A/N i'm addicted. i can't stop writing! one of the reasons is because people are reviewing. i appreciate it a lot, i really do. if i write anything that confuses anyone, or anything like that, please, tell me. i'm trying to get as readers as possible because all i want is people to enjoy this story, so tell your friends, tweet this story, facebook, tumblr, anything. it'll encourage me to keep writing as often as possible, because i want to know the outcome as much as you all, because i don't know the full story line.
enjoy..
BPOV
I couldn't go to the cottage, it would be too painful. There is nothing for me at that place now. My birthday present from five years ago was the location of countless happy memories, memories that I couldn't face...
For the first time in five years, I wished that I could sleep. Even just a few hours away from this agony would be a blissful thing. I felt.. incomplete. Like I was floating, but I couldn't let myself drown in my misery. I had to stay stong for my daughter, and for the remainder of my family. Carlisle and Esme were still in Paris, enjoying their vacation. I should call them and tell them to come home, but I want to give them a few more happy days of the ignorant bliss they were in, unaware of what waited for them back home. I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but there was enough pain here already, and we had to try and ease that as much as possible.
Renesmee was crying into Jake's shoulder, whilst he just sat there and let her, knowing it's what she needs right now. I caught his eye, and silently thanked him. He nodded, and I knew he would keep my baby grounded. She had just lost her father, she needed someone special in her life. I needed her too, like I know she needs me. I watched as Nessie put her hand to Jake's face, and a tear falling from his eye. I didn't really want to know what she was showing him, so I walked out of the room into the kitchen, giving them their privacy.
I glanced at my wedding ring still sitting proudly on my third finger, and a thought occured to me. Where is Edw.. my husbands ring? I couldn't say his name, I couldn't even think it. Again, I was reminded of when he left me, all those years ago.. it was the worst period of my life. I couldn't go through that again, I wouldn't. The ring would be with his ashes, no doubt, but I couldn't go into that room and face it, not yet.
The difference between then and now is clear. Back then, in my dark human days, there was no reminder of him at all, I could have imagined him. But here, traces of who he was, little things were everywhere I looked. The piano sitting proudly, music sheets sitting everywhere, and most importantly, Nessie. There was an amazing person in my life who was half him, and for that, I was so thankful.
I knew that he would always be with me, in a way.
Almost silently, Emmett entered the room. I didn't look up until he took my hand.
"Hey." he smiled softly. He looked so sad, I hated it. Obviously he was going to be broken, like I was, but I had never seen Emmett look this way. "How are you? No, wait, stupid question." He shook his head at himself, and I chuckled a dry laugh, mostly for Em's sake.
"I'm okay.. Emmett, how are we going to get past this?" I whispered.
"I don't know Bella, but I promise you, I will get us through this. Me, you, Jasper, Nessie, Esme and Carlisle. We will all be okay." His voice rang with determination.
"I believe you Emmett." Maybe the others would be okay, eventually. I don't see how I could survive this, but I had to try. "But why? Why did they do it? We have been so good.." If I could be crying, I would be hysterical. I felt like a zombie, trapped in this glorious body.
"I don't know, but believe me, I will find out."
"I know you will Emmett. You have always took care of me, of us. I love you." I nudged his shoulder, smiling weakly at him.
"I love you too Bells. I always have." He grabbed me in a bear crushing hug. It made me smile. A human memory of Jacob hugging me like this flashed in my mind. That made me smile even more, because I hadn't remembered a human memory in a long time.
"Love you, Jake." I murmured. I know he could hear me, but he was too caught up with Renesmee to answer.
"How's Jasper?" I pulled back, and looked at his face when I asked that. Emmett's face crumpled for a second, then he looked at me.
"Not good. He's in his room. Bella, I'm really worried for him. What if he goes of the rails again? What if he leaves us and.."
"Don't even think it. Jasper will never return to human blood, never." I said firmly. I squeezed his hand, then let go. "I should go see him." Emmett nodded silently, then left the room to go to his own. Please let Jasper be okay..
I walked at human speed up the stairs, almost putting this off, and knocked on Jasper's door.
"Jazz? May I come in?" No answer. "Jasper?" There was still no answer, so I gently opened the door, no where near prepared for what I saw.
Jasper was curled up in a ball on the center of the large bed he used to share with Alice, staring blankly ahead. His face was like stone, showing no emotions. He looked.. dead. I walked over to the bed, and dropped to my knee's. "Jasper?" I whispered. But he didn't move, he didn't even acknowledge that I was sitting there. I just stared into his eyes, pleading him. Could a vampire go into pure shock? I couldn't really see it happening.
I figured that it probably wasn't doing any good me sitting here, he would want his privacy. But when I tried to stand, he grabbed my hand and held on to it tight. It broke my dead heart.
"Bella." He whispered. It was a broken whisper, the pain echoing louder than any siren could. "Don't leave me."
"Oh Jasper." I breathed. I don't know how long we sat there, Jasper curled in a ball, me sitting beside the bed, our hands grasping. It was a simple thing, but somehow, I felt like it was helping. I knew we'd be sitting there for a while, and at some point, it really hit me that my best friend was gone. I made sure that my shield was up so Jasper couldn't feel me, and started letting my mind drift over some precious memories..
"Alice, I am not wearing that." The dress I was staring at left little to the imagination, but somehow managed to be sophisticated. It was navy, and dipped down to my chest. It had an open back, and fell to the groud. It was stunning, but not me.
"Yes, Bella, you are!" Alice giggled. Tomorrow night, Edward and I would be married a year, and he was taking me out. I don't know where, we couldn't eat anything. Alice had took me shopping for the millionth time, and we were in a private dressing room, Alice thrusting clothes at the poor girl who was helping us out. She seemed pretty flustered, each of these dresses cost about $500. And the fact that both of us looked like models... stupid vampire beauty.
"Why this dress? We don't even know where Edward is taking me!"
"You don't." She looked at me innocently. Damn it, sometimes I hate her ability! I looked at her pleadingly, but she laughed at my expression. "Bella, you are wearing that dress. Obviously with a gorgeous shrug, and a cute pair of shoes." When I groaned, she playfully slapped me, laughing. "Bella! Come on! You married my brother, at least let me pick your outfit! Please please pleaseee!" I glared at her, sensing what was coming.
"Oh no, not the puppy dog eyes, no, no, no. Don't do this to me!" She knew no one could say no to her when she pulled that face. "Fine! You pick." I ran my hands through my hair, and laughed at her when she began jumping up and down.
"Yay! I love you Bella!" She hugged me tightly, almost throwing me off balance.
"I love you too, my little pixie."
I was pulled from my memory when Jasper started moaning. "Alice. My Alice." If my heart was broken before, I don't know what it would be now. Jasper looked up at me, and began shaking his head. When I started standing up again, he gripped my arms and sighed. "Stay with me. Please."
I waited a second before returning to my place, taking his hand again. "For as long as you need me."
NPOV
How could I still be crying? How could I still have any tearducts left? I focused in on Jacob, who was wiping the tears away from my eyes.
"Jake, you stayed." I whispered.
"Of course I did. I will always stay with you." He looked like he was going to burst into tears himself, and I couldn't take that. I had to pull myself together. I sat up properly and took Jacob's hand.
"Where is my Mom?" I murmured, trying to find my voice. It croaked, a result of crying for so long.
"She's with Jasper." Jasper? That felt odd. Mom and Jasper had never been close, it was always Mom and Emmett. Or Alice.
Alice.
My aunt. Gone. Just like my Dad. Just like Rosalie.
"Oh my god. No." I flew out of Jacob's arms and ran to that room. Why was I doing this? I wasn't sure. But as I crouched over the three little piles, I spotted something through my tears. A ring.
A ring beside my father's ashes. A necklace beside Alice's. A enscripted bracelet reading 'Emmett' beside Rose's.
I felt an odd sensation rising from deep within me that I had never felt before. Anger. I stood up to face Jacob.
"Why?" I screamed. "Why us? What did we do? How dare they come and ruin our family." I growled. I was furious. And I felt like I was allowed. I ran from room to room, hitting anything and everything. I flung lamps, books, vases, anything I could get my hands on, further destroying Esme's perfect home, adding to the wreckage Emmett caused earlier. Emmett came running, and looked around him in bewilderment.
"Nessie? What the hell are you doing?" He yelled.
"They killed them. They just killed them for no reason. Dad, Alice, Rosalie? Gone." I cried. Then, as soon as the anger came, it left. I felt nothing but pain, and I almost prefered the anger.
"Nessie. I get it and I understand. But they wouldn't want this. They wouldn't want us to be like this. We have to try and calm down, for their sakes. They would want us to be happy, and we're going to try." Emmett sat me down, and joined me on the sofa. "It's just what the Volturi want. Don't please them." He was right, I knew he was right, we all did. I know Mom and Jasper could hear us, but they stayed put. "It will never be the same, I know that. We can never replace them, and we can never get them back. We are a long way of accepting what happened, but we have got to do our best. Can you do that? For them?"
Emmett just watched me, waiting patiently.
"Yes." I sighed. "I can do that." The pain still stung harshly, beginning to feel like it would stay there permanently. "You're right. But I need to go do something." I informed him as I stood up, walking into the kitchen.
"And what's that?" He called.
"Call Esme." I stated.
A/N i would write the next part, but i feel like enough has went into this chapter. i hope that i got the feelings right..
review me and give your idea's for what should go down when nessie phones esme. seriously, the review button is right down there!
