Title: The Cure
Author: holmesfreak1412
Fandom: Detective Conan/Case Closed
Pairing: Kudo Shinichi & Miyano Shiho
Genre: Angst, Drama
Rating: T (for minor sexual imagery)
Language: English
Summary: She's the cure… The cure that makes it worse
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Detective Conan Franchise. Rights for the characters and the plot that connected them in the first place all belong to Aoyama Gosho. This story, however is mine. And so are the cameo original characters that will appear in here.
The Idea of the APAH capsule and everything else belongs to FS and her awesome fanfics "Ghost at Twilight" and "Encounter in Venice". I highly recommend those if you want to come out changed. In my case, it helped me become a more introspective writer. It wouldn't hurt much if I say now that this is a homage of her works. While this is certainly not as good, I hope she (and you) will come to appreciate my efforts.
Author's Note: As you are about to deduce probably in this chapter (a hands-up to white-lily00), yes, I am a chemical engineering student with a profound interest in biochemistry which is not to say I am as much of a genius as Miyano Shiho is or anyone else you can name. Although I certainly am well-informed as to the improvements in the science of genetics and the pharmaceutical. I am, as you would have noticed very much interested particularly in the ethical issues that are on stream at its implementation. And yes, aside from being bored and being dared by my little cousin, the provocation to create this six-part story came from such. Without being a Frankenstein story, the not-so-happy ending is derived from my not-so-happy feelings about both the issues of extra-marital affairs and the scrupulous science of genetics. Perhaps I can go as far as to say as aside from this being a homage to two of my favorite fanfics here in this archive (FS's Encounter in Venice and Ghost at Twilight) which as I say inspired me a lot to push me to continue writing even after I began to lose hope with my skills, this is also an attempted eye-opener with a few touch of angst romance as Michael Crichton's Next had endeavored to be.
And thereby is the reason for the rather mundane title.
And no, I don't think I am upgrading this to Rated M. I may not be as explicit in my details for the text to be put on the mature tag. Somebody should put his mind out of the gutter (Lol!)
…
…
The Cure
Part 4
…
In retrospect—the tears, the recriminations, the blackouts—the mere remembrance of those words only brings him pain. For always being my partner. She had always been. And that didn't do them any good at all. Because of the cure. The cure that only makes it worse. How accurate can that be? After all, everything did start with a cure and each, as evidenced now, it didn't do both of them any good at all. Maybe at first. But to Shinichi, it is merely another faraway memory. Like a moth after the elusive star. Knowing that what he wants for himself to be finally unreachable is the only thing that will keep him well. And living the way he should be.
Days afterwards, Shinichi had rushed into the mailbox, all in anticipation for a flyer that was to invite him in a place where they could talk for hours and be isolated from the rigors of life called the outside world. True enough, oblivion could be attained in a few glasses and there was nothing more escaping than a dose of Sherry for his exhausted soul. The sight of her—it filled him with great excitement, inexplicably rewarding in a sense that even her merest smile could send flutters amidst his boxer shorts. Seductive. She wasn't touching him yet. He wondered what would happen if she did and how it would feel. He couldn't explain it and even after she did, he still can't. He didn't believe it. And it cost him much.
Thinking of it now, he knows he had been behaving oddly at that time. He had been irritable of every day passing that returned no mail for him. Even more so than usual, to the point that even provoked the worst of paranoia, the psychological apprehension of a husband who coveted the freedom of a bachelor to take a new lover. For once, he was starting to feel like a criminal would in face of a dangerous adversary, the prospect of being caught. He was trying to be as stealthy as possible, trying to be nice to his wife when all he was thinking of was where-the-hell-should-she-be-singing-next-week?— but establishing rapport was impossible when you have the guilt of a philanderer in your sleeve. He was beginning to turn into a different person and Ran knew—knows, that. He didn't. At least not before she told him, a word of forewarning he failed to heed. Until it was too late. And Kudo Shinichi, as the world knew him, was gone with the wind.
Just because he didn't listen.
How could he, when he didn't—still doesn't, want to believe it himself?
But then again, she was at fault too.
For days, he waited. He almost wondered if Ran had in some way intercepted it and thinking it was a mistake ("Shinichi doesn't like jazz."), didn't tell him about it. Kicking himself for not getting a phone number, he realized that he had also put in his mailing form his private email address— and isn't every promotional flyer being sent in cyberspace nowadays instead? The wonder of technology. Your infidelity floating in very decipherable words online. So he signed in his "private" account—something he didn't frequent much considering that he didn't have any private correspondence— and found it there. DiscHonest- Saturday, 21:00.
It was a ridiculous name for a bar. But if omens could be indeed ominous, this was it.
He had invited himself in, no longer caring if his excess excitement for the free night ahead his wife thought to be connected with a case would sound suspicious to her or anyone else. All he wanted was to be with her again. After all, twenty five years was old enough to know there was something missing. And it was just that. He was missing her.
He thought it was about to get filled.
Apparently not.
She didn't seem surprised when he came alone that night. Coming up after an extraordinary performance, he found her talking to the bassist as they meticulously dismantled the drum set, beautiful as always.
She smiled when she saw him. "Your friend's not with you tonight?"
"He's got something else to do." He lied.
There was a mischievous glint in her eyes, one that always appeared in her countenance whenever she knew there was something he found too embarrassing that he just compulsively lied. Which was then, the case. "I find it hard that Idesaki-kun have anything to do. He seemed to have a lot of time in his hands."
His denial had been futile.
And so it became that in the next few days he made his presence known in her gigs, she didn't seem surprised at all. Not at all. Shinichi began to suspect that she knew exactly where this was going. And that only served to frustrate him. It appeared to him that she was keeping him in a certain distance as much as possible—within arm's reach, close enough to be together but far enough not to let him get under her skirt.
He only wishes now that she herself has succeeded on that.
When in the tenth night, she let him kiss her cheek after the stage performance, he knew that her self-control was finally wavering. He didn't attempt to explain it— why did it take this long. Or even, why would she let it now. He didn't care. Uncharacteristic perhaps but that was it. What could explain it but his pent-up longing for a spiritual fulfillment that was never catered even after he married Ran? Or the unacknowledged love he knew he must have felt for this woman before him? The love he didn't dare pursue because he had been a coward.
But there always was an explanation.
He thought himself remarkably brave now, taking this huge risk. Somehow, he understood how the criminals mistook their drive for personal gain as something as positive as courage. He felt a secret thrill in pining for this equally secret life, like he never felt before in any stakeout in his detective career. The prospect of eradicating the Organization had been nothing compared to this, where the reward of completeness would be attained when he just waited. After all, anything comes to those who wait. Apes become man. Sand becomes pearls. Coal becomes diamonds.
But he always was an ape, with sand and coal only to hide what kind of a dirty creature he had been and still is.
By the time she asked him out, barely a month had passed. Indeed, Shinichi thought, given time everything will be fine. And he didn't even need eternity for everything to be perfect. "You have anything to do tonight?"
He affirmed he had a free night ahead, since he didn't really promise Ran he would come home. But he didn't tell her that. Who knew? She always did have softness with his wife, who she admitted once that reminded her a lot of her sister. In ways more than one.
"Wanna go to a party?"
He was almost disappointed.
Apparently, it was the band's first anniversary, specifically the very day Miyano Shiho joined their league after a series of events he didn't—couldn't actually understand. Only then did their band gained the attention they were basking upon now. One thing he knew for sure though was that these guys knew or knew of the elusive once-was-enough boyfriend she preferred not to talk about. And that whoever the deuce he was, he obviously was the one who influenced her to have a zealous inclination towards music. He struggled to fit in the banter among the members but miserably failed. Eventually, he gave up and contented himself by watching her, enjoying now the normal life she deserved to get.
Could he really ruin that?
No, he decided. She wanted him too. He knew it.
When finally the party of five dispersed into separation, she offered to drive him home in her car, a luxury she afforded by her lavish commission from the Feds or so she said. He slid inside and she drove, treading smoothly in Haido City's crossroads without so much as engaging into small talk. Behind the wheel, she was silent the whole time, the sheer monotony filled only with a classical radio station she flipped and chose. Shinichi let her be. He knew she needed it for herself this time, especially if she was already aware of his intentions. And God knows he needed it too. There he was in an errand to start a secret life, with his wife of three years sleeping alone in a cold bedroom, mind troubled by their even more troubled marriage. And this girl he was searching for desperately, sitting just beside him, holding his future in her hands. What he would become depends on her acquiescence—or otherwise.
He didn't notice that they were no longer on the way back to Beika until it was too late. And that they had pulled up.
Acquiescence.
He was satisfied.
They had stopped by a deserted roadside fronting a small stone brick cottage, with an untended lawn up front and the walls in slight state of disrepair. The house looked ill-kempt from the outside. Shinichi wondered if this was one of the residences she said she kept under an assumed name, explaining why he never found Miyano Shiho in any real estate record. If so, deducing by the appearance, why wasn't she frequenting it?
Turning off the engine after she retracted back the roof of the convertible, Shiho finally spoke. "This belongs to my ex-boyfriend." she said, a bitter smile playing in the corner of her lips. "He left this to me after he took off."
Shinichi felt an uncharacteristic tug in his gut at the words. "Seems to me like you don't go around here very much." he said it as casually as he could, hoping that what he surmised, even wished was true.
But no. "I go here once a week. Like an inner sanctum you see. Where I can think of how my life is in a more hospitable atmosphere. But as you can see, I never can spare the time to mow the lawn." A wink. "But you'll find the interior cozy enough. If you want to have a nightcap with me."
The euphemism wasn't lost on him. "Why did you take me here?" he asked, although he knew it was but needless.
True enough, instead of answering, she asked him back. "You're curious about him aren't you?"
"Why? Does it matter?" Because to him, it really didn't. What they would become now should have nothing to do with what she used to have with another.
"Yes it does." she snapped. "I know exactly what you want us to be Kudo-kun. And I am just warning you. I already had said that once had been enough."
"What? Is he a married man too?"
"No. Far from it." she answered, a tight smile on her face. "We met five years ago. In Venice, obviously. And well, we got together. We have this serious live-in affair and it was going on well for a while. He and I got along well enough."
Shinichi, watching the dramatic alteration in her features could almost swear that she was blushing. Indeed, it had been a very serious affair. "And yet he left you." he said softly, not wanting to be harsh by pointing out directly that she should move on. He wanted her to. To him. But he was curious.
"He left me. Yes." she said flatly, staring at him in the eyes. "And so will you too."
He was beyond offended. "What are you-"
She held up a hand, restraining him without words. "No. Let me explain first." Her voice sounded oddly like the time she gave him a lecture as to how to prepare her painkiller substance. Or when she explained to him once why they have shrunk. Shinichi believed she must have gone nuts to relate anything to a scientific theory. She would probably preach something about the psychology that drove people into seeking new partners. Or prescribe him a capsule of Valium.
What he couldn't imagine that had he thought of it some more, he would have been closer to the truth.
"Kudo-kun. Truth is, when I saw you still dependent on the APAH, I was disappointed. I still am. I should have expected it but I still don't want to believe it."
Now, he was out of all sorts. "What the hell that has have to do with anything?"
"Everything. It has to do with you being here for one." She didn't wait for any response him but just went on. Listlessly. Like she knew everything she was talking about, which she probably did. Without preamble, she told him and as every word started to sink in, Shinichi felt his skin tingle. Anger and shock mixed through his veins as he listened and hung up in every utterance.
She left him when the definitive antidote was finally dispensed successfully into term and taken by thereafter both of them when they discovered that the APTX substance was actually destroying their cells little by little, a side effect to the already disastrous shrinking. Forced in her hand but still scientifically unsettled, Shiho did stay long enough to realize that the post antidote time would be punctuated constantly by constant migraine. In this she managed to make another breakthrough in the dispensary and made an equally manageable formula for an effective painkiller which Shinichi could easily make by himself. Dubbed as APAH, the drug however has one catch: it has to be taken constantly as it is but a temporary relief. Pain reliever, she said, would have been an apter term.
"And another catch," she said, sighing heavily. "is that APAH do have some side effects itself."
Or at least, the prolonged consumption of it. Which, was their case.
One night, during her time in Venice, Shiho made a mistake in her home preparations of the APAH and overdid it. Her ever elusive boyfriend, having another excruciating headache of his own took the flawed capsule that was wholly untested and thus, in her purview, inherently dangerous. He had a minor overdose and sank into a long worrisome stupor. Eventually he did regain consciousness, with no ill-effects whatsoever. Shiho, momentarily was relieved.
Until they made it to bed that night.
She described the experience with so much details that Shinichi almost requested for her to go on with her story and spare him the love life he deemed to resent for missing, when he should have been there not that man, whoever it was. The night had been amazing, she told him. Very much of a proof that sex, if anything, couldn't be really that overrated.
That would have been fine, had not for yet another catch.
Her boyfriend got addicted to it.
During the day, amidst the whole watchful world, he was the best partner a girl could ever have. Nothing could ever derail him and he kept saying he felt really good. At night, he would request another capsule which he claimed to have given him the drive and make love with her, with increasing intensity that at another time would have perplexed her greatly.
Not that she didn't enjoy it. As she herself was addicted to it.
But not enough to have override her scientific instincts, that was her own drive to find what was behind the heavenly nights. She drew a sample of his blood secretly in his sleep to make a study of it. Pleasure of curiosity was better than anything, like Robert Louis Stevenson talking about the path of destination being better than the destination itself. She had to find what was behind this new light and she derived excitement from it, even if it meant impenetrable darkness in the end.
The first thing she unearthed had by no means been a surprise for her. She had expected the flawed APAH her boyfriend partook and rolled his dependence into what it was then indeed that: a flaw. Albeit, with side effects so unimaginable that she couldn't help wondering whether she just inadvertently invented the newest drug for mankind's dominating woes. What she didn't understand at the time was in turn, her boyfriend's withdrawal when declined too long. After the accidental taking of the first failed APAH, her boyfriend had been hugely reliant with the normal APAH too, suffering with the same headaches as she was. Not only that but he had been craving for her nocturnal attention too, desperate if she even teased him just a little. Almost rough. Shiho concluded that somehow, the failed APAH, which she surmised to be some new concoction she had somewhat creating in a whim of scatter-brained frenzy, had affected the man's sexual drive and like the antidote, had caused the same migraines as she was having, hence the instinctive reliance to the drug. She never suspected that there was more.
Further tests after all yielded that the "failed drug" was actually APAH itself, in all essences, only stronger. Realizing what the implications would be, she repeated the test many times but then was duly forced to conclude the very thing she feared: that APAH had some unacknowledged side effects to those who took it and that it bordered in the sexual. Only that she was taking such small dosages of it and in a daily, digestive basis that she didn't significantly feel it. Her boyfriend, who then ingested a large dose in one round obviously felt the more alteration in his system. And by getting entangled with it closely, he had put Shiho in another predicament, realizing what she didn't until then. That was she had been victim to this long enough for the poison to take on another basis. With this, there was yet another thing that was suggestive. This was getting to be biochemical problem and that this obsession with the drug, however rewarding as it was in one's sex life , was getting to be something to worry about. Especially since it had the rather distinct characteristic that the pheromonal attraction only worked when the two people had taken the same amount of the substance over time. Which had been their case.
The two years following the discovery, their life at night had been revolutionary. No words could ever describe it.
But then slowly or maybe it was just there all along, that credence began to take over their relationship.
"What happened to him?" Shinichi asked as she paused to muster her breath. She was looking distant as she got more immersed in her reminiscence.
"As I said he took off years ago."
"Didn't like it anymore?"
She looked at him, like he was being gullible for asking that. "No. Actually. He liked it too much."
From afar, an owl crooned. Shinichi suddenly felt a creep in his spine at the resonance.
"So?" she asked eventually "Did that satisfy your curiosity?"
"Yes.. NO..." Then he sighed, figuring that fumbling for the right words to start this off was but futile. He decided to be frank. "Fine. I'm curious. You may think I am some perv from saying that. But remember this, it has nothing to do with-"
"What? The marvel of sex with me?"
"No. It isn't what I want." Liar, he tells himself now. But at that time, it sounded so true. "Listen Hai-... Shiho, don't sell yourself short. You are an amazing person. From what I know, a loving individual. You want to be loved. I don't see any reason why you don't deserve any of that."
"Sure you say that. Afterwards-"
"No. What I am trying to say is that what does your past with your ex has to do with anything with us?"
"Everything as I said. You see, I still left something unexplained."
That when she said there was oddity in the side effects of APAH about the duration of its taking, she was trying to tell him something. That the only person other than he and boyfriend who might be in the same situation as them minus the equally afflicted partner was him, Kudo Shinichi.
"Why? Shouldn't that be perfect?" he noted stubbornly
"I expected you'd say that." she said. "But things are merely not as easy as that. Now tell me, why are you seeking to start this affair with me?"
"Because I want to be with you."
"Think of it some more."
He didn't. "Because things with Ran aren't as good as I envisioned it to be."
She glared at him. "She is not to be blamed Kudo-kun."
"I am not blaming her."
"Yes you do." she spat out angrily. "But let me lay you out my explanation. You're here because it is what your cells commanded you to do. And it was what my drug bid for your cells to tell you so."
She then explained it, in as much layman's terms as possible. APAH's consumption, allegedly increases the neurons production of the chemical DOPAMINE into highly abnormal margins which is capable of stimulating one's behaviour about taking risks. Particularly, about taking new sex partners which is why he was here...
"What? Are you trying to tell me that I am here because of a biochemical fluke?"
"Yes I am. Because you are."
Shinichi, by this time had finally reached the end of his patience. With a swift motion, he slid out of the car and started to walk towards the front door. Without thinking. Flamed up with rage.
Shiho, sighing in resignation, just followed.
"And yet you brought me here." he said, pointing at the door. "I find it hard it was just to keep me out of this."
"I was taking a risk." she answered quietly. She looked at him, an agonized look on her face. Shinichi felt an an urge to comfort her but was too upset to do so. How could she just about everything to science that was not even proven? Here he was, real and one who wanted her more than her ex could ever do. Why couldn't she just accept that and bid him in finally?
"You have a wife Kudo." she said finally. "You have a life that doesn't include me."
"That's right. I have a wife. I have a life that doesn't include you." he responded, taking her hand. "What I can say? It's there. But what I am saying is, I want to love you."
She stared at him. "And you want me to touch you."
The wind blew in his face. Shinichi shivered. "Yes."
And she did.
In the bedroom with all the lights turned off, she began to straddle him, after having him take another APAH capsule. As she slowly took off his buttons, he wondered excitedly as to how exactly she would feel above him, how she would feel beneath him, how he would feel being above her.
It felt like heaven.
Moon on tide, she was heaven on earth, the other half of his soul. Shinichi caught every cry of pleasure with his lips and she did the same thing to him, their mingled moans and groans becoming an overwhelming musical crescendo as both of them reached their euphoria.
And Kudo Shinichi thought, this was better than any medicine he took in his life. Even the antidote. The cure it was, indeed.
The last thing he heard was her voice. And it was lights out for him.
(TBC)
