath for a moment when he pulled away, admiring his quietly smiling face and mussed hair and somewhat disheveled kosode.

"You make me so irrationally happy I'm starting to get worried," she confessed. Not even twenty-four hours… probably barely more than twelve hours… how do people change like that in such a short time? Two years of pain were over, and she was promised fulfillment and respect; she might even go so far as to say his adoration was hers. It didn't make sense, did it?

Sesshoumaru nuzzled her temple, lips brushing the corner of her eye. "You are the first female to earn my loyalty. I shall give my all to ensure that your happiness endures as strongly as myself."

It was haughty and endearing all at once, and despite not knowing why that was, Kagome decided it must be enough.