Well, it's been a bit of a break since the last chapter, eh? Unfortunately, I am prone to mucking things up, so the editing and cleaning done over that time was definitely necessary. However, updates should be regular now, and this chapter is a pretty decent length, so that's something, I hope.

Thank you again to those who reviewed! Reading those is probably ten times more enjoyable for me than reading the story is for you. I really do appreciate them.


"Rin?"

She looked up suddenly, surprised from her thoughts. Kohaku was watching her, his eyes faintly tinted with worry. She smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry I keep getting distracted. I'm being horrible company today."

He shook his head, relaxing. "No, I know that there are many things for you to think about."

While she was thankful for his understanding, she wished that she had the honor to clear his misconceptions. It was true that there was a number of things she could not help but consider at the moment, but those he supposed her to be thinking of and the ones actually occupying her mind were quite different.

He believed that she was turning over the rumor that another request to wed her had been presented to Lord Sesshoumaru. Rin supposed that she could stretch that in a way to cover what she was more interested in – the corresponding rumor that, once again, Lord Sesshoumaru had refused the proposal.

There had been one for sure, in early fall, and then another alleged just a few weeks ago. Just the one, the definite one, was enough of a curiosity for her, both because of the simple fact that it existed but also because Lord Sesshoumaru had denied it. She had been absolutely hounded by all her various mentors and instructors after that, all of them demanding to know if she had spoken some negative word concerning the match to their lord.

But Rin had been as surprised as the rest of them. She had not been able to understand why Lord Sesshoumaru had declined the noble's request, especially considering how unlikely she had thought it that she would receive any such proposals. Of course, she was not complaining about his choice; the thought of marrying somebody she could only vaguely remember meeting was rather terrifying. Still, it had seemed so odd. She couldn't make sense of it.

Especially since there seemed that there had been two others. Of course, rumors were not reliable, and it was possible that they had never occurred. But somehow that did not fit, and strange as they were, Rin felt that they had more than likely been true.

So now she was left to wonder what Lord Sesshoumaru was thinking. She would not question him about the subject, of course, but it did not help her from being curious as to what his reasons were.

Her thoughts were again circling around Lord Sesshoumaru, the person who had always, in some way or other, been at their center. While Kohaku believed her to be preoccupied with the issues of a third chance for marriage being overlooked, she could honestly care less about that matter.

Considering the time that had passed, Rin figured that she could probably say that everything in the past few months had been odd. She had expected that Lord Sesshoumaru's return, whenever that would happen, would somehow make everything fit back into place, restore a sort of calm she knew she was missing but could not explain. As it was turning out, however, the opposite was occurring. Everything felt more chaotic, leaving her with a feeling like she was merely holding her breath now, waiting for something beyond her understanding.

This was, she knew, due in large part to the fact that Lord Sesshoumaru seemed, from what little she felt she could judge on such a matter, to be acting strangely. While she enjoyed this strangeness – she had to attribute it both to the fact that she was allowed to visit with him multiple times during the week and that she was not having to think of a wedding – it did make her wonder. As she currently was. Again.

Shaking her head, hoping that it would scatter or loosen her mind from the loop of thoughts it continually returned to, Rin tried to focus on her present situation. She was walking with Kohaku in the lanes before the hall in which her rooms were located, having wanted to look at the thin blanket of snow on the bare limbs of the sleeping plants. No longer insulated in her thoughts, she realized how cold it was; the pale watery light of the early morning sun did nothing to warm the frozen landscape. She almost wished she had worn another layer of kimono, but what she had on already was so terribly heavy that the impediment it would have been to her present activity would have proved greater than the warmth.

Still, she could not prevent the shiver she tried to suppress all the same, slipping her hands further into the recesses of her sleeves. She saw Kohaku glance at her sidelong at the movement, but she tried to act as though she did not know that he had seen.

"Are you sure it is wise to stay outside in this weather?" he asked softly, looking ahead again.

"I don't see why not. I've been out in the winter before," she pointed out.

"Things were different then."

Rin nearly snorted. "True; I did not have what feels like a hundred layers of clothing on at that time."

She looked up at Kohaku in time to see the shadow of a smile cross his lips, some of the darkness in his eyes withdrawing for a moment. Even when the faint smile was gone, she continued watching him, aware that it was probably painfully obvious to him that she was doing so.

Kohaku was another mystery. She saw him more frequently than Lord Sesshoumaru, and although the two probably spoke just as infrequently as the other, Rin had found it much easier to understand Kohaku's silent thoughts. She had come to accept that he was not likely to display his feelings as openly as he had when they had been younger; this was merely an effect of how he had matured. She now understood that his disposition was much the same as before, simply deeper from the surface.

Knowing, then, that he was not simply being distant, Rin had been able to get along extremely well with him. The reasons they had been on such good terms in their youth again became clear, and she was enjoying his company more than almost any other. And, in any case, it was nice to be able to talk to another human at times, to let her intrinsic nature touch upon something familiar for a moment in the midst of so much that was different. He provided her with a foundation of sorts, somebody in whom she could ground her thoughts. Regardless of how long she had lived with the demons, being in the company of her instructors could at times feel overwhelming, and Kohaku was always willing to provide stability. Sometimes she wondered how she had been able to go through her education without him nearby.

By now the sun had risen enough that the whole landscape was a vision of a thousand shining points, the snow sparkling like diamonds. It was only because of mornings like this, where the cold turned the world to shimmering glass, that Rin could stand the winter. For a time she could forget her longing for a warm sun and the tempered cool of the shade under trees.

They had almost completed their circuit, nearly to her rooms again. As she climbed the steps, careful of the frost, she asked Kohaku what things he needed to accomplish during the day.

He paused momentarily, only continuing reluctantly when she raised a brow. "I'm to receive another assignment."

Sighing in a manner she knew would have been reprimanded if her mentors had been around, Rin pushed her screen open a bit more forcefully than she had intended. There was a very distinct snap as the wooden frame hit the end of its track. "I don't understand why you have to do those things," she muttered.

"You know why I do them," Kohaku answered softly.

"I do know; what I said was that I don't understand," she replied, but the exasperation was now gone from her voice. Try as she might, she found it impossible to remain unhappy about Kohaku's choices for very long. He asked for things to do now that he had been given residence at the palace, and it was a noble sentiment that she couldn't very well hold a grudge against.

"I don't know why you want to know when I must go on such things when they upset you."

"Because if you were gone and I did not know why, I would worry even more than I do when I know." She gripped the screen to close it behind her, feeling no qualms about ending their conversation in such an abrupt manner, aware that Kohaku would stop to see her before he departed that evening.

"I'm sorry that my actions cause you to worry."

Rin paused for a moment, drooping, before finally turning to him. "Please don't apologize. It's not such a bad thing to worry about another person, I don't suppose; it merely means that you are somebody worth caring about, right?"

For a long time he did not reply, looking at her silently, before slowly smiling. "I cannot help but wonder if your concern is misplaced, but it is nonetheless appreciated. I would still prefer that you were not worried for me."

"I'm afraid that then you would not be able to go on these tasks, and that would probably upset some internal code of honor you have. I know that you're a skilled fighter, though; I will just try to remind myself of that fact more than I have in the past. Perhaps then I won't have to be continually wondering if you are alright or not."

"You will have to tell me how that turns out," Kohaku replied, the first hints of laughter coloring his voice before he once again became serious. "I will say my goodbyes this evening, sometime before I leave."

Rin nodded. "I'm sure you will be able to find me. There is not far that I can go."

When he left, Rin could not decide if she was happy that he had not noticed the note of bitterness in her words, or if she wished that he had.

----

Sesshoumaru waited until Kohaku left before visiting Rin himself; he knew enough of their routine by now to understand that they would be exchanging various sentiments before the boy finally departed.

Although he waited, it was by no means patient; he was not used to having to prevent himself – within his own palace, no less – from doing what he wished when he wished. It was interesting to note, however, that his impatience was not for his own sake. While his time was important, it was her time that was his concern.

While it had taken a little while adjust to what was almost a new Rin, to accept the grace of bearing and the eloquence and wit in her speech, it did not take as long as he might have expected. This was mostly on account of the fact that he realized that he could no longer waste time on such trivial matters when it was slipping away so quickly.

So now, being forced to wait and consider the seconds and minutes that were passing by that, any other day, would have been his, he was starting to feel the first prickle of irritation. They had already spent the morning together; did they have to take the whole evening as well?

Of course, a part of him realized a measure of the absurdity these thoughts held, and that part was quickly becoming just as irritated, but with a different subject: himself.

It was not a new phenomenon. Indeed, since returning to the palace, it seemed to be occurring with more frequency than before. With his new appreciation for the passage of time, Sesshoumaru had attempted to see Rin whenever he could. And it was pleasant to do so; Rin's spirit was the same as it had been in her youth, the only changes bringing a maturity that made conversation almost enjoyable in itself.

Yet there was something deeply unsettling about spending so much time with her. It felt too much like dependence, the need to see her whenever the opportunity arose. Although the feeling was considerably vaguer than it would have been in years past, before he had known Rin, there was still a touch of revulsion that he had allowed himself to become so attached to a human. What could be gained in such a short time that would not be lost eventually?

The argument was always in his mind, but it never changed his actions. He had fallen into a pattern he had no desire to break, regardless of what end it would inevitably bring.

So now he had nothing to do but wait.

For a while, he went through a pile of scrolls, various issues of the lands under his control. He was just able to make half-sense of them, his thoughts always trying to pick up some sign that he could stop his pretense at productivity.

When it finally came, he placed the scroll he was presently reading back among the others. It only took a few moments before he had reached Rin's rooms and found her outside, dark figure blending into the shadows of the winter landscape.

She turned to him as he stepped out from the trees, and he noticed that her smile did not quite reach her eyes. "I hope you did not have to wait," she said softly as he approached.

He would not lie to her, but he did not think that the truth would help drive away the flicker of sadness he saw on her face. "You should be inside," he said instead, his inspection of her features making him notice how pale she was.

"I would rather stay outside for now, if you do not mind. I have to spend so much time inside as it is."

He observed her for a moment more, able to feel the heat that was leaving her body, and paused on flat-out commanding that she go back to where it was warm.

She noticed his hesitation. "You forget that there were years where I lived alone before I found you," she reminded him. "I was only a child, and I managed to live through the winters. I understand my limits."

This argument was enough, and wordlessly he turned to the path.

They continued in silence, Sesshoumaru unable to initiate a conversation and Rin apparently unwilling. The faint cracks of the trees in the cold broke the frozen air, violently shattering the silence. But neither spoke.

Until, suddenly, Rin looked up at him and apparently divulged the reason for her darker mood. "Why must you let Kohaku go on these errands of yours?"

Now that it had been spoken, he realized that he had been, on some level, aware that this was the issue the whole evening. The answer rose easily. "Because he requests them."

"But I do not see why that makes it necessary to grant them. What if something were to happen to him?"

He overlooked the fact that she was blatantly questioning his decisions. "He understands the risks involved."

Now Rin stopped, and although she did not speak, the emotions displayed across her face betrayed something of what was to come. "You said yourself that it was unnecessary that he do these things."

"It is unnecessary in my view. If it is necessary from his view, however, that is another matter."

She looked down now, her brows drawn together. "Why is it that he is allowed to settle his conscience, while others have to simply bear it?"

So while everything she had spoken of was the problem, this was its heart. Where she had merely been afraid of being a burden all those years ago, her thoughts had now embraced that she was. He wondered how long the feeling had been growing in her heart, how deeply its roots pierced.

"If it were your choice, you would have him stay here, safe, even if he then could not put his mind at ease."

She nodded. "I would."

"Then you should understand why it is that I will not allow you to do such tasks for me."

Her head remained bent, apparently absorbing the meaning of his words. Perhaps it was selfish, to prevent her from doing something to assuage her feelings for the benefit of his own. Not all battles were fought with weapons; with the skills she had learned over the last few years, it would be possible to send her to entertain various lords and nobles in order to gather news and information. While it made tactical sense, the mere thought of everything that could go wrong, all the possibilities that arose if she were placed in the middle of such things, made his protectiveness of her even stronger. He had not forgotten her scent in hell, the cold touch of her skin, and the knowledge that it had been his fault that she had died. He would never put himself in a place to again feel that pain, deeper and more complete than any superficial wound of the flesh.

"Then what would you have me do?" she asked, still without looking at him. All the fire was gone from her voice, which now merely sounded forlorn, and he was reminded that, while she was not a child, she was still so young.

"Just what you are."

Now she finally looked up at him, and must have understood what he meant – she gave him the flicker of a smile. "You know that is too simple to pacify me."

"It is only simple because you are modest."

She laughed then, and he knew that the worst of the conversation had passed. He felt something inside him relax. "I am not being modest," she countered. "I know how precious your time is; that you choose to spend some of it with me is a great honor."

"You must be unaware of the demands on your time, in that case," he replied as they began to walk again. "There have been many inquires about you following your presentation."

"I've heard rumors." There was a short pause, and then she looked up at him. "May I ask you about one of them?"

For a moment he met her eyes before looking ahead again. She caught the silent permission.

"I know that the main reason that the presentation to the court is done is as a sort of message that those presented are available to be wed…" she started, clearly feeling a bit awkward but continuing nonetheless. "I never really believed anything would amount from it on my account, but the women have mentioned that there may have been three put before you…"

"There were."

There was a longer silence now, almost stunned. He nearly smiled at her surprise, but suppressed it.

"Could I ask… why you denied them?" she finally got out.

He raised one brow slowly. "Would you have rather I had agreed to one of them?"

"No!" she squeaked, looking quite unsettled now. "I just— I didn't know why…"

"They held no particular feelings for you," he finally replied. "They believed that a connection with you would improve their status within the court, and since you had proved that you would be capable of playing the role of the proper wife, marrying a human seemed like a small sacrifice for the gains."

"Oh… I see," she murmured, playing with the hem of her sleeve.

"I did not believe you would desire such a union."

She nodded. "I would rather be with somebody who cared for me, or nobody at all. Although I know that will probably eliminate my options here, I suppose."

He did not reply.

----

The routine did not alter much in the following months, continuing through the winter and on into the early spring. Rin found her time pleasantly split, almost always able to visit with either Kohaku or Sesshoumaru. While she had liked a few of her instructors, it was still much nicer to be able to be herself without fear of reprimand.

There were a number of little assignments that Kohaku went off on during this time, always returning successfully within a week. Rin grudgingly felt some of her misgivings slowly dissolve, become more inconsequential as he proved, time and again, that he was more than capable of handling the missions.

It wasn't until early April that Rin felt herself become truly anxious, no matter how completely unfounded the feeling was; something had come up that Lord Sesshoumaru was going to see to himself.

It was the last day before he was to leave. They were sitting on the banks of a stream beneath the limbs of a cluster of cherry trees after she had insisted that they go there. It was not terribly often that she saw him before sunset, and she had wanted to go somewhere that required an amount of light.

They had spoken some when they had first arrived, but conversation had steadily moved towards silence. It was comfortable, though, companionable; there simply wasn't a need for words at the moment.

The sun gave off a gentle warmth, pulling the fragile scent from the cherry blossoms and pressing it into the air. She watched the sway of the blooms above her head, pale pink against pale blue, before dropping her gaze to the figure leaning against the tree next to her.

Sesshoumaru looked like he was resting, eyes closed so that the stripe of color on his eyelids stood out vividly against his fair face. It was strange how well he fit in this delicate pastel world, silver-white hair already touched with falling petals, when she was aware of how little it could take to provoke the killer underneath the calm.

He must have sensed that she was looking at him for his eyes slowly opened, turning to considering her.

Such strange eyes, she thought, not for the first time, when she met the liquid gold. Strange, just as she had thought the rest of him, and yet… "Your eyes are beautiful."

When he blinked, it was just enough time for Rin to realize what she had said out loud and feel the beginnings of mortification. She instantly looked away, staring hard at the grass as though it would have the answer for why she had said such a thing.

While she could feel him looking at her, she tried to ignore it for as long as she could. She knew it was useless, though; with time, she felt her will crumble and she reluctantly looked back at him.

It was hard to decide if she felt relieved or even more embarrassed when she noticed how soft his expression was, the sort of feeling to his features of a smile that was never seen. By now she was aware that her cheeks must have been glowing, and his attention only made it worse.

This was, apparently, amusing to him. "Are they?" he asked softly, almost teasingly.

She tried to gather what scraps of dignity she could snatch from the mess she had made of it. "Yes."

He watched her for a moment more before turning back to the stream. "Your eyes are beautiful as well."

----

She was utterly hopeless company that evening, and Kohaku noticed.

It had been the fourth time she had asked him to repeat something he had said when he finally looked at her quizzically. "You do have a tendency to be a daydreamer, but this is beyond ridiculous," he said, somehow balanced between jest and sincerity.

"I really am sorry," she said with perfect honesty. She swung her leg slightly, letting her foot brush against the new spring grass below.

"I had expected that you wouldn't be your usual self tonight, but this isn't quite what I anticipated. You had seemed unsettled last night."

"I'm sure it will come around again," she said with a shrug. "Just give me a day or two and you'll more than get your fill of that, I'm sure."

"Well I don't want you to…" Kohaku said, frowning slightly. "I'm just trying to understand what happened."

"It's nothing, really," she said, brushing it off while her heart felt like it practically laughed. Internally, she had been glowing since that afternoon. It didn't seem to matter in what intent Sesshoumaru's words were, their effect remained constant for the rest of the day.

There was a silence touched by the sound of the wind brushing the trees. "Rin?"

She looked up at him, brows raised. "Yes?"

Kohaku fidgeted for a moment, before sighing. "Never mind."

While she watched him, waiting to see if he would change his mind, he said nothing further.