Edward knew that going to their spot was a bad idea, he knew it when he walked from his front door, climbed in his car and drove the five minutes down the road to the spot he'd parked almost once a day for his entire life. He could have walked and normally, he would have, but he didn't want to risk missing her when someone would inevitability stop him in the street and want to say hello and then talk his ear off for the next hour. Not that he minded when people did this. He quite liked it, which was a weird thing for Edward to admit. When he was younger he couldn't stand their small town and their small town gossip and busybody-ness.
But today, Edward had been on a mission and not even a good chat about Mrs Jones's ageing cat or her arthritic knees was going to get in his way.
The last time he'd set eyes on Bella was when she was heavily pregnant with her youngest.
He'd been in the city catching up with a friend for a weekend and he saw her waddling into a store as he left his friend browsing in a book store. At first he thought he was imagining it. As if his very conscious was conjuring her up. He knew she was in the city, but it was crazy to think that they would cross paths in such a large place. But there she was, still the petite dark haired woman he'd fallen in love with as a kid. Only she wasn't the same at all. Her round pregnant stomach looked almost comical on her small frame. She was all bump. Edward looked around to see if he could spot her husband, and was irrationally irritated to see that she was alone. What happened if she fell? Or needed someone to carry bags, or god forbid she went into labour?
Instead of approaching her, he followed her into the store and hid behind a display of perfume watching her as she bought some cosmetics. He heard her chatting away to the sales lady, telling her she was getting her hospital bag ready and wanted some new moisturisers to take with her.
He wondered what she would say if he approached her. Knowing Bella, probably a few swear words and a kick in the groin. He would deserve it, he knew that for a fact. It still didn't stop him from wanting to reach out though.
"Can I help you sir?" asked a young woman in a white lab coat. Why did they wear that to sell makeup?
"Um, no, sorry." He backed up, ready to bolt when Bella turned as if she could sense him.
Instead of leaving, he stood there, frozen in one spot, wide-eyed, feeling like he was going to have a heart attack.
He noticed she was doing the same. Her long hair was swept up in a loose ponytail, her face fresh of makeup, just the way he remembered her. Beautiful. She was always beautiful.
The urge to step forward, grab her and refuse to let her go was so stupidly overwhelming that he found himself pushing his heels deep into his shoes as if to ground himself in the one spot.
"What- what are you doing here?" she asked. As if her words broke the spell, she grabbed her shopping bag off the counter and took two steps towards him.
Putting his hands in his pockets to stop himself from touching her, he gestured his head in the direction of the store doors. "Simon lives here now. I'm just visiting for the weekend."
She nodded her head in understanding. "Emmett said he'd moved down here."
"Did he? Did he give you Simon's number so you could give him a call? He'd love to see you…" That wasn't a lie. Everyone loved Bella. It was hard not to.
"Yeah, he did…" she trailed off looking a little uncomfortable. "I just…you know." She bit her lip, it was her tell that she wanted to say something but was being polite.
"Yeah, I know." He looked down at his feet for a beat and then back up. She had moved a little closer. If he reached out, he could have touched her. "So. Are you busy? Do you want to get a drink or something?"
Instantly he regretted asking. He knew she'd say no, she had no reason to want to. He understood.
She was shaking her head before he could take the invitation back. "I can't."
Won't was more like it.
"Maybe next time." She lied.
"Sure." He lied back.
They stood in an awkward silence until a woman pushing a pram broke their spell by pushing herself between them. He watched Bella smile at the young child in the pram as she stepped back to make way.
"I better be going…Jacob will be wondering where I am." She said with a forced smile.
Ohhh that hurt. It hit him right in the gut. She could have kicked him in the nuts and it wouldn't have hurt as bad.
"Of course." He smiled weakly back.
"It was…" she trailed off looking for the right word. Painful? Awkward? Sad? He felt all of those emotions as she fought to find the right word. "Goodbye Edward."
"Bye Bells"
He watched her leave. From behind she didn't look pregnant at all. She looked the same as the day she left town. Sad.
Watching her racing away down the beach away from him, as fast as her legs could take her, he had to admire her way of attacking and running.
A younger Bella would have stayed, dragging them into a louder more explosive argument until they were so wound up they'd be fucking in the sand until one of them gave up, normally him. He always gave in to Bella.
Her heartache was like a knife in his chest. He could feel the pain rolling off her, which was why he tried to hug her when he first saw her. How could he just continue to stand there and listen to her beg the universe for answers why her husband didn't choose her. Edward knew from past experience, chasing after something else, choosing anything else over Bella was a mistake. One that he'd been regretting ever since he was a stupid 22 year old.
Edward was of the opinion that Jacob was a dick. It wasn't just that he'd broken Bella's heart, he'd always hated him, even if he'd only met him once. At their wedding of all places.
The invitation had sent him on a week long bender. He wanted to get in his car and go and get her. Drag her back to his place and forbid her from going through with it. How could she marry someone else? How could she invite him? He knew she did it on purpose as a big "fuck you" to him. Everyone knew it. Well, except Emmett. He was baffled why Edward had spent a week drinking himself stupid and refused to tell him what had upset him so much. After the hundredth "I don't want to talk about it" comment, Edward sobered up and shoved that pain deep down. If Bella was moving on, so was he.
He called Tanya, a girl from their home town who had always flirted and invited her to be his date. Bella wanted to send a fuck you message to him? He'd send one right back.
When he watched her walk down the isle, towards that smug faced fucker, he thought he was going to be sick. When the priest asked if anyone knew of any reason why this couple should not get married, the only thing stopping him from standing up was Tanya digging her sharp nails into his thigh to keep him in place.
He tried to recite every bone in the body during their vows, not wanting to listen to her give herself to someone else. Someone that wasn't him. It was fucked up. And it was all his fault.
The reception was just as awful. Everyone smiling and dancing and gushing over how beautiful Bella looked. It was true, she was beautiful, but she wasn't Bella. She was a shinier, polished version of Bella and Edward hated it.
Right before the first dance, Bella found him at the bar, sculling back a whisky. "You're drunk." She hissed through a fake smile, in case anyone was watching.
"Yeah, and you're married to someone else now, so…" he held his finger up for another whisky.
"Why are you doing this Edward? What do you want from me?" her eyes shone with unshed tears. It had been years since they'd seen each other, but it felt like only days.
He instantly wanted to soothe her, wipe away the tears and make everything better. He couldn't though. Half of the guests were watching them with curiosity. And she wasn't his to soothe anymore.
"Do you love him? Are you head over heals in love with him?" he tossed back the second drink and slammed the glass down. He raised his eyebrows in a challenge. "Do you love him as much as you love me?" he said with a cocky smirk.
"What? I-" she stumbled on her words. "You can't say these things to me. You've no right." She drew herself up taller. "I've moved on."
"Sure you have, sweetheart. Just like I have." He winked at her and spun around looking for Tanya. Finding her sitting at their table chatting to one of their old school friends, he made his way over to her.
"There you are Edward, I thought you were only going to be a minute." Tanya simpered. Turning his head, he saw that Bella was where he left her. She narrowed her eyes in a challenge.
A surge of red hot anger went through him, so he did the second most stupidest thing he'd done in his life. He lent down, grabbed Tanya's face with his hands and kissed her. She responded immediately, opening her mouth and tried to maul his face off. She tasted like red wine and cigarettes. His stomach churned. He pulled back and made direct eye contact with Bella.
It was awful. Edward knew he'd done the wrong thing when instead of seeing anger in Bella, he saw heartbreak. Heartbreak, longing and knowing her so well, there would be a little bit of jealousy thrown in there too. She turned on her heel and made a dash for the balcony. Edward pushed away from Tanya and raced after her.
He found her on the balcony in the corner crying her eyes out. Deep wracking sobs that shook her entire body.
"I'm sorry." He said pleadingly.
"I know." She replied sadly. "This is ridiculous." She whispered. "I'm crying because the man that I've always loved just kissed another woman." She looked up at him with such sad eyes. "On my wedding day. I'm a fucking joke." She hiccuped and sniffed.
Edward pulled out the pocket square in his suit jacket and handed it to her so she could wipe her face.
"No, you're just… doing what you thought was right." He shrugged his shoulders.
"I have to let you go Edward."
"No." He denied. "We can, I don't know, leave. We can just go." Desperation welled up in him. This wasn't going to be it. He'd made a mistake. He'd done the wrong thing, he knew it. But surely he deserved a second chance? There had been enough time. They were older, wiser, more ready.
"No. I can't." She shook her head, her bangs fell into her eyes. She brushed them back and took a deep breath. "I need to let you go. I need to move on." As if she was agreeing with her own decision, she nodded her head. "You have to let me go too."
Edward pulled her roughly into his arms. "I don't know how." He whispered.
"Me neither." She cried back. He felt her tears through his shirt. "But we have to try because this is killing me." She wrapped her arms around him and held on tightly.
If this was the last time he was allowed to hold her, he wasn't going to let go first.
They stood outside, in the warm summer evening, listening to the party going on inside. He could hear Jacob laughing loudly with his mates, why he wasn't wondering where his new wife was, baffled him.
He wanted to tell her how much he loved her and needed her and wanted her. He wanted to tell her that he would always love her and that he always had done. Even when he was 16 and she was 14 and she was secretly writing 'Bella loves Edward' on her notebooks at school. He kept every love note she gave to him, every ticket to every movie they went to see, every receipt from every dinner like a fucking teenage girl, he kept mementos of every date they had ever been on. He was hers in every way.
As he was about to open his mouth to tell her, a soft "ahem" came from the balcony doors.
"Sweetheart, it's time." Charlie had shut the door behind him, stopping anyone else from seeing them outside. He looked sad.
"Your mother wants you to cut the cake."
Bella was shaking, her fists clutching onto his suit jacket. It would have been so easy to hold her to him and just walk out. But that wasn't what Bella wanted. She wanted him to let go.
So he did.
"Come on baby. You need to let go now. We can do it together." He whispered in her ear.
He let go at the same time she did.
Before she could say anything else, Edward nodded his head at Charlie. "Thank you."
Her dad just nodded his head.
Not wanting to go back into the reception, Edward took the stairs into the botanic gardens and made his way as fast as he could to his car.
His dad was waiting for him holding his hands out for the car keys. Realising that both of their fathers knew what was going on was a relief.
"You alright?" his dad asked.
"No." He replied. "No, I'm not."
***
When he could no longer see her, he picked himself up and brushed the sand from his trousers.
He was meant to meet Emmett at his house for a beer and a catch up about some work he wanted done at the Clinic now he had taken over after his dad had died last year. The place hadn't been changed since the 1970's and it was time for a new look. Today was one of those days when Edward wished desperately that his dad was still alive. Cancer had taken him extremely quickly. Diagnosed with pancreatic cancer one month, gone the next. His mother was still in shock.
The whole town was really.
Edward had been in Seattle, trying to settle himself there. He was working in a good clinic with a variety of patients, he'd just purchased a little unit in the city, not far from his work and he'd made a few friends, dated occasionally, but couldn't settle with anyone. He compared everyone to Bella and no one ever came close. He was happy. Well, as happy as he could be, he guessed; when he got the phone call from his dad.
He packed everything he owned that afternoon and came home.
As a doctor himself, His dad knew what he was facing. Edward had the opportunity of being on the other side of the table, so to speak. Instead of being the one telling patients and family bad news, he was the family and his dad was the patient. It was a horrible way to go. Especially for someone so healthy before.
Somewhere in all of the mourning and sadness of losing his dad, he'd fallen back in love with Pepper's Bay.
His dad left his medical practice to Edward in his will making the move back home easier than he anticipated. At first, he was worried the town wouldn't be happy with anyone else but his father, but in their eyes as long as it was a Dr Cullen treating them, they didn't seem to mind that it was the junior and not the senior.
He wondered if Bella knew he had moved back. Emmett surely would have told her?
Edward found Emmett sitting on his couch drinking a beer when he got home.
"Make yourself at home why don't you," Edward said with an eye roll.
"Whatever. The door was open." Another thing that Edward loved about moving home. The only crime the town ever had was when people drove through the red light, on protest of the stupid thing. "I got you one too. Where were you? I drove past the clinic and couldn't see your car."
Ahh, the one thing about Pepper's Bay he didn't like. Everyone knew everyone and it was very easy to get caught doing the wrong thing.
"You stalking me now Emmett?" Edward took a few long strides into his kitchen and yanked the fridge door open and grabbed a beer for himself. "I had to drop a prescription into a patient, that's all." He lied. Bella wasn't back in town for more than 24 hours and he was lying already. He twisted the bottle cap off and threw it at Emmett before taking a long drink.
"So, Bella arrived." He slumped himself on the couch next to will and lent his head back. He was tired.
"I knew she was coming back today. Ran into your mom on my run yesterday. She seems pretty excited." That was an understatement. Renee was practically vibrating with energy yesterday. He doubted she'd slept in anticipation for their return.
"Fucking tell me about it. It's good she's home." Emmett took a swig of beer. "Taking everything in me not to go and fuck that dick up. You know he was cheating on her for over two years?" his face was like stone. "Asshole was fucking some other woman while my baby sister was pregnant and thinking her life was perfect. Who does that shit?" he looked at Edward as if he had the answers.
"I don't know man."
"How could anyone do that to Bella? Of all people."
"Well, at least it's over right? She here for good you think?" he took another swig trying to look natural while he fished for information.
"Yeah, she'll be sucked back in here. The kids will love living here. She's got support and shit here."
Edward nodded. "Good. Hey, you think she'll be looking for work?"
Emmett shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, probably. She's a single mom now. Kids are expensive."
"So I hear."
"You going to offer her a job? Isn't Becky going on maternity leave soon?" He was right. His receptionist was massively pregnant and had been worrying over who would replace her for the last few weeks. Edward had been meaning to put an add in the paper, but he had been putting it off, not wanting to interview anyone or go through training with anyone new.
"Yeah, I should have advertised ages ago. She's ready to go any day now."
Emmett sat forward and slapped his knee. "What about Bella?"
"She could do that. Before she married that fuck face she was an office manager or something."
"Okay…"
"Well, she could work for you."
"Yeah, but- I"
Emmett was nodding his head. "She could. She's smart and great with people and she used to help your dad out when we were younger didn't she?"
"Yeah, but that was only filing or something."
"And? She knows how to use a computer dude. She'd be awesome at it. What's your problem?"
"I don't have a problem…" But Bella would if she knew she would be working with him.
"Well, it's agreed then. Come with me tomorrow morning for breakfast at the parent's house." Emmett drained the rest of his beer. "And we can give her the good news."
"Uhh, sure." Edward drained the rest of his drink. This was not going to go well.
The next morning Emmett was waiting on his doorstep as Edward walked up his drive with his surfboard.
"Good surf?"
Edward shrugged. "It was okay." Really, he wouldn't have noticed if it was or not. He spent the entire time sitting on his surf board watching the horizon trying to think of a way to make things right with Bella. So far, he had come up with only one option and leaving town really wasn't an option for him anymore. "I'll just jump in the shower and wash the salt off me. Be a couple of minutes."
Emmett shrugged. "Got anything to eat?"
Edward rolled his eyes. "We're going to breakfast in a minute. Can't you wait?"
Emmett patted his stomach. "I'm a growing boy. I need food."
"You're 32," Edward said with exasperation.
"And your point being?" Emmett headed into the kitchen and started rooting around the fridge. "You've only got healthy shit in here. What the fuck."
"Yes, well. Have a yoghurt."
Emmett sighed exaggeratedly. "I hate healthy food."
"Well, eat at your own place. Or wait until you're at your mom's and eat them out of house and home, instead of mine."
Edward hurried down the hall and into the bathroom, pulling off his wetsuit while he waited for the shower water to warm.
It took him a couple of minutes to wash the sand and salt off and rinse the shampoo out of his hair, and then he was drying off in his bedroom looking for something to wear.
Settling for some shorts and a t-shirt as the clinic was closed for the day, he shoved his feet into his converse and jogged out into the living room.
Emmett was sitting on the couch with a mixing bowl full of cornflakes. He'd spilt milk down his shirt and was mopping it up with one of Edward's cushions.
"What the fuck?"
"What? I said I was hungry."
"I'm going to worm you."
Emmett grinned and shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever. You've been threatening me with that for a long time. I don't believe you."
Edward shook his head at his best friend. "Come on dickhead. You can raid your mother's fridge now."
Emmett chewed his spoonful and put the bowl down on the coffee table.
They took separate cars, Emmett was driving over to his girlfriend's house after and Edward planned on driving to the clinic to do some paperwork for a couple of hours and then going to have dinner with his mom.
He was nervous about how Bella would react seeing him in her parent's house again, and with how they left it yesterday, she was likely to kick him in the balls when she saw him.
Pulling up to the house Edward took note of the Toyota parked under the tree where Bella always parked. It was a step down from the BMW she used to drive around he thought.
Not wanting to stall any longer, Edward hopped out of the car and took the porch stairs two at a time, letting himself in behind Emmett.
"Mom, I'm starving, what's to eat?" Bellowed Emmett as he walked into the house.
"Bacon and Eggs."
"That's what I'm talking about!" Emmett rushed into the kitchen and took a seat at the breakfast bar.
"Hey, Renee" Edward greeted Emmett's mom.
"Hey yourself sweetheart. How are you? How's your mom?" As she chattered, she was busy piling a plate sky high with food for her eldest son. Edward smiled warmly. Renee was like a second mother to him, he spent more time with the Swan family than his own when he was younger than he did his own family. "I'm good. Busy, but that's also a good thing. Mom's doing okay. A little lonely I think."
"I'll pop over for a coffee later this afternoon then." After Carlisle had died, Renee and Esme had grown even closer with the two of them spending long afternoons walking the beach and mourning the loss of Carlisle.
"She'd love that."
"Good. Take a seat. Can I get you anything?"
"Coffee?"
"Coming right up." Renee turned and started pulling mugs out of the top cupboard and switching the kettle on.
"Where is everyone?" Emmett asked as he bit into a piece of bacon.
"Dad's taken the kids over to the beach for a swim. Violet was awake at 6 this morning. That child has no volume control."
"I know right. It's awesome." Emmett said enthusiastically.
