Chapter 3

Opening quote

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
Albert Schweitzer

Irene watched Severus from her comfortable armchair by the window as he carefully opened drawers and cupboards to collect all the utensils for making tea. When he had poured the boiling water from the kettle into the teapot, he picked up the tray he had prepared and brought it over to the table. She thought back to the strange bird that had nearly died from exhaustion on her doorstep over 25 years ago. It had held out its leg as a last desperate effort before it collapsed. Gently she had removed the weatherbeaten letter from it and taken care of the owl first. She'd fed it for a week and a half and then, suddenly, it had hooted twice and flown away. She would never know if it had returned. That letter…

Dear Henry and Irene,

as Tobias has never introduced us and I only recently heard (quite by accident) that both of you were alive and well, I've decided to disregard my husband's wishes in this instance. I hope you will not feel I am intruding on your lives.

My name is Eileen Snape, nee Prince, and I had the feeling that you would both like to know that you're grandparents. Severus was born a week ago. I added a picture to this letter but before you look at it I may have to explain something. It may be hard to believe for you, so far removed from our world here, but your son married a witch. That is the reason you will be able to see me and the baby in the picture move, much as he does at the moment, going from sleep to desperate screams in the blink of an eye.

Tobias refuses to have anything to do with Severus, sadly, but I hope that will change as the baby grows and can interact more with his father.

Unfortunately I cannot offer to continue any form of contact at this point. Tobias would only make Severus suffer for it and that I cannot accept. Please know I will do my best to raise your grandson with love and provide everything he may need. I will send you pictures when I can.

Fond regards
Eileen

Irene was curious as to what had happened but concerned that her questions would upset Severus even more.

"So you came here to find Henry and me, Severus. May I ask what has prompted your sudden interest in the family your father avoided like a mouse avoids a cat?", she finally asked. The tea poured steadily into her cup, no emotional response seemed to shake him at this point. His look at her was as steady as his hand as he calmly sat down and answered, "You see, Irene, life is never as you expect. I only realised recently that there was no point in grieving after a life that would never be mine and decided I needed a fresh start. But I am also only too aware that I'm very much a creature of habit and that as much as the school I attended and later taught at had been my home, I would need a home and roots once more to find some semblance of happiness ultimately. I find myself in your presence, quite surprisingly I might add, and for completeness' sake I have to say that I never had any expectations as to what our first meeting would be like." "Well," chuckled Irene, "that is not a concern any longer now, is it?" Severus shrugged, with a slight smile lifting his solemn expression. Maybe… he thought. Irene waited for him to go on and when he didn't, she added a spoonful of sugar to her cup and quietly asked what his immdiate plans were. He told her where he was currently staying and that he was looking for a teaching position in Forks or La Push after the summer. He noticed the calculating look that flashed across her face but when she began to tell him about Henry who had passed away 11 years ago he began to wonder if he hadn't just imagined it. Irene managed to distract him from his situation so much that he actually forgot the time and only noticed when she rose to turn on the light. He looked around the cosy room once more, realising how truly austere his own living arrangements had always been. He wondered if they would look any different if he had grown up in a home surrounded by her and Henry's love.

"If you have no objections, Severus, I'll drive you back to your car. In the darkness you'd be hard put to find your way there now", Irene interrupted his thoughts. "That would be much appreciated, thank you.", he quietly replied, saddened suddenly that the visit had already come to an end. "But of course you'll come back tomorrow", she added, "we have so much more to talk about". As she had suspected, his face lit up but immediately the poker face mode she had come to recognise in the course of the afternoon cut in and solemnly he replied, "I couldn't decline now, could I?" and Irene thought she had seen the beginning of a wink. But no, Severus was much too serious for that, wasn't he?!

On their way down the twists and turns of the driveway it was too dark to see the other's face but once they were driving on the road towards La Push once more, Severus watched Irene's face like a hawk. Her smile didn't waver as she told him about the families in the houses they passed and he was surprised when she suddenly said, "Here you go, my dear. I suppose that this lonesome car left in the lot is yours. There's a small diner across from the school here where you can get supper as I doubt that Mrs. Caldwell will have anything ready for you and the supermarket is bound to be closed now as well. Why don't you follow me, I'll show you where it is…" Made speechless by her gentle concern for him, he nodded and got out of the car, only to lean back in to thank her. She left as soon as he'd parked his car in front of the diner and he entered it by himself, finding a quiet table by the window and simply ordering the day's special, lost in thought as he ate.

That night he slept deeply and no dreams of Hogwarts, Lily or Voldemort disturbed his rest. When he woke up, he looked at the clock, amazed he'd managed to sleep past 8 am and turned on his back to stretch. He couldn't remember when he'd last managed to sleep through a night with no dreams that woke him and made it hard or impossible to go back to sleep. Severus showered, dressed and went down to the diningroom for breakfast. He felt hungry. Must be all that fresh air, he thought and loaded his plate at the small buffet table Mrs. Caldwell had set out. For the first time since his arrival he noticed he wasn't the only one staying at the small B&B. He passed the other two tables, one occupied by a couple who looked very much in love and the other's table occupants were a small girl and her father. He sat facing the terrace doors, looking out on the forest and thoroughly enjoyed his meal. He returned to his room and made a few notes in his diary, then he began wondering how he would meet Irene again. She'd said today, hadn't she? Should he just drive out again? He looked at his watch – when he'd arrived at the airport on his way to the US, he'd decided he needed one of those Muggle things in order not to miss his flights – and saw it was only 9:26 am. He also realised that he had no idea what Irene's phone number was. Silly that I know next to nothing about Muggle communication. Grudgingly he admitted to himself that Mr. Weasley's curiousity actually was to his advantage after all. His respect for Arthur Weasley rose a notch.

"Mr. Snape? There's a call for you. You may use the phone out in the hallway," Mrs. Caldwell called from the kitchen. Severus rose and went to look for the phone. "Severus?" Irene's by now familiar voice inquired, evoking another smile from the usually so solemn Potions teacher. Good thing my students at Hogwarts can't see me now. I'd be outed as a big softy and that just wouldn't do… He was even more amused by his thoughts and the cheerfulness in his voice caused Irene to smile too as he greeted her. He agreed to come out to the house for lunch and help Irene with some neglected chores around her house and garden. He was still smiling when he hung up the phone. After figuring out the way to the supermarket and the small electronics store in town, he set off to do some shopping. At the electronics store he bought a cellphone, ignoring the clerk's stymied looks as he had to explain its functions in detail to Severus. Armed with this brandnew communications device he proceeded to the supermarket, buying some basic staples and a few painted flowerpots he thought either Irene could use on her porch or maybe he could, to grow some herbs for… no, he wouldn't even start thinking about any potions again, not now. He tried to analyse what had just gone on in his thoughts and shook his head in irritation at being unable to quite reconcile his wizard's instincts with his currently predominantly Muggle life.

Irene had made a traditional family dish from the freshly caught fish Harry Clearwater had brought by earlier. Severus ate heartily, pleasing Irene a great deal. After they'd done the dishes together, they spent the afternoon planting flowers and Severus fixed the barn door with a simple spell that Irene watched with a smile. In bits and pieces he told her about his growing up years, something assuring him she was completely trustworthy and would not judge him for whatever he told her. Irene began to understand the walls Severus had erected around himself and she appreciated his effort at giving her a window for a peek inside. She hoped he would have the chance to heal from the scars his past had left. In good time. She sighed at the thought how much of this her own son had caused.

"Do you want to take a walk while I fix us something to eat or would you prefer a nap?" Irene inquired. "I think I will walk for a bit, Irene. That's always helped when I've been upset. Reliving my childhood has been a tad painful and I need some distance. I'm also grateful that you listened. I'm sure it was no pleasure hearing about your son's life cast in this unpleasant light. Are you sure you want me to return for supper?", Severus asked with a doubting look. Irene walked over to him, putting her hands on his arms gently and said, "I waited for over 20 years to meet you. Do you think I'll just let you go, now that the going is a little tough?" He nodded in acknowledgement and kissed her forehead before he walked out of the clearing.

He paid no attention whatsoever where he walked. For once he allowed his emotions to get the better of him, screaming his anger and pain at the sky when he reached the clifftop looking out over the sea. Suddenly everything got blurry and he almost passed out, feeling as if his whole body was hurtling through space at rocketship speed. When his equilibrium returned he found himself down on all four. The forest smelled intensely of things growing and the sounds he suddenly heard much more clearly told him there were small animals scampering away from him as fast as their small feet carried them. He didn't understand why. When he tried to stand up, his body refused to comply and at last he looked down at himself. Black, still black. Black… paws??? What on earth? What had happened to him?? Freaked out, his head whipped around, searching for a wizard who'd transformed him. He had to make an effort to calm himself sufficiently to use his new-found senses and decided he'd be able to smell another human in his vicinity. The only human smell came from the shredded pieces of his clothes surrounding him. Severus attempted to walk. To his surprise his movements were graceful and smooth and soon he was loping back the way he came, constantly trying to figure out how to return to his original shape and how on earth he'd explain any of this to Irene.