Hi ya' all! Well I finally update. Sorry for being late but here is so sunny that I had to go out and the school was almost finishing so I had to focus on that for some time. Anyway, my school life is not important right now. You all want to know if this is the last chapter or not or if Reid is okay or not.

All I'm saying is that this chapter is very bad written. So sorry if some things don't fit or if the grammar sucked, but I lost my way of inspiration. I wrote this chapter on the song 'Angel of darkness' by Nightcore so of course it will be a little messed up. Well enough with the chatting and let's focus on the story.

But first I wanna thank all my reader that waited so much time and are still willing to read my story. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Now I wanna thank you because you reviewed my story and thank you for reading this.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything (I thought I should say it now. After all I said it just in the first chapter.) But if I owned this show….well I can dream too right?

ENJOY!


Previously: Reid ran away and he was found by the killer and tortured. When team was searching for him Spencer found out that the UnSub knew everything about his team and himself. In the last moment the UnSub cut Reid's chest, just before Derek came in and arrest him.


"White man, his name is Spencer Reid. His chest was cut open and he lost a lot of blood. We need a surgery room NOW!" A man said pushing the bed Reid was lying covered in blood, the doctors started to run to the wounded man.

"What happened to him?" another doctor said when he reached him.

"The killer found him. We need his blood type right away, and lot of bags with his blood NOW!" the previously doctor yelled. The crowd of doctors guided the patient to the OR, behind them the blood was falling on the floor, leaving a trace.

When the door of the operation room closed, nobody could see what will happen to poor Reid. His life was hanging on rope now. His love for Hotch, that was never told, was lying on the floor, and the worry of being alone also disappeared. Now Spencer Reid was dying and no one could stop that.


"What happened?" a voice spoke, but no one seemed to notice.

"Hey! Anybody, what happened?" again the voice yelled but no one turned around.

"You are in a critical situation doctor Spencer Reid." Another voice was heard but just by the other man. Spencer turned around and saw a man standing there, in white clothes.

"Who are you, and what do you mean by that?" Spencer asked.

"My name is Joshua. I am a guide in this world for the ones that are lost, just like you." The man said and approached Spencer.

"What's that suppose to mean?" the young man frowned.

"You, my friend, are dying." That phrase made Spencer fall to his knees. Joshua just continued his walking to the confused ghost. "You are in a critical situation. Your body lost a lot of blood, and now your life rests in the hands of the doctors and faith. "

"No, no, no, NO! You're lying, THIS CAN'T BE!" Spencer shouted. "This can't be…no…no."

"I'm afraid it is true. But you don't have to worry, I'm sure that the doctors will do all they can to save you. Until we find out what will happen to you, I have to inform you of some things. You can't be seen or heard by anyone. It is like you don't even exist. Next, you have to listen to what I have to say to you because it is very important. Don't try to interfere with your surgery or to go back to your body, because it's gonna be crucial for your life. And the last one is that no matter what will happen to you in this world, you will never try to escape and go back to your life." The man touched the felled boy shoulder.

"Hotch. I have to find Hotch." Reid raised pushing the arm from his shoulder and started to walk, Joshua after him.

"Did you even hear a word I said?" Joshua asked.

"Yes I did, but I have to find him."

"You can't." Joshua said running after the other ghost.

"I don't care. I have to find him and tell him how I feel before it's too late." Reid said continuing his running through the room full of people.

"You can't talk to him. Even if you find him he won't hear you." Spencer stopped and faced his guide angry.

"I don't care. I don't care if he can't see me, if he can't hear me. I HAVE TO FIND HIM, got it?" with this the genius left.

Walking around and looking for his lover, Spencer wondered if he even came. Stopping in mid sense, Reid spotted his team. They all were in the waiting room with sorrow in their eyes. Spencer searched around for Hotch but he didn't saw him. Making his way closer to his friends, Reid heard them talk.

"I can't believe he ran away like that." Morgan said. "And now he is in surgery. What the hell happened to him?"

"I don't know. But I'm sure that he will make it and he'll tell us." Rossi assured his friend.

"I can't believe this happened." JJ cried on Emily's shoulder.

"None of us can." Derek dropped his head in his hands.

"What I don't get is why the hell did Hotch remain at the police station to interrogate that bastard when Reid is on rope?" Rossi said confused.

"What? Aaron is not here?" Spencer stepped back from his friends. Dropping on his knees again he started to cry. "He hates me, he hates Me." the boy whispered shaking his head.

"He doesn't hate you. He loves you." Joshua appeared behind Spencer.

"No, if he loved me he would be here."

"He can't bear to see you in this situation." Placing his arm on the crying boy's shoulder again, Joshua helped him get up.

"No, he hates me because I didn't say I loved him back. He doesn't want to see me again." Spencer ran again and got lost in the crowd of people.


The BAU team was standing in the waiting room with their hearts stopped. No one could believe that Reid was the one that was in surgery. Nothing was fitting into place, Reid being cut open on his chest and the killer being the one that made it. How did this even happen?

Rossi's phone started to ring and everybody jumped at the sound. David rose up and went to the farthest wall so he could spoke. After he made sure no one was around he answered.

"Where the hell are you Aaron? Spencer is dying here." Rossi asked in a low voice.

'I know. I'm at the police station.' Aaron spoke at the other line.

"Why the hell are you there when you should be here. Our friend is in a surgery that could decide his life and you wanna write rapports?" David asked sarcastically.

'You know all too well that I wanna be there."

"To me it doesn't look like you wanna be here. 'Cause if you want that you'd be here for Spencer."

'I-I can't be there right now. I just can't'

"Aaron, Spencer might die and you really wanna be away from him when that happens? What kind of a friend are you?"

'David, I can't be there now. It hurts too much to face it.'

"So what, you gonna hide at the police station? Do you really think that would do any good? It's gonna hurt even from there. Hell it's gonna hurt even more from there than it hurts from here."

'It's hurts too much to think about him in this moment. If I'm there I might not take it David.'

"It hurts all of us. We all love him and he is our friend, but you don't see us away from him. No, we are here hoping and praying that he is gonna be okay. Aaron, no one said it's easy on anyone. The kid made all of us think we can be better and now he is dying; do you really think is a good idea to be away from him right now?" Rossi lectured his boss.

'You don't get it David. For me it's much more to endure.'

"So what, you're gonna hide at a police station? Aaron, you love him right? Then if you do, you should be here for him." Rossi said.

'How did you-'

"Oh, come on Aaron it's not like is the biggest secret in the world. I'm a profiler after all."

'But we've been careful not to let you guy see us.'

"And you thought that will work? I read people's behavior for a living and you think you can hide from me?" Rossi laughed.

'I guess I should've figured that out right?' Hotch found himself laughing too.

"You sure should've." After a moment of silence David continued in a serious voice. "Look Aaron I won't demand you to come, but if you really love this kid half of the way I think you do, then you should be here. Think about it, you already lost Healy, and you were away when she died. Do you really wanna be away right now? When Spencer is at limit?"

'I know that already David. I wanna be there but-'

"No 'but', you wanna be here period. All you have to is get in that damn car and move your ass here." And with that Rossi hung up the phone.


Hotch was cut off guard by the beep in his phone. Sighing, Aaron started to walk around the police station. Wondering if what Rossi said was true and if it was okay for him to be there now.

The truth was that Aaron was scared he would lose his lover. In one way Rossi was right. He already lost Healy because he was away. But now, Spencer was dying and he was writing rapports. That really sounded like he didn't cared, but he did. He loved Spencer with all his heart, his soul and every piece of him. But how could he endure such pain when he knows deep in his heart that is his fault.

It was his fault that he thought Spencer was ready to hear the words 'I love you', but he was wrong. Maybe it was because he thought Reid loved him back, so he would tell it back. Or maybe it was because he was afraid that if he won't tell Spencer how he felt, he would regret it for the rest of his life. Either way, it hurt when Spencer only answered with 'I know'. Even if it was just a joke, or it was the truth, Aaron felt like the world just dropped in his head. He really hoped that if he would show his love for Reid, he would be more open and confess his feelings for him too.

Hotch stopped and started to think about Gideon. What would he do in this situation? After all he was like a father to Reid and he understood him better than any of the team members. He always cared for Reid and talked to him when was needed. Right now Hotch felt a little jealousy growing deep inside him. Knowing that he wasn't the one Reid depended on until now made him feel bad. Even after Gideon left Spencer was still attached to him, better than anyone else.

Hotch stopped in his track and thought for a moment. He was never the one Reid could depend on. After Gideon left Spencer started to depend on JJ, then on Emily. Hell he even depend on Derek and Rossi more than he depended on him. Not even now, after they've been together and confessed their feelings for each other, Spencer still depended on anyone else than him.

'Does he really not trust me enough to depend on me?' Hotch thought. 'Maybe he is right. I mean look at me. I'm here and he is dying on a hospital table. How could I miss such an important thing? I love him no matter what.' Aaron started to move again and went straight to the exit door. He knew what he had to do and he was willing to make it. He will go to the hospital and be there for Reid no matter what. Even if Reid didn't depend on him before, he was going to show Spencer that he can rely on him every time.


The tears were too much to handle. Like only a tear was filled with the pain and sorrow of the person that let it out. The brown eyes, which were before filled with happiness and joy, now they were releasing, gently, drops of water and soreness. The beautiful brown eyes that before could make think that nothing was bad in the world, were now filled with sorrow and suffering. How could so beautiful eyes cry for such a simple thing? The answer was simple. The most important thing in their life was missing. The most important person in their life was not here to watch them close for a last moment.

"I know what you think but you're wrong." A voice from behind him was heard.

"How could I be wrong? I'm never wrong." Spencer dried his eyes before he could turn around to face Joshua.

"Now you are very wrong. You don't even know why he didn't come."

"He didn't come because he hates me." Spencer closed the distance between him and his guide.

"And you are very sure of that?" Joshua asked when he saw the thoughts in the other's ghost eyes.

"Yes!"

"Then you should die." Spencer frowned. "To think such an absurd thing, and only because he is not here? How could you be so stupid?"

"You know nothing about me!" Spencer shouted.

"I know you better than you do! And I know how it is to think you are not loved. The only person I ever loved turned me away and killed me. But unlike you I trusted that person. You think that if you don't spell the words 'I love you' the person you love will never leave you? How could you be so idiot?" Joshua yelled.

"You don't know anything about me and Aaron!" Spencer felt the tears coming again. Am I an idiot indeed? He asked himself.

"Why do you think you know everything? Not even a genius knows everything! Hotch loves you more than his life, more than he will ever love someone. And you are willing to throw that away just because you are afraid of loneliness? You are a coward."

"What the hell do you know about love? You said it yourself; the one you loved killed you! So what the hell would you know?" that comments before sure made Spencer react.

"The love I felt was a love I never felt before. But you're right, how would I know. The man I loved killed me… but the days I spent with him were the only days I ever smiled. Even if I knew he doesn't loves me back, I kept serving him and following him. Because I believed that if I'm near him I will never feel alone again. But you have something special, and you're a fool if you throw that away." For the first time since they met, Joshua smiled sadly and tears started to form inside his eyes.

"…"

"The love you are feeling, and the love Aaron is feeling for you are the most intense that will ever exist. And no matter how much you try, no matter how much you avoid, you can't run from love. You think he will leave you, even after he went through all those situation to see you safe and happy." He shook his head. "If you think that this one love will leave you than you are a fool. It will never leave, only if you are willing to destroy it and leave it behind."

"I-I…"

"Trust me now, just now. Don't do this; don't give up on this love and dreams. You always hoped that Hotch will return your feelings, and now you run from them. What kind of man are you? Fight for what you love and for what you want!" tears still in his eyes, Joshua couldn't bring himself to cry.

A bright light showed up. Shining right above Spencer. Looking up he saw the doctors and his body, lying on a bed. Moving his gaze back to Joshua, he saw him smile. Spencer found himself crying again.

"Guess this is good bye!" this time Joshua cried and smiled at the same time.

"What do you mean?"

"Remember what I told you okay? Don't throw away this. Love and feel free to say it!"

Spencer just nodded before he could be dragged up into the light.

"Farewell Spencer Reid. It was nice to see you finally." With that Joshua disappeared.


Rossi and the tam shot right up when the doctor that took care of Spencer appeared. All of them with their hopes up that their friend was okay and he will be from now on. Staring right at the doctor, the team leaved his face only when a man ran down the hall. It was Hotch.

"Hotch where the hell were you?" Derek asked concerned.

"I'm sorry guys. I thought that if I stay away it won't hurt so much. I'm sorry I didn't came sooner." Hotch explained, just before the doctor arrived.

"Are you friends with Spencer Reid?" he asked. When they nodded he continued. "My name is Doctor Robinson. I came to…inform you that…"

"Cut to the chase doc. He is okay?" Rossi interrupted.

"I-I'm very…very sorry…but…" the team dropped dead. "He-he is g-gone…" doctor Robinson looked away when all of them burst into tears.

"N-no!" JJ cried out, crushing herself on Derek, who was crying too.

"No-no this-this can't be…" Hotch whispered filled with tears. "No! You're lying! Where is he?" he grabbed the doctor's collar and shouted, tears all over his face. "He cannot be dead. He can't… again! Tell me where is he?" Rossi touched Aaron's shoulder and shook his head slowly.

"I-I'm very sorry for your lost." The doctor said in a low voice after Aaron let him go.

Hotch dropped to his knees and started to cry. Shaking his head and whispering something no one could understand. 'This can't be happening again…please. Not again…. I love you Spence! Please don't leave me…please…please…' David helped him get up and held him while he cried his souls out. 'Please Spence…please…just come back…PLEASE!'

'This couldn't be. He can't be dead.' Aaron thought again. His heart just stopped beating. When he thought that nothing could be worse, this just happened. The love of his life was dead again. Such a déjà vu…and only because he was such a child and got mad. Just because Spencer didn't said 'I love you' back. Just because of him he ran away and was found by the killer. Just because of him he was tortured, and just because of him he died. I was his entire fault.

All those years when he hid his love for Spencer. All those years when he tried to make himself come to his senses and forget him. All those years were the only time he regretted he didn't said 'I love you' sooner. All this time when he watched Spencer from afar, thinking that no one saw him. All those times when he protected Spencer and thought only to his safety and then his. Those times were the one Aaron loved the most. He loved that back then he could make Spencer laugh and smile every time. He loved that back then he could say something and not make Spencer cry or feel bad.

Those beautiful years when he tried to confess his feelings to the younger man. When he repeated in the mirror what to say and when he faced the real person, he lost his words. The days when he watched over the boy when he was asleep in the jet. Only too see his sleepy face and to make sure he was safe. All those missions when he asked for a room closer to Reid's. Just to make sure nothing will happen in the night. Just to be sure he was close to him. All this time was now gone. The good and bad days were now gone. Spencer was gone. Everything he lived for was gone. He didn't had a reason to live for now on…

"Doctor! Doctor! Come quickly!" a woman's voice was heard running down the hall way.

"What is it?" Doctor Robinson asked concerned.

"He-he…w-woke u-up!" she panted heavily.

"Who?"

"The patient. Spencer Reid- he-he woke up."

"What?" Doctor Robinson asked in shock and followed the nurse to the said dead man. Behind him the FBI agents were running like crazies.

When they reached the room, they were aiming for, the nurse opened it. Inside the room was a bed were Spencer Reid was lying, his eyes almost closed, but still open. His chest was moving up and down slowly, sign that he was breathing and he was alive. With joy in their hearts the team ran to the boy.

"Reid! Can you hear me?" JJ asked smiling. Reid turned his head slowly and looked at his friends tired.

"H-Ho-Aar-Aaron." He managed to say between pain and sleep. Raising his hand in slow motion, like trying to catch something that wasn't there, Spencer opened his eyes more.

"I'm here babe." Hotch cough his hand and took it in his, squeezing it with all his strength.

"Hi…" Spencer smiled, ignoring that they weren't alone in the room.

"Hi there." His lover answered and kissed the top of the younger man's hand. "I've missed you so much Spence."

"Aar-on I-I lo-lov-"Spencer's eyes shut close and his breath stopped and the machine beside his bed started to beep. The doctor ran to his bed and started to check his pulse.

"Spence! Babe, Spencer!" Aaron shouted shaking the lifeless body.

"Take them out of here! Bring the defibrillator in here NOW!" the doctor yelled.

"No! Babe, come on look at me. Open your eyes Spence, please!" Hotch yelled being pulled by Derek and Rossi away from his lover. "No…" he whispered in the last moment before he left the room.


WHOA! Again, I let you with your heart in your throat. You thought this was the last chapter? How could I make things better so soon after I tried my best to make Spencer suffer so much? Nah, I will take my time with this story because it is very important to me…well what do you think about this chapter huh? Tell me please. See ya at the next chapter!